The party rattled on as AJ and Maria stood staring at each other.  She had her arms crossed and he stood in front of her, the feeling of triumph coarsing through his veins.

     “So, how long have you been waiting to tell me all of that stuff?” Maria said.

     “Oh, I’d say, longer than I should have,” he said.  She rolled her eyes and turned to walk away, stopping suddenly and whirling around on her heels.

    “Aren’t you going to stop me?”  AJ gave her a dumbfounded look and shook his head.

    “What for?  What do I care where you go anymore?”  Maria stood and stared at AJ in total shock.  She spun back around and began to walk away again.  Then, dramatically, she stopped again.

     “Goodbye Alexander,” she hissed.  AJ smiled.

     “Bye, bye!” He said with a wave.  Maria rolled her eyes at him and walked away.  AJ smiled and had to contain himself from jumping up and down from all of the excitement.  He knew he had to find Chrissy, he needed to celebrate and he didn’t want to do it at the party.  AJ walked back inside to try and find Chrissy.
 

     His hot breath hovered over her neck as his hands ran up and down her naked flesh.  Her tears were smothered by his lips as they caught the salty liquid before hitting the bed.  He kissed up and down her jawline, and she returned his fiery kisses.  Their bodies were tangled together and her need for love was being satiated with every kiss he gave.  Chrissy’s mind was in a haze.  Everything was moving slowly yet she knew where she was, but she couldn’t explain what she was doing.  Josh grabbed a heap of her curls and kissed down her neck.  She blankly kissed him back.  Chrissy knew she wanted this, but it didn’t feel right.  She wanted this love and affection, but not from Josh.  He seemed more than willing to give it to her though.  Josh was kissing her jaw again, but Chrissy pulled away quickly.

     “Wait!  We can’t do this,” she said as she pulled a sheet up over her naked body.  Josh stopped and stared at her.

     “Whaddya mean?” he asked.  He was out of breath and still ready for more.  Chrissy looked around the room.  Their clothes were on the floor and here she was, in a bed, having sex with Josh.  Tears started forming, and she couldn’t stop them from rolling down her cheeks.  Josh scooted closer to her and began to wipe away her tears.  Chrissy jerked away.

     “Stop,” she said.  They sat there in silence for a moment.  Finally, Chrissy said something.

     “I can’t do this.”  She got up off the bed but Josh pulled her back down.

     “Why can’t you do this?”

     “He’s downstairs, and this isn’t right.”

     “He’s downstairs, with his ex-girlfriend Chrissy.  C’mon, we both saw the way he looked at her, and the way he didn’t pay any attention to you.  He’s with her, so let’s just forget about him. I thought we were having a good time here,” he said as he tugged on Chrissy’s arm.  He began to nuzzle her neck as tears ran down her face.

     “Do you think he still loves her?”  Josh kissed away her falling tears.

     “I thought that was fairly obvious,” Josh whispered.  Chrissy’s body shuddered with emotion.  “Just relax,” Josh whispered as he lightly laid Chrissy back down on the bed and began kissing her all over again.  Chrissy closed her eyes and let Josh wreak sweet havoc on her body.
 

         AJ walked through the crowd of people but couldn’t find Chrissy anywhere.  He went to the kitchen, but there was no sign of her.  He looked around the living area where most of the guests were, but he couldn’t see her.  AJ walked outside, but there was no sign of Chrissy.  He began to eye the stairs and thought maybe she got tired and decided to find a room to lie down in, so he began walking upstairs.  He peeked in the doors that were open and saw that one door was closed.  AJ was about to open it but decided he should knock first.  He knocked.

     “Anyone in there?” he asked.  No answer came, so he decided to open the door.  He opened it and all the lights were off, so he turned them on.

     “Oh shit, sorry!” he said as he was about to quickly shut the door.

     “Oh my God!” Chrissy screamed.  AJ stood with his hand on the doorknob and just stared at the picture laid out in front of him.  Josh and Chrissy, lying in bed, stark naked.  AJ’s eyes were wide open.  He felt his heart drop and he blinked tears away.  AJ stared at Chrissy, who was pushing Josh off of her and trying to get dressed as fast as she could.

     “Sorry, I didn’t mean to interrupt,” AJ said.  He was about to close the door when Chrissy came running after him.

     “Alex, wait!”  AJ stopped and turned around to look at her.  He just shook his head.

     “Wait for what?  Looks like you were having enough fun without me.”

