AJ hadn't seen or heard from Kayla since they left Canada. Nick of course didn't talk about anything to anyone, so the whole time he was in Europe all he could think about was what he could do to fix things, or end things. To simply change how everything had turned out. In a perfect world, he'd still have Jenna, Nick wouldn't be the jerk AJ had made him and maybe he and Kayla would be happy together. But that wasn't his world. In his world he was alone, Elisa had decided after the incident in Toronto that she couldn't stay with him anymore. She knew there was something between he and Kayla, she had noticed it when Nick finally brought Kayla out to supper with everyone. He couldn't contain his emotions for her and towards her, he spent the whole dinner looking at her, so disappointed that she wouldn't listen to him, so upset that she was with Nick. Elisa was convinced he and Kayla were having an affair and left him before he could even begin to tell her the truth. Although the truth to him seemed so far fetched.
He wanted to call Kayla when they got home from Europe, and he tried, but no one answered. He found out through some friends that she and Nick had become reclusive from everyone else and barely spent a moment apart. Part of him was happy that they actually seemed to be in love, but deep down he couldn't have been more upset. He missed her. Her friendship, her love, the way he felt needed and cared about. She gave him that, and now he'd lost it. He always lost everyone to Nick. He only hoped that he'd be able to fix things with her soon.
Howie was throwing a birthday party for his wife and she was bound to be there. Kayla was too nice of a person to miss someone's party, and he knew Howie had invited her. Unfortunately, he'd also invited Nick.
I'll conquer that obstacle when I get to it, he thought. Reminding himself as well that he needed to go buy Christine a present, he'd been putting it off for days.
"I might as well go now." He said to himself, hunting around for his car keys.
As AJ drove towards town, he half wondered what to get Christine and half wondered what he could say to Kayla to get their friendship back on track.
I'm sorry just isn't gonna do it.
I think I'll get her one of those grills from the infomercial, I know Howie said she wanted one.
I wonder if she even cares about me at all anymore?
Do they sell that stuff in a store?
Maybe if I just told her how much I missed her.
God, does that ever look like Jenna.
AJ's head spun back as he sped past the gas station, pulled up next to one of the self serve tanks was Jenna, or her spitting image. AJ slowed down so quickly the car behind him almost slammed into his bumper. He turned into the next road and doubled back.
It couldn't be her.
He pulled into a parking spot and looked closer. It was her.
"Jenny?" He questioned, stepping out of his own car and walking towards her.
"Oh my god. Al. What are you? I mean, how?" She exclaimed excitedly, screwing the cap back onto her gas tank.
"I was just driving by, I saw you standing here." He said, still flustered. "What are you doing here?"
"Howie invited me for Christine's birthday party. " Jenna said. "I thought I could go, but now that I'm here I don't feel comfortable going. I'm the last person she needs to see on her birthday."
AJ had almost forgotten that Jenna had walked in on Nick and Christine in bed together. Although he couldn't remember if she knew that he knew or not. He simply nodded, trying to change the subject.
"So what have you been up to?"
"Not much. Working a lot." She shrugged.
"Me too." He sighed.
"Yeah, I know." She said. "So, are you going to the party tonight?"
"I was actually on my way to buy a present for her when I saw you." He couldn't stop staring into her eyes, eyes that shifted away from his own, much to his disappointment.
"Will you do me a favor and bring my present for me. I can't go. Seeing those faces. Seeing Christine and knowing what had happened between her and Nick. I don't want to make her feel uncomfortable, especially on her birthday." She shrugged. "I couldn't even bear to put my name on the card."
"It's understandable." He said, guessing he was actually supposed to know the dirty secret. "Of course I'll bring it for you, but I think you should at least put your name on it."
Jenna opened her car door and reached into the back seat, handing AJ the wrapped box. "Thank you." She smiled.
"So that's it. You came all this way to not go to a party?"
"Actually I had other reasons for coming." Jenna sighed.
"Well what's the reason?"
"AJ I really miss you. I didn't only come here for Christine's birthday party. I came to see you and I came to put closure on another part of my life. On the Nick part."
"Oh." He muttered.
"You said to me the last time I was here that I was using you and that I'd leave you in a second if Nick knocked on that door. I need to know if that's true. I need to know if I still have feelings for him. Alex, I know this is the most unfair thing for me to ask you, but I just need to know if Nick and I were meant to be together. I think the reason I've never been able to shake this feeling about Nick is because of how things ended. I didn't have any closure, and I can't give myself to you completely until I know for sure that Nick and I are really done."
Of course she came here to see about Nick. It's always about Nick.
Wait.
"What do you mean you can't give yourself to me completely?" AJ asked, completely floored.
"You were the first person I ever really loved Alex. I know you loved me, and you hurt me and I tried to get back at you anyway I could for doing it, part of that included my relationship with Nick. I know I shouldn't have, but I want to make up for it. I want to be able to love you again. I just have to see if that other part of my life is really finished."
"So what you're saying is that you want me if he doesn't want you?"
