BS"D
Raising Happy Jewish Children
-----------------------------
Giving Your Children the Best Gift of All
by Matatia Chetrit
Ask any parent, "Out of all that you have, what do you
cherish the most?" Most all will reply, my children. Children are
so special and pure. We love them and want the best for them.
They are our future.
The good values that our parents and grandparents taught
us were imparted throughout the generations. They helped us to
live with joy, warmth, and respect towards others. They taught us
to get through the daily challenges of life and to live in peace,
in world full of turmoil. They come from our Torah.
Children are smart. They learn quickly. They learn from
three main sources: from their home, from their education and
from their friends. Children are never too young to learn. You
can start teaching them from birth and even before.
Children learn values from home. Because they revere and
love their parents so much, they want to be like them. They want
to act like them. They are influenced most from the parents
actions. A warm and caring parent will likely have warm and
friendly kids. This is why it is so important to act the way we
want our children to be. If we want them to observe the Shabbat,
to keep kosher, and to say Berachot (blessings for eating) and
prayers, we should do the same. If we don't want them to speak
Lashon Harah (derogatory talk about others), we should also set
an example.
Every Mitzvah has pleasures, benefits and rewards. The
tremendous joy, peace, happiness and delight a person enjoys from
properly observing Shabbat cannot be described in words.
Children, brought up to observe Shabbat, will develop closer
relations with family members and Hash-m. They will learn to
treat guests and people nicely. Children, who learn not to speak
badly about others, will gain similar benefits. Girls who follow
their mothers' modesty in dressing will more likely be virtuous
and moral.
A Mitzvah that we should teach our and/or our relatives
children that will help them keep their Jewish identity, is
saying the Berachot (blessings) before and after eating. The
blessings are thanks to Hash-m for all the goodness he provided
us with. Aside from giving a child a better background in
Judaism, it teaches to them be more appreciative and enhances
their enjoyment of the food. A child who recognizes and is
thankful will live a happier more fulfilling life than one that
is not. Every time a child wants to eat a fruit or drink, to
thank Hash-m, encourage them lovingly to say the particular
blessings.
A woman once came crying to the rabbi. She explained
that her daughter decided to get married to a non-Jew. The rabbi
said, you should of cried before to upbring your children with
Torah values, and you wouldn't be crying today. According to the
NJPS (National Jewish Population Study by the Council of Jewish
Federations), in 1990 about 52% of all American Jews
intermarried.
We can prevent our children from becoming a part of the
intermarriage rate. Giving them a Jewish education inside and
outside our home is one way to drastically increase their chance
of marrying someone Jewish. Statistics prove this. 70 percent of
those (aged 25-44) who had no Jewish education intermarried,
while 20 percent of those with 6 or more years of Jewish day
school education intermarried. Taking the pleasure of observing
Torah today, we can dance happily at our children's Jewish
weddings tomorrow.
Trying our best to raise our children, we try lovingly to
make a good living to support our families. Busy making a living,
we should not sight of our priorities: Giving them good values in
life.
If someone entrusted you with a diamond, worth more than
$5,000,000, you would do your best to keep it safe. Even more so
we should be careful with our children, who are priceless.
Learning in a public school, your children will be more
susceptible to negative influences of society like bad language,
disrespect of authority, drugs, smoking, teenage pregnancy,
transmitted diseases, etc. Sending them to a Jewish Day School or
a Yeshiva, may be one of the best investment you can make for
your kids. Learning Torah, they will thank you for it.
Every Jew, deep inside - no matter how far they are from
Judaism, wants to observe the Torah. We have a spark and a soul
inside us that yearns to learn and observe Torah. The deep
satisfaction we can derive from the spiritual is greater than any
other pleasure. We want our children to enjoy the "things" that
we didn't have as kids. So being unknowledgeable in Judaism
shouldn't stop a parent from gifting their kids with a Jewish
education.
Every day, is a day to say thank you to Hash-m. He gave
us precious children in our hands and, now, we have the
responsibility to upbring them according to the best of our
abilities. Setting a time to learn Torah with them daily,
teaching them by being an example, and instilling love for Torah
and Judaism will help them to keep their Jewish identity.
The best you can do for your children is to teach them
our age-old values from the Torah. Teach them kindly to say
Berachot whenever they eat. Set some time to learn with them.
Teach them to guard their speech. And if you have not yet, enroll
them in a Jewish Day School or a Yeshiva, today. Although the
decision only takes a minute, they will benefit their entire
lives - in this world and in the world to come.
Great references to be a great parent!
A great book that I heartily recommend for every Jewish parent,
parent to be, or even non-parent is Raising Children to Care - A
Jewish Guide to Childrearing, By Miriam Adahan, Feldheim
Publishers. It teaches practical methods and examples to get the
most enjoyment and results from raising children.