     “No, it’s not what it looks like,” Chrissy pleaded.  ‘How could it not be what it looks like?  It’s exactly what it looks like,’ she thought to herself.  “Alex, let me explain,” she pleaded as she grabbed one of his hands.  AJ jerked it back quickly.

     “It’s not what it looks like?  Okay, so it wasn’t sex then, right?  It wasn’t my girlfriend fucking someone else, right?  Thank GOD! Cuz, ummm…funny, that’s what it looked like to me!” AJ stormed off down the stairs, and Chrissy ran after him.

     “Alex, wait!” she said as she made her way through the crowd.  AJ didn’t stop but just kept making his way through the party, not noticing anyone and just hoping to get out and into his car before anyone made a scene.  He walked outside and felt the cold of the night air sting his burning eyes.  AJ closed his eyes and all he could see was the vision of Chrissy and Josh, tangled together.  He could hear Chrissy yelling after him.

     “Alex, please, let me explain,” she said running up to him.

     “You don’t have to explain Chris.  I know what I saw.”

     “AJ, please!” she begged.  Chrissy tried to grab AJ’s hands, but he pulled them away quickly.

     “No!” he said.  He began to walk away from her.

     “Please! Just stay and talk to me,” she said.  Chrissy ran up and got in front of AJ as he began walking.

     “Get out of my way Chrissy.  I’m leaving.  I’m sure you can hitch a ride home with Josh,” he said as he put his key in his Expedition.  He opened the door and climbed in.  AJ looked down at Chrissy who was staring up at him with tears streaming down her face.

     “Alex, please.  We have to talk.”

     “Not now we don’t.  Right now, I don’t even wanna be near you,” AJ said as he pulled out of the driveway and away from Chrissy.
 
 

         The next day, AJ woke up in his bed after possibly one of the worst nights of sleep he’d experienced in his life.  He tossed and turned all night.  The only dreams he had were those of Josh and Chrissy doing something together.  Sometimes they weren’t even having sex, but just talking and laughing together.  AJ shook his head and sat up in his bed.  He looked around his nightstand for a cigarette and found one.  AJ lit it and sat at the edge of his bed thinking of the previous night.  It had started out pretty good.  He got everything off his chest about Maria to her face and he had never felt so good.  It amazed him how in a matter of minutes, his world turned completely upside down.  AJ was sure of Chrissy’s feelings toward him, and the thought of her with someone else, and Josh no less, made his skin crawl.  AJ took a long drag off his cigarette and shook his head.

     “Fucked up,” he muttered.  He sat on his bed and continued to smoke.
 
 

     Chrissy sat on her couch and mindlessly flipped through channels on the television.  Josh had dropped her off a while ago, but she knew she couldn’t go to sleep.  Her bed smelled like AJ, and she couldn’t sleep with that guilt hanging over her head.  Chrissy felt like someone had just laid a thousand pound weight on her shoulders.  Nothing on television enticed her, so she turned it off and threw the remote down.  She walked into her kitchen and started a pot of coffee.  Chrissy looked at the clock and saw that it said 8:34.  She had to be at work at 9, but she knew there was no way she could work today.  Josh was working and she didn’t even want to be near him.  Chrissy called in sick to work and then began rooting around in her drawers for some cigarettes.  She found some and lit one up right away.  She inhaled deeply and exhaled hard and fast.  Chrissy walked aimlessly around her apartment.  For some reason, now it was so empty and lonely.  She had lived alone for quite a while, but she never noticed how quiet it really was until now.  Chrissy walked over to her couch and put her head in her hands and let out a deep sob.  She sat on the couch for quite a while, just crying although no one could hear her.
 
 

         AJ sat on his couch and stared blankly at the tv screen.  He wasn’t really paying attention, but it was better than staring into space.  He watched Tom Greene, but didn’t laugh at his stupid antics.  AJ lay there lifelessly, watching the minutes go by, he picked up his remote and turned off the tv, laying down on the couch and falling asleep.
 
 

 Chrissy sat on her couch and stared blankly at the tv screen.  She wasn’t really paying attention, but it was better than crying.  She watched a “Friends” re-run, but didn’t laugh at Chandler’s quirky comments.  She sat there lifelessly, watching the minutes go by.  She  picked up the remote and turned off the tv, laying down on the couch and falling asleep.

     The next day, AJ was still asleep on his couch when he heard a knock at the door.  He jumped up quickly off the couch and stumbled around until he could clear his head a little.  He opened the door and saw Chrissy standing there.

