Samui Desu

by Kurara( Kurara@utena.org )

***

Shinya sighed, looking out the window. Why had he insisted on
walking to the video store instead of driving? Why had he decided to
go at all? The movie he wanted to see that night wasn't even in
stock at his favorite store, so he had walked to the one across town
and lo-and-behold! They didn't have it either. He frowned, watching
as the dark clouds seeped over the fluffy white ones, darkening the
afternoon sky. //Doesn't look like its gonna get any better... might
get--// Drops of rain began their descent toward the paved city
streets. //Yes, it is worse.. better go now... I wish I had more
than a couple hundred yen or I could buy an umbrella...//

Reluctantly, Shinya opened up the door, quickly running out and
beginning to jog to his apartment, only to slow to walking as the
rain pounded so fast that he couldn't see where he was going.

Wrapping his arms around himself, Shinya bowed his head to his chest
and trudged along the sidewalk, his legs feeling heavier as rain
soaked into the fabric of his jeans, causing them to cling to his
skin. Shinya shivered and pressed on, continuing to walk as he felt
his toes slowly begin to hurt. //Shit... I'm freezing...//

Every step he took became harder and harder, his vision growing
fuzzy. //Ugh... I need to thaw somewhere... where am I?// He lifted
his head a bit, looking around. //Fifth street and Sakura... ah!
Die lives near here!// He smiled a bit. //He'll let me thaw!//

Shinya walked a bit longer, stumbling into an apartment building and
collapsing in an elevator. He closed his eyes, curling up in the
corner. //Its so warm... I can thaw out here just a bit before going
up...// The elevator doors closed and it went up a bit, stopping on
the way to pick up passengers who came on and off at the next floor,
bringing another rider in the elevator.

Shinya heard a sigh and suddenly, a towel was over his head, rubbing
vigorously in his hair. "Ahh! Stop it!" Shinya batted at his
assailant, only to have his wrists caught and hear a familiar
laugh. "Eh..?"

"Do you sleep in my elevator often, Shin-chan?" The towel was pulled
off and Shinya gasped, seeing Die with a basket full of towels fresh
from the dryer.

"Die!"

Die smiled adn helped Shinya stand up. "Gods, Shinya, why are you
all wet?" Die continued to dry Shinya, even as they reached Die's
floor and walked to the apartment. Die let them in and walked to the
bathroom, starting a bath. "You're gonna melt in this, Shinya."

Shinya smiled slightly, rubbing at his hair with the towel Die left
him while trying to take off his shoes with just his feet. Shinya
gave up and dropped the towel, sitting on the floor and taking off
his shoes and socks, gasping. //My toes are all red!// He tried
warming them with his hands, but only succeeded in making his hands
colder than they were before.

When the bath was full, Die came out and looked at Shinya. "Mou~
You're going to make my floor all wet!" He walked over to the
drummer and pulled him up. "Shinya... you're gonna get sick..."

Shinya shook his head, pressing into Die. "Warm..."

Die slowly wrapped his arms around Shinya, pressing his body against
the drummer's. //This... this is too familiar..// Die bit his
lip. //Shinya... don't you miss the time when we used to do this all
the time?//

Shinya snuggled deeper into Die's chest, sighing.

"Shinya... you... you should go into the bath before it gets too
cold..." He pulled away and led a detatched Shinya into the bathroom.

When he got to the door, Shinya turned around and faced
Die. "Thanks..." he took Die's hand and pulled the guitarist closer,
lifting up a bit and kissing Die on the lips lightly, quickly, before
closing the door and undressing.

Die lifted his fingers to his lips and blinked at the now-closed
door. "Shinya?" He whispered. //What's he doing still out here?
After La:Sadies broke, he said he was going away...// Die went to
his couch and sat down, sighing.

***

Sinking shoulder deep into the water, Shinya curled on his
side. //Why'd I come here? I left so I wouldn't get attatched...
this isn't helping anything...// A fuzzy feeling began to overcome
the numbness of his toes and Shinya wriggled them, enjoying the
feeling coming back. //Die... you're so good to me...//

Shinya stayed in the tub until all the sting of the heat died away,
lifting up and exposing his wet skin to the air of the apartment. He
shivered, using a towel to rub away the water before wrapping it
around his waist. Looking at the sink, he noticed to the side of it
some clothes. //He left clothes out for me?//

Picking up a shirt, Shinya held it to his face and breathed
in. //Die...// He quickly put on the too-big clothes and combed out
his hair with Die's comb before walking out of the bathroom to Die.
Die smiled up at him. "Thanks."

Die nodded, standing up and bringing a hand to Shinya's
cheek. //We've always been close... If he wasn't leaving, I'd ask
him to be my boyfriend...//

Shinya closed his eyes and leaned into the hand. "Die..."

"I missed you."

Shinya opened his eyes again, gazing at Die's. "Gomen..."

