TALES OF A FIBRO WARRIOR CHAPTER ONE...... THE BEGINNING Ah, where do I begin.........it was a dark and stormy night....nah, been done. How about...... once upon a time, long ago and far away.....lol....that's it! Once upon a time, long ago and far away there was a little girl who couldn't understand why she couldn't keep up with the other children. She couldn't run as far or as fast. And the idea of doing a cartwheel was totally beyond her. She found she tired easily and was always achy and sore. Her mother took her to many doctors but to no avail. Each doctor had a different idea, but eventually they were each proven wrong. Finally it was decided that she was probably just looking for attention and most likely just a tad lazy. HA! My first visit to a doctor regarding my FMS was when I was in the fourth grade. I had been complaining for years about being tired and achy all the time. This brilliant physician, without the aid of a single x-ray mind you, diagnosed me with curvature of the spine. That's why they call what doctors do practice.....this one obviously hadn't gotten it right yet! His was the first of a myriad of mis-diagnosis! The "mystery illness" affected every aspect of my life, but I guess the toughest was school. The teachers could not understand why, on some days, I would score in the eighties and nineties and on other's.....well, to be frank......I scored as low as the thirties. They told my folks that I understood the work and was usually a good student but I was just not "applying" myself. Boy I got to hate that word! As if I would wake up on any given morning and chose to fail a test.....DUH!!! By the time I was in highschool it got really serious and I ended up dropping out in my final year. I just couldn't take it anymore, I knew I wasn't stupid but no matter how hard I worked I just couldn't make the grade. Lol, pun intended! So what did I do after my stellar performance as a student you ask? Read on..lol! CHAPTER TWO...... THE MARRIAGE At the ripe old age of 18 I did something brilliant. I got married! Well, let me tell you, that was a rip roaring success! To give the poor guy credit, he had no idea what he had gotten into. Here was a woman (child actually) who could not work, was always tired, constantly complaining about being sore and to top it all off, some days she was a card carrying space cadet. Now there's a club with a lot of members....lol. Anyway, the doctors could not find a thing wrong with her, so his natural assumption was that she was a lazy hypochondriac and not the brightest bulb in the string! The relationship just went from bad to worse! In 1979, a few months after the birth of our daughter, a young doctor, just out of medical school, finally told me what was wrong. (and people wonder why I am such a fan of continuing education..lol) I had something called Fibrocitis. I cheerfully thumbed my nose at the world. "See, I told you I was sick!!" Unfortunately the damage was done and a few short years later the marriage ended. Trust me when I say that it was the best thing for all concerned. My ex and I are the best of friends today, anyway...lol... there I was, a young single mom with a 3 year old daughter and no means of support. In walks the welfare system! I tried to find work but my health problems were against me....who would hire someone who never stayed at one job for more that a few months. Great resume! I decided that going to school might be the answer. So I packed a lunch and off to secretarial school I went.....for 2 whole months....lol. It brought on the worst flare of my life! (No loss, cause I never was one to take orders from anyone anyway). My doctor sent me to a rhuematologist and this healer of mankind informed me that it was only going to get worse and I would eventually end up in a wheelchair, unable to even care for myself. Please pardon my tangent, but it's necessary...lol. The weekend before I had started school I had met a wonderful man. When I got this incredibly uplifting diagnosis from the rhuematologist I did everything in my power to break it off with him, but he would have none of it. With Dean in my corner I decided.....WHAT THE HELL! The doctor had told me that the most important thing I could do was take it easy and not do too much. Screw that! If I was going to eventually end up in a wheelchair I was going to enjoy life before hand. For some reason I was too sensitive to the meds, they just knocked me out so I gave up on them, just taking them when I would crash, and started to live. I took up riding again and cross country skiing. I basically did whatever my heart desired.. Did I hurt? Hell yes! Was it worth it? Every damn minute! But the lifestyle was taking it's toll. I would go out and enjoy myself and worry about it the next day. The Fibrocitis was getting worse with each passing month and I ended up back on the meds. I became a zombie! And forget working, it seemed that after 6 weeks or so of any kind of job I would get a totally debilitating flare. That was a vicious cycle....work, flare, heal, work, flare, heal......and so on. Dean put a stop to that....lol....after 3 years of living together I finally consented to marry him. I had been hesitant because I knew the toll Fibrocitis could put on a marriage, but he had convinced me that it wouldn't be a problem in ours.....that was in October of '86 and I am pleased to announce that it never was. CHAPTER THREE...... MY SALVATION In 1990 I went to see YET