Dani swung back and forth on the small swing set of the park that sat a few blocks from her house.  A playground she used to play in with Brian and his brother Harry, and her sister and brother, Lauren and Jason.  Not to mention every other kid in the neighborhood.  The cool breeze of the night air blew through her hair and the bright glow of the full moon shone down on her, a moon so bright in the sky it looked like a light bulb screwed into a black wall.  After a week of sadness and bitterness Dani had needed some space, she was sick of her parents asking what was wrong, sick of Lauren trying to apologize (apologies that seemed forced and hollow) and mostly sick of dodging Brian's phone calls.  She couldn't talk to him, she was afraid she hated him now and she wasn't comfortable feeling that way.  She didn't want to hear him apologize for Lauren, she just wanted to forget any of it ever happened and return to the time when she didn't know, before she left, before it happened, when she and Brian were just best friends.

    "I don't need this is my life." She said to herself, pumping her legs faster and faster, building up speed.  The only sounds in the whole world to Dani right now were the faint chirping of an occasional cricket, the creaking of the swing set and the rustle of leaves in the trees.  She swung higher and higher, remembering days of competitions to see who could get the highest, or who could jump off mid-air and get the farthest, and she remembered with a smile the day she was twelve and flew off the swing set breaking her arm in the process.  Dani wasn't smiling at the broken wrist she ended up with , she was smiling at Brian.  Who had come running from the swing set to her side, yelling at his brother Harry to go get their mom, refusing to leave her side.  He calmed her so easily, making her laugh and drying up her tears in the process.  She had forgotten about the pain because of him that day, and here we were, a good thirteen years later and he was the cause of her pain.  Dani stopped swinging with that revelation and began the listless motion she had started with, not really swinging, just scraping her shoes in the dirt.  She leaned down and picked a daisy from the cluster that seemed to grow around all the posts of the swing, spinning it in her fingers and staring at it's simple beauty.  She pulled a petal off watching it flutter in the wind and fall to the ground, remembering the days when picking a daisy meant finding out the truth about someone loving you.  But as Dani allowed a few more fragile petals to fall from her fingertips she realized that she had no one to play 'I love you, I love you not' about.  Countless times Brian had been the subject of her daisy, in fact as she thought about it, she couldn't remember doing it for anyone else, Well except Donnie Whalberg, but he didn't count.  Every time it had landed on "I love you' Dani had giggled incessantly over it, and even when it didn't end on "I love you" she quickly decided that the stem counted as another petal, just to be happy that "Brian loved her".   With each successive petal that fell Dani wished daisies could tell her more, like if she really hated Lauren and Brian for sleeping together, if Brian cared that he hurt her, and most of all why it had to hurt so much to love him and not be loved in return, but daisies weren't that complex.

    Tears fell to the ground with the dwindling white daisy petals and as she stared down at the once pretty flower, now pathetic with three petals hanging to one side, she wondered if when those petals were gone, would she still be questioning everything and everyone in her life.  She pulled them off individually and slowly, and as they fell to the grass below a voice from behind spoke up.

    "So, does he love you?"

    "I wish I knew."  She said without turning, staring down at the remnants of the daisy at her feet.   She couldn't look at him, but heard him sit in the seat next to hers and rock gently back and forth.

    "How did you find me?"  Dani asked Brian, who had stopped swinging, and who she could feel was staring at her.

    "Your mother told me where you were." Brian replied, his voice soft and apologetic, even though he wasn't apologizing.

    "She doesn't know........about you and Lauren." Dani said bitterly, still refusing to look at him.

    "I kinda figured that."  Brian shuffled his feet in the small rut of dirt under the swing set, annoyed at her silence, but understanding of it.  "Dani, do you hate me?"

    She finally looked up at him, he looked worried, his eyes were dark and saddened and the creases seemed to run deep on his forehead.

    "I was asking myself the same thing."

    "Did you have an answer?"  Dani shook her head, she didn't know if she had an answer.  She watched Brian pick a daisy from the grass, spinning it much like she had, and pulling off a few petals.

    "Do you think people would be so quick to pull off the petals if these thing screamed?" Dani looked at him with confusion, and he pulled off a petal, screaming 'Ahhhhhhhhhhh' in a high pitched yelp as he did, doing it again with another petal.  Dani couldn't help but laugh, even though she knew that's why he had done it.  He always had to crack a joke when anything remotely serious was going on.

