(Luke's attack forces Vader back out onto the walkway over the reactor pit.
A: Anytime you want to whip out that experience you were talking about, go right ahead.
(Vader falls, and Luke hacks off his hand.)
A: And there it goes, ladies and gentlemen! Who called it? Who called it?
V: *sighs* You called it.
A: Damn straight!
V: Okay, perhaps I did underestimate the boy. A little.
A: You think? Well, look on the bright side; maybe you can stick that hand under your pillow and the Severed Appendage Fairy will leave you a few credits.
V: Who?
A: The Severed Appendage Fairy. He's like the Tooth Fairy's disgruntled cousin.
(The Emperor descends the steps, laughing.)
A: Man, I am so tired of that cackling. Can't he just laugh like normal people?
EMPEROR: (to Luke) Good. Your hate has made you powerful. Now, fulfill your destiny. Take your father's place at my side.
A: I mean, maybe just a giggle? Or even a guffaw? Is that too much to ask?
(Luke looks at his hand, then looks at Vader's severed wrist, and then he throws away his lightsaber.)
V: What's he doing?
LUKE: Never. I'll never turn to the dark side. You've failed, Your Highness. I am a Jedi, like my father before me.
EMPEROR: (scowling) So be it...Jedi.
V: Let me get this straight. Luke's facing the ultimate evil, and he throws away his weapon? How stupid is he?
A: It's not stupid. It's noble.
(pause)
A: With maybe just a splash of stupidity.
V: More like a tsunami. He sure as hell didn't get that from my side of the family.
A: Well, maybe you could get off your duff and go give the boy a hand. Ha! Get it? A hand? 'Cause yours just...with the cutting...and the thing...Ah, I kill me.
------------------------------
(Aboard the Death Star, Luke casts away his lightsaber and faces the Emperor, boldly proclaiming himself to be a Jedi like his father. Palpatine responds by unleashing Force Lightning against him, and Luke crumples to the floor in agony.)
ANAKIN: Don't just stand there! Do something!
VADER: And what precisely would you have me do?
A: Oh, let me think....How about...Oh, I don't know...SAVING YOUR SON?!
A: So?
V: Lightning. Out of his fingers. I've had bad experiences with that, remember?
A: Luke's your flesh and blood, man! You can't just let him die.
A: Oh, don't play "Mr. Helpless" with me. I seem to recall a certain Jedi who used to do one-armed push-ups back at the Jedi Temple to impress the chicks. Who was that?
V: Well...me.
A: And who was it who did a hundred one-armed pull-ups just to win a five-credit bar bet?
V: Me.
A: And who was it who did a one-armed handstand and hopped all the way up the stairs of the Jedi Temple, from the base to the top of the towers and back down again while belting out Rodian love songs at the top of his voice?
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