Nick awoke to a tapping on his shoulder and rolled his head over in the chair, Kayla stood before him.  He licked his lips free of their dryness and cleared his throat, trying to get a bearing on when and where he was.  He rubbed the sleep from his face and looked down at his watch, it was late evening, he must have been sleeping for hours.

    "Did you find my disk?" He asked groggily.

    "Do you care about anything but that disk?" She asked standing with her hands on her hips.

    "Right now?  No!" He said snidely, sitting up straight and rubbing his eyes.

    "Fine, wheel your little chair over to that thing you call a desk and open that little blue case thing next to the computer."  Nick looked at her with discontent on his face and went in the direction she pointed him in.  "Okay, now open it!  Flip through all the games and crap you have in there and pull out the one marked 'Songs'.  There you go."  She said when he had it in his hand.

    "Are you telling me it's been here the whole time?"

    "Maybe, maybe not."

    "Maybe?  You wasted a whole entire week of work for me Kayla!" He groaned.

    "Look, maybe I just forgot I put it there.  Maybe I thought you were a retard for not checking around your computer for the disk, or maybe I thought without it you would write something a little less depressing so all the teenagers of the world won't kill themselves listening to your lyrics.  Who are you competing with Billy Corgan or Sarah McLachlan?"

    "Who gave you permission to look at them anyway." He said slumping into his chair. Sticking the disk into the computer.

    "No one said I couldn't either." she stated.  "Now do you want to know why I'm down here at this time of night?  Because I certainly wasn't here to give you the stupid disk, although maybe now you'll stop being so anal."

    "Why are you down here?"

    "Because I'm bored."

    "So?"

    "So, I decided that since you're down here doing nothing you should come upstairs and play Monopoly with me."

    "Okay wait a second.  You woke me up because you're bored, and since you wouldn't tell me where my disk was I had nothing to do and you think I should play Monopoly with you because of it?" Nick said indcreduously.

    "Well at first I thought we could play strip poker, but since I'd get no entertainment out of seeing you naked I decided monopoly was the next best thing."  Nick stared at Kayla, who stood with her hands on her hips in front of him.  He didn't know whether to be insulted or to laugh.

    Nick rolled the dice across the board.  '7' he muttered, counting his way around the board.

    "Man, you are killing me." He said as he drove the car around the spaces landed on Kayla's hoteled property.  "Okay I forfeit.  You took all my money, I am broke.  But at least I still have this Phat car." He smiled.

    "Well I guess I should've told you I'm a monopoly shark!" Kayla laughed as she counted the play money like it were the real thing.  "and since you've been so kind as to amuse me for a few hours  I'll let you in my secret.  Forget about Boardwalk and Park Place, if you concentrate on getting this section here." She said pointing to the red, yellow and green properties.  "You'll kill.  Landing on a Boardwalk with a hotel is nothing after surviving a whole corner of hotels.  So I let the other people get those two properties and make them feel all special,  all the while plotting to get this corner."

    "So you work the corner." He laughed.

    "Yup and I make way more money than the other girls....the boys too I guess." She said with a smirk.  "Now see isn't this way more fun that sulking in the basement."

    "Why do you always do that?" Nick said, suddenly growing serious again.

    "Do what?"

    "Treat me that way."

    "How do I treat you?" She asked, setting down her money.

    "I don't know, like you're better than me or something." He said getting up from the table.

    "I don't think I'm better than you." Kayla stated.  "Well except at Monopoly."  her smile was met with a stone faced look from Nick, and quickly disappeared.

    "Then why do you constantly demean the work I do?"

    "I'm not trying to put down you work.  I just don't think the way you dwell on what's her name is healthy."

    "Kayla you aren't my mother, you are my employee, and looking after my health isn't in your job description." He fumed, tossing the car into the Monopoly box.

    "I'm not trying to be your mother Nick.  I guess I'm just trying to be your friend."

    "I don't need anymore friends." He stated,  moving past her and up the stairs to his bedroom.

    "How long have I been working for you?" She yelled before he reached the top.

    "I don't know.  A couple of weeks?"

    "A month and a half!" she corrected.  "When you aren't off doing work with the band, you come here and just hole yourself up in the studio, in your room or out on your boat.  You don't talk to anyone, you don't see anyone but me and I barely hear you utter two words a day.  From my point of view you don't have any friends, excuse me for thinking you might want one."

    "Think what you think." He said continuing to his room.

