AJ sat impatiently by his phone, trying to keep his attention fixed on the songs that he was supposed to be listening to for the record company. As usual though, his attention was focused on the clock and the fact that any minute now Jenna would be calling him.
He'd talked to her almost nightly in the three and a half months since she'd made her first phone call to him from Chicago. She was virtually alone there and he took comfort in knowing that she liked to talk to him, that she needed to hear his voice as much as he needed to hear hers. Jenna had finally realized how much she needed him and he knew soon she'd decide to come home so they could be together.
Two weeks earlier they had finished up a tour of North America in the windy city Jenna now called home and although Jenna wasn't brave enough to come to the show, (the worry over seeing Nick and all) they had still spent every free moment he had together. He only wished he'd had more than a couple of days to spend with her. Every moment had felt like the old days. her smiles, her laughter . . . everything.
AJ looked
at the clock. 9:22 pm. Soon, he thought with an
anxiousness he couldn't put into words.
"So, how goes the job hunt?" AJ asked as Kayla flopped down next to him on the couch on one of her sporadic visits to his house. Visits he had missed while on the road.
"It's fucking useless AJ. I've been looking for over a month." She sighed, leaning her head on his shoulder with a dejected look on her face. "I'm this close to scrapping my university degree and going to work at Disney World."
"As what?"
"I don't know. A princess or something." She pouted like a small child, her body curled into his on the couch.
"You're too bitchy to be a princess. Try an evil queen."
"Okay." She said after shooting him an angry glance, quickly realizing he was right.
"Kay, just come work for me. I'll pay you good and you'll only have to do a few sexual favors!" He grinned.
"I don't think so AJ." She sighed. Kayla had been continuously more and more dejected about her job hunt, and as much as he tried to help her, she wouldn't let him.
"Seriously Kayla. Why not? You need a job, I'm offering you one. A serious, honest to goodness job."
"What kind of job?"
"What did you do at the last job?" He asked.
"I did paperwork, I planned and organized schedules, I did P.R. from the company. I did a lot of stuff."
"Oh, so you were like a secretary."
"A glorified secretary with a degree thank you very much." She replied her ever familliar facetious sarcasm.
"So, be my secretary or my organizer, or whatever." He whined.
"I can't."
"Why not?" He asked, getting more angry by the minute that she refused his help.
"Because, you don't work for your friends AJ. It'll just create way too much conflict, and it'll only lead to trouble, "
"But Kay," He chimed. "We get into the best kind of trouble."
"Yeah but my working for you wouldn't be the fun kind of trouble. It would be the 'we're no longer friends, hating each other to an uncomparable level' kind of trouble. No thanks. I'll keep looking."
"You're a stubborn bitch you know that?"
"And you're a self-centered egomaniac. What's your point?"
"Wanna go out tonight?"
"God, are you still in the mourning phase? It's been what? Almost five months." He still hadn't mustered the courage to tell her about Jenna, that he'd been talking to her this whole time, although he had no idea why he was worried about it.
"Baby, I told you not to call me God outside the bedroom."
"And darlin' I told you to keep dreaming. Nice change of the subject though."
"In my dreams you're wearing a leather bikini."
"Funny, that's what I have on under my clothes." She said in mock surprise as AJ laughed.
"You better not tell me that . . . those kind of mental images make it hard to walk." Kayla laughed along with him. "So how about it?"
"Going out tonight or showing you the leather bikini?"
"Both, if you'd like."
"Yes to the first one . . . Maybe, to the second." She said with a sly smile, getting off the couch, giving him a quick peck on the lips.
"Where are you going?" He asked from the couch.
"Home. Pick me up at nine."
"Make it ten." He replied, not wanting to miss the call Jenna said she'd make at nine.
"You got
it." Kayla replied with a wave as she left his house.
"So , are you ever gonna come home?" AJ asked with hope, the phone cradled against his shoulder.
"I don't know. Maybe." Jenna sighed. "I mean I miss it down there and I miss you, but I don't know if it would work. I don't know if I could handle seeing Nick out with whatever girl you said he was seeing now. I don't know if I could handle seing Nick. It's too weird."
