Bombs are going off; machine gun fire pierces the air; dirt and smoke are everywhere; cries of "Medic" echo through the trenches; and men, women, and machines are moving up and down the front lines of a battle. At times the front line is far in hostile territory with an offensive edge. At other times it is deep in friendly territory with a defensive stand. This line is always moving. It is a long line. In some places it has failed, in others it is holding strong. A certain section of the line has failed and some have only now realized that it has been moved. At one time, people fought for it, quietly. Now, that this section of battle line has fallen, some are starting to see what has happened. Some are starting to fight back, loudly. The ones fighting are not the ones who watched it fall. The ones fighting are a new force in God's army. A younger generation hears the cry of "Medic." This portion of the line they are fighting over is the line between Godly courting practices and ungodly courting practice. The line used to stand far away from the front door of a young woman's house, now it stands at her bed. The watchful eye of the mother and the active arm of the father used to be at the front door of the house fighting for the daughter, holding the line back. Presently, these two figures have disappeared in many places of the front line. The daughter is left by herself in her room fighting for her purity. This line must be moved back outside.

 According to Webster courting means "to seek to gain or achieve; ALLURE, TEMPT; to seek the affections of; especially, to seek to win a pledge of marriage from; to engage in social activities leading to engagement and marriage." Courtship is a serious thing. It should be done properly. No one realizes that dating is a part of courtship. E. E. LeMasters takes ". . . the position that all dating experience is essentially preparation for marriage. . . ." (LeMasters 70) Dating now falls in the wrong place in the courtship process. It should be somewhere in the engagement area of courtship. Now it is part of the initial stages of a relationship. Unfortunately very few people realize the seriousness of dating and thus treat dating as window shopping. They do whatever they want without a thought of tomorrow or the other person. Webster continues with dating as "an appointment to meet at a specified time; especially: a social engagement between two persons that often has a romantic character." Whenever two people of the opposite sex are alone in nearly any situation, it is assumed they are on a date.

 LeMasters suggests that dating prepares for marriage, while Merrill takes the position that dating is an end in itself. (83) Merrill continues with dating as an uncommitted behavior, sociable, a free activity, exploratory behavior, a status relationship, potentially serious, and a situation. He says dating provides group status, individual assurance, new experience, and emotional maturity. (Merrill 83-86) All of this is good, but having an intensely personal and unique relationship with anyone, whether man, woman, or God, will do most this. "If commitment is fed by feeling, then there really is no commitment, because when feelings flee, commitment will follow."(Hoef) Most dating relationships are based on feelings. There is very little commitment in this type of relationship. Dating "has no necessary commitment beyond the limits of the temporary contact."(Merrill 80) This is good in that it allows one to get to know a greater variety of people without being tied down to one person. "This (dating) is a characteristically American phenomenon and it is conducted on an epic scale not found elsewhere."(Merrill 79) The greatest argument for dating is that everyone is doing it. It has been accepted as a normal thing in our society. If one wants to fit in dating is the normal thing to do.

 "Why America puts up with such social dementia is beyond me. I don't care if 250 million other people are jumping off cliffs. I'm not gonna!" (Blievernicht) For a Christian, a system about the selection of the second most important person in someone's life, cannot be based on sinful changes in our society. According to Merrill, dating evolved during the first half of the twentieth century and was helped along by these changes. "Among these changes were . . . the emancipation of young people from parental control, . . . the independence of women, and the evolution of the mass media."(Merrill 80) Most of these changes haven't been for the good. First, young people shouldn't be running from underneath the umbrella of protection their parents provide. They should only leave in the case of marriage. (Genesis 2:24) Second, women have taken their independence and fled away from their roles as submissive daughters and wives. Finally the media has been the worst of all spewing out all kinds of evil. "Our teenagers are bombarded with sensual and lustful images - commercials, movies, magazines etc. They are surrounded by peers talking about who thinks who is cute, what their first kiss was like, and they are informed about sex education material they do not know how to handle." (Watts)

 "Dating is such an invention in interpersonal relationships. The combination of close physical intimacy, and complete freedom from marital obligation is a new one. Intimate physical relationships are found in other societies, but they often involve strong social sanctions to marry. In dating, these sanctions do not ordinarily arise."(Merrill 80-81) These sanctions should arise. Harris mentions that physical relationship is too often mistaken for love. (35) One-on-one dating shouldn't be started until one is serious enough for engagement. Otherwise a too intimate of a relationship, too
early, can cause for many broken hearts.

