Kevin walked slowly into the airport lounge after checking his luggage.  His flight wasn't leaving for another hour, so he decided  to come have a seat and maybe have a drink before the flight.  He ordered a beer and turned  to sit down, catching a glimpse of a familiar face.  Sitting on a small couch in the corner of the lounge was Jessica, her right arm in a large white cast and an ugly row of stitches across her forehead and down her right cheek.  It had been a few weeks since the accident and Brooke's death, yet he hadn't seen her.  She had been unable to come to the funeral, she was stuck in the hospital for a week, and Kevin had become a recluse, not really seeing or speaking to anyone.

    "Jessica." He said as he neared her.  She looked up quickly, giving him a forced grin as she said hello.

    "Can I sit down?"

    "Sure, go ahead."  Kevin sat down and an awkward silence developed between them, finally Kevin broke it.

    "So, where are you going?" He asked.

    "To see my family in Minneapolis.  They've been worried ever since the accident."

    "Yeah I understand." he said, his voice growing quiet at the mention of it.

    "How about you?"

    "Florida."

    "What for."

    "Work."

    "Oh, okay."  Once again there was silence between them.  The sound of the speakers blared occasionally in the nearly empty bar, with each flight being called, Kevin slowly sipped his beer.  It wasn't going down good,  but he held it anyway.
 

    "I heard you moved out of your house." She said with concern, finally initiating a conversation.

    "I couldn't stay there."

    'Why?" she pressed.

    "Because she was there?"

    'Who?"

    "Brooklyn.  I still felt her there, smelled her perfume, saw her things.  I couldn't stay."

    "Oh." She said with regret, wishing she hadn't been so daft. She could see his jaw was clenched tightly, and the knuckles of his fingers were white, he was grasping his glass of beer so tightly.

    "Kevin, are you okay?"

    "I'm fine." He said flatly.

    "You don't seem fine Kevin." She said.

    "Well I am."

    "You're lying."

    "Jess, what do you want me to say?  That I'm dying inside?  That I wake up everyday looking for her and wishing it were all a dream?  That I've spent the past three weeks wondering who else in my life is gonna die?  Cause that's the truth, it's just not something people want to hear." He said in a soft voice, his emotions strong, but held tightly inside.

    "But maybe it's something you need to talk about."

    "You aren't my shrink Jess."

    "I know I'm not, and I'm not trying to be.  Just forget it, I'm sorry I said it." She said in frustration.   Kevin set the beer down on the table and leaned back in the black vinyl couch they sat in.   He could see he had made her uncomfortable with his snide comment, but it was easier keeping quiet than letting the flood of angry and heart wrenching words come from his lips, but he wanted to talk, as hard as it would be.
 

    "Do you know how hard it was seeing them lower her coffin and cover it with dirt?" He finally said after another long period of silence.   Jessica shook her head.  "I hated it, I hated knowing she was in there and these guys were just shoveling dirt on her like that.  I just wanted to scream at them, tell them to stop and explain to them who she was and what she meant to me, to make them care about the person they were burying as much as I did, but I couldn't.   I waited until they were gone, until everyone was gone, and I stayed with her.  I stared at her name carved in that big piece of stone.  They wrote Brooklyn on it,  I don't even know if that's what she wanted, but her mother insisted .......... I knelt down next to the grave and all the flowers, and got rid of all the red roses." He half-laughed.    "She didn't like red roses ya know, she thought they were too cliché, I always got a kick out of that, a woman who hated red roses."  He sat up, setting his elbows on his knees, thinking for a moment.   "I was there so long I missed the gathering at my house, I even missed saying goodbye to everyone who flew in for the funeral, you wanna know why?"  He asked in a low whisper, even though there were only two other people in the lounge.

    "Why?"  Jessica answered.

    "I was scared to leave." He confessed, the tears that were welling in his eyes beginning their decent down his face.   "But I did finally.  It was so hard to leave her there.  How could I get up and go,  how could I leave her there all alone?   I promised her I'd never leave her again, I promised her." He said closing his eyes and dropping his head.

    "I'm sorry I couldn't be there Kevin, I wish I could have been.  To say goodbye and stuff."  His demeanor changed and he composed himself, wiping the tears from his eyes.

    "How are you anyway? Are you all right?"  he placed his hand on the had cast on her arm, looking up at the cut on her head.

    "The bone'll heal.  The stitches will come out."

    "Yeah but how are you? Here you are being all concerned with me, when you were in that car too."

