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25 Ways To Annoy A Yankee
1. Take your own  sweet time when doing ANYTHING.
2. Pronounce all one-syllable words with two.
3. When giving directions, finish with "It's  right down yonder on the left."
4. Talk REAL slow, and ask them to speak slower  so you can understand what they're saying.
5. When they talk about how great it is up  north, tell them "Dinner's ready when you are."
6. Talk loudly and often about SEC football or  ACC basketball.
7. Refer to every soft drink as a Coke; every  motorcycle as a "Honder" etc.
8. Always order sweet tea and/or grits. When  they don't have it, raise a rucus.
9. Offer to send them a bottle of fresh air.
10. Insist on being addressed by your first AND  middle names (e.g. Lisa Marie, Jim Bob, etc.).
11. Frequently bring up the "War of  Northern Aggression" in conversation. If anyone ever says  the words "Civil War", always interject that "there  was nothing civil about it."
12. Address all males as "son" and all  females as "little lady."
13. Correct their pronunciation of certain words.  For example: "It's peecan."
14. Put Tabasco on everything.
15. For New York Yankees: Act as if the whole  state of New York is New York City. In other words, if they say, "Yo, I'm from upstate New Yoik!", say "Well, I'll  be, my wife has always wanted to see a Broadway show!"
16. When invited to dinner, offer to bring  dessert. Show up with a box of Moon Pies. . .Banana ones.
17. Name all of your children "Bubba." 
18. Use the word "reckon" in a  sentence.
19."Mash" buttons. "Cut off" lights. "Carry" the kids to school. "Fetch" something.
20. Never simply "do" something.  Always be "fixin to do" something.
21. Tell them you don't have an accent; they do. 
22. Be sure to include "yes/no ma'am/sir" in all conversations.
23. Only use landmarks and ramble on when giving  directions. "Now go down Jeff Davis Highway and turn left at where the Chevron station used to be. I think they turned it into an Amoco. Or maybe a BP. Anyway, turn right there. . ."You said left." "Did I? Well, turn left there and  follow it until you see a big fish on your left. I remember when  that fish used to be on the other side of town. ."
24. Ask them if its still snowing up North. Then  tell 'em you went driving around in your convertible this weekend. 
25. Call 'em a Yankee. Works every time.