Finally Nick reached AJ's house, for the second time in as many days he sat in his car in front of the big iron gates, rolling down his window to punch the security numbers into the keypad.  He tried unsuccessfully for a few minutes, finally laughing to himself in frustration.

    "He changed the code." Nick said, shaking his head, pressing the buzzer repeatedly to be let in,

    "What do you want Nick?" The voice said through the intercom.

    "Can I come up?" He asked, looking into the camera he was sure AJ was watching him in.

    "Yeah, fine." He said reluctantly, Nick inched forward as the gate buzzed open and went through it as fast as he could, thinking maybe AJ would change his mind.   His nerves were eating away at him as he parked the car and dashed to the front door, knocking and ringing the doorbell simultaneously.  AJ didn't say anything when he answered, he just let the door swing open and walked away.

    Nick came inside, but he didn't follow AJ into the next room.  He turned towards the staircase and the rooms that lined the upper floor of AJ's house and walked in that direction.  He carefully and slowly looked into every room as he walked past it, knocking lightly on the doors that were closed, and then peeking inside them as well.  He sighed out a worry he didn't realize he had when he looked into AJ's room and there was no sign of her in there, but at the same time he was let down...he was just hoping to find her.   The last room on the far end of the house was all he had left to check, the door was shut, but a bright beam of light shone from underneath it.    His heart felt like it was in a vice as he knocked, but no one answered.  He turned the knob and let it open slowly.  The sun filled the room with light, but his heart dropped when he saw that she wasn't there to enjoy it.  He stood in the doorway, afraid to go in, like a ghost was haunting the room.  She'd been here.  This was the room she stayed in, he thought to himself.  The smell of her perfume still hung lightly in the air, teasing him with the knowledge that she was gone again.

    "She's not here Nick." The voice said from behind him.  Nick turned to see AJ standing behind him in the hallway, a strange look on his face that was hard to read.

    "Where is she?"

    "I don't know."  He said with a shrug, making his way back downstairs.

    "What do you mean you don't know..." Nick said following him.  "She's living with you isn't she?"

    "Not anymore."

    "Why not?"

    "She said she needed to get away from here."

    "Why?"

    "Oh, I don't know...her life's been pretty shitty lately, maybe that had something to do with it."  He refused to look Nick in the eyes, picking up the beer he had been drinking and stepping out onto his patio where the yapping dogs sat.    "So, why do you want to find her?"

    "I need to talk to her."  AJ sat silently, looking at nothing and savoring each drink of his beer slowly.

    "You know Kayla isn't the forgiving type Nick.  Why waste your time looking for her?"  He said turning his eyes towards Nick.

    "Because it isn't a waste of time.  Kayla isn't a waste of my time."

    "Too bad you didn't realize that sooner huh!?"  Nick saw the mix of worry and hatred in AJ's eyes, he knew AJ knew where Kayla was, and he knew he'd never tell.   All he was doing by sitting here with AJ  was wasting time he could spend trying to find Kayla.  Nick didn't say anymore as he stood up and went back into the house, walking out the front door and to his car without so much as a 'goodbye' to AJ, or a 'goodbye' from him.

He watched the gates close behind his car in the rear view mirror, he wasn't sure where he'd go to find her, he wasn't sure of anything anymore.
 

        Kayla yawned as she drove, the loud music coming from her radio and the open window not keeping her as awake as she would have liked.  She had been driving for over ten hours and now that the sun had set and everything was dark she began to feel the strain of exhaustion.  She hadn't been sleeping well lately to begin with, so when she felt her head start to drop and her eyes leave the road she knew she had to stop.  She decided to pull into the next motel she passed, a seedy little dive, generally home of truckers, and traveling salesmen.   Luckily for Kayla they had room available, and she quickly paid for a night.  She yawned as she pulled her bag from the car, rubbing her eyes to keep them open.  I'll start again in the morning, she thought to herself, reading for a deep sleep.   She walked along the lit walkway to her room, flicking on the lights as she entered, taking in the room in one glance.

    It was just as you'd expect a road side motel to be, two beds, a coffee machine and a small tv bolted to the desk.  The bed cover and drapes were the same nauseating floral pattern, but Kayla didn't care, she just needed some rest, the drive to Dallas was a long one.  She looked at the clock that sat next to one of the beds, it wasn't too late to call.

    "Hi." She said when he picked up the phone, he sounded just as tired as she was, but she had promised him she'd call.

    "You can't be there already?" He said in disbelief, she could imagine him looking at his watch.

    "No, I got too tired, I pulled into some cheap motel."

    "Where are you?"

    "I'm not sure, somewhere in Mississippi I think." She said yawning again.

    "Kayla, he's looking for you." AJ said after a short pause.  Her heart seemed to fall into her stomach, why did he have to tell her?

    "Why?" She worried.

    "I don't know, he wouldn't say.  All he told me was that he had to talk to you.  But don't worry...I won't tell him where you are."

    "AJ, I don't care if he knows where I am." Kayla stated, pretending she was strong, pretending she didn't care. "He doesn't matter to me anymore." Pretending she was telling the truth.

    "So you want me to tell him where you are?"

    "I didn't say that." Kayla sighed, pulling off her shoes kicking them near the door.

    "So how much longer do you have to drive?" He asked, changing the subject before she could.

    "I'm not sure, like eight hours maybe."

    "Well, get some sleep and call me when you get there okay."

    "Thanks AJ."