     “What do you want?”

     “Alex, we need to talk, please.”

     “Maybe I’m busy,” he said.

     “Well, then I’ll come back when you aren’t busy.  I’ll just keep coming back Alex, so either talk to me now, or later,” Chrissy said.  AJ thought about it for a minute and then opened the door a little wider so Chrissy could come in.  She stepped inside and stared at him.  Neither of them said a word, but just kept staring.  Finally, AJ began walking back into his living room.  Chrissy followed him.
 
 

   He sat down on the couch, so did she.  AJ quickly got up off the couch and began pacing back and forth.  This began to annoy Chrissy a little.

     “Would you calm down?”  AJ stopped and stared at her for a second.

     “What do you want?”

     “I came to talk about what happened,” she said as she looked down at the carpet.

     “Okay, so talk,” he said angrily.  Chrissy opened her mouth, but no words came out.  AJ gave out a small chuckle.  Chrissy just stared at him.

     “Why are you laughing?” she asked bitterly.

     “No reason.  I just find it funny, that’s all.”

     “Find what funny?” she asked.  Her stomach was doing flips and AJ’s actions were making her very uncomfortable.

     “Nothing.  Nevermind.  Please, continue,” AJ said as he walked back over to the couch and plopped down.  Chrissy turned to face him.

     “Okay,  well, shit, how do I explain this exactly?” Chrissy asked to no one in particular.

     “Well, let’s see, while I was downstairs you were fucking someone else.  Start there,” AJ said bitterly.

     “That’s not fair.”

     “Let’s not even talk about fair here.”  Chrissy glared at AJ for a second.

     “Ya know what?  No, let’s talk about fair.  Yeah, while I was upstairs, you were downstairs talking with Maria.  And, when you introduced me, you called me “your friend”! How in the hell did you think that would make me feel Alex?”  AJ looked down at his carpet and thought about what he had said that night.  He didn’t know why he had called Chrissy his friend, it wasn’t a lie, but she had been more than that to him, and he knew that.

     “Look, I’m sorry about that.  But, damn Chrissy, you know you’re more than just my friend,” he said.

     “Yeah, well, then you could have told her that.”

     “I did!”  Chrissy swallowed hard and stared at him.

     “When?” she asked folding her arms.

     “When you were fucking Josh, apparently!”  AJ got up off the couch and began to pace around the living room again.  “I told Maria that I was in love with you!  I told her about how shitty she made me feel, and how this relationship that we have was so good.  I sure stuck my fucking foot in it this time, didn’t I?”  Chrissy got up off the couch.

     “That’s not fair Alex!”

     “What’s not fair?  If you wanna know the truth, none of this is fair Chris!”  AJ felt like his heart had been ripped out of his chest and stomped on all over again.  And, Chrissy’s weight on her shoulders was getting heavier with each word AJ punched out.

     “Alex, I didn’t plan it.  It happened, and you have to believe me when I say how sorry I am.  I never meant for this to happen,” she pleaded.  Chrissy kept trying to grab one of AJ’s hands, but he wouldn’t let her.  He just kept trying to move out of her way, but everywhere he went, she followed.

     “Damnit Chrissy!  Why?  Why did you do this to me?  Why did you do this to us?”

     “Because I didn’t know there was an us Alex!  You said I was your friend!  How do you think that made me feel?  So, I just thought…I just thought…” she broke off.  She didn’t know what she thought and she was too ashamed to look AJ in the face anymore.

     “Yeah, you just thought.  Obviously, you didn’t think too much,” he said.  He sat back down on the couch and hung his head down.  “Was it worth it?” he asked.  Chrissy shook her head.  “Was what worth it?  Was the sex worth it?  Was it so good to throw anything we had just went out the window?”  He looked up at Chrissy who was staring out the window.  She was blinking rapidly to avoid the tears from splashing down her face.

    “Shut up Alex!”

     “Just tell me Chrissy.  Was he better than me?  Did he make you moan more than I did? What was it exactly Chrissy?  What the fuck did he tell you to get you in bed with him?”  AJ’s heart was racing and his palms were beginning to sweat. He began to pick at the sides of his thumbs.

