Senseless Desu

by Emma 

~Part 2~

"I'm sorry, I all out."

Die stared at the fudge vendor with a look of shock and horror, no more 
butterscotch? Was it even possible? He began stammering and shaking 
slightly. Didn't it just figure? He'd finally been able to ditch his 
friends and now he's denied his favourite flavour of fudge because he'd been 
distracted for a short while. And damnit, now he didn't have anything to 
offer Shinya as an apology.

"I've still got some chocolate left, if you'd like some." The old woman 
held out a dark brown block of fudge. Die frowned ever so slightly and 
accepted it, knowing that it wasn't half as good as butterscotch. And he 
couldn't even eat any of it, he was alergic to chocolate! Well, hopefully 
Shinya would enjoy it.

Looking around his general vacinity he checked to make sure none of his 
friends had returned from their latest round of marijuana-smoking. He saw 
no one stumbling towards him and started off, back to the edge of the 
fairgrounds where he'd left Shinya. He smiled and walked with a slight 
bounce to his step, happy that he'd be able to spend a little time with the 
boy without his friends nearby. He was somewhat nervous, though, as he was 
sure that Shinya hated him because of the things his friends, even he at 
times, had done. Having been so obsessed with his image and his friends at 
school, Die had at one time taken part in the ridicule and torment of Shinya 
Terachi and he regretted every name he'd called him, every shove in the 
corridor, every smirk or laugh or unsaid apology. Die faltered in his step, 
not quite sure of what he was really doing. Shinya would probably spit on 
him, tell him off and leave. Bold Shinya. Loner Shinya. Pretty Shinya. 
He rehearsed his apology under his breath as he made his way more slowly to 
the tree under which Shinya had been sitting. He hung his head, ashamed of 
his treatment of his crush, and shuffled his feet as he approached the tree.

"I- I.. that is, I'm really sorry-" he looked up at where Shinya should have 
been, "Shinya?" He swung his head around, searching the area. Had he 
forgotten which tree it had been? No, this was the right tree, but Shinya 
was gone. Stupid! Stupid stupid stupid! Of course Shinya was gone, why 
would he have stayed? Die sunk to his knees and held his head in his hands. 
//I should never have gone along with my friends. I should have told 
people the truth, I should have, I should have.. I should have told 
Shinya.//

*************

Shinya's game plan for forgetting that awfully confusing situation with die 
and co. was to go in search of the twins, tell them they'd be leaving soon 
and head for the ferris wheel for one ride before he left. If he was lucky 
he'd be able to avoid any more confrontations with the dreadful group. He 
felt a slight pang of regret for leaving his hiding spot knowing that die 
would go looking for him there, but he didn't quite understand what Die was 
playing at, winking at him, arranging to meet him alone. The only 
explanation for it all was that he'd been playing a joke on him, right? He 
couldn't possibly be interested in.. No, Die was.. Die. Shinya walked by 
tent after tent of carnival games while on his search for his young charges. 
If he knew them, they'd gotten tired of the larger rides and had calmed 
down enough so that they were now spending every coin in their possesion on 
the juvinile shooting games and coin tosses. As it turned out, he was 
right. He found them facing off with each other on a watergun race, the 
kind where you use a watergun to supress a target continuously so that your 
racer wins the race. Once they finished their game he called them over.

"Shinya, you ok?" one of them asked, concerned. Shinya smiled and ruffled 
the boy's hair playfully. He smiled as an answer and the boy grinned back 
at him. "Good, we were a little worried about you."

"Worried? Why?" Shinya laughed, "I should be the one worried about you. I 
mean, I ran off and left you guys alone, didn't I?" The twins both rolled 
their eyes at him.

"Shin-ya~, we're 12 years old! We can take care of ourselves, you know 
that." Shinya chuckled in agreement.

"Well, I still shouldn't have dashed off like that. It's my job to take 
care of you guys, if I don't do that I wouldn't actually be earning the good 
money your mom is giving me, now would I?" When they murmured their 
understanding, Shinya led them away from the tent. "Ok, guys, it's almost 
9:30. Here's $5 each, spend it well, and meet me in 20 minutes at the gate 
so I can get you home in time."

"We're leaving?" They both protested.

"In 20 minutes, so make the most of it!" Shinya waved them away, laughing 
as he watched them dash as fast as they could for the ticket booth so they 
could play more games. Shinya turned around and started towards the Ferris 
Wheel. The lineup wasn't too bad, but he'd have to wait about 5 minutes 
toget his turn. Everyone else in the line had someone else with them and 
Shinya couldn't help but feel that pain in his chest remembering Die's smile 
and wink. If he'd stayed by the tree, would there have been any way he'd be 
standing in line with Die at that very moment? Shinya shook his head, that 
wouldn't have happened. Die had only been playing some sort of sick joke, 
remember?