"I thought you said you were over him."
"I am." Jenna exclaimed. "Al, really I am. I just don't know what seeing him face to face will do to me. I mean I'm sure that's how it is with you and that girl who's name you refuse to tell me."
"I just don't want you to get jealous baby." He said with a fake laugh she didn't catch. AJ simply shook his head. 'That girl' was a meshing of stories and feelings regardling Jenna and Kayla. Jenna being the one who broke his heart and who he was still in love with. Kayla, the best friend who he spent all his time with. So many nights he sat on the phone with Jenna rattling off his feelings for 'that girl' to her, and never once did she clue in that it was her he was talking about.
"Seriously Al. Maybe I should just call Nick and talk to him. Maybe then I wouldn't be so worried about how I'd react to him. Maybe then I wouldn't be so scared about coming home."
"I don't know if that's the best thing to do Jenny."
"Why?"
"I don't
know. I just don't know." He fumed.
AJ paced back and forth in the studio, he had more important thing on his mind than trying to cut a new track. Like the fact that he spent every waking moment terrified that Jenna would call Nick and everything would fall apart all over again.
What if they're already talking, he wondered, staring into the studio where Kevin stood in front of the microphone with one side of a pair of headphones to his ear. I can't even ask him, he doesn't know that I know where Jenna is. And what if they do talk, Jenna will find out that I never told Nick where she was, she'll find out that Nick hasn't had one even semi-serious relationship since she left. She'll find out everything.
"AJ!" Someone yelled, jolting him from the reflection he'd been staring at.
"What?"
"You're up." Nick said pushing him in the back.
"I can't do this now." He stated, grabbing a pack of cigarettes out of his coat pocket and walking past everyone and out of the studio. He stood outside in the blindingly bright sun, sheilding his eyes with one hand as he tried to light a cigarette with the other. Wishing he had a pair of sunglasses with him, like his stage persona always did. He walked a short way along the side of the building until he found some shade. He knew how insane he'd let things get. How obsessive he'd become over Jenna and even the small glimmer of hope he still had burning for even a chance that they could be together. He took a long deep breath full of smoke, a calming moment as he tried to clear his mind. Instantly becoming clouded again when Nick emerged from the studio as well.
"AJ, what's up?" Nick yelled. "We're paying for this studio hourly ya know! Everyone's getting pissed off, we just want to get this stupid session finsihed so we can all go home."
"I just needed a minute to clear my head, it was getting too hot in there." He covered. "You're one to talk Nick. I wasn't the one who showed up an hour late this morning." At the sound of his own voice, hearing his own words, AJ's mind clicked with a thought. A thought that seemed so right, and so perfect. The answer to all his worries, an answer to everyone's worries. A smile crept onto his face, and he quickly shook it away, he'd relish in his own idea if it actually worked.
"I don't know why you just don't hire an assistant Nick." AJ stated, hoping with all his might that Nick would bite onto the suggestion. "You need someone to organize your time, to keep all your shit on track." He watched the angry, offended look pass over Nick's face, and quickly tried to resolve it. "I'm not trying to be an ass Nick, I'm just saying it's something you should look into. Howie has a personal assistant. Christ, look how organized he is!"
"He's also got O.C.D. He's be organized without an assistant." Nick pointed out. Howie's insane need for order and perfection a running joke between them all.
"All I'm saying is that it might be a good idea. I'll ask Howie how he hired him, or where. Hell I just might get one myself. But I'd rather have a girl."
"Same here." Nick sighed. "C'mon, go lay your part before Stone has a heart attack, and so we can all just get the hell out of here."
"Yeah I'll be right in." AJ said as Nick walked back inside. AJ put out his cigarette on the brick wall of the building, and went back in to join the others.
This is gonna work. He thought, letting the smile creep back onto his face. Kayla will get a job that she wants, she doesn't know Nick, so she won't feel weird about taking it. She's gorgeous, smart and qualified, so I know Nick will hire her, and she can keep an eye on things and tell me if he's talking to Jenna again. God, why didn't I think of this earlier?