     “I don’t have to take this shit!  You asshole!  I came to explain what happened, but all you do is jump to fucking conclusions.  I was drunk AJ! I was drunk and I was so hurt.  I know, it’s not an excuse, but I don’t have any other good one to give you.  You said I was ‘your friend’, and it hurt me so much that I didn’t know what to do.  Josh was there, alright.  He was telling me everything was going to be okay!  He was telling me that you didn’t love me, alright!”  Tears streamed down Chrissy’s face.  She wiped them off angrily.  AJ’s head shot up.

     “He told you what?”

     “He told me that you didn’t love me.  You were still in love with Maria and that it was obvious.”

     “You  believed him?  Why did you believe that asshole?  He doesn’t know me or my relationship with you OR Maria! Why would you even believe anything that asshole had to say about us Chrissy?”

     “I didn’t know what to think Alex!  I was already drunk when I saw the two of you together, so, when he said that stuff it just made sense.  I don’t know Alex!” she said throwing her hands up in the air.  Chrissy stood in front of AJ and waited for him to say something.  AJ sighed loudly.

     “Well,” he began.  “It was fun, but hey, I guess maybe we never really were all that serious,” he said as he shrugged his shoulders.  Chrissy’s mouth fell open.

     “Wait a minute! You just said that you told Maria that you were in love with me!”

     “I take it back!”

     “You can’t fucking take that back!”

     “I can do anything I want to Chrissy! I didn’t screw around on you!”  Chrissy closed her eyes as she felt the blow of the words coming out of AJ’s mouth.  She shook her head.

     “A million I’m sorry’s aren’t ever going to make up for what I did.  But, you were different that night Alex,” she said.  AJ stared at Chrissy.  He couldn’t believe what he was hearing.

     “So, what…because I was different that night, I drove you to sleep with Josh?”

     “You treated me like I was just some random girl you knew from an acting class.  Do you treat everyone you know in certain ways?”

     “Why is this coming back to me?”  Chrissy stood up and walked in front of AJ who was sitting on the couch.

     “I think you should answer the question.  You treated me like I wasn’t anyone special.  Why?”  AJ stared down at the carpet and Chrissy’ shoes.

     “I think it’s time for you to leave,” he said flatly.  Chrissy stood there for a minute.  She didn't know whether to leave or to stay there in front of AJ and start bawling her eyes out.  She sighed loudly.  Chrissy could feel anger rising up inside of her.

     “What are you so afraid of?” Chrissy screamed. Her jaw was clenched and her palms were beginning to sweat. She could feel tears welling up in her eyes but she blinked them back quickly before he could see.

    “I'm not afraid of anything,” he said quietly. AJ sat slumped forward on the couch, his body felt like it had been in a fight, yet the only fight that was going on was internally. Chrissy stood with her hands on her hips and stared at him.

    “You're afraid of something.”

    “No, I'm not, drop the fucking subject,” he spit out.

    “Well, if you're not afraid of anything, why do you have to hide everything? Why do you pretend to be someone that you aren't? Does anyone really know the real you?” Chrissy brushed some stray hairs behind her ears and stood there staring at AJ sitting on the couch. Her stance still was her hands on her hips. She waited for him to answer.

    “I'm not afraid to be me. This is me, and you, of all people, should know that. It's been this long, and you don't know me? Have you just been biding your time?” he questioned.

    “Alex.” she said but quickly cut herself off before she became choked up. Chrissy walked over to the couch and plopped herself down.

    “What?” he muttered.

    “Tell me what you need,” she pleaded. AJ looked at her.

    “If you don't know by now, I can't help you,” he said as he looked down at his shoes and blinked rapidly to avoid tears from running down his face.  Chrissy sat and stared at AJ.

     “Alex, please,” she begged.  AJ looked up at Chrissy and a few tears escaped from his eyes.

     “You know what I needed?  I needed someone I could trust.  Someone who I could give my heart to and know for a fact that it would have been taken care of.  Stupid me, I thought I found that in you.  Fuck me, I guess.  I’m just an idiot, huh?”  He hung his head back down and let his shoulder slump a little.  Chrissy didn’t know what to say.  She just kept trying to open her mouth, but no words were coming out.

     “I wish I knew what to do Alex.”

     “I think you’d better leave.  I think you’ve said what you needed to say,” AJ said as he got up off the couch and walked back into his bedroom, slamming the door behind him.  Chrissy sat on the couch for a minute as tears streamed down her face.  She got up off the couch and walked to the door.  She waited for a minute, and then left.

Lyrics Taken From:
"One" U2
Written by: U Two
© 1991 Polygram