    "It's good to hear you laugh Dan."

    "That's not fair.  You're not allowed to make me laugh anymore." She said looking away from him.

    "Why not?"

    "Just beacause!" She said firmly.  "Why did you come here Brian?"

    "Dani,  I came here because I had to, you wouldn't take my calls, even though If you did I wouldn't of had  a clue what I was going to say, I still don't."  He half chuckled, turning the swing so he was facing her.   "All I know is that I miss you, I miss having you as a friend.  I was playing ball for hours tonight, ya know at that old court behind the bank."  Dani nodded.  "I was just trying to figure out what I could say that would make up for what I did, and then Lauren and one of her drugged out friends pulls up and she gets out of his truck and starts reeming me about telling you, telling me how much you hate me and how what I did was unforgiveable." He stopped for a second, looking for any sign of emotion on her face, she was expressionless.  "I can't stand the thought of you hating me Dan,  and I came to explain what happened that night.  I know it was probably the stupidest thing I've ever done, but I have to tell you, even if you hate me more because of it, I'm just hoping you won't."
 

        Dani got up from the swing and walked forward in the darkened park, she didn't know if she wanted to hear about that night, knowing it happened was hard enought, knowing how was almost unbearable.  Brian stayed on the swing and watched her, ready to follow if she went to far.  Dani stopped and knelt down, plucking a bright yellow dandelion from the grass, staring at it with the saddest look on her face.

    "Did you ever wonder when these became ugly?" She said rhetorically, not waiting from Brian's response.  "I mean, I don't know any kid that didn't pick a handful of these and give them to their mom, watching her put them into a glass of water, not knowing she'd throw them out at the first opportunity." She sighed.  "They were just these bright yellow flowers that popped up all over the lawn.   When you were a kid they made you happy, you just accepted them as another flower.   But the older you got, the less pretty they became, they didn't make you smile.  They became ugly weeds that invaded your life, and unless you got rid of them they'd take over the whole lawn." She stopped, and looked at the yellow weed in her hand, returning her gaze to Brian who listened to her intently.  "So something you used to think was beautiful and happy wasn't really at all was it?  It was all sort of  a lie.   It couldn't be the same flower you used to think it was, even if you really wanted to see it that way again,  you can't, cause you know it's not a flower, it's just another weed to rip out of the ground and throw away."

Brian's gaze became troubled, getting the hint her vague analogy was throwing his way, he knew the way she thought, and he knew what she was getting at.

    "Are you saying  you'll never be able to see me the same again, because of what happened?"

    "I don't know what I'm saying Brian."  She watched him rise from the swing, and come to her side.

    "Look Dani, I can't apologize enough for what happened,  You are my best friend, regardless of the time you were gone and I don't want that to end because of some stupid mistake I made with Lauren." He said, taking the dandelion from her hand and tossing it on the ground, keeping her hand locked in his own.

Dani pulled her hand out of his, folding her arms defensively.

    'Tell me what happened Brian." She said suddenly, her eyes full of tears.  "How did it happen?  Because I didn't think you were like that Brian."

    "Dani you know I'm not like that." He said touching her shoulder and cringing when she flinched.

    "I don't Brian.  I thought I did, but I don't think I knew you then.  There were a lot of girls you dated and hurt I'm sure, but when one of them is MY sister, that wasn't the Brian I knew."

    "Do you really want to know how it happened?" She nodded.  "Okay, I'll tell you, but can we go sit down somewhere?" He asked her

    "Fine." she said, sniffing back the tears she so desperately tried to keep at bay, and following Brian to his car that was parked just outside the gate of the park.

    "Where are we?" Dani asked as they pulled into a gravel driveway.

    "My place." He replied turing of the engine and stepping outside.  "One of my roommates just moved out and Joey, the other one, is at work.  So we can talk in private." Brian walked her up to the front door of the tall thin house, it reminded her of the house the MTV Real World people lived in in the San Francisco season, although Brian's was nicer.   After he unlocked the door they walked inside and were immediately in the living room, or the play room by the look of the games and electronic equipment everywhere.  Brian ushered her to the couch and went to the kitchen bringing her back a big glass of iced tea.

    "Still your favorite I hope?" He said.

    "Yeah." She looked around the room, nothing of interest catching her eye, until Brian sat down next to her.