 Without marital obligations in dating relationship, couples have the shopping mentality. Nearly everyone compares dating to shopping. They argue that they need to date around to see what kind of person they like. When shopping, or dating, people don't just want to look, they want to buy. While shopping, people pick up items, test it out, see if it works, they don't have the money so they use credit, and if they don't like it, they bring it back. The buying part in a relationship should be the marriage part with a life time commitment. People use dating like a credit card. They date until they drop. Like credit cards dating is too often misused. People shouldn't even bother looking until they can afford to commit to a life time relationship.

 "It is just a date," some will say, but a date leads to romance. If someone isn't ready to commit, than that person shouldn't date. "'If you don't want to go to St. Louis, DON'T GET ON THE TRAIN.' Excellent wisdom for us Christians. We should not make any premature commitments by either conversation or EVEN SUBTLE GESTURES (i.e., extended hugs, hand-holding, etc.) unless we have prayerfully committed ourselves to this other person."(Whittemore) Timing is everything. As Joshua Harris
puts it, "The right thing at the wrong time is the wrong thing."(Harris 75) If one isn't ready for marriage than one shouldn't be shopping.

In dating there is no accountability, there is very little submission to leadership. ". . . We have gone far in the direction of depriving young couples of family guidance and support as they move into marriage."(LeMasters 43) "We have eliminated the matchmaker, or the go between, and this function has been assumed by the peer group itself."(LeMasters 37) Daughters have lost their father's protection. Fathers rarely look into the back ground of the men courting their daughters. They give very little marriage advice. Young people are left entirely on their own when it comes to the second most important decision in their life.

 Dating has been mentioned as the training ground for
building a marriage relationship, for learning how to relate to someone of the opposite sex. While dating, people learn early that once they don't like someone they can drop them. This not only hurts others, but it can possibly cause young people to learn that once they don't like what they see in another person, they then can get out of the relationship. According to Pastor Brian Watts "'I love you' becomes meaningless. It is no more than saying, 'At this moment in time, I find you sexually attractive.'" This is a rotten way of relating to someone else. In marriage one can't be thinking like that, or everyone would be always divorcing. Unfortunately this is already happening. Dating is poor education.

 One doesn't really learn how to relate to someone from the opposite sex by dating. They only learn to relate to a certain extent, then drop each other once they see something in the other person that isn't pleasing. If they had a commitment and went farther, they would really learn how to relate and there would be fewer divorces due to the lack of communication. One of the basic reasons many people start dating is out of a feeling of loneliness. This feeling can be conquered in a close, intimate, family relationship. It can draw the family members closer together, cause greater intimacy, it would be safer, and they can go farther in the relationships without hurting anyone by the dumping action. If the family practiced intimacy, than there would be greater need to stick together and everything would be easier when the times get tough.

 "Many romances fail because they are not first of all friendships."(Whittemore) And according to Harris, "dating, in many cases, distracts young adults from their primary responsibility of preparing for the future. Dating can cause discontentment with God's gift of singleness. Dating creates an artificial environment for evaluating another person's character."(Harris 32-42) Dating is just too defective for practicing as a mate finding system. There is more that can be said regarding what is wrong with dating, but time and space prevent their addition.

 "We must concentrate more on preventing unhappy homes from forming rather than focusing all our effort in trying to correct existing problem. It frightens me to realize if we found every scriptural answer to every marriage and divorce problem in our society today this still would not do one thing toward preventing
those problems from arising. The great question which throbs in the minds of elders and ministers is, 'How are we going to handle these problems?' Yes, the problems must be handled. Yet, if the question, 'How can we prevent these problems from occurring?' does not also begin to throb, the problems will only multiply no matter how hard we work or how many cases we successfully resolve." (Chadwell) "The first important key in preventing
marital failure is found in teaching responsible courtship. Louise Montague, author of 'The Divorcee's Handbook' and 'What Every Formerly Married Woman Should Know,' stated in the READER'S DIGEST article, 'Straight Talk About the Living-Together Arrangement,' (April 1977, pp 91-94) that one answer to the soaring divorce rate is preventive thinking. 'The time to face many of the problems of divorce is before marriage.' The majority of significant marriage problems which exist in all troubled marriages can be easily traced to ignorant or irresponsible courtship. The quality of Christian marriages of today cannot and will not be significantly improved unless the quality of Christian courtship is improved." (Chadwell) The term "Christian Courtship," or just "Courtship," that has developed in recent years refers to anything that isn't dating, and will still bring
about the marriage of two people.

