![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
![]() |
The Gospel of Michael Martin for Dummies - Version 1.0
Why slog through thousands of argumentative posts when you can learn everything about Michael Martin in 10 easy steps! Thats right, just follow this handy-dandy guide to the letter and you too will be able to put Michael Martin's entire 35 year universe of spiritual wealth in the palm of your hand. 1. First you must follow a lacto-vegetarian diet, avoid alcohol and drugs, and meditate 2.4 hours a day. Homosexual or bisexual behavior automatically exludes you. Married heterosexuals are allowed but they can't have sex too often. If you do this, Michael Martin will personally initiate you as long as you do not argue with him or offend him. Keeping up so far? Good! 2. Know that there are exactly eight spiritual regions that you need to pass through to get to heaven. You will hear different sounds like bagpipes as Michael escorts you through. There is also a lot of terminology that you need to memorize which Michael will teach to you. Warning, there is a boogie man that lives in these regions called Satan who is really mean and undefeatable. Only Michael Martin can defeat this monster and he will personally do this for you too as long as you don't offend him or argue with him. 3. You need to have at least as much faith as a mustardseed. Michael Martin has said it himself that he is the only true master so you can safely take refuge in this fact. Still not convinced? Michael Martin is a goldmine of psychic predictions. He predicts weather disasters, personal tragedies, superbowl scores and american politics. Never mind if these predictions don't come true. You cannot understand what he is really saying anyways so just keep the faith. 4. There are 8.4 million species of life out there and man is the highest. Expect to be reborn as a lower form of life if you do not follow Michael Martin or not lead a good moral life. If you slander Michale Martin, you could even be reborn as a cockroach. Don't let this scare you, its only meant to teach you a lesson. Just follow Michael Martin and not argue with him or offend him and you will be spared these lessons. 5. You need to become fearful of God. God is the highest power in the universe and he can get offended when people don't fear him. Don't be afraid to be afraid. Being afraid means that you are in love. Love and fear mean the same thing. If this is confusing, don't worry, it'll make perfect sense later. Just remember to be afraid. War is peace, Ignorance is bliss, and fear is love. 6. We are all little droplets of God but God is much bigger than a droplet. Michael Martin happens to be a pretty big droplet which makes him the greatest man on earth. You need to have an out of body experience and merge your droplet into God. Only Michael Martin can do this for you and he will personally do this for you as long as you don't offend him or argue with him. 7. God speaks only through true Sant Mat mystic masters. Michael Martin happens to be the only authentic living master in the western hemisphere at this point in history. Don't expect to find God any other way except through the guidance of Michael Martin. You will surely go to hell if you think otherwise. Michael Martin has said it himself that he is the only possible way to become enlightened so it must be true. True masters never lie. Stay from false masters which includes every other person on the planet - save 1 guy in India. Americans are very lucky to have one of these two true masters right in their own backyard. People in Africa and people without internet access aren't as lucky but they don't deserve it anyway. Americans are obviously the chosen people in this day and age just like the Jews used to be a long time ago. 8. You are a sheep and Michal Martin has come to collect you but only if you are an allotted sheep. You can become one of these allotted sheep by being very humble and well behaved and not saying anything bad about Michael Martin. It is very good to be a sheep because that means your ego is going away. You need to get rid off your ego. You can do this partially on your own but only Michael Martin can finish it off for you - once again, as long as you don't argue with him or offend him. 9. We are all fruit trees. We need to fertilize this fruit tree and take good care of it so that it will bear fruit. If you don't fertilize this tree it will become a weed instead. The only fertilizer you should use is Michael Martin. This fertilizer comes free of charge. You just need to be very nice to Michael Martin and he will give it you. People who like to argue or be offensive won't get fertilized. 10. You must not judge Michael Martin by anything he says, no matter how stupid it sounds. You need to sacrifice yourself completely just like a lemming and become the dust of his feet. Michael Martin has said it himself that he is the appointed Param Sat Guru for the western world so you can have full confidence that he is telling the truth. Just give it enough time and meditate - like maybe a decade or two - and then you will understand what Michael is talking about. Never have any doubts about him or argue with him. Just trust him totally because he makes no mistakes - he said so himself. There you have it folks! You too can become a perfect master and have other lesser people lick your feet too just by following the above steps and donating your life to Michael Martin. There is no other way. Throw all other reason and intuition into the garbage - Michael knows it is all wrong and has said so too. The time to act is now - he will get very busy very soon so you can still make an early investment in this stockmarket of spiritual wealth. What are you waiting for? To be reborn as a cockroach? Revisions being accepted for Version 2.0 (posted by Observer) http://makeashorterlink.com/?T293251DB |
|||||||
Back to Frontpage | |||||||
Back | |||||||