Once he'd made it to the front of the line he waited a bit for an open seat. 
When he stepped up, the ride operator took his tickets. "You got a 
partner, miss?"

"uhh.. No." //MISS?// Shinya stared in bewilderment at the man. He 
couldn't possibly look that feminine, could he? He was abruptly brought out 
of his thoughts by the operator's shouts.

"LONELY RIDE IN BUCKET 5! LONELY RIDE IN BUCKET 5!" Humiliated beyond 
belief Shinya sat in the seat, sheilding his face with his arm so he 
couldn't see the laughter in the eyes of the people around him. To his 
surprise the operator suddenly stopped yelling as a pair of boots stomped up 
to the ride, offering tickets and a very large grin.

*************

Die ran to the first ride he came across. No Shinya. He ran over the the 
jewelry vendors. No Shinya. He dashed past the people selling food and 
alcohol, some live music, and God only knows how many games he went by. He 
was about to give up when he was passing the Ferris Wheel and heard a loud 
voice yelling out to the crowd of people.

"LONELY RIDE IN BUCKET 5! LONELY RIDE IN BUCKET 5!" He looked closer and 
sure enough he noted a very embarrassed Shinya sitting in the open seat on 
the ride. He gave a short whoop of joy before jogging to the front of the 
line. Handing the operator his 3 tickets he turned to Shinya and yet again 
gave him a smile that could melt the heart of a grinch. Die prompty sat 
beside the object of his affection and pulled the bar down over their laps, 
successfully locking them in together.

Shinya still sat there with a thoroughly surprised look on his face. His 
mouth moved slightly up and down as if he was trying to say something, but 
all that came out was a few choked gurgles. Die laughed softly and touched 
his index finger to Shinya's mouth. "Shh.. I needed to talk to you 
Shin-chan." The use of the familiar name caused Shinya even more surprise. 
Die shifted so that his body was angled slightly towards the other young man 
and raked his left hand through his long locks of hair, hesistating in what 
he wanted to say. "I'm sorry." He left it simply at that. He didn't want 
to cheapen the apology with excuses for his behavior or that of his friends, 
it was better this way. "I'm sorry for what I've done, for what everyone 
else has done. I'm just.. sorry." He hung his head, waiting for a reply of 
sorts from Shinya, but the other occupant of the seat was so stupified that 
he wouldn't have been able to talk if the fate of the world had depended on 
it.

Die sighed and looked up into Shinya's eyes. He was surprised to find them 
blurred by tears and his cheeks wet. He'd never expected that sort of 
reaction from Shinya. Anger maybe, indifference perhaps, but not.. crying? 
"Oh god, Shinya, please. Please," he begged, "Please don't cry!" Shinya's 
response was to be wracked by more sobs. Not quite understanding and 
definatly not knowing what to do, Die held out his arms pulled Shinya 
towards him in an impromtu embrace. "Shh, Shinya, it's ok. Why are you 
crying?"

"I don't know," Shinya whispered back to him, "Why are you being nice to 
me?" The question broke Die's heart. "Aren't I like a disease? Why are 
you even talking to me?" The anguish in his trembling voice made Die's 
spirits sink into the depths of depression in an instant. "Do you- do you-" 
he was having trouble asking the last question, but, summoning up the 
courage he needed, he blurted it out rapidly, "Do you actually care?"

Die was completely taken aback by the entire situation he'd placed himself 
in. Here he was, circling round in the air on a Ferris Wheel, holding 
Shinya Terachi in his arms, comforting him, trying to ease his pain, 
apologizing to him, and all of this in plain view of his entire town. He 
must've been going insane, but that was the effect that Shinya had on him. 
"Of course I care. I've just never been good at letting that actually.. 
show. I'm so sorry Shin-chan, please forgive me."

At that moment the Ferris Wheel stopped so that another couple could get on. 
Die and Shinya found themselves sitting at the very top of the wheel, 
Shinya facing what was quite possibly the scariest situation he'd ever had 
to deal with and definatly the scariest decision ever. He had only a split 
second to make it, or the moment would be gone, and lost in the intoxicating 
atmosphere Die created he made his decision. He lifted his head from Die's 
shoulder and raised his face to Die's, all the while gazing into the depths 
of his eyes, and brushed his lips lightly over Die's. The effect it 
produced on Die was electrifying. Sitting so high above the Earth, Die 
shivered at the feather-like contact. He closed his eyes and instinctivly 
sought out Shinya's lips. He kissed Shinya gently, fully aware of his 
fright, and scared beyond belief himself at what he was doing. They 
lingered there, caught in a light embrace, for what seemed like an eternity 
before the Ferris Wheel began once again to turn.

