Saturday June 27
We leave beautiful Washington, D.C. at 5:21 AM. Op yells the name of all the states as we enter them. I was driving first shift and Piff laxed in his assignment to yell out the hours. Earlier, Op got up and failed to wake up the rest of the band. I lept out of bed, realizing we were already late, I slapped Piff on the foot and 20 minutes later we were on our way.
Saturday 9:30AM
The band and I preformed briefly at a service plaza on the turnpike of PA. As usuall, I played the gutair. The crowd went wild when we preformed ' 7x8=56 ' That one is a crowd pleaser. Well, have to hit the road. We have another place to go. Op is STILL confused and Skoo is cranky.
Saturday, 9:33AM
After the preformance in Monroeville,PA for the benefit of Woodland Creatures, this raccoon
indicated that he was a fan, but then he ate all our food, so we made him into a squished piece of curb. Skoo and Piff rocked on "Fire Is Hot", but I struggled to find the notes.
Saturday, 11:00AM
Upon entering Ohio, Op screamed out the new state. Piff became so startled, he almost drove into this river. We stopped there briefly for a tiny preformance of "My Dog Has The Shakes". No one was there. Hope you're doing well.
Saturday, 1:15PM
We were invited to preform at a sailboat festival on Lake Erie. Skoo unloaded the car. Piff set up the stage. I smoked a cigar. P.S. Will you marry me?
Monday, 5:11PM
We hiked a mile and a half to get to The Glorious. Then, we hiked up to the top of it. Skoo went to the bottom and took a picture of Piff and me.
Sunday 7:25PM
When I saw this, I couldn't help but think of you. Op informend me today that he and Piff do not get along. I think Op is after you, so I'm considering leaving the band.
Tuesday, 11:09AM
I've tried to set our differences aside. Piff and Op are getting along great. Today we went on thedune rides across The Glorious. Other than sand in my teeth, I loved it. P.S. I am still wary of Op.
Tuesday, 12:12PM
We got stranded on this island for 40 minutes. But, we saw The Glorious, so it was all worth while. Piff wrote "The Happy Little Sand Beetle". Skoo did the music. I had no part in that.
Tuesday, 1:21PM
We had a horrible frost this morning. I can't handle the pressure. I think Skoo and Op hate me. I'm thinking about leaving the band, but we have a preformance tonight, so I guess we'll have to learn to get along.
Thursday, 2:47PM
We walked down The Glorious today, had a nice swim at The Bottom, then had a Horrible going back up The Glorious. Piff won the no-hands contest ans Skoo always thinks he's the leader. I'm thinking of leaving the band after tonights preformance.
Wednesday, 9:17PM
Everything's great! The band loves me. I'm a great tour guide and best of all we rented a Jet Boat for 4 hours. Piff and Op hated jumping the waves but I lived for it. It inspired our new hit song "Jump On My Baby". Wish you were here.
Wednesday, 3:33PM
Today I found out that I love Lolita. She was sunbathing on The Glorious. She asked for a bottle of rocks. I happened to have one. So, I layed down beside her and showed her my bottle. Skoo and Op missed out.
Friday, 4:28PM
Skoo, Piff and I took turns driving over The Glorious, and saw dead policemen on The Glorious. Skoo got The Horribles, so we had to take him back to camp.
Friday, 3:33PM
Op seems like he's having problems. He's always banging his head on the picnic table. Maybe he's coming up with another song. Skoo is better but still cranky.
Thursday, 2:57AM
We broke into the Glorious (the Grand Hotel) for our Improv preformance of our new musical "Greta Goes Haywire in July". Everyone loved it. I still miss you. Piff and Op are fighting over the free rolls.
Saturday, 1:25PM.
Having the time, we decided to head up to Canada, Ontario,Sault-Ste-Marie, Visitor Center, Station Mall. Before entering, we had to go through customs. Op got a strip orifice search. Piff was handcuffed and questioned. I sang a song entitled "Canadian Dreams" After all the fuss, Op came back smiling, Piff crying, but we then preformed at the mall anyway.
Saturday, 4:56PM
Hi! I'm Spanking Owl. I love boating, hiking and baking beans over a fire. I dream of meeting a gorgeous blond sailor who enjoys cooking and making children. My hobbies include hunting owls, building huge piles of wood, and running nude throught Lake Huron, as well as the interests meantioned above. My proudest moment is earning my place among Park Avenue R.C.M.P. Please excuse all misspellings. Call 888-GEE-WHOZ. (Courtesy of S.G. Ink)
Saturday, 3:15PM
Hi! I'm Bird Quasar. I have keen interest of flying, chewing, and landing. Looking for a hot bird who loves similar interests. Are you the one? Call Bird Quasar- 761-227-QUAS. (Courtesy of S.G. Ink)
September 5, 1654, 3:33AM
Man: Excuse me for talking but I have a problem. How can I keep your wonderful way of life without giving up smoking?
Woman: Just a minute. There won't be any smoking anymore here. Would you like a rendention of "Fire Is Hot"?
Man: Personally, I enjoy The Grody Flamingos too. Please give me a check.
(Courtesy of S.G. Ink)
Saturday, 4:50PM
Hi, I am Freddy Squirrel, masked marauder of Canada. I hate The Grody Flamingos. They killed my brother just a week earlier. Normally, I wouldn't be upset about that but Johnny Squirrel never ever ridiculed anybody. So, now I am out to get revenge on The Grody Flamingos. First, I will bite off each nose of the group. Next, I will tear up Skoo's tent then, Piff will be castrated and Op certainly won't be speaking anymore. I will get around to the end of the group tour and see what method I should use to dispose of the evidence then, after that, I will party all night long with the Cardinal and Spanking Owl.
(Courtesy of S.G. Ink)
Saturday, 6:05PM
While Skoo was finishing up his song, Piff and I decided to get a hot dog. But the car was too full, and we had to mail it to you. I'm really fired up for the last show at Helen's in Remus. I've decided to stay in the band.
Saturday, 6:05PM
I'm finishing up my song right now, but decided to drop a line. The Canadians love me, but not as much as they love Op. Piff is going crazy on us, always mentions something about a raccoon in the shadows. He says it's stalking us or something like that. Other than the occasional problems meantioned before I've decided I'm staying with the group because everything is going great. Besides, who will lead them if I leave? We made it back to the U.S with no problems, and now we are on our way to ur last preformance, which should be The Glorious. See you soon. P.S. Here is the hamburger that I promised you.
Saturday, 6:06PM
The tour has been great! We have seen The Glorious, The Perfectly, and The Horrible. I have decided to stay with the group. But I have a strange pain in my lower body. I think it is a sign of things yet to come. Skoo is always talking about some crazy girl. Op is drinking beer. We close the show with a grand finale of fireworks and somehow, Op set Skoo on fire, and the police broke the tension. I think Op just wanted to see a human firecraker running around. He's crazy that way. 2,489 miles have been travelled so far. Tomorrow, we start all over on the East Coast