Kayla shook her head and went to put away the board game.  Jesus I was just trying to help the guy, she thought to herself.  Does he think working for him is fun?  He acts like a three year old half the time, and the other half he's just a self-centered jerk.  If AJ hadn't asked me to take this job I never would have.  I barely know the guy and I'm worried about him, I can just imagine what Aj and the other guys are thinking.  Kayla didn't know much about what had happened with Nick and Jenna, in fact not many people did.  She apparently had been a part of his life he kept completely distant from everything and everyone else, and no one knew why she left, although everyone had their speculations.  Kayla sat in the living room, going through her paperwork and trying to decide what she should do first, she didn't acknowledge Nick when he came back down stairs, but when she finally heard him go downstairs she couldn't resist following.

    Kayla opened the door slowly and sat down on the steps, he hadn't noticed or heard her enter.   He sat down at the keyboard and tinkled away on them before pulling out  a pad of paper and propping it in front of him.  It took awhile, but finally he began playing.  The melody began nice, and Kayla was surprised, but shortly and air of sadness took over the song, a frown appearing on her face, a frown that mirrored the one he had on his own.  Kayla had heard him sing before, who hadn't, but this was different.  His persona didn't change from Mr. Carter, her boss to Nick Carter, Superstar.    It was like he was a different person.  She listened to the words he sang, words that came from inside himself, words untainted by producers, other writers, or the vocal harmonies of the rest of the group, it was pure, and the saddest thing she had ever heard.

"...her motions once mirrored my own, and her heart beat in tune with mine..."

"...She only wanted the love I failed to give..."

"...The sun doesn't shine with the same warm glow..."

"...The world is a different place, it's hard to live..."
 

    Kayla wasn't sure if what he was singing was an actual song, or just thought after thought he had had, thrown together to some music, but whatever happened between them was something that he couldn't let go of.   She had heard people wrote songs to cleanse themselves of their emotions, but it didn't seem to be helping Nick at all, it seemed to be drowning him totally and completely.   She heard him take a big breath as he finished, and turned to look at him again.

    "That was nice."  She said, Nick jumped at her words, as Kayla stood up from her perch on the stairs and came into the basement.

    "What are you doing in here?" He asked with a scowl on his face.

    "I told you I was bored."

    "I expect my privacy when I'm in here okay."

    "I know." She said.  She had gone from being annoyed at his attitude to feeling sorry for him.  "You haven't eaten all day I just thought you'd want to go get something to eat."

    "You don't have to mother me Kayla.  I've been taking care of myself for a long time."

    "Nick.  I know you can take care of yourself, I just wanted to know if you wanted to come out to eat with me." She said in frustration.

    "I don't know."

    "I'm buying!" She exclaimed with a hopeful grin.  "C'mon I know a great little pub, they have the best wings you'll ever taste."

    "You're buying?"

    "Yup." She saw his contemplation, looking at the papers that surrounded him, and looking back over at Kayla.  And like his body was against him, Kayla heard the rumble in his stomach, and tried not to laugh.

    "Fine I'll go." he conceded, getting up from the scatter of paper and trudging his way up the stairs behind her.  He didn't bother changing from the hooded sweatshirt and jeans he wore, just pulling a ball cap on and slipping into a pair of sandals, silently leaving his house.  Kayla drove the fifteen minutes it took to get to just what she had said, a great little pub in the middle of nowhere.

    "Nice place." he said sardonically.

    "Give it a chance, or are you too hollywood for this stuff now?" kayla said mockingly.

    "Shut up." he said holding the door open for her.
 

        Nick was quiet most of the night, looking around at the kitchy props on the wall, a chandelier made from old tequila bottles grabbing his attention.   The atmosphere was very laid back and quiet, Jimi Hendrix's 'Red House' playing on the jukebox, and a light hint of smoke hanging in the hair, it was a very peaceful place to be in.   Kayla had been right.  The wings here were the best wings he'd ever had, and it had been awhile since a cold beer had tasted this good.   Kayla ate and drank right along with him, finishing her third Guinness before he had even finished his second, and choosing to lick the sauce off her fingers in lieu of using her napkins.  Nick respected that, it was the way they were meant to be eaten, messy and disgusting.  Mild chit chat had taken place during their meal, but now, both of them finished they just sat back and nursed their drinks, a baseball game playing on one of the many televisions garnering the brunt of their attention.

    "Do you mind if I ask you a personal question?" Kayla asked, turning back towards him in the wooden booth they sat in.