"How long are you here for?"

Shinya diverted his gaze slightly. "I... I'm still packing. I
should be out at the end of the week."

"Ah..." Die sadly responded, bringing Shinya down to sti with him on
the couch. Shinya snuggled into Die's chest, closing his eyes and
sighing softly.

"How are the others?"

"We're building a new band."

"Really? Do you have a full band yet?"

Die shook his head. "We... we still need drums." //We still need
you...//

"Hmm.. so you found a bassist?"

"Yeah... he's living with Kyo now."

"That's good."

"Yeah." Shinya snuggled more into Die. Die turned a bit so that he
was on his back and pulled Shinya on top of himself, hugging the
frail body to his own. Shinya pulled up a bit, resting his head on
Die's shoulder. Die stroked Shinya's hair slightly, curling the
strands around his fingers. "Shinya... how close are we?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well... we're closer than normal friends, right?"

Shinya nodded against Die's shoulder. "Yes."

"But... we're not... *together*."

Shinya shook his head. "No, we are not."

"But, what... what does that make us?"

Shinya stayed silent for a while before saying, "Friends with
benefits."

Die nodded. //That's all he feels...//

Shinya sat up, getting off the couch. "Die, what's wrong?"

Die sat up. "What do you mean?"

"You.. you seem like you're not even here, dwelling on some thought."

Die smiled softly, a hint of pain glinting in his eyes. "It's
nothing." He got up and walked to the window. "Hey, look... its
snowing."

Shinya walked over to Die's side, watching the falling flakes with
Die. "Hey, Die?"

"Yeah?"

"Let's go out and play in the snow."

"You'll get cold again."

Shinya forced a smile. "I'm sure you'll warm me, ne?"

Die gave a small laugh. "Alright, but you're wearing a jacket." He
went to his closet and got a jacket for each of them, tossing one to
Shinya and putting the other on himself.

Shinya got the jacket on and walked up to Die, smiling. "Iku?"

***

Shinya darted behind a tree as a snowball whizzed past, ducking down
and gathering snow of his own and throwing it. Die blocked with his
arm and dashed to Shinya, smashing a snowball in the drummer's
stomach as he passed. Shinya gasped and brushed snow off his shirt,
only to feel Die's arms wrap around his waist, lifting him off the
ground.

"Ahh! Die!" Shinya yelped as Die dropped him in a mound of snow.

Die pounced on top of him, crushing a snowball in Shinya's blonde
hair as the drummer laughed, fruitlessly attempting to get the
guitarist off of him. "I win!!" Die proudly proclaimed.

Shinya stuck out his tongue and Die plopped snow on it,
smirking. "Mou!" Shinya spat it out. "That could have animal pee
on it!"

"Bah! Live a little, Shinya!"

"You live too much for my taste!"

"Mou~ Shin-chan thinks I should be dead!" Die put a hand over his
heart. "You hurt me."

"Aww.. the poor baby!" Shinya tried to get up, but Die held him
down. "The poor heavy baby!"

"All the better to keep you by, my pretty." Die smirked again.

Shinya plopped his hands to either side of his head in the
snow. "Fine, I give up.... ravish me, you bad wolf...."

//Shinya... you don't know how much I want to...// Die gave a
struggled smile. "Shinya..." Shinya looked up at Die, caught in his
eyes as Die slowly lowered his head, both of their eyes slowly
drawing shut, and Die's lips made contact with Shinya's. Shinya
whimpered a bit, responding slowly.

Die's tongue ran along his lips and Shinya gasped. //We've never
done tongue...// Die's tongue ran over again, harder, and Shinya
opened, letting the guitarist in and moaning as their tongues rubbed
against each other. Shinya's hands soon found themselves gripping on
Die's hair, pressing their mouths harder together before Die pulled
back, panting. "Die..."

"Shinya... we... we should get back and sleep... I have practice
tommorow..." Die spat out, suddenly nervous. He got up and helped
Shinya stand, holding one of Shinya's hands as they walked back to
the apartment building. Shinya smiled slightly, but had a heavy
heart.

//We.... we kissed... and now its like he regrets it... am I so
bad?// He didn't bring his gaze up until they were in the elevator
again. "Die..."

"Shinya, join the new band, please?" Die's eyes cried out to
him. "We need a drummer... we need YOU..."

Shinya shook his head. "I can't..."

"Why not?"

Shinya looked away. "Die... I... I can't stay here.. I need to find
a steady job... I need to go back..."

"No.. Shinya... you KNOW Kaoru will make us a success..." He loomed
over Shinya. "What are you afraid of?"

Shinay looked down, closing his eyes. "Don't ask me that."

Die took Shinya's chin in his hand, lifting Shinya's
gaze. "Shinya... stay? If not for the band, then..."

"I can't, Die. I just can't. Understand, please."

Die looked away. "Shinya..."