    "No prob., bye." He said as she hung up the phone, not even changing out of her clothes as she crawled into the bed and fell asleep, plagued by thoughts of Nick and why he was looking for her.  Did she want him to find her?  Even she didn't know.
 

        Nick paced back and forth across his living room.  He had finally returned to his house when he realized he had no hope of finding Kayla, if she was in Orlando, without AJ's help.  He thought more and more as he drove back that maybe she'd come home, but after gong to her apartment, talking to her roommate, getting yelled at by her roommate, he knew she wasn't there either.  He didn't have a clue where she'd be.

    The room was dark and cold as Nick sat down on the couch, he hadn't had many options to begin with, but now he felt totally helpless.  He knew what he wanted to do and it frustrated him to the core that he couldn't find her, that people knew where she was and they wouldn't tell him.   He didn't even care if Kayla spit in his face and told him she never wanted to see him again, he just had to fix what he did wrong, he had to let her know that she was one of the most wonderful things to ever complicate his life.  That she was one of the most wonderful things in his life period.

    He picked up the cordless phone sitting next to him and dialed AJ's again.  He was Nick's only hope of finding her,

    "Hello" AJ said.

    "AJ where is she?" Nick said firmly, he didn't care how late it was, or that AJ would probably been sleeping.

    "Nick?"

    "AJ please." He begged.  "I know you know where she is, why won't you just tell me?"

    "Nick, let me ask you this.  Do you think Kayla wants to see you?"  Nick didn't answer.  "Well then think of it this way, put yourself in her shoes and imagine how it probably felt to be her when you told her you were going back to Jenna."  Nick shut his eyes knowing the pain he put her through, which is exactly what AJ wanted him to feel.  "Now think of how she'll react to whatever it is you're  planning on saying to her.   The least you could do is put her feelings first, and we both know that the only feeling she has for you right now is hatred."

    "AJ I just want to talk to her, you have to see why I need to."

    "Your needs don't matter to me Nick, at least over hers.   Let it go Nick, let her go.  It's the best thing for everyone involved.  Enough people have suffered."  AJ sounded so wise, yet bitter at the same time.  Nick wished he knew the truth behind what was really going on with him and Kayla, he just wished for the honesty he wouldn't even give himself.

    "Just tell me where she is, or how I can find her.....please AJ."

    "I don't know where she is." He said flatly.

    "And I don't believe you."

    "Neither would I." AJ said firmly as he hung up on Nick.   Nick stared down at the phone in his hand, the pulsating dial tone echoing in the quiet room.   He had heard what AJ said, and as much as he knew it to be the truth he couldn't just let Kayla leave his life without telling her the things he needed to say.  Maybe AJ was right, maybe letting it go was the best thing for everyone involved, Nick thought.

Does that include him?  Nick thought quickly afterwards.  If AJ hadn't gotten involved none of it would have happened.  I wouldn't be empty, I wouldn't be alone.

     "Who am I kidding?" He sighed to himself.  "I didn't have to go back to Jenna." 

Nick leaned his head back on the couch, he didn't want to think anymore, but that's all he seemed to be able to do.  Just twenty four hours ago he still had Jenna, and nineteen days ago he still had Kayla.  Now he had no one again and he felt emptier than he had in a long, long, time.   Even emptier than when Jenna left.  He just felt bottomless.  Hopeless.
 
    Nick stared down at the phone that still sat in his hand, looking at it's numbers, a new thought coming to mind.  He hadn't even thought of it before, too much stress, so much going through his mind.  He had previously assumed she'd changed the number, just like she'd done at the apartment, but he figured it was worth a try.  Nick didn't care that it was nearly three in the morning, all he cared about was this might be a chance to talk to her, that god willing she hadn't changed the number of her emergencies only cell phone and that she had it with her, wherever she was.

The phone rang and rang,  he wasn't even sure if it was a good number anymore, or if she had it with her.  The phone could have been shut off, or it could have been out of range...he wasn't sure.  But he knew he wouldn't hang it up until she answered or the recorded voice told him 'the cellular customer you are trying to reach is away from the phone...'.  Nick sat up quickly when the phone finally stopped ringing.

    "Hello?" The voice said hoarse and groggy.  She'd been sleeping.  He sighed a moment when he heard her voice, he'd found her.

    "Hi." He muttered.  He hadn't thought of what he was going to say, his only frantic thought all day was to find her.

    "What do you want?" Kayla asked bitterly.

    "I just want to talk."

    "Nick, it's two in the morning.  I'm sleeping." Is it two where she is or is she just confused about the time? He wondered.

    "I know Kayla, I'm sorry.  It's just ... I don't know where you are and I really need to talk to you.  I know you aren't at AJ's anymore, I don't even know if you're in Florida, I just want to talk. I just-"

    "I don't care what you want Nick." She said hanging up the phone much like AJ had, although this time it hurt him a lot more.  He held the phone to his forehead, thinking just for a moment that maybe if he didn't hang up, she wouldn't be gone.   He took a deep breath as he eventually disconnected and threw the phone across the room in a burst of anger.  The white cordless phone smashed against the wall, but didn't break, it fell with a thump on the floor.  Nick got off the couch and went over to where it landed, sitting against the wall it had just struck, dialing her number again.  He called back constantly for the next half an hour, but she was either ignoring the phone or she'd turned it off.

    He banged his head against the wall lightly and closed his eyes, his jaw clenching tight to keep the need to cry at bay.  I have to find her, he thought desperately, a tear escaping his eyes despite the fortress he had built to keep them inside.

Chapter 15

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