Please note that this is as written by Adam Sandler. It has only been edited minimally for content. If you are easily offended, it is recommended that you do not continue any further on this page. This is strictly for entertainment purposes, and is not meant to be taken as the gospel truth. Remember... IT'S A JOKE!


Choose Your Astrological Sign
Aquarius (Jan 23 - Feb 22)
Pisces (Feb 23 - Mar 22)
Aries (Mar 23 - April 22)
Taurus (April 23 - May 22)
Gemini (May 23 - June 22)
Cancer (June 23 - July 22)
Leo (July 23 - Aug 22)
Virgo (Aug 23 - Sept 22)
Libra (Sept 23 - Oct 22)
Scorpio (Oct 23 - Nov 22)
Sagitarius (Nov 23 - Dec 22)
Capricorn (Dec 23 - Jan 22)

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Aquarius (Jan 23 - Feb 22)
You have an inventive mind and are inclined to be progressive. You lie a great deal. You make the same mistakes repeatedly because you are stupid. Everyone thinks you are a f**king jerk.



















Pisces (Feb 23 - Mar 22)
You are a pioneer type and think most people are d**kheads. You are quick to reprimand, impatient and full of advice. You do nothing but p*ss-off everyone you come in contact with. You are a prick.



















Aries (Mar 23 - April 22)
You have a wild imagination and often think you are being followed by the FBI or CIA. You have minor influence on your friends and people resent you for flaunting your power. You lack confidence and are a general dipsh**.



















Taurus (April 23 - May 22)
You are practical and persistent. You have a dogged determination and work like h*ll. Most people think your are stubborn and bullheaded. You are nothing but a g**d**ned communist.



















Gemini (May 23 - June 22)
You are a quick and intelligent thinker. People like you because you are bisexual. You are inclined to expect too much for too little. This means your are a cheap b**tard. Geminis are notorious for thriving on incest.



















Cancer (June 23 - July 22)
You are sympathetic and understanding to other people's problems, which makes you a sucker. You are always putting things off. That is why you will always be on welfare and won't be worth a sh**. Everyone in prison is a Cancer.



















Leo (July 23 - Aug 22)
You consider yourself a born leader. Others think you are an idiot. Most Leos are bullies. You are vain and cannot tolerate criticism. Your arrogance is disgusting. Leo people are thieving motherf**kers and enjoy masturbation more than sex.



















Virgo (Aug 23 - Sept 22)
You are the logical type and hate disorder. Your sh**-picking attitude is sickening to your friends and co-workers. You are cold and unemotional and often fall asleep while f**king. Virgos make good bus drivers and pimps.



















Libra (Sept 23 - Oct 22)
You are the artistic type and have a difficult time dealing with reality. If you are a male you are probably queer. Chances for employment and monetary gain are nill. Most Libra women are prostitutes. All Libras die of venereal disease.



















Scorpio (Oct 23 - Nov 22)
You are the worst of the lot. You are shrewd in business and cannot be trusted. You shall achieve the pinnacle of success because of your total lack of ethics. You are the perfect s.o.b. Most Scorpios are murdered.



















Sagitarius (Nov 23 - Dec 22)
You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless tendency to rely on your luck since you have no talent. The majority of Sagittarians are drunks. You are a worthless piece of sh**.



















Capricorn (Dec 23 - Jan 22)
You are conservative and afraid of taking risks. You are basically chickensh**. There has never been a Capricorn of any importance. You should kill yourself.

























For entertainment purposes only!

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