Where do I begin? With a tragic loss of one so young, I often wonder how I begin each new day. It is with strength and courage filtered through the heavens from my sweet, beautiful daughter, that I can put her legacy to print.
We lost Jennifer, better known as "Jenni," on a Sunday evening, September 20th, 1998. She and our daughter Lindsay were driving home from their dad's house about 30 miles away. Jenni's car reportedly crossed the center line and she was hit head on by a semi truck. Her car was thrown back into the proper lane as the semi truck burst into flames. I was told that Jenni died instantly as her sister's life was hanging on by a thread. When I was finally informed of the tragedy, 2 hours later, I was in all of the typical denial modes...no you have the wrong mom...this cannot happen to me...my girls are OK. When we got to the hospital, a 20 minute drive, I was told there was not much hope for Lindsay. I was a wreck. I lost one and could possibly lose another. Why did they wait 2 hours to come looking for me? The accident occurred within 5 miles of our home. I later found out that the truck driver, who escaped with minor injuries and was released, did not want to be there when the "parents" arrived.
Lindsay went through 8 hours of intense surgery. She lost a kidney and her spleen, four teeth, some of the vision in her left eye, and had extensive facial damage. EXTENSIVE This site is not about Lindsay, so I will not go into detail about her first years worth of surgery, or the following years to come. She is alive, and I can thank God for that.
I will remember that tragic night as it will forever be burned into my memory. From the moment I learned of Jenni's accident life has never been the same, and never will again. Oh, we go on, but as any other parent who has lost a child knows, life is not the same.
Jenni was probably one of the most popular, outgoing girls in her class. She was one month into her senior year. So full of promise and hope and very famous for her smile. She was active in track and a cross-country runner. She was one of the captains of the cross-country team at the time of the accident. Her senior year she had also made the cheerleading squad for the basketball season. Something she never had the chance to do. The only picture we got of her in her cheerleading uniform is from a local parade she was in a month before the accident. We found out a year later that a 4 year old boy who was just set down on the ground and handed a camera by his dad, took that photo.
When news of Jenni's death spread-the community and schools were devastated. Counselors were available at school to help Jenni's peers in any way needed. School could not function for a few days. All the kids wanted to do, was go to the accident site. The day after the accident, a news reporter went to the site to take a picture of the memorial the kids were creating. It was overflowing with balloons, flowers, pictures, cards, and candles. As the reporter prepared to take a picture a huge rainbow appeared. It was printed in the newspaper the next day in color. We were also blessed with a rainbow on the morning of Jenni's birthday. At seven o'clock in the morning-a beautiful rainbow was arched over the sun. Everyone now thinks of Jenni whenever they see a rainbow.
The wake and funeral were extremely difficult. I was living at the hospital to be at Lindsay's side every moment. I went home once a day to shower and get clean clothes then went right back to the hospital. It was pure shock that got me through the arrangements. It was that same shock that got me through the wake, which people reportedly waited up to 3 hours to pay their respects. After Jenni's funeral a friend of Bill's family who is a news reporter told Bill (Jenni's dad) that he had reported funerals of many politicians and dignitaries, but never had he witnessed a service as beautiful or as touching as Jenni's.
Jenni was a very unique individual in the fact that she was a very nonjudgmental individual. She did not care if you were black or white, skinny or fat, the school jock or nerd. She was kind to everyone. And that was proven in her death. One afternoon I was in her room looking for something. I found her bible. Now I never knew she read it. I picked it up and began to cry thinking what a good kid she is. Again I asked why did God take her from me? Where was her guardian angel? Why did her guardian angel let her down? Could He not see that we need people like Jenni down here on earth? Please see my page "Testimony and Tribute" to see what I found in Jenni's bible. It really made me realize what a fine young person I had raised.
Jenni's friends still keep in touch with me and with Jenni. So many strive to keep a candle burning at the cemetery. I will never forget one cold winter night driving by and looking in. Amidst the snow and a beautiful cement angel over Jenni, there must have been about a dozen-lit candles. It was beautiful. I visit the cemetery a lot. I've even been there sometimes twice a day. So many things are left there for Jenni, including an engagement type ring and wedding band. Jenni had a lot of boys for friends, so this is a mystery to me who may have left these. I have placed a large basket to hold her many treasures of poems, letters, candles, sand, seashells, sports items, flowers, and many elephants. Jenni adored and collected elephants.
It took me a long time to finally get my act together and design Jenni's graveside marker. I put this off thinking, I can't do this-it means I will be done caring for her. But with much thought I finally did it. Along with her name and dates I have included a verse which was on many cards I received: A life so young released to heaven. Some are sent among us briefly~some have spirits meant to fly. Jenni was a big Dave Matthews fan. On the very bottom of the stone-just inside a complete border of tiny elephants it says…my heaven is a nice house in the sky…and I'm all right. This was a line from her favorite Dave Matthews song.
I have come to realize, with setting up this web site, that I now have Jenni to tend to for the rest of my life. I felt the need to fulfill one of her third grade wishes-a wish to be famous some day. God how I wish she found a better way to do that.
Lindsay and I move on in our 'different' life. I attend Compassionate Friends meetings monthly. It is a place I can go to and say what I need to say, and know that everyone there shares the same pain and loss. I have found that the thoughts I think are normal for a grieving mother. I feel I have cried enough tears to fill an ocean. But that's OK-my tears show that I have lived-loved and lost. And I'm proud of my tears.
Thank you for visiting my web site and tribute to my daughter. Please try to spend some time in the many pages I have created, get to know and love Jenni as I do. And please, when you visit, sign the guestbook. I'd like to know that you shared and care.