    "Okay Dani, before I start, I have to tell you one thing.  I am in no way trying to blame anything on anyone else, I take full responsibility for what happened, but what I'm telling you is the truth okay."  Dani nodded again, setting her drink down on the table.  She didn't know who was more nervous, Brian or herself.  He took a deep breath and leaned forward, resting his elbow on his knees, staring straight ahead like he was watching a game on TV.

    "It was pretty late when Lauren showed up, or at least until I saw her, and she was acting a little wild, falling all over everyone and being really obnoxious and loud.  The party was basically in Matt's backyard, ya know people swimming and drinking, patio lanterns everywhere.  I'd been watching her kind of carefully, cause first of all she had no buisness being there, I don't think she knew many of us.  Eventually  I went over to her, ya know to see if she was okay and maybe take her home if she wasn't.  I think I asked her of she was okay, and she told me she needed to sit down, so I started leading her to a lawn chair, but she said she had to lay down.  So I brought her up to Matt's room, I was gonna let her sleep for a little bit and come back and check onher later.   Well the minute she gets in the room she perks up all of a sudden and starts pulling off her shirt saying she was hot and stuff.  I tried to stop her, but she grabbed ahold of me and tried to  kiss me.  I pushed her away and told her to lie down, she laughed and said no and started taking off her jeans, laughing and stuff.  I got really embarrassed, cause ya know it was Lauren." He said, shrugging, he still hadn't looked at Dani.

    "I started to leave, because well she obviously wasn't going to lie down, but she stood in front of the door, and told me I couldn't leave.  She sad she wanted one kiss, and I said fine and gave her a peck on the cheek, but then she kissed me, and well, she was pressed against me hard and.....um......I reacted." He blushed, glancing over at Dani to make sure she got what he meant.  She had.

    "She kept kissing me and yes I eventually kissed back, I couldn't help it, she kept telling me she knew secrets about you and me, and maybe she'd tell and maybe she wouldn't, and then before long she was pushing me onto the bed, or more like falling on top of me.  She had her jeans off by then and managed to get my shorts unbuttoned.  Once it got started I couldn't stop it,  I don't think she would have let me even if I tried.   After I realized what had happened and what we had done I felt terrible, more for what this would do to you than anything, and I know I can't make up any excuse that would justify it happening, but that's what happened." he said solemnly.   Dani sat silent staring at the blank TV screen in front of her, two sides of her emotions fighting with each other, one of them wanting to forgive him, because by the look on his face he regretted it, and she believed his story.  But the other half wanted to scream at him, how could you, you should have stopped it, you could have stopped it.

    "Dani?" He said worriedly.  "Please say something."

    "Were you drinking?"

    "Not really.  I wasn't drunk if that's what you're asking."

    "Then you knew." She said, he jaw clenching tight and her eyes filling with tears.

    "Knew what."

     "I'd never expect you to take advantage of someone in that situation."

    "Dani I didn't take advantage of her!" he cried.  "It was more like she took advantage of me." Dani scoffed at him, standing up.

     "Oh you poor baby.  Big athletic guy, taller than her, heavier than her, and a hell of a lot stronger than her, taken advantage of by a small little blond girl three years younger than him, probably light as a feather  soaking wet.  Sounds real plausible Brian."

    "Shit Dani, I told you the truth."

    "You knew she was drunk, and  you knew she was vulnerable."

    "I don't even know if she was drunk, I mean she was acting weird, but I didn't smell anything on her, or taste it on her breath."

    "Stop trying to make yourself seem so innocent Brian, what'll it be next, did she drug you like Sami did to Austin on Days of our lives?" Dani shot, knowing he probably didn't have a clue what she was talking about.

    "Dani, you're the one that wanted to hear the story!"  he yelled back, annoyed at her disbelief.
 
    "So if I kissed you right now would you be at my mercy and forget all common sense?  Forget that Lauren was just a child and that you should have known better?" She screamed, watching his head drop and his glance focus on the floor.  "How could you Brian, it was MY sister." The tears now freely flowed down her cheeks.  "This wasn't just some girl you met at a party, it was Lauren for christsakes, you watched her grow up, you used to help me babysit her."

   "I know Dani, don't you think I thought every one of those things?" He said, watching the drops fall from her eyes.

    "Please don't cry."

