To Whom It May Concern:

     If you receive an e-mail entitled "Bad Times," delete it immediately. DO NOT OPEN IT! Apparently this virus is pretty nasty. Use extreme caution!

• It will not only erase everything on your hard drive, but it will also delete anything on disks within 20 feet of your computer. (Dang, there goes that cure for Beer Belly Syndrome you were working on!)
  
  
• It demagnetizes the stripes on ALL of your credit cards. It reprograms your ATM access code, screws up the tracking on your VCR, and uses subspace harmonics to scratch any CD's you attempt to play. (Ain't life grand?)
  
  
• It makes all the monkeys in South America instantly go bald. (Aren't you glad you're not a monkey???)
  
  
• It will re-calibrate your refrigerator's coolness settings so all your ice cream melts and your milk curdles. (Rocky Road is now Muddy Trail!)
  
  
• It turns all your white laundry pink! (Such an attractive shade on you!)
  
  
• It auto-starts your car and programs it to drive to the nearest chop-shop. (Kiss those brand new windshield wipers goodbye.)
  
  
• It will program your phone Auto-Dial to call only your mother-in-law's number. (As if you needed MORE quality time!)
  
  
• It actually implants thoughts into your head! (Hey, suddenly I want to go to work and not get paid!)
  
  
  

So be careful! This is not something to laugh at, take this warning seriously! Forward this to all of your friends, relatives, your cat, neighbors, family, enemies, plumbers, your dog, garbagemen, stockbrockers, your goldfish, doctors, and any other acquaintances! It's for their own good.

Oh wait! If you are already reading this, then it is too late! You have already opened the virus! Run! Run for your life! (Since you are too busy running away right now, I think I will help myself to some of that icecream. Yum!)



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