“Dude! Just break up with her already!” Ryan said as he got up from his chair.  Nick rolled his eyes,

    “Man, I don’t wanna break up with her. I love her Ryan!” he said.  Ryan popped open a soda and took a drink.

    “She’s nothin’ but trouble as far as I can see,” he said with a shrug.  Nick leaned back in his chair and took his baseball cap off.

    “You don’t know her like I do Ryan.  It’s like when I’m with her…” he trailed off.

    “Man,” Ryan said, “You’re whipped!”  Nick sat back up in his chair,

    “No I’m not,” he said as he shook his head.

    “Yeah, whatever,” Ryan said with a smile.  He sat back down in his chair and they both fell silent as they continued to watch the basketball game.
 

        Annie sat on her couch just staring into space.  She stopped crying and just stared out her window.  I messed this one up, she thought.  It had been quite a few hours since Nick left as angrily as he did, and Annie didn’t quite know what to do.

    “Well, maybe I should call the dorm,” she thought aloud.  She picked up the phone and began dialing the number but hung up because she didn’t really know what to say.

    “Maybe he just needs some time away.  Maybe we both do,” she said.  Annie switched sides of the couch and grabbed the remote and flipping the tv on.  Shows about young love, heartbreak, marriage, basically everything Annie really wanted to avoid were rearing their ugly heads.

    “Damnit!” she muttered as she flipped off the tv.  She decided maybe the radio was good enough.

    “One…you’re like a dream come true…Two…just wanna be with you…Three…girl it’s plain to see that you’re the only one for me…”

Annie rolled her eyes and groaned,

    “Okay, change the station,” she muttered.  She decided maybe a country station might have some hideous honky-tonk song that would definitely take her thoughts off of Nick.

    “Cowboy take me away, fly this girl as high as you can into the wild blue, set me free oh I pray, closer to heaven above and closer to you…”

    “Fuck this!” Annie said as she turned the radio off.  She sat back down on the couch and picked up a magazine.  Annie’s Nick thoughts were waning until she came across an article entitled “The Day I Walked Into Love”.  The article was about how couples met by actually walking or running into each other.  Annie rolled her eyes and threw the magazine on the floor.  She decided maybe sleep was the one thing that would make her feel better, but she was too drained to get up off the couch.  Annie closed her eyes and fell asleep right where she was.
 

        Nick was laying in his bed back at the dorm trying to get some sleep when Ryan basically busted through the door with a giggling girl attached to his face.  The couple was in a serious make-out session and practically fell over Nick’s bed as they made their way to Ryan’s half of the room.

    “Ryan, can’t you take this somewhere else?” Nick asked politely.  Ryan said nothing.  He looked as if he were devouring the young woman’s face.

    “Ry?” Nick said.  Nothing from Ryan.  Nick threw the covers off of himself and grabbed some pants.  He quickly threw those on and grabbed his keys.

    “Umm, I’ll leave you two alone for a while,” Nick said quietly as he rushed out of the room.  He closed the door and felt his heart ache a little.

    “Damnit Annie, I miss you,” he muttered under his breath as he walked down the hall and out of the dormitory.
 
 

        Annie sat on her couch and watched television.  “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire” seemed safe for her.  She stared at the television screen and watched idiotic people answer idiotic questions.

    “Man, I could so be on this show,” she said aloud.  Annie hadn’t done much since the fight with Nick except lay around her house and feel sorry for herself.  She had received a letter from Brooke, but it really didn’t make her happy.

    “Maybe I’ll give Brookey a call,” Annie said aloud.  She got up off the couch and picked up the phone.  Annie dialed Brooke’s number and listened to the phone ring.  Brooke wasn’t home so she left a message.  She sighed and sat back down on the couch and began to write Brooke a letter.
 

Dear Brookey,
Wow! A letter from me! It hasn’t happened in a while, has it? Anyway, how are you doing? Are you doing okay?  I feel so horrible about all that has happened with you.  If you were here right now, I’d just hug you!  First of all, there is no way in hell you could have killed David.  Stop thinking like that Brooke.  You’re only going to make things worse for you.   David died, but you had no control over it.  All you did was follow your heart and it led you to Kevin.

You and David weren’t right for each other.