    "I don't really know how I am, numb is the only feeling that comes to mind.  All I keep thinking is what if we'd just taken five more minutes, or what if I'd have driven slower or faster than that van never would have hit us."

    "Don't do that Jessica, it isn't your fault and you know she'd hate that you were thinking like that." Jessica's eyes closed tight, here he is dispensing advice to me that he should be giving himself, he thought.

    "I keep hearing that horrible sound of the metal scraping when it hit us, it just came out of nowhere, and slammed into Brooke's door."  Kevin grabbed her hand and squeezed it gently.
 

    "She didn't even make a sound. I think I screamed when the glass cut into my face, but not one sound from Brooke, she didn't scream or cry or anything.  I didn't get to say goodbye or even ask if she was okay, I passed out.  When I woke up I was in the hospital and she was gone."

    "They said she died instantly."

    "I know." Jessica replied tears staining her face.  "And they expect us to take solace in that, that she didn't suffer.  Whoopy.  I mean I'm glad she didn't suffer, I'm so glad she didn't suffer, but frankly I don't take solace in it.  She's still dead."

    "I know exactly what you mean." He said bitterly, both of them falling silent again, taking deep breaths and calming down.

    "Oh, I almost forgot."  Jessica said as she wiped the remaining moisture from her face.  "I have something for you.  I was gonna drop it off at your place but you'd already moved out, so I was gonna mail it to you when I found out an address."  Jessica reached over into her bag.

    "She left this at my place by accident.  She'd of course want you to have it."  Kevin's breath caught in his throat as she handed him the star necklace that belonged to his Brooklyn.  He took it with shaky hands, and sat staring at it for the longest time.  Jessica kept the fact they were going back for it when the accident happened to herself, she knew he'd blame himself for what happened and she didn't want that, the guilt over turning around for it was already eating her up inside, and the 'what if' game had been played endlessly, it isn't something he needed to know, and it was something she'd keep silent until the day she died.  She watched as he looked at the small star, dangling from his fingers, the deep seeded emotion returning to his face, and his jaw again clenching tight.

    "I'm sorry Kevin, I didn't mean to upset you again."

    "You didn't.  It's just hard to look at it, she always had it on.  The only time I've ever seen her take it off is when she's gonna have a shower."

    "That's why she forgot it.  She was so excited to go meet you she left it sitting on the sink. It meant a lot to her you know."

    "I know."  He stared at it, she could see the hurt in his eyes, and in tears that slid down his cheeks.  'Was she really excited?" He asked, his eyes bright for a moment of memory.

    "She was shaking like a leaf, she was so nervous."

    "Why was she nervous?" He smiled a slight smile.

    "I don't know, neither did she.  She was just restless and fidgety the whole time I was doing her hair, looking at the clock every second but giddy with excitement.  It was like she was getting married or something."   Kevin flinched slightly and looked down at his feet, wrapping the silver chain over the necklace around his fingers.

    "She looked amazing though Kevin.  She pulled out all the stops that night for you ............  Do you want to see?"  She asked hesitantly of the film she'd had developed.  One that had reduced her to tears in the middle of the mall as she stared down at the picture of her and her friend not even an hour before her death, the clerk behind the counter had asked her if she was all right.  Jessica had simply nodded and dashed from the store, crying the whole way home and for the entire night until she finally fell asleep.

He looked over at her.  She could see he was trying to decide if he could handle it, finally after much deliberation he nodded yes.

    "Here it's yours, keep it." She handed him the last picture she had taken of Brooke by herself, he held it in front of himself for a moment before opening his eyes to look at it.

He didn't say anything as he ran in fingers lightly across the picture.  His forehead creasing at the center and his lips shaking.  Jessica sat silent as he stared at the picture for more than fifteen minutes, when he finally spoke it scared her.

    "We had the most screwed up relationship." He grinned.  "I mean we had known each other vaguely from before, but it wasn't until I met her last year at a party that we really clicked.  God I was so bored that night, I just sat outside for hours listening to the party down stairs and watching the sky, and then she appeared, just changing everything." He said so positively.  "Like look at this picture." he said flashing it towards Jess.  "She's just standing there, not really doing anything but looking beautiful in that room, and yet it all seems brighter and happier to me."