AJ was all smiles as he greated
the other guys, eager to finish up in the studio so he could talk to Kayla
and convince her to take the job he knew Nick would soon make available.
"AJ, you want me to pack up all my things and move to Tampa, or whatever little town you said, just so I can spy on someone for you?"
"No Kayla, you don't understand. I don't want you to spy on him, it's just-" He paused, trying to think of words to explain what he wanted without giving her the real reason. "He's been really messed up since he broke up with his last girlfriend, and I know for awhile he was really deep into drugs and things like that. He said he's done with that stuff, but I just need someone to keep an eye on him, make sure he's okay. I need you to tell me what he's up to, because right now none of us know if he's telling the truth. I know it sounds like spying but that's not why I'm doing it. I'm just worried and he won't talk to any of us about things, this way we have someone on the inside who can keep an eye on him without his knowing. I just don't want him to end up dying because of all of this. And besides Kayla, you need a job, and this is a good one."
AJ tried to sound sincere as possible. And most of it was the truth. He was worried about Nick, about the things he'd gotten Nick into and how it would affect him but he was more worried about Jenna going back to him. Lately she'd been talking more and more about Nick, about reconciling with him, about becoming friends with him, so much so that he worried she was already talking to him and was just too afraid to tell him.
"So what if I don't get the job AJ? Why don't you just tell him you know someone for the assistant's job?"
"Because Kayla. He can't know I have anything to do with you going to work for him, if he knew you wouldn't get the job like I know you will. He'd be more comfortable with a stranger. If he knew we were friends I think he'd hide himself like he does with us."
"Well how do you know he's hiding anything then."
"Kayla we know him. He hasn't been right for a long time." AJ sighed, the truth of his statement bringing forth a huge wave of guilt. He watched her ponder the proposition, knowing she was desperate to find another job soon, and hoping she knew how perfect this job would be.
"So what's up with Nick anyway?" She asked, after the long silence of her thoughts filled the room. "Why hasn't anyone heard about his big old depression and drug binge in the media and stuff? You'd think something like this would be front page enquirer kind of shit."
"Because, people tend to keep things like this as quiet as possible. We only know because we're with him so much, and I'm sure we don't even know everything. I mean, we know there's drinking, we know there's drugs and we know there's a throng of girls in and out of his bed, but we don't know how much drinking, what kind of drugs or how many girls. The world's a different place behind closed doors."
"What about the girl? The one you said caused all of it." AJ wondered how much he should tell her, she had to know about it, otherwise how would she ever know if he was speaking to her again.
"Well-" He sighed, talking about her relationship with Nick was painful. "Her name is Jenna, I don't know where they met or anything. All I know is that they went out for a little while, but he spent all his time either cheating on her or high and drunk. It didn't last and she left."
"So why's he so broken up about it then?"
"I don't know, but it's been a few months and he's still a wreck. I mean I don't really know what went on between them. He always kept her hidden from everyone, and I mean I know we all wonder what finally made her leave, but no one knows for sure. Personally I think she found out how much he was cheating on her, but all of us have a different idea."
"Wow." Kayla said in awe. "Sounds like he's really messed up."
"Yeah that about sums it up." He said, leaving out the parts that involved AJ and the fact that Nick wouldn't be messed up at all if it wasn't for him.
"Are you sure this is a good idea AJ? I mean, you're the best friend I have in this world, and I don't want this to screw it up." AJ stared into her troubled gaze, his own eyes growing sad over her worry.
"Don't worry Kayla." He said with real sincerity. "This is the best idea I've had in a long time, and nothing could ever interfere with our friendship. Nothing. I love you too much to let that happen."
Kayla smiled sweetly at him. "Okay then I'll do it. But . . . only as long as I need to. If something better comes along I have to take it."
"I understand Kay. That's fine. You'll watch him for me and the other fellas though won't you? You'll let me know what he's up to, who he's hanging around with?"
"Yeah I guess." She said with a voice full of hesitation. "Even I'm worried about him now."
"You're the best Kayla." He said pulling her into a thankful hug. "The best."
Kayla smiled. "Yeah I know. You too. You just better hope he hires me."
"He will." AJ assured her. "I know he will."