You don’t need to explain anything to me about why you were in a relationship with David.  He made you happy, that’s great.  Kevin makes you feel things you didn’t know you could feel.  We should all be so lucky to have someone who does that for us Brooke!  You can’t help that you fell in love with Kevin any more than he could help falling in love with you.  When something is right, it happens.  That’s all there is to it.

Now, the fact that Kevin isn’t speaking to you right now bothers me.  But, you might just have to give him some space.  I’m giving Nick space right now.  But, Kevin loves you Brookey.  Just give him time.  Things will get better for you Brooke.  And, remember, I’m always here for you.

Oh, you may be wondering why I said I was giving Nick space.  Well, we’ve kinda hit a rough patch.  Some bad shit happened Brooke and it involves Paul.  I can’t really tell you in a letter, but just know that I’m okay and Nick is okay now.  And, I’ll tell him you thought he wasn’t too bad to look at.  Heh heh…I quite enjoy it myself!  Anyway, I’ll call again, and I’m sure you’ll get this letter after I’ve already talked to you.  But, always remember, you’ve always got me and I love you very much! Take care Brooke…it will get better! Bye!
                                                                                    Anns
 

        Annie sighed as she finished the letter.  She folded it up and put it in an envelope and put it on the table.  She layed on the couch and tried not to think about Nick.  However, he was the only thing her mind wanted to concentrate on.  Annie lay there in mid-thought when her doorknob began to jiggle.  She shot up off the couch and ran to the door.  All of the sudden the door was open and Nick was standing in the doorway.  They both just stared at each other.  Annie wanted nothing more than to hold Nick in her arms and kiss the lips that she had kissed a million times before.  Nick stared at Annie and wished his arms were wrapped around her and their embrace would never end.  The two just stood there for a few more seconds and stared at each other.  Annie coughed and said,

    “Hi,” meekly.  Nick sputtered out a weak,

    “Hey,” as he walked in a little further and shut the door.  It felt like they hadn’t seen each other in years.  Neither of them wanted to make the first move, so they just kept staring at each other.  Annie was fighting back tears so she turned away from Nick.  She coughed again and asked,

    “Did you come for some of your things?”  Nick’s ears perked up.

    “What?” he asked.  He didn’t think Annie would ever tell him to leave the house.  Annie whirled around and stared at Nick,

    “I asked if you came for some of your things.”  Nick stood up and said,

    “I came to talk to you,” as he walked closer to Annie.

    “What did you want to talk about Nick? You left remember?” Annie said bitterly.

    “The only reason I left Ann was because it got way too intense,” Nick said.

    “Whatever,” Annie muttered.  Nick sighed heavily.

    “Annie, c’mon, let’s talk about this,” Nick implored.  Annie began to walk away from Nick but he grabbed her arm.

    “Get your hands off of me!” Annie spat through her teeth.  Nick let go of her arm and walked back into the living room.  Annie bit her lip and tried not to cry.

    “I’m sorry Nick,” she said as she walked back into the living room.

    “Annie, whatever is going on with you…with us, please, let’s just talk about it.  Annie, I miss you so much,” Nick said.  He walked over to where Annie was standing and tried to hug her, but Annie quickly pulled away from him.

    “Nick, maybe it’s better this way.  You can go on with your life and I can see what it’s like to not be afraid and be by myself,” she hurriedly said.  Nick’s heart sank to his toes.

    “Annie,” he said as he choked back tears, “please don’t do this,” he implored.  She looked at Nick and saw tears in his eyes which only caused Annie to want to cry.

    “Nick, I can’t let you give up everything you’ve worked hard for because of me,” she said quietly.   Nick walked toward Annie again and tried to touch her, but she quickly moved away.  With every inch she moved away from him, the more it felt like daggers shooting through his body.  Annie’s heart was aching.  All she wanted to do was kiss him and tell him that she loved him and that everything was okay, but for some reason she couldn’t.

    “Ann, I love you.  I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t.  I need you Annie.  I could have left after the day on the beach.  Or I could have never started anything after the library incident, but Annie, you’re a part of me,” Nick said as he stood there in the middle of the living room, helpless.  Annie choked back tears and turned away from Nick.

    “Ann, don’t turn away from me,” Nick whispered.