The jolt of the gears broke the tremulous contact between them and neither 
of them was fully able to comprehend their situation, so they merely sat 
there, staring ahead into space, still sitting close to each other. When 
they reached the bottom the ride stopped and the operator stepped forward to 
lift up their lap bar so they could get off. Die stood up gingerly and held 
his hand out to help the slower and more dazed Shinya. Once he'd led Shinya 
away from the Ferris Wheel he reached out and brushed the last of the tears 
from his face. "You're much too pretty to cry," he said, smiling, still 
holding Shinya's hand in his.

Shinya refused to lift up his head, as that remark had prompted new tears to 
fall from his eyes. He couldn't understand himself, he'd just been paid a 
compliment by the one person he quite possibly loved most in the world. 
Hell, he'd just kissed, been kissed BY that person a few minutes earlier. 
What was wrong with him? Confusion was all that registered in his mind, 
hurt, feelings of anger as well towards Die for not saying something sooner, 
for letting him think no one cared, for letting him contemplate suicide 
because of that fact. It was so unfair. But then.. here was Die, calling 
him pretty, acting contrary to the person Shinya was afraid of at school, 
making Shinya love him all the more despite what he'd ever done to him.

Unable to sort out his feelings on the spot with Die standing right there, 
Shinya shook his hand from Die's grasp. He put a forced smile on his face, 
betraying his inner anguish with his eyes, and looked up. "Umm.. I've got 
to go." Shinya was already halfway to the gate to the fairgrounds, running 
as fast as he could, before his words had even registered in Die's mind. He 
didn't stop to think, however, he simply ran after him.

Being the althetic type he was, Die probably could have caught up with 
Shinya, too, if a certain stoned high school senior hadn't gotten in his 
way.

"Die! DUDE! I've been looking for you EVERYWHERE!" His friend slapped him 
roughly on the shoulder. "You'll never guess what I saw!"

Die rolled his eyes, trying in vain to escape from nameless, faceless 
"friend" of his. "What?"

"Shinya Terachi! on the Ferris Wheel! Making out with someone!!" Die's 
eyes went wide. his friends had seen? Not only had they seen, but they'd 
recognised Shinya and not him? Their FRIEND? He laughed, wiping tears from 
his eyes. His friend looks somewhat taken offguard, but he hesitantly 
laughed along, "Yeah, heh, I know, eh? Shinya? Making out with someone? 
Ridiculous, eh?"

Die stopped laughing abruptly and coughed. He looked directly into the 
other man's eyes, suddenly turning his gaze into ice. The other's laughter 
died off slowly under the harshness of the glare. "You moron, you fucking 
imbecile! That was ME, I was up there on the Ferris Wheel with Shinya." 
He waited for that to register with his friend. t didn't seem to sink in, 
as his mind was currently taking a trip away from the body. Die balled his 
hand into a fist, pulled back his arm and swung a hard left straight into 
the other man's jaw, knocking him flat to the ground. "And we weren't 
making out, it was a fucking innocent kiss."

Die stalked off towards the gate to the fairgrounds. He was definatly too 
late to catch up with Shinya by that time, so he opted to walk instead of 
run. Anyways, walking gave him the chance to think about what he'd just 
done. Even though he'd obviously been high, his friend would still remember 
what had happened and would surely spread it to the rest of his friends. By 
Monday he'd be just as much an exile as Shinya. He surprised himself; he 
didn't feel at all scared. In fact, he felt immeasurably relieved, as if 
he'd been slowly suffocating and someone had just let him get all the oxygen 
he needed. It was intoxicating and new, this feeling of freedom. Now his 
only problem was how to face Shinya. He had no real excuse to go to 
Shinya's house. What would he say? "Uhh, shinya? Yeah, I love you even 
though i've called you a faggot and physically hurt you and ..yeah." that 
wouldn't work. He sighed as he exited the Schomberg Agricultural Faire for 
the year and walked down main street towards his car. He reached his hand 
into his jacket pocket for his keys. His hand came in contact with 
something else entirely, though, and he pulled it out nd smiled to himself. 
He'd forgotten to give Shinya the small token of his apology. The fudge. 
That was his excuse to go to Shinya's house. He got into his car and drove 
home as fast as he could. He had to find his High School Directory. If he 
was going to show up at Shinya's door he first needed to know where exaclty 
the boy lived.

*************

-_-'' it's 4am... but i finished this part, woohoo!!! and now i'm 
insanely tired. i didn't read over it, but it IS 4am and my eyesight is 
rather blurred and i'm pretty much already drooling on the keyboard I'm so 
tired.

Comments, PLEASE!!!! PLEASE!!! (and thank you very much to everyone who 
replied to part one, i've never have that many comments before, it made me 
really happy)

-Emma

to be continued~

back to deg fics pg3