    "Nothing's ever stopped you before.  I just might not answer it."

    "What happened?  You know between you and Jenna to make you like this?" Nick didn't know if it was the comfort he felt right at the moment in that place, or the beer he had drank, but he wanted to tell her, to tell someone why his life had gone so wrong.  He took another sip of beer, setting it down on the table with a thump and leaning on one elbow, pulling his hat low so his eyes were almost covered.

    "This is going to sound like some tragic novel, but bear with me.  It was seven months ago last wednesday when she left." He spoke with a reminiscent tone, like he had told the tale a hundred times.  "We had gone out to eat and we were coming back home to watch a movie, but we never even left  the parking lot together.   She was so quiet all through dinner, which was really strange, cause if you knew Jenna at all you'd know she's never quiet.  She could just talk and talk even if she knew you weren't listening, and it wasn't annoying at all, it was like you always knew you'd have someone to talk to." He said with a smile.  "But that night felt so wrong.  She barely ate, she barely talked and I felt that she was going to cry at any given moment.  I remember taking her hand when we left the restaurant and she was shaking, but I just assumed she was cold because of the rain, so I pulled her in towards me until we got to my car.   I helped her in the passenger seat and went around to my side of the car.  By the time I got in she was crying." Nick paused in memory, a painful memory by Kayla's observation, but she just stayed quiet, listening intently.   "She stayed quiet even when I begged her to tell me what was wrong, all I could hear was the rain on the roof.  It was like no other sound was made in the world but that rain, and it scared me.  I felt like crying too because of it, it was just a bad feeling.  Then after what seemed like an hour, but was probably only a few minutes she finally started to talk.

    "I tried to believe you cared about me.  I thought the way you and I were separate from every other part of you life was special, that maybe I was so special to you.  I was deluding myself,  and everything lately just proved it to me." Jenna said, shaking her head.

    "What are you talking about Jen.  You know I care about you.  That's why it all ended."

    "I love you with every ounce of my being.  You know that Nick." Nick tried to speak.  "Shhh let me finish.  If you can't love me back the same way, I can't be with you, I can't keep hoping and waiting that I'll become something more to you.  That I'll become what you are to me.  I won't do it, it's too hard."  she said, her tears returning in full force.

     "But Jenna, I do lo..."

    "It's for the best Nick, maybe someday we'll both find someone better." She said interrupting him.  "Bye." She leaned over and kissed him on the lips, her tears splashing down onto his face.
 

    "She left the car faster than I could even think." He said coming back to reality.  "She got in a cab that was sitting at the front of the restaurant  and I haven't seen her since.  All her stuff was gone from the house when I came back home and that was it.  I didn't stop her, I didn't go after her, I just let her go." he said setting his empty Guinness bottle on the table.  Kayla thought for a moment.

    "Well, did you love her?"

    "More than I ever thought I could," He said honestly.  "I know it's not really the tragedy I made it out to be, but still."

    "That doesn't answer what happened between you guys though." Kayla stated.

    "I don't know the answer." he shrugged.  "All I know is that she was who I envisioned spending my life with, she's still who I see myself with."

    "How long were you two together?" Kayla asked, picking at the peanuts that sat in the basket on their table.

    "Three years."

    "Three years?!" She exclaimed.  "C'mon Nick, after three years she just leaves like that?  You had to have done something."

    "I'm not saying I was a perfect boyfriend.  I did things I wasn't proud of, although I don't think she ever knew about it all, and I know it was a mistake to keep her away from everyone in my life.  but she wasn't perfect either." he yelled.  "But it was nothing I'd leave her over."

    "Maybe you need to figure out why she left, why your relationship went sour after three years.  Because something obviously happened, I don't think she was delutional." Nick said nothing, watching the waitress drop off the bill.  "You wanna take off now." She finally asked after a long silence.  He nodded and grabbed the bill.

    "Um I don't think so." Kayla stated.  "I'm paying, you can go wait in the car."

    "Okay!" He laughed, shaking his head.  I tried, he thought.  But she did offer to pay.  He sighed loudly, telling her a bit about him and  Jenna was hard, and he didn't have the courage to tell her, or anyone, everything.  His own mixed emotions over what he's done to Jenna had left him cold and unwilling to talk about it.  Maybe someday, he sighed, and maybe someday she'll come back to me.

        Nick waited for Kayla to come out, getting in her car and returning to his house, wanting more than ever to try to work on a song.

Chapter 2

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