THE FAMILY 
by Dr. Suess Collins
 
Every Who 
In the entire family
Liked the same things a lot... 
 
But there was one mean old Grinch,
Who lived in Puyallup, that really, truly
Did NOT! 
 
The Family Loved Chocolate! Either milk or Dark!
Now, please don't ask why, but their names were Parke.
Chocolate for dinner! Chocolate for bed!
And if they had it their way, they’d eat it till dead
 
But,
Whatever the reason,
His heart or His money,
The Grinch dislike spending money on that damn Easter bunny
 
And if that wasn’t truly enough,
They bought with all kinds of tacky and useless cutsie stuff,
A vase over here - a stick over there,
One more bloody thing and the Grinch won’t have a prayer
 
When first met, they were so kind and gentle
Took the Grinch awhile to determine they were really mental,
Crazy as they were, they dug a big pond,
From their actions you’d swear that they were acting quite blonde,
 
To get around, a boat they did buy,
From a traveling brick salesman, we don’t know why,
“8 men” it could hold said Jackie – “a no brainer”,
But the Grinch found it leaked like an old spaghetti strainer
 
The family would group at the house to eat and drink wine,
The best Mexican type, smelling of brine,
Erin would be there, and Greg too,
While Mimi would be asking for another “little drinky poo”
 
“Drove at 100 miles per hour” Greg would boast,
We could tell it was true, cuz Erin looked like a ghost,
The animals were there, all of them too,
It reminded me of an illegal creature zoo
 
Jessie would come, all filled with knowledge,
As she secretly thought of the boys back in college,
George would be there too, a girlfriend in tow,
A doctor no less, he’d say face all aglow,
 
We would all gather for dinner in a house that looked like a trailer,
While Jackie made dinner and swore like a sailor,
Food would be passed, plates would be served,
The Grinch’s lack of vegetable eating would be observed,
 
Then it was the cleanup time and everybody ran,
The kids outside and Dale to the van,
The kitchen was small, miniature in fact,
Food was everywhere and the dishes were stacked
 
“Turn on some Stan Boreson” Jackie said with a smirk,
“Yea,” said Karyln, “quit being a jerk”
The music would start, screeching away,
“Oh lord, Let it end”, the Grinch would silently pray
 
George would grimace and look at the pond,
“A varmint out there” was all he’d respond,
The next two hours we watched in amusement,
George with a .22 and a look of bemusement,
 
“Pop pop” the gun would erupt with a loud bark,
but the muskat would wander by without even a mark,
“Stop that shooting!” Jocele would exclaim,
while Jackie made sure she was on the edge of any picture frame,
 
Finally, the visit would be over and done,
Except for George who was hunting still with his gun,
Dogs and the kids, we packed into the van,
A scraggy bunch of people for a white trash looking clan,
 
But I wouldn’t take the family in any other way,
Or next time they come to our house, they might really stay