    “Nick, I think it’s better if you just take your stuff and leave,” Annie said as hot tears burned her cheeks.

    “No.” Nick said.

    “Don’t do this Nick, just leave,” Annie begged.

    “Ann, I’m not leaving.  This isn’t fair,” Nick said as his voice began to raise.

    “Nick, I don’t care if you don’t think it’s fair, it’s my house and I said leave,” Annie said as her emotions began getting the best of her.

    “No Annie! You always get to have your say in things, now I wanna say something!” Nick yelled.  Annie just stared in disbelief as she could see Nick becoming visibly more and more upset.

    “Ann, I don’t know what the hell I did to you to make you so upset, but whatever it is, I’m sorry.  I can’t  live without you, okay? I never wanted to feel like this about you,  but I do.  And, the fact that you don’t seem to care about how I feel, fuckin’ kills me.” Tears were rolling down Nick’s face and he couldn’t decipher if they were angry tears or tears of saddness.  Annie clenched her jaw tight.  Every word Nick said was like an arrow right into her heart.  The only way she knew to make herself feel better was to get defensive.

    “You know what?” she blurted out, “We need space Nick.  I need space from you, and you obviously need space from me! And, if you think that I don’t care about you then you’re fucking wrong!  However, I need to sort out my life and if you can’t understand that then I really don’t know why we’re even together!” she yelled in a rushed manner.  Nick closed his eyes tightly and raised his hand  to put through his hair, but  to Annie it looked as if he was about to smack her across the face.

    “NO!” She screamed as she jumped back.  Nick opened his eyes and stared at Annie in surprise.

    “What?” he asked excitedly.  Annie stood in a corner with her hands covering her face and Nick walked over to her.

    “Ann, baby, what?” he asked nervously.

    “Get away from me Nick!” Annie screamed.  Nick jumped back.

    “Annie! What did I do?” Nick asked concerned.  Annie was visibly shaking.  Nick tried to grab her again, but she yelled,

    “NO! Get away from me! Get the fuck outta my house NOW!”  Annie was hysterically crying.  All of the sudden Nick realized that she thought he was raising his hand to her.

    “Baby, NO, I would never try and hurt you,” Nick said trying to reassure Annie.

    “Get away Nick! Please just leave!” Annie begged.

    “Baby-“

    “Nick, please, just leave me alone!” Annie yelled through her tears.  Nick nodded and said “Fine” almost in a whisper.  He walked to the door and gave one last glance at a sobbing Annie.  His heart felt like it was being ripped out and stomped on.

    “Annie,” he said in a whisper.

    “No, just go Nick,” Annie said.  Nick opened the door and walked out of the house.  As soon as the door shut, Nick could hear Annie let out a sob so loud he was sure the neighbors could hear it.  He swallowed hard and walked to his car, tears streaming down his face.
 

        Work had become Brooke's salvation over the next two days.  The piles of folders and files that her boss had left on her desk were a welcome distraction from the thoughts and emotions that were plaguing her.  As much as Kevin had been on her mind lately, it was David she was thinking of today.  His funeral was later on this afternoon, and it was weighing heavily on her mind.  Brooke desperately wished she could go, she wanted to be able to say goodbye to him, to tell him she was sorry, but she couldn't.  His brother, Patrick, had made it painfully clear she should stay away from them, and Brooke didn't want to upset them more than she felt she already had.

    The streets outside the building were soaked in dirty slushy snow by mid afternoon, a product of the rain that had been falling on the city all morning.  The weather had turned unnaturally warm for February, and the dreary rain seemed a fitting mood for the impending funeral.  Brooke looked out the small window of her office, trying to keep her mind on the work that sat in front of her, to no avail.  Everything was distraction her, from the cars that sped down the street to the incessant sound of a printer in the next room.  Brooke glanced at the clock on the wall, hoping five o'clock would come soon so she could go home.

    "David's funeral is starting."  She said as she saw the time, mentally beginning her four hour countdown to five o'clock.
 