"I was never like this before that night, I was never one to just come right out and tell someone how I felt or express it like I did with her, but then she came along, pushing me away, breaking my heart, making me laugh, and cry and feel things I've just never felt before.  Brooke turned my life totally upside down and she's gone.  I loved her so damn much and I don't have anything anymore." his voice choked with sadness. "I feel like I died right along with her."

    "Don't say that Kevin." Jessica finally spoke up.

    "It's true.   Part of me is gone with her."

    "Yeah but then part of her is always with you right?" His finger traced the contour of her face on the picture, he didn't answer her.   The silence was interuppted by another flight message, this time it was Jessica's flight to Minnesota.

    "That's me.  I guess I better go." She said.  He stood up with her.

    "Thank you for this Jess." He said holding up the things she had given him.  "You get better okay." He said kindly giving her a hug.  "Thanks for listening."

    "You'll be okay Kevin." She assured him.  "Things'll get better."  He nodded, the sadness still in his eyes.  "Keep in touch okay, you know my number.  See you later!"

He said goodbye and watched her leave.  She waved with her good arm before leaving the room and making her way towards the gate.

Kevin's flight to Orlando was called over the speakers shortly after hers.  He sighed as he grabbed his carry-on  slinging it over his shoulders and making his way towards the plane.

  Kevin sat down in his window seat and stared at her picture as the plane took off, clutching the necklace in his fist, still wishing to have that one moment to love her just a little bit longer, and hoping that maybe someday he'd get it.
 

    “You got it?” Nick asked as he picked up another suitcase.

    “Yeah, I got it,” Annie muttered as she hoisted a large duffel bag onto her shoulder.
 

Nick and Annie had just gotten back from spending a few weeks in Florida with some of Nick’s relatives.  He thought Annie could use some time away, and he hoped that maybe  she would break out of her funk.  She hadn’t said much about Brooke since they left Kentucky, and she tried to avoid all questions that Nick asked about her being okay.  Every now and again he would catch her staring off into space and he noticed that Annie looked to be on the verge of crying, but she never let it go.   Please, just do it, baby.  Cry, let it out!  he thought.

    “Fuck!” Annie yelled.  Nick was shaken out of his thoughts.

    “What?” he asked.

    “I can’t find my keys,” Annie said with an almost embarrassed tone.  Nick dropped his bag and walked over to Annie.

    “Ann, I got the keys,” he said as he pulled keys out of his pocket.  Nick stuck the key in the door and opened it up.  They both walked in.  It had been a few weeks since they’d been home, and it definitely felt different, the house was cold if not even a little sad.

    “Home sweet home,” Nick said.  Annie turned to look at him and gave a small smile.  She walked down the hall and threw her bag in her room.  Annie’s walk seemed almost lifeless these days.  Nick always thought that when Annie walked, she sort of had some sort of purpose, and now her walk was lifeless and just…sad.  Nick walked over to her and practically scooped her up in his arms.  His embrace was tight and warm and she wanted nothing more than to melt into his embrace, but she just couldn’t.  Not yet.  Annie quickly pulled away from Nick and left him standing in the middle of the room.

     “Baby?” Nick said as he walked up behind Annie and wrapped his arms around her waist.  Annie squirmed a little.

     “Not now Nick,” she said as she removed his hands from her waist.  She walked over to the mail shoot with the mail strewn all over the floor.  Annie bent down and began looking through a few weeks worth of letters.

     “Bills, bills, and more bills,” she muttered.  She was still looking sorting through the junk when she came across a letter with some familiar handwriting on it.  It was addressed to her.  Annie’s heart dropped when she saw who the return address was.

     “Oh my god,” she whispered.  Nick looked up from the magazine he was reading on the couch.

     “What is it baby?” he asked.

     “It's a letter,” Annie said as she looked up at Nick with tears in her eyes.  Nick got up and went over to where Annie was standing.  She was visibly shaking.

     “Who is it from?” he asked.  Annie just stared at him as tears threatened to spill over.  He nodded his head in recognition.  Annie sat down on the couch and with shaky hands opened the envelope.  Instantly tears welled up in her eyes as she smelled Brooke’s perfumed scent on the paper.  She opened up the letter and began to read:
 
 

Annie,
Where do I begin!?  First of all you don't know how surprised I was to get a letter back so fast, and you know it came on the day I'm planning all that stuff with Kevin.  I was going to wait until tomorrow to write back, so I could give you the dish on what we did (the PG version of course, this isn't an erotic novel!) but the minute I finished reading your letter I felt the need to write you back ASAP, I'll write you all the details about my night  in another one tomorrow, you can never have too much mail!
So did I finally decide what I was going to do?  Yup I sure did.  I have him on a mini scavenger hunt, going to a few places, finally leading him back to me and that balcony.  Cheesy I know, but I just hope he gets all the clues, because otherwise I'll be waiting for a long time!