another rhuematologist. Yeah, I know, that's what I thought but this one was apparently having great success treating folks with Fibrocitis and he informed me on my very first visit that what I had was now being called Fibromyalgia. He told me that there were a lot more symptoms involved then originally thought. Okay, he had my attention. For you see, although I had been pleased with the original diagnosis, there was a myriad of other things wrong with me that Fibrocitis didn't include. The insomnia, anxiety, mental confusion, forgetfulness, clumsiness, bowel trouble, blah, blah, blah.....all the "nonsense", was actually a part of the Fibromyalgia, not "just nerves". Once again I thumbed my nose at the world! I felt validated! Truly sane for the first time in my life. The FMS had been my albatross and I had finally found a way to peel the damn thing off my neck and drown the bugger once and for all. I learned about the importance of gentle exercise. I learned about pacing, and I don't mean the floors....lol....doing a very little bit of something everyday and slowly over a long period of time getting to an almost normal lifestyle. Now I did say almost normal! I learned that on my really good days not to treat myself as a healthy person. To do no more on those days then I did on any other. I learned the importance of rest, not sitting back and watching the tube but going into the bedroom and laying down for 20 minutes or so 3 times a day, recharging my batteries as it were. I had always been an advocate of meditation as a way to raise the endorphins and I became a pro at it. I discovered aromatherapy. . .the healing property of the essential oils made my days bearable and filled my nights with deep restorative sleep. I think one of the most important things I learned was acceptance. I was sick and until they found a cause and cure, I always would be. I had to learn to accept that. CHAPTER FOUR....... MY LIFE TODAY (I know...."it's about time!!" lol) (This thing's so long it put the cat to sleep!!!) In 1996 I was in a rather nasty car wreck and unfortunately it undid most of the work I had done getting my fm under control. I also ended up with CMP (Chronic Myofasial Pain) which offers up an entirely new set of challenges. But I'm working on it! LOL...I could do with a few less challenges in my life!! My marriage to Dean did eventually end, not due to the fm, well not directly I suppose. As the years went by I would have to say I changed…drastically. Where I was once a stereotypical type “A” personality . . . hmm. . .well, let’s just say I’m a little farther down the alphabet these days. I am at peace, no longer tormented by my inability to do things. I’m not the fiery go-getter I once was, driving myself to total collapse, now I am content to sit by the fire, take walks along the beach and of course, there’s my writing. Writing has always been my escape from the fm/cmp. Not the person I once was, I think now I am a better person, truly content. I found a niche in life. I learned to live again. The split with Dean was not a bad thing, we talk constantly. Confide in one another, go to each other with our worries, share our plans. You see, at the base of our relationship was a deep true friendship and we have been fortunate enough to be able to see past the failed marriage and recognize the importance of maintaining that friendship. Hell we even played cupid for one another…lol. I helped him get set up with a reputable online dating service where he met a wonderful woman who is just perfect for him. They were married just a few months ago. And Dean…well he got me thinking about something. I have this very dear friend I’d met on ICQ back in the summer of 1998. He’s from Australia and had been to visit a couple of times…to make a long story short (yeah I know…too late…lol) he and I tried a six month ‘give it a go’ starting in May 2000 and frankly…it worked out pretty damn great! My daughter also met an aussie chap on her travels thru Europe, fell in love, married and now have a one year old son, who just happens to be the apple of his ‘nana’s’ eye…lol. She and I discussed things…the original plan was for the ‘guys’ to immigrate permanently to Canada…my daughter and I thought, ah,what the hell!! So late October of 2001 I packed up lock, stock and 5 cats and am now living in aus. They followed me over in Janurary of this year. We have settled in different areas of the country but have no regrets about our move! My fm went into hyterics for the first while but has since settled down and is enjoying the mild temperatures. It never was a fan of the drastic extremes of Canada. THE MORAL OF THIS STORY FMS taught me many things, it taught me never to judge other people, it taught me strength and it gave me one hell of a sense of humour. The more I hurt the harder I laugh! It caused me to be a bit of an outsider and through that I developed a love of literature and good music. I developed my writing skills and to this day love to write. I learned to be a listener and a thinker. Because of the FMS I have become someone other people turn to in times of trouble or just for a shoulder to cry on. Don't get me wrong, if I could get rid of this disease and be a "normal" person, I would do it in a New York minute. But because I can't I will do my damnedest to be the best person I can be. And if you know of a better goal in life, fire away! Always remember, life is for living so pace yourself and enjoy it!