But this is not a typical day. I will soon be without somebody that means a lot to me, the only person in my extended family that I got along with and could talk to
I will you dad, very much.
TAKE THE COLLINS FAMILY QUIZ!
1. Which vegetable should you feed the kids for dinner?
a. Hahahaha. That's a good one. Vegetables. Are you a comic?
b. The one that comes in a package labled "Oscar Meyer". Use your imagination
c. Anything you want. Make hannah eat it and videotape her retching motions for
"America's funniest videos"
2. Your mother inlaw is coming. What groceries are the most important?
a. Groceries? According to "Parke's Law", the only requirements are chocolate and wine
b. Don't bother. They will send you to the store ten or twenty times a day anyhow
c. Poormouth. She'll bring her own.
3. Given Sophie's antics, which is your biggest worry:
a. That she will be a cheerleader. When she's 40.
b. That she will be the star on one of FOX television's new reality shows
c. That her REAL mother and father, the king and queen, won't be along soon to fix it
4. Given our increasing pet population in the house, what will be the next?
a. Whatever that GD Jackie dumps on us next time
b. Something that is lying dormant in the fridge. Probably from Christmas.
c. Hannah's new, "This is my dream and there will not be anymore", pet
5. You are headed down an lonely stretch of road in the middle of nowhere. You are:
a. Taking a shortcut recommended by your mother inlaw
b. Trying to find your sister inlaws house
c. Trying to bury their bodies
6. Saying "let's not get presents for each other this year" REALLY means:
a. Don't get me anything expensive. Unless I like it.
b. Whatever you did get me would be cheap and thoughtless, so don't get me anything. Pig.
c. I will be (sniff), ok if I don't (sob), get anything.
7. Why did the drug-crazed brother shave his head?
a. He thought that joining a cult, wearing orange and hanging out in airports sounded like fun.
b. After one notable binge, he thought he was mowing the lawn
c. Because his antics had not had the desired affect on people lately
8. What is the most amazing thing about the new pool/foosball/etc. set the kids got?
a. That Sophie hasn't danced on the pooltable yet
b. That it seems to be holding together, in spite of the fact that James put it together
c. That 3 kids actually agreed on something other than "hotdogs for dinner"
9. What is the most often forgotten item left behind before a long family roadtrip?
a. Sanity
b. The bathroom
c. Are you nuts? A roadtrip? I'd rather be locked in a small box with a pit vipers
GRADING. A true Collins could never make up their mind. If you chose any of them you are not a true Collins.
(printed magazine/newspaper)