I am so glad you're coming to visit me FINALLY, too bad Nick can't come, I'm pretty sure I have him to thank for you being back to your self, as much as I'd love to think I could help you, I couldn't and I didn't, although I wish every day that I could have helped more.  I know you said that if it wasn't for me intervening that you wouldn't have Nick.  But Anns, I didn't do anything but be there, you don't need me like you think you do, you and Nick are together cause it's meant to be, not because of anything I did (cause if you remember correctly it was Nick who got you to talk, not me!)   I don't know what it was he did, or how he did it, but I'm glad it happened.  He told me when I came to visit that he was jealous that I knew the real you ( the sailor talking, giggling, laughing fool) the one he never knew (until now)  I guess I get to be the jealous one from now on huh!  Well regardless, he brought my Annie back to me and he'll always be my hero because of it! (Next time I see him I'll have to break into Wind beneath me wings! Ha ha! Yeah I know, no one wants to hear ME sing!)

Well when you do get here we have to take a trip out to Wyatt for old times sake, just us girls, so bring your god awful yellow t-shirt ( I know you still have it, you sentimental shmuck! Cause I have mine!)  I was at Wyatt ya know, just after David died, I don't think I ever told you about it with everything that went on.  It was weird, being there without all the noise and laughter, but the memories were still there, I found that big old oak tree we all carved our names in, you'd get a kick out of it now, I made a small change (You'll have to see it, I refuse to tell!) I had just remembered the other day why I had carved Brooklyn into the tree instead of just Brooke (did you know I did that?) Besides you, I don't think anyone at that place knew my full name was Brooklyn.  I had done it on the spur of the moment, thinking about everyone there and knowing a lot of us had promised to remain friends and keep in touch.  Basically Ms. Annabelle Whitten I sort of did it for you, ( I know you're confused now, but I'll explain)  I knew you'd see Brooklyn there and think long and hard about why in the world I did that.  You know a select few can get away with using my full name, so I knew no matter if we were still friends or not after we left that day in August that if you ever came back here and saw my name on that tree you'd at least have to think about me for a few moments wondering what was going through my head when I wrote that, and that's what I wanted, for you to remember your camp friend Brooke.  Cause god did we have the summer of a lifetime stuck out there in the woods, I found my soul-friend for life then, and I'm glad it didn't end when the summer did.  Going on five years of friendship doesn't seem like a long time, but we've crammed a lifetime into it haven't we?!
No matter where we live, who we marry or where life takes us I know in my mind and in my heart you're there somewhere, laughing when I'm laughing, crying when I'm crying and just being there for me whenever I call, and that means the world to me.

So now that I've sounded like a really sappy hallmark card I'll finish this letter, I have to go to town and do about a billion things before I meet Kevin back here tonight.  But I'll write you again tomorrow, I'm sure I'll have another tale to tell soon, I always do don't I ?!

Annie you are always with me, no matter where we are, always.  So until I see you again, (soon I hope), I love you, I miss you.  This is me signing off,

Brooklyn xoxox
 
 

        As soon as she finished the letter Annie put her head in her hands and let out a sob so loud Nick knew it must have come from deep within her soul.  Annie cried like she had never cried before.  Tears streamed down her face as her body shook with violent emotion that she just couldn’t hold in anymore.  Nick sat up on the couch and enveloped her.

    “Baby,” he said.  He rubbed her back gently as he listened to her cry.

     “Why?  Why is she gone?  Why is she not here with me?” Annie questioned to no one in particular.  “I miss her so much.  I’ve been waking up in the morning and for like,” she broke off as she felt another sob rise in her throat.  Annie took a deep breath and continued on, “I wake up in the morning and for like maybe a minute, I feel okay.  I feel like today could be a good day, ya know?  Then, I remember, and it all comes crashing back to reality,” she said.  She wiped her eyes and looked up at Nick.  He was rubbing her back and he had one finger wiping away as many tears as he could.

     “Annie, I know it’s hard, but please, just talk to me,” he pleaded.  Tears began to well up in his eyes.  “I’ve been watching you the last few weeks and I just don’t know what to do.  You say you’re okay, but Ann, I know you aren’t.”  Annie’s body shook from sobs.