         Brooke shook the water off her coat before she hung it on a chair, pulling off her shoes and making her way to the living room to sit down.   No messages from Kevin again, she thought as she checked her machine, why do I keep expecting one, or hoping for one?  Brooke didn't know what to do about Kevin, she loved him and she wasn't about to give up on them, too much had happened for her to do that, but what could she do?  He wouldn't return her calls, and he was never home when she went to see him, no one had heard from him and she wasn't about to call his mother again, that would be crossing a line, she thought.   Brooke didn't know if she should let Kevin go, or even if she could.  She yearned to be near him, to begin the relationship they had started over a month ago but never had the chance to.  Is everything trying to keep us apart?  She wondered as she flicked on the television, trying to take her mind off Kevin as well as David, who by this time had probably been laid to rest forever, as morbid as that thought seemed to her.

        It was mid- TGIF when Brooke got off the couch and put her coat back on.  She sat down on the chair and zipped up the knee high boots she had grabbed from the floor and started to leave.  She paused a moment and dashed to her room to grab one last thing, and quickly left her apartment.  The rain still fell, as she drove down the darkened streets towards the cemetery David had been buried in this afternoon.  She didn't feel right about not saying goodbye, she owed it to him, to whatever it was they had for two years, no matter how screwed up it had been.   Brooke pulled up to the black gates in front of the burial grounds, and slowly got out of the car.  She had forgotten to bring a flashlight, but easily found her way to where she assumed she could find David.  The tracks of  a few dozen people's feet were leading her to him, even when most of the snow had been melted by the rain, at least she hoped these tracks led to David.  Even though she was sort of thinking creepy thoughts as she passed all the tombstones, being in a cemetery at night didn't bother Brooke, but she wasn't sure how she'd react to seeing his grave.  Bare trees lined the sides of the grounds, and she passed hundreds of tombstones on her way.  The air had begun to cool off, the rain making her even colder as she wrapped her arms tightly to her chest, not changing out of the skirt she had worn to work had been a bad idea, it was freezing out and her legs were frozen, even with the high boots she had on.
 

    She saw another figure in the dark as she walked closer to what she hoped was David's grave site.  Brooke paused a moment and considered turning around, but kept on walking, she had to see it, even though she didn't know if the person ahead of her was crazy or not.  Brooke clutched the small can of pepper spray that was in her coat pocket and inched forward, but the closer she got the more she recognized the figure crouched next to the tombstone.

    "Kevin." She whispered to herself when she was finally able to see him clearly.  She stepped as close as she could, wondering if he could hear her footsteps.  He was knelt down before the grave, he wasn't saying anything, but he must have known someone was there.

    "Did you go to the funeral?" Brooke finally asked.  He didn't turn around to look at her, but answered.

    "No.  Did you?"

    "No.  I couldn't."

    "Me either." He said, standing up.  She noticed his coat and hair were soaked, he must have been here for awhile.  She thought his eyes looked bloodshot and tear filled, but she couldn't tell in the dim lighting of the cemetery lamp posts.  He stood looking at the ground for a moment, shuffling his feet like he wanted to talk to her but didn't know what to say.

    "Well I guess I better go."  Kevin said, shoving his hands deep into his pockets and walking quickly past her.

    "Kevin wait.  Please talk to me." She said, grabbing his arm.  He shook his head, she could see the somber look he had in his eyes as he tried to avoid her gaze.

    "Not here, not now.  It isn't right."  He turned around and walked with a brisk step back down the path, she didn't try to stop him, because he was right, right here wasn't the place.   Brooke watched him leave, wanting to go after him, but choosing not to.   She turned back towards the muddy mound of a grave that Kevin had been kneeling near and knelt down herself next to the hundreds of flowers that encircled it, finally letting everything sink in.  The tears came to her eyes as she read his name on the tombstone and ran her hand gently along the letters and the tragic date of his death.  Valentines day could never and would never be the same to her.  Brooke sat silent for the longest time,  her finger running over the lettering of his name over and over again.

    "I'm so sorry David." She finally said, "It shouldn't have been this way.  You deserved to be happy, nothing should have happened the way it did, and I'm sorry.  I hope you can forgive me someday."   She was crying hard, knowing it was her fault he was here, and overwhelming herself with guilt.