"Let... let us just enjoy 'now' and.... and what will be, will be."
The doors opened and the two walked into Die's apartment. "Die?"

"Hai?"

"..." //Come on.... this is your last time to see him...// "Can
I... sleep with you tonight? It's cold..."

"Uh.... yeah..."

***

Die clicked off the light and walked to his bed, pulling up the
covers and moving inside of them, next to Shinya. Shinya snuggled up
to Die, sighing. "Die... why'd you kiss me today?"

Die shrugged. "I always kiss you."

Shinya shook his head, curling up more against Die. "No... this was
a REAL kiss, Die. You don't do those."

Die looked away, feeling the weight of Shinya's gaze on
him. "Nothing..."

"No, Die! It wasn't nothing!" Shinya sat up, glaring down at
Die. "Your TONGUE entered MY mouth! THAT is NOT nothing! I can't
just accept that you'd feel nothing after that! Don't you care at
all about me?? Anymore than THIS?" Shinya began to choke on his
tears as Die sat up, taking Shinya's hands, which were quickly
retracted by the drummer. "Don't touch me! If you don't care, then
don't--"

"Shinya!" Die clamped his hand over Shinya's mouth. "Don't say
that... why can't you think that I feel anything? This isn't
just.... this isn't just some extension of friendship--I want more."
Tears dripped on Die's hand and his eyes widened, pulling back his
hand and licking off the salty liquid. "Crying, Shinya?"

"Don't tease me." Shinya growled throw clenched teeth.

Die pulled close to Shinya, licking up a tear slowly as Shinya froze
in his spot. "Who said I was going to tease?" He kissed the now
tear-clean cheek.

"Die..."

"Shinya," Die stared into Shinya's eyes (they could still see by the
moonlight), "I don't want you to go, ever."

"I have to..."

"I... I know.... so, before... before you go, I have to tell you
this."

"Die?" Shinya's mouth hung slightly open.

"I love you, Shinya."

Shinya's breath caught.

"And, I'm not saying that just to have you stay.. I'm saying it
because... I need you to know. I love you so much and... and I
haven't been able to say if for so long..." Die's words died out
into a whisper.

"Die..." Shinya breathed out, suddenly hugging Die tightly. "My
gods... I... I..." //If you tell him, then you'll get hurt...// "I
love you too..."

"...Shinya?"

"I do..." Shinya buried his face in Die's shoulder. "I love you
too..."

Die compulsively began to kiss Shinya's neck frantically. "My
gods... Shinya... Shinya..." Slowly, his kisses drifted down, and
clothes were lost in the midst of the night....

***

Sunlight pouring through the window and an alarm clock roused the
guitarist from his slumber, short as it was, and his hand went in
search of the fellow warm body, only to encounter stained
sheets. "Shinya?" Die sat up and looked around, his heart falling
into his stomach.

Tossing aside the covers, Die searched his whole apartment, only to
find it empty and his clothes he loaned to Shinya folded on a chair--
Shinya's clothes gone. Die ran a hand through his hair, sliding down
a wall to a sitting posistion and hugging his knees, tears stinging
his eyes.

Slowly, his hand drifted to the love bites on his thigh and hip, the
hicky on his neck, and his lips that had explored every inch of
Shinya the night before. "...why?" Die's voice cracked and he
buried his face.

***

"And finally, our beloved redhead makes his appearance!" Toshiya ran
to the door and hugged Die, bouncing back to sit on the couch with a
saftey-pin fascinated Kyo. Kaoru smiled up at Die, the smile fading
as he saw the tired look in his friend's eyes.

"Die? Are you okay?"

Die shook his head. "No..."

"Do you need to rest? We don't have to practice today if you don't
want to..."

"No.. I need to do this..." he looked up slightly at Kaoru and smiled
weakly. "Music helps..."

Kaoru smiled back. "Well, that's good. I wanted to introduce you to
our new drummer."

//Now Shinya doesn't have a chance...// "You picked one without me?"

"You'll agree, I promise you. He actually is an old friend that
called up... I told him he could have the drummer slot."

Die nodded slowly, sitting down.

A knock sounded and Kaoru looked up. "That must be him!" He walked
over to the door and opened it, causing the room to fall silent.
Die, becoming curious as to the lack of noise, turned his head to
look behind the couch and saw--

"SHINYA!" Die hopped up and ran to Shinya, hugging him
tightly. "Gods! Shinya!"

Shinya smiled weakily. "Die... if you don't let go... I can't play
drums..."

Die pulled back a bit. "You mean... you? You're the new one?"

Shinya nodded. "Hai... I can't just stay away..." He shot a
meaningful glance at Die. "There's too much here to give away..."

Kaoru went on to introduce Shinya to Toshiya, and they bowed to each
other and got along well, but almost without Die's notice, Shinya
took his hand, and never let go...

***

TIRED! x_X
C/C? I'll work on Itadakimasu later....
~kurara

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