     “I’m sorry Nick.  I know you’re just trying to help, but I need to figure this one out by myself.  She was my best friend and now she’s gone.  One minute she was here, and the next minute she’s gone,” Annie said.  Her tone was almost defeated.

     “Annie, no one said you had to be strong.  C’mon, don’t you think Brooke would want you to grieve, just to let things out?  She wouldn’t want you to wallow  in it, but she’d expect something from you.  You can’t do this alone baby,” Nick whispered as he kissed the top of Annie’s head.

     “God Nick, I miss her so much,” she sobbed.

     “I know you do.  You always will,” Nick said.  His hand was still rubbing her back for comfort.

     “I’ll never get another letter from her ever again.  I’ll never get another phone call from her.  She’ll never be in my wedding.  She’ll never see our children,” Annie sobbed.  Nick bit his cheek so he wouldn’t cry.

     “Yes, she will,” Nick said.  He pulled Annie a little closer to him.  “Baby, she’s going to be with you for the rest of your life.  Brooke’s gonna watch out for you, and she’s gonna see us get married.  She’s gonna see our kids,” he said.  A small smile flashed on his lips.

     “But, it’s not the same,” she said.  Tears still running down her face, but the violent sobs had stopped.

     “No, it’s not the same, but Annie, Brooke is never far from you.  You will always carry her around with you, in here,” he said as he pointed to her heart.  Annie’s face crumpled as tears streaked her cheeks once again.

     “Is it always gonna hurt this bad?” Annie asked.   Nick wiped away falling tears again.

     “It’s always gonna hurt Annie.  But, little by little, it won’t hurt so much.  Brooke wouldn’t want you to hurt,” he said.  Nick sat Annie up and turned to face her.  He cupped her face in his hands and kissed her on the lips.  “I love you Annie.  I’m here when and if you need me.  Please, don’t go through this by yourself,” he said.  Nick kissed Annie again and this time, Annie kissed back.

     “I’m so sorry Nick,” she said.  Nick put his index finger on her lips to quiet her.

     “Shh,” he said.  “Don’t apologize for hurting.  You couldn’t control that,” he said.

    “I love you,” Annie whispered.  “Thank you for being here.  Thank you for loving me more than I could have ever imagined,” she said.

    “Anytime,” Nick said as he smiled.  He wrapped his arms around Annie’s neck pulled her in close for a hug.  This time, Annie’s body melted into his and she felt a sudden calm wash over her.

Brookey,
Well, here I am again.  All is well here.  You sure have missed quite a bit here.  I did it, I’m officially Mrs. Nick Carter now! The wedding was beautiful.  It was intimate, just our friends and family.  It was almost perfect, but well, not quite. ( I did feel you with me though!)  It was really romantic, it might have actually made you want to vomit, but well…what can I say?  Heehee!  Nick and I are very happy.  Everyday I wake up and realize just how lucky I am and how in love with him I am.  It gets better and better everyday.  But, I’m thinking you probably already know that, don’t you?

I’ve been trying to keep in contact with Kevin as much as possible, but it's been hard, I never really know where he is.   I went up to Kentucky a while ago to visit, but I didn't see him, he's living in Florida now I guess.   Brooke, I hope he’s happy someday soon.  I know he’s having a really hard time, we all are, but let him find peace again, please.

Anyway, while I was in Kentucky, I made a trek to our old stomping grounds.  Camp Wyatt, kinda creepy when it’s not filled with annoying teenagers.  Heehee!  Went to the tree where all the names are carved.  Nice change you geek!  “Annie loves Nick”…yeah, she sure does!  And, Brookey, you never would have been just my “camp friend”…you were so much more than that right from the start.  Wyatt made me a little sentimental.  Remember Jeff and his dorky lifeguarding tricks? PLEASE! Heh heh!  Ya know, I’m actually wearing my Wyatt shirt right now.  Ugly ass yellow thing.  I’m doing laundry…yeah, that’s it…doing laundry.

Well, I’d better go now Brooke.  Thanks for listening as usual.  As always, love you and miss you.  I hope you can see me from up there.  And, if you can, next time my skirt is like…ya know, tucked into my underwear in the back, gimme a sign, okay?  Luv you Brookey!

Always,
Anns

With that, she folded the letter and placed it in her drawer with the other letters she had written to Brooke, shutting it tight and walking out of the room, a look of peace  on her face.