Another excellent book, which also is very helpful is Effective
Jewish Parenting, By Miriam Levy, Feldheim Publishers.
My Child, My Disciple is an extraordinary collection of thoughts
and insight with regard to childrearing - full of care and
sensitivity and practical expertise. By Rabbi Noach Orlowek,
Feldheim Publishers. (Its companion volume, My Disciple, My
Child, is available for teachers).
Get the books above from any Jewish bookstore. Or call Feldheim
Publishers at 1-800-237-7149.
At bookstore ask about The Delicate Balance - Love and Authority
in Jewish Parenting, by Sarah Chanah Radcliffe. This book can
help you better communicate with your children.
Great audio cassettes on educating children by Rabbi Ezriel
Tauber are called "Chinuch" - The Real Way (#740) and The Right
Chinuch (#1030). Call Shalheves at 1-800-998-0400 or 1-914-356-
3515, fax 1-914-425-2094. Ask them about related cassettes and
about their membership subscription. The Rabbi speaks about a
very effective and easy to use method to get children to do what
you want through explanation and providing them with alternatives
to select. Another excellent, related cassette is called How to
Obtain Happiness From Life (#E-041594).
Teaching Children Berachot - Contact NCSY at the Orthodox Union -
for Their Guide to Blessings at 1-212-563-4000, fax 1-212-564-
9058. Or pick it up at the Union of Orthodox Congregations, 333
Seventh Avenue, New York, NY, 10001.
Another very useful, explanatory listing of Berachot, is called
the Pocket Brochos, from The Chofetz Chaim Heritage Foundation,
620 Coney Island Avenue, Brooklyn, NY, 11218. 718-435-2213. Ask
them about their helpful cassette series on living better by
Guarding the Tongue. (Highly recommended).
Learning about Shabbat and Holidays can be very enjoyable.
Arachim offers weekend retreats allowing you to experience the
joy of Shabbat and learn about the authenticity of Torah. Find
out when their next retreat is planned for. You may be able to
meet Rabbi Tauber there. Call 1-800-722-3191 or 1-914-356-2766.
bs"d
Instilling Jewish Values and Contentment in Life - 93 Suggestions
-------------------------
by Matatia Chetrit
Observing Shabbat, keeping Kosher, practicing Prayer and learning
Torah will help you to better achieve the benefits below. Also,
you and your children will learn to lead happier, healthier, and
more peaceful lives.
Assuring their Happiness
1. Let love flourish at home
2. Create a peaceful, happy environment - work out your spouse
differences in private - don't be overly strict
3. Be truthful
4. Serve as role model
5. Build children's self-esteem and self-confidence
6. Make them feel important
7. Instill a positive personal outlook - appreciation,
optimism, happiness
8. Educate yourself (about Judaism and other topics) so that
you can educate them
9. Learn about yourself to better educate your children
10. Appoint good teachers for them
11. Understand your child's personality. Act accordingly.
12. Teach humility, modesty and patience
13. Express your positive feelings about them to them daily.
Catch them doing something good and praise them.
14. When they do something bad, calmly explain to them in
private what they did that was wrong and why. Try to get a
commitment they will not do it again.
15. Instill Respect for parents, grandparents, others,
traditions, and of course Torah
16. Motivate them to do something by seeing their point of view
and acting accordingly
17. Teach appreciation
18. Teach integrity and the value of work and applying effort
19. Motivate with love, not punishment
20. Teach and explain them new things every day
21. Encourage expression of positive emotions
22. Guide, don't impose. Be patient, but persistent
23. Give them a say in their lives
24. Solve problems not symptoms
25. Focus on problem solving not blaming
26. Maintain communication and communicate effectively
27. Know their goals
28. Be interested in their lives
29. Teach discipline at home
30. Be open and available for them
31. Don't spoil
32. Explain to them how things work
33. Teach them to say sorry and forgive
34. Teach them to say thank you
35. Smile to them
36. Allow them to express themselves freely
37. Know their interests and use them to motivate
38. Minimize television viewing and don't treat it as a
babysitter - children learn bad values from it
39. Minimize time-wasters - like the telephone - so you can
spend more time educating your children
40. Reward to motivate them to do things
41. Use punishment for extinguishing (when everything else
fails) - punish while you love them not while you are angry
42. Reward to motivate them to do things
43. Motivate children with encouragement, recognition for
achievement, achievement, advancement, responsibility, the work
itself, advancement and growth (Herzberg)
44. Focus your energies on providing a good living environment
not on financial concerns. Focus on good human relations, not on
the importance of materialism.
45. Give children what is best for them, not what you feel best
doing. Don't give them toys just because it makes you feel good,
you might spoil them. At least, let them earn gifts. (for being
good).
46. When you want to get them to do something, use Rabbi
Tauber's method: 1. educate yourself, then them about the
situation. Explain pros and cons and give them a choice. 2. Let
them decide what to do. 3. Determine what practical steps must be
taken to accomplish what was decided. 4. Hash-m decides whether
you will succeed. This helps to build self-esteem.