 An alternative to one-on one dating is double-dating, but unfortunately "double-dating, where in reality peer supervision is no more and no less than peer pressure," according to Pastor Brian Watts. Traditional courtship isn't an alternative either. Young people go to the extreme of courting as if they are dating by getting into serious relationships aimed at marriage. Pastor Brian Watts again says, "They can become as preoccupied with courting as they can with dating, which is worse, because it has the added pressure of the seriousness of marriage. Teenagers do not need the frivolity of casual dating, nor do they need the intensity of serious courtship. Courtship is not the alternative to dating. I believe in courtship, but courting is what a man and
woman do in preparation for marriage. Courting is not what Christian teenagers do instead of dating."(Watts) Because of courting's mindset of being serious about getting married, it can't work as a dating replacement.

 Harris suggests five attitude changes. "Every relationship is an opportunity to model Christ's love. My unmarried years are a gift from God. Intimacy is the reward of commitment-I don't need to pursue a romantic relationship before I'm ready for marriage. I cannot 'own' someone outside of marriage. I will avoid situations that could compromise the purity of my mind or body."(Harris 46-50) These are things that a Christian should keep in mind when another pretty face comes along. Any one thinking of pursuing a romantic relationship needs to put their mind on Christ. If one is totally devoted to God, He will provide.

 Young people should be focused on working on their character, life skills, and ministry opportunities. God has called young people to be about His work, not the selfish things of this world. They weren't called to be young, carefree, or independent. They were called to be about our Fathers business (Luke 2:49) according to Pastor Brian Watts. Everyone before marriage should be focused on learning how to be better husbands/wives and fathers/mothers. They should be learning these things before marriage so they aren't learning them the hard way during marriage. People should be focused on serving God. When they are single, they can do things married people cannot. They have greater opportunities. Singles are free to go on mission trips without the worry of loved ones. Teens should be busy learning all they can from their parents while they can. (I Cor. 7:25,26, 32-35) One should be praying for one's future mate; that their mate's heart would be foremost after God and not
them, and that he/she would be a strong spiritual leader. As Keith Green once put it in his song, "Pledge My Head to Heaven," "I'd rather be found dead, than to love her more than the one who saved my soul."(Green)

 "Courtship acknowledges that a father trains his children, protects his children, and then gives them."(Watts) "The courtship process provides an opportunity for paternal investigation of the suitor, with particular reference to his godliness, doctrine, worldview, family values, financial responsibility, work ethic." (Watts) Children should want all the help they can get in getting to know a prospective mate. Too often young people look with eyes that are blind.

 "Some will say, but doesn't this approach take out all sense of romance? The quick answer is, Yes and No! We have to ask ourselves, do we really want this thing called romance if it only equates with sexuality? Do we want that to be part of adolescent years? If it is saved, there will be a legitimate passion for the wife of one's youth (Prov. 5:15-20). Then, not only will there be romance before marriage; more importantly, there will be romance after marriage." (Watts) Patience is essential. The rising generation of young people need to commit even this area of their lives to God. He will provide. Young people need to put their trust in Him. "But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness; and all these things shall be added to you."(Matthew 6:33)
 

 Chadwell, David " Christian Perspectives on Dating and Marriage The Dating Christian" Quality
Publications, Abilene, TX, 1980. Online
America Online Web Browser. 10 October 1997. Available WWW:
http://www.westarkchurchofchrist.org/chadwell/book1a.htm

 Green, Keith "Pledge My Head to Heaven" 1980 Birdwing Music Cherry Lane
Music Publishing Co., Inc. Ears To Hear Music From the Sparrow
Records album "No Compromise"

 Harris, Joshua I Kissed Dating Goodbye
Oregon, Multnomah Books, 1997

 Hoef, Larry Ver. " The Dating Christian" Huh. Diary of the Hip Online
America Online Web Browser. 10 October 1997. Available WWW:
http://www.huh.net/april/dating.html

 LeMasters, E. E. Modern Courtship and Marriage
New York: The Macmillan Company, 1957

 Merriam Webster Collegiate Dictionary on America Online
America Online. 16 October 1997

 Merrill, Francis E. Courtship and Marriage
Holt, Rinchart and Winston, Inc., 1959

 Watts, Brian "Dating vs. Courtship" TKC PublishingOct. 1996 Online
America Online Web Browser. 10 October 1997. Available WWW:
http://www.tkc.com/tkc/
Whitemore, Darren "Courtship anyone? Amen!"Courtship Ring September 16, 1995,
1995 Volume I Number 2 14 Sept. 1995 Online.
America Online Web Browser. 10 October 1997. Available WWW:
http://www.id.net/~abdial/crs/cr950916.html
 
 

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