Nick's life had returned to the familiar slow-motion existence that he had become so comfortable living in, in the months since he had said goodbye to Kayla and Jenna in the same week.  Thankfully for his own sanity a world-wide tour had occupied most of that time, and he hadn't had much of a chance to sit and think about the life he'd made for himself.  But now it was over and he was back home, and alone just long enough to begin dwelling in the mistakes he had made.

    He'd had a total of four hundred and seventy one days to think about everything Kayla had said to him.  Time to really come to terms with himself and what he'd put her through.  He understood her lack of trust for him, and he accepted it.  He just didn't like it.  And most of all he wanted to gain it back.

    Nick leaned forward on the rail of his boat, resting his chin on his arms and staring out into the water.  He'd been out here for hours, enjoying the sun, the peace and the soothing motion of the boat.  Finally able to be alone with his thoughts for the first time in almost nine months.  No phones, no people, nothing but the water, the sky and his heart and mind.  A mind that swam with a thousand thoughts, a thousand images and a thousand memories, all more confusing than the last.  Nick knew everything that happened had been for a reason.  Maybe he and Kayla weren't meant to be together at that point in his life, still fresh from the heartbreak of Jenna, still unsure of who he was as a person.  Or maybe he and Kayla weren't meant to ever be together.

    He wasn't entirely sure.

All he knew for sure was that something in his gut told him not to give up on Kayla.  He held firm to the  "maybe" she had let slip that day in the hotel room, and he'd hold onto that small maybe until his heart told him different.

    Nick had hoped when the tour had stopped in Dallas that he'd get to see her.  That just maybe she'd make an appearance at one of the two shows they put on while they were there. That she'd get to hear him sing the song he wrote her, just like he had promised her.  The song he'd begged to let him add to the show, and the one that broke his heart every time he sang it.   But he searched for her face the entire show to no avail, if she was there he didn't see her.

As much as he wished he had the courage, he couldn't bring himself to call her brothers farm and find out if she was still there.  He also didn't have the courage to stay in the same hotel his heart had been broken in, much to the confusion of everyone else who wanted to stay at the Hyatt.  He hadn't even left the hotel the whole three days they spent in Dallas.  Afraid he'd see her, and even more afraid he wouldn't.  He'd spent his downtime flicking through the channels on the television and in weaker moments, scouring the phone book for her name.

He was glad when they finally left Texas.  Like he could finally take a breath after holding it in for so long.  But he couldn't escape the discomfort he felt being near AJ day in and day out.  A lot of tension remained between them, and even more unanswered questions.  But they'd made it through the tour without discussing it once.

    But something happened this morning that changed things.  AJ had called, maybe for the first time since this whole mess began, and told him something that wouldn't leave his mind all day.  Something that sent him out on his boat to ponder everything for a whole afternoon.

Kayla had moved back to Florida and was living nearby.

    He didn't know what had persuaded AJ to give him that tidbit of information, especially when he was so aloof about information concerning Kayla in the past.  He just spurted it out, gave him an address and said goodbye before Nick could even begin to ask him questions.

Now all the thoughts he'd had about Kayla were magnified by the knowledge that she was less than a 20 minute drive away.  Did she want AJ to tell me?   He wondered with that slight glimmer of hope that remained within him.

Nick looked up from his gaze on the water when he felt the sun shining hot and bright on his face.  He squinted his eyes at the amber red glow of the setting sun across the water.  It had been a long time since he'd allowed himself to watch one. A long time since he'd really enjoyed a sunset, especially one out on his boat.

Once upon a time watching the sun set would have spiraled him into depression.  Yet another reminder of the love he had lost when Jenna left.  But everything was different now.  He was actually enjoying the fading glow of light over the horizon, brilliant with yellows, oranges and the deepest of reds.   In fact, he couldn't take his eyes off of it, and the heat of the sun on his face felt better than anything he'd felt in a long time.

    When the last ray had sunk below the horizon Nick stood up from his perch on the edge of the boat and prepared to go back to shore.  The stars were just beginning to shine in the darkening sky as he sailed towards home, the moon glowing a deep yellow color, hovering on the horizon as the sun had done.  He'd spent enough time thinking about things.  He'd made peace with himself, now all he had to do was make peace with Kayla.

        After a quick shower Nick changed into the nicest casual clothes he owned and prepared to pay Kayla a visit.  He found the slip of paper he had jotted her address on, the street name wasn't familiar, but the area she was living in was.  He was certain he'd be able to find it without any problems.   He drove in silence, not even music could calm his nerves this time, as he made the short drive to where she lived.  Hoping she was home, hoping she didn't have a roommate.  Hoping he wouldn't be interrupting her life too much.

    Nick drove slowly down the street once he had found it, searching for the number AJ had given him.  It was hard to see any numbers at all in the dark of night, but he pulled to a stop as he found what he was looking for.

    His heart leapt with relief and anxiety when he saw her familiar car sitting in the driveway.  She really is here, he thought as he walked with a tentative step across the front lawn.  Light emulated from within the cottage like house, shining through the screen door he was nearing with each step.

    He looked inside as he came closer, and saw her sitting at a desk, staring at a computer screen like she had done so many times before in his basement.  Her brown hair had gotten a lot longer since he had seen her last and hung well past her shoulders, but it looked good.  She looked good.  A deep smile came over his face as he watched her.  The glow of a small lamp illuminating the room as she typed furiously on her computer.

    A million images flashed through his mind as he silently stared at her.  Sitting with her in the pub, watching her drink a beer and devour chicken wings, her smug smile when she beat him at monopoly and the sad one when he beat her at bowling.  He remembered the quiet moments they had shared without a word being spoken, and the way her lips felt on his when he kissed her.

    The smile left his face as his memories shifted.  He remembered the pain on her face on the many occasions he had chosen to hurt her, and the look she had given him when she said goodbye.

He couldn't do it.

    As much as he missed her and loved her, he just couldn't bear to see that pain in her face again.  He couldn't do that to her.   Resurrecting that kind of hurt wasn't fair.  He'd just have to deal with it on his own, hoping that she was happy.  Hoping she was loved.

    Nick turned with a heavy heart back to his car, his steps carrying a little less life, and his head hung low.  It was like walking away from a part of himself, every step bringing a tightness in his throat and another tear to his eye.

    "You look well." He heard from behind as he reached his car.  Nick turned back around to see Kayla standing in the open doorway beneath the glow of a porch light.

    "You do too." He said, pushing past the lump in his throat.  "How've you been?"

    "I've been okay." Kayla said with a small nodding of her head, leaning against the frame of the door with her arms folded across her chest.  "It's been awhile Nick."

    "I know." He replied, a silence falling between them as they stared at each other.  Searching for new answers to old questions.

    "What are you doing here Nick?" Kayla finally asked.

Nick paused a moment before answering, lifting up the worn game box he had been holding in his hands so she could see it.

    "I'm bored.  Wanna play Monopoly?"