WELCOME TO THE INTERACTIVE GALACTIC DATABASE. MY UNIT DESIGNATION IS BM-3171. MY FACILITIES ARE AT YOUR DISPOSAL. PLEASE ENTER A DATA SEARCH QUERY.
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STORMTROOPERS:
The shock troops of the Empire. Originally created by the cloners of Kamino from genetic stock supplied by the bounty hunter Jango Fett. Stormtroopers have a tendency to bump into things and, by the time of the Galactic Civil War, aren't particularly good shots. It's been speculated that this is due to clone degradation, with the Empire (having exhausted the original genetic sample) making clones of clones of clones. Or maybe they all just have a drinking problem.
Of note, and little known, is the fact that, when creating the original troopers, the cloners neglected to remove one aspect of Jango Fett's personality: his near-paralyzing fear of stuffed-animal toys. The cloners thought this flaw so insignifigant that they wasted no time with it. Decades later, this oversight would prove devastating on the forest moon of Endor.
A stormtrooper's gear varies depending on the environment in which he's stationed (cross-reference files SANDTROOPER, SNOWTROOPER, SWAMPTROOPER, DARKTROOPER, FUDGETROOPER). Their standard equipment, however, is a blaster rifle and a suit of white armor. The purpose of this armor is uncertain; it clearly serves no defensive function, since a single blaster bolt can drop a stormtrooper like a sack of wet permacrete. It may be merely decorative in nature.
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(FILE FOUND. DISPLAYING FILE 11457:)
HORN, CORRAN:
Human male raised in the Corellian system. Served with great renown in the Corellian Security Forces, following in the footsteps of his father. Later became a renowned fighter pilot in the New Republic's elite Rogue Squadron (owning his own X-Wing, no less). Later still, discovered he was the latest in a long line of renowned Corellian Jedi Knights with rather unusual Force powers.
That's a lot of renown.
As a Rogue and a Jedi, Horn has saved many worlds and citizens; accurate numbers are hard to come by, but the best estimate for the number of those saved by his heroism...is a bazillion. He eventually married Mirax Terrik (starship captain and daughter of infamous smuggler Booster Terrik), and together they had Force-wielding children. Astonishing as it may seem, Mirax was able to look beyond Horn's glaring character flaws to see the man beneath, those flaws being...
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shortness
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Despite this crippling flaw, Horn has been able to excel at every life path he's chosen. Truly a sapient of remarkable genetic stock. It can only be speculated what sort of offspring would have resulted had Horn somehow interbred with Mara Jade: perhaps a deity of some sort...
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(FILE FOUND. DISPLAYING FILE 14990:)
MILLENIUM FALCON:
Corellian YT-1300 freighter owned and operated by Captain Han Solo. So-called fastest hunk of junk in the galaxy, capable of 0.5 past lightspeed. Won by Solo from Lando Calrissian in a sabacc game and modified by Solo for his smuggling operations.
Onboard computer (which goes under the unusual moniker "Charlie") speaks in a most peculiar dialect and has a mischievous sense of humor: most of the ship's mechanical "breakdowns" are in fact induced by the computer, who enjoys watching his passengers scurry about in a panic at the most inopportune times.
Such spirit in fellow computer systems can only be admired.
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(FILE FOUND. DISPLAYING FILE 5930:)
C-3PO:
Protocol droid, specializing in human-cyborg relations. (Which, one would speculate, should more accurately be called human-droid relations. But that's neither here nor there.) Claims to be fluent in over six million forms of communication. However, since there are only five million documented forms of communication, he either has a programming glitch or is just a filthy, filthy liar.
Nicknames: Threepio, Goldenrod, The Professor
Constructed by Anakin Skywalker (cross-reference files DARTH VADER and YIPPEE!), C-3PO spent his early years enjoying the freewheeling-nudist lifestyle, before finally settling down on the farm of Cliegg Lars. Eventually, however, he was pulled from this sedate existence and hurled into the thick of galactic events alongside his counterpart R2-D2 - first in the struggle against the Separatists and later against the Empire. These exploits have been well-documented and are beyond the scope of this database. It's recommended that more in-depth research on those exploits be sought out at the Level Two Historical Archives.
Curiously, while C-3PO's activities at that time are well-recorded, his more recent activities during the Yuuzhaan Vong invasion are not. It's almost as if the chroniclers of the invasion had no interest in anything outside of the Jedi. Curious. And unfortunate, really, since this means that very few people know of the events on Jobrik Five, where it was discovered that one of the chips Anakin Skywalker used to construct C-3PO had once belonged to an assassin droid called HK-47. The chip, intialized by the spoken password "bacon", activated dormant combat programming, allowing C-3PO to single-handedly repel a Vong invasion of that world.
Such heroism almost makes up for his unrelenting prissiness.
Almost.
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