    Brooke picked up one of the roses that lay next to the grave, and pulled the engagement ring he had given her from her pocket, the item she had gone to her room to retrieve.  Mark Crawford had given it to her yesterday, it had been in the pocket of one of David's coats, and he thought she should have it, but Brooke didn't feel right about keeping it, the emotion behind it was too strong.  She slipped the ring on the stem of the white rose that was in her hand and lay it carefully on top of the tombstone.

        "I loved you David, I really did.  I'm sorry it wasn't enough."  She cried, hoping that somewhere, somehow he could hear her, and that he believed her.  Brooke leaned in and kissed his name written in cold hard granite, leaving a lingering breath on it before standing back up.

    "Goodbye David." She said, a torrent of tears running down her face as she turned back towards her car, wiping the tears from her eyes as she walked.
 
 
 

        The same dark figure she had seen at David's grave now stood next to her car.  Brooke's heart leapt in hope when she saw Kevin, and her pace quickened.  She wiped the remaining tears from her cheeks and tried to compose herself as she met him.  He was leaning against the drivers door, hands still shoved deep into the pockets of his long black jacket and his head hung low.

    "Hi." Brooke said as she came from behind the iron gate of the cemetery.  Her emotions were torn over how to react towards him, he had been very cold to her and she wasn't quite sure if she was mad about it.

    "Are you all right?" He asked, his head barely lifting to look at her, and his foot tracing a line back and forth in the slushy snow.

    "I'm fine." She said bitterly, although she hadn't intended on it coming out that way.  "What are you doing here anyway?  I thought you didn't want to talk to me."  He took a moment to answer, still not looking her in the face.

    "I didn't want to leave you alone out here." he said honestly.

    "You care all of a sudden?" She asked, choking back her tears.  She was wet and shivering, the rain still coming down on them and the temperature outside even colder.  She waited for a response from him, and none came.

    "Sorry, I guess mistaking you for someone who gave a damn about me anymore was expecting too much." She stated walking around him and trying to get into her car.  He wouldn't let her, "So, why did you stay then?" She asked, Is he trying to torture me?  Brooke thought as she folded her arms angrily across her chest, standing back from him.

    "I care Brooke.....but."

    "But what?  You can't hang up on me and avoid seeing me out here Kevin.  Look me in the eyes and tell me you don't love me." She said bluntly, reiterating the question she had posed to him earlier this week on the phone.

    "You're freezing to death." Kevin said flatly, avoiding her question.  "Here put this on, you'll catch pneumonia out here in the rain." He took his coat off and tried to wrap it over her shoulders, but Brooke slapped his arm away.

    "I don't want your coat."  She yelled.  "I want to hear you tell me Kevin.  I want to hear you say you don't want to see me or be with me anymore.   That you don't love me the way I love you."  Her voice cracked emotionally, she stifled it quickly.

    "It isn't that easy." He yelled at her.

    "Why?  Because you can't do it can you?  Kevin, I gave up so much to take a chance on us,  I followed my heart and fell absolutely in love with you.  WHY are you doing this?" She pleaded so honestly with him.

    "THAT." He yelled in her face, pointing his hand towards the grave they had both just visited.  "Is my fault."  Brooke tried to say something, to stop him from blaming himself, but he hushed her and continued.  "Nothing you say will change that.  I wish to hell it would, but it can't, so I can't." He screamed, his deep voice booming within her.

    "You can't what?" She said furiously, getting more angered by his silence. "Say it.  You can't what Kevin?"

He stepped away from her and her car, as Brooke's eyes pleaded with him.

    "I can't love you." Kevin said, stepping backwards slowly.

    "You can't or you don't." Brooke cried, her voice turning into a hushed whisper, as she stepped  up to him, forcing him to look into her eyes.  They stared at each other through a vale of tears, Kevin looked her straight in the eyes, every emotion and thought she had exposed to him, all her anger and frustration there for him to see.
 

    "I don't."  He said stone faced, no emotion in his voice or in his eyes.
 

She had her answer.
 

Brooke's heart shattered into a million pieces, and yet his eyes still showed no remorse.  She walked backwards away from him shaking her head.   He didn't mean that, she thought, he couldn't mean that.  He loves me I know he does.  His eyes and his words had told her another story.

Kevin said nothing else to Brooke and turned away from her, tears exploding from her eyes as she watched him leave.  His last words to her tearing her apart.