    "Don't you think I deserve the right to cry?  You have absolutely crushed me Brian. My best friend had sex with my baby sister, and because he felt so guilty about it he didn't talk to me for five years. "

Brian wanted so desperately to comfort her, the way she paced in a small spot, fidgeting with the ring on her middle finger, it was the way she got when she was panicked, and it always freaked him out.  He walked closer, trying to wrap his arms around her shoulders and get her to sit down for a moment, but she pushed him away, shoving him hard on the chest.  For someone so small she's pretty strong, he thought.

    "Get away from me."

    "Dani what do you want me to say?  What can I do?" he said holding her face in his hands.  "I can't change anything, I can't rewind time, even though I wish I could, even though every time I saw something that reminded me of you I wished I could go back to the days I was your friend.  How when my grandfather died you were the first person I wanted to call, and when my cousin lost someone so close to him we were scared he might do something to himself I DID call you, I listened to your answering machine message over and over again,  but I couldn't bring myself to leave a message."

    "Brian I am not talking about the last five years, I am talking about in that one night, that one split second you didn't give one shit about me.   In that one moment it would have taken you to stop everything you didn't think for even a passing second what it would do to our friendship.  Because you knew this wouldn't be something I'd take as lightly as I took any other conquest I'd heard you'd gotten.  She was my sister Brian, my little sister and nothing stopped you from knowing that but your horny nineteen year old dick." She yelled, wiping the tears from her eyes and taking off towards the door.

Brian wasn't about to let her leave this time.  He planted his hand on the door so she couldn't open it, stepping back as she swung around to face him, her eyes angry and red with bloodshot.

    "What? Do you want to hear more Brian?"

    "No I want you to listen for a second."

    "I don't even want to look at you." She said pushing him hard in the chest with one hand.  "She was sixteen Brian!"

*WHAM*, went her hand against his chest again, sending him a stumbled step backwards.

    "I'd never sleep with your brother, cause I know what that would do to you!"

*WHAM* Brian winced with each shot, he could feel the bruise forming.

    "Do you even give a shit about me?"

*WHAM*

    "Did you ever?"

*WHAM*.

    "Dani stop it!"  He said in a loud gutteral voice as he was backed up against a wall, his hand stopping Dani's from hitting him again.  "Look hit me if it'll make you feel better, but it's not gonna change anything, I'm sorry and there isn't much else I can say.   I can't change it, all I can do is regret it and apologize for it." She only stared at him with cold hard eyes, her arm held firmly in Brian's grasp.

    "C'mon hit me." He said letting her wrist go, and beckoning her to bring it on.  "Do it! If the only thing that'll make you feel better is punching the hell out of me, than do it Dani, beat the shit out of me."

    "Hit me Dani!" He screamed at her, and before the sentence was finished her fist flew at him in a flash.  Hard and powerful her hand cracked the right side of his face, immediately he tasted blood from the split lip she had broken open, as his head flew back sharply.  When he gained his balance and looked up she hadn't moved, her eyes still the same, and her fist still balled up, her knuckled white with the pressure.

    "There." He said, licking the blood from the corner of his mouth.   "Do you feel better now?" He placed a hand on his jaw.  He hadn't expect a punch that hard.

    "Yes." She said coldly, but he watched as her cold stare broke, and she crumbled into tears, burying her face into her hands and sobbing quietly.  He stepped towards her and enveloped her in his arms, his jaw aching and the taste of blood still seeping into his mouth.  She didn't recoil from his touch, instead letting him soothe her.

    "I'm so sorry Dani, I'm sorry I let it happen, I'm sorry I never told you before now, because I should have.  I'm sorry I didn't put up a fight to keep you here, or that I didn't talk to you that whole time.  I was just so guilt ridden, and Lauren told me how much you hated me, the only thing I could think of was that you knew about it, that she must have told you.  And it was so much easier to avoid you than have to be confronted about it.  I'm sorry I ever listened to a thing your sister said, I'm so sorry."

    "Please stop apologizing to me." She said, her voice muffled by his sweater, turning her head to look up at him.  "I know you're sorry, I just have to deal with this in my own time okay."  He nodded as she wiped the moisture from her face.

    "I'm not gonna lose you as my friend Dani.  I made one mistake five years ago, and I'm not going to make another one today." he said emphatically, holding her tight and realizing how much he had actually missed her.