"I know that's what it sounds like, but I honestly don't mean it like that. You were why I came up here. You above everyone and everything else." She pleaded. He stared back at her stone-faced. He didn't know what to think or feel. "I'm going to ask you this, because I need to know."
"What is it?"
"How is he?" She said with a hesitant sigh. AJ didn't know what to tell her. He's blissfully happy with my best friend, so you can spend the rest of your life pining away for him and pretending you want to be with me' He couldn't tell her that.
"He's doing good." AJ finally said, for lack of anything better to say.
"Is he, ya know, with anyone?"
Why did she have to ask that?
Yes, Yes, Yes. He is. He's with Kayla, so stay with me, be with me. His heart yelled, but his mind told him to say something else. His mind told him something that might finally make everything end.
"I don't think so Jen." He said half regretfully. "I haven't seen him with anyone, and he never talks about anyone. I'm sure he'd be happy to see you."
It wasn't a total lie. He never saw Nick with Kayla, and he never spoke about her. He damn well knew they were together though.
"I really don't expect you to wait for me. I mean, our chance might be long gone, but I'm hoping there's still something there."
"If Nick doesn't want it right?" He said cynically.
"If I can see Nick, and know that it's over. If we're both better off without each other, then fine. That's all the closure I need. I'm not saying I want to get back together with him, I just want to know where we stand."
"Well you know where to find me when you have the answers you want." He said calmly, walking away from her and back to his own car. His mind and his heart tore him in ways he'd never felt before. So much hurt in his life had been caused by Jenna, and here she was telling him she wants a chance with him, she just has to see Nick first. Nick Nick Nick. Why did everything always come back to him? And why did he tell Jenna that Nick wasn't seeing anyone?
~*~
AJ walked into the birthday party more nervous than he'd been for a long time. His nerves were frazzled waiting for news of how Jenna's encounter with Nick went. Wondering what was said and done, if anything had even happened yet. He put his and Jenna's presents down and set off in hunt of someone to talk to.
AJ saw Kayla from across the room and held his breath waiting for Nick to enter, he just wanted a chance to apologize to her. He started to smile when he caught Kayla's eye, but quickly replaced it with a frown. Nick was nowhere to be seen. Which made AJ more and more nervous. Why the hell was Kayla here and not Nick? Why was she looking at him with such scorn? Did something happen?
AJ held his breath as she marched towards him, an angry look on her face. a familiar angry look.
"What is your problem? Can't you just be satisfied that I'm happy AJ, can you please stop dwelling on whatever the hell is bothering you about me and Nick? Look whatever it was that he did, it's in the past. We used to be friends AJ, my happiness actually used to mean something to you and just because you don't like who I'm in love with, well that's too fucking bad, because you don't get the final word. I do." She screamed. "And AJ, I've never come running to you when I've been hurt before, why would I start now?"
He didn't even get the chance to apologize, she turned and left the room before he could even absorb what she'd said. Still he was even more confused. He said a quick goodbye to Howie and Christine and left the party as quickly as Kayla had done. He needed to just go home, have a drink and think about everything that was happening.
AJ turned and looked at the clock as he woke up, the sun shining in his eyes. 11:30 am. He'd barely slept a wink all night. He couldn't shut his mind off for even a second, unable to stop thinking about Jenna, Kayla, Nick and the situation he'd put them all in. Wondering if today was the day that it would all finally end.
Well, there's no time like the present. He thought, picking up the phone. He listened as the phone rang and rang.
"It's before noon you little bastard." Kayla said as she picked up the phone, her voice sleepy and mumbled.
"Oh, um, I'm sorry." AJ muttered.
"AJ?" Kayla said with surprise. "I'm sorry, I thought it was Nick."
"Nope, just me." He said meekly. "And before you start yelling at me please just let me say something. I'm sorry for the way I've been towards you, I really miss you and our friendship and I really only want you to be happy. If you're happy with Nick, that's good. If you two are in love. Great. I was just afraid that he was going to hurt you, and I'm sorry my overprotection went a little overboard."
"Wow." She said. "I wasn't expecting that."
"I didn't think you would."
"Can I just tell you first that I'm sorry I laid into you like that last night. I was having a really shitty night and I just needed to take it out on someone. Sorry that had to be you."
"I'm sorry I put us in this situation Kay." AJ said with a little bit of relief. "Look, I know it's early and I know you were sleeping so I'm gonna let you go. Maybe we can go get a coffee or something soon, talk a little bit."
"Definitely." She said, he could see her smile in his mind and he smiled back. "How does Tuesday sound?"
"Good. It sounds really good. How about I pick you up around three,"
"It's a date. See ya AJ, and thanks for calling."
"Thanks for listening. Bye,"
AJ felt better than he had in a long long time. At least part of his life was getting back to the way it should be, hopefully with a little luck on his side the other part would fall into place as well.
He was still worried about Kayla and her relationship with Nick, but he needed to stop assuming Nick would hurt her. He had to give him the benefit of the doubt since in fact it was he that made Nick who he was. Hopefully it wasn't all bad.
Everyone has a little good in them, even him, even me.