47. Make things fun to do
48. Tell stories
49. Give them the benefit of the doubt
50. Don't show favoritism
51. Be creative
52. Reduce or eliminate negative influences in your environment
- ie, television programs that promote bad values, etc.
53. Increase positive influences in your environment - try to
develop a closer relationship with them, etc.
54. Parents should be united when they make a decision
concerning the child
55. Don't get angry inside. But pretending you are angry to
emphasize a point is OK.
56. Do things together with children
Assuring their Jewishness and Spiritual Happiness
57. Teach them Ahavat Hash-m (Love of G-d) and Yireat Shamayim
(Awe of Heaven) - teach them regularly that Hash-m is Good, that
He guides their daily lives and that He really loves them. Let
them know that He provides them with everything - including
delicious food, nice parents, clothes, health, bodies, trees, the
sun, etc. Always do Mitzvoth and teach Torah values with joy,
enjoyment, beauty, positiveness, rewards, and goodness so
children will associate doing Mitzvoth with the good. Do not
consider Mitzvoth as a chore. Do not use threats or punishment.
They might develop a negative association with Judaism.
58. Put your heart into your teaching, and your actions.
59. Explain to them nicely about how Hash-m created everything
and is All-Powerful. Explain that He does everything for their
good.
60. Enroll them in a Jewish day school or Yeshiva
61. Teach them to love to do acts of loving kindness (chesed)
and to love their fellow Jews
62. Don't speak badly about people (lashon hara) and teach them
not to also
63. Join and become active in a local Orthodox congregation
64. Bring children to Synagogue with you
65. Learn to say "Baruch Hash-m" (Thank G-d), when someone asks
about you and "Gam Zu Letova", (This also is for the best) when
something that may bother you happens
66. Instill that Hash-m does everything in their best interest
67. Instill trust and faith in Hash-m
68. Teach Torah values, priorities and ethics
69. Teach boys to wear kippoth (Yarmulkes) and tzitzit. Wearing
these, they learn to feel more Jewish.
70. Teach girls to act and dress modestly - ie, according to
the Torah's requirements. This will help them grow up to be
virtuous and moral.
71. Instill good middoth (personal character traits) by
adopting them yourself - ie, modesty, humility, kindness,
cheerfulness, happiness
72. Teach them what the prayers mean and why we do the
blessings on food. (To appreciate Hash-m's Goodness).
73. Tell them Jewish stories and include morals to learn 74.
Have a set time to learn Torah with them every day - hashkafah
(philosophy), halachot (laws), and Talmud. Learning Torah with
them and the family helps you to develop closer relations
together.
75. Instill the love of learning Torah and of the love of it's
representatives - Rabbis, Talmidai Chachamim (Torah Scholars),
etc.
76. Do and explain Mitzvoth with enthusiasm, joy and happiness
77. When you go to Israel, visit Jewish sites together
78. Teach Torah values and priorities
79. Explain to them about how Hash-m created everything
80. Enjoy and observe Shabbat and the holidays with them.
Remember they learn better by observing and adopting what you do.
81. Motivate them to do Berachot (blessings) on everything they
eat
82. Do Mitzvoth Together - Tefillah (prayers), Gemillut
Chasidim (Acts of Loving Kindness) and Tzedakah (charity)
83. Pray for them and with them
84. Teach them the Shema Yisrael (before sleeping and after
waking up) and Modeh Ani (First prayer to say once out of bed)
and Torah Tzivah Lanu (Deut 33:4).
85. Teach them to keep a Kosher home and a Kosher mind
86. Learn mussar (character improvement) and ethics every day
with your family
87. Encourage them to do mitzvoth and to learn Torah. Reward
and be proud of them for their effort.
88. Encourage girls to participate in the lighting of the
Shabbat candles
89. Let them be part of the action - give them responsibility
and work for Shabbat and holiday preparation
90. Live in a Jewish neighborhood
91. Give your children Jewish names
92. Motivate them to do Mitzvoth and learn Torah with rewards,
responsibility, praise, positive encouragement, repetition,
continuity. Use persuasion, not force. Use persistence more than
insistence. Be consistent.
93. Have a daily schedule of things to do - Morning: wash
hands, say Modeh Ani, Shema and short prayers. Evening: say Shema
before going to sleep.
----
- v. 1.1 - July 4, 1996
from: The Jewish Education Network
at: http://www.aquanet.co.il/vip/mc
e-mail: jenet@iname.com
date: 17 Tamuz 5758 / July 12, 1998
ver: 1.1
The Jewish Education Network - A Jewish Education Counts,
Matatia Chetrit, Copyright (1998)
Please feel free to copy this document. We only ask that you keep
it intact and leave this message on it. Thanks