| Kalysta was born at 2:29pm on July 20th 2005; she weighed 5 pounds 3 ounces and was 18" long. Her birth was very emotional as we all waited for her to cry or make some effort at life. I recall looking around the room and not seeing a dry eye. We talked to her telling her that we loved her and that she was beautiful. We pleeded with her to do well so that we could take her home. Her Apgar score was a one, she was not breathing, and her heart rate was slow. We had planned well for this moment, or so we thought. We had made a birth plan and met with the hospital staff. We agreed to positive pressure ventilation, to see if she would attempt to make an effort. She chose to fight and began to breathe. She layed on my chest and we looked into each others eyes; she is beautiful just like her name implies. She has curly blonde hair and looks a lot like her Daddy. She does have a bilateral cleft lip and palate. She has the cutest extra pinkie on her right hand and two small scalp lesions. Her kidneys were enlarged, as we were informed by ultrasound. Her heart had a regular rate and rhythm although, no tests were performed to detrmine if it was okay. Kalysta's second Apgar score was a six. We held her in our arms and were amazed at how alert she was. Kalysta was baptized and confirmed with the name Theresa shortly after birth. I cried as she looked so peaceful in my arms; she was here and she was alive. We took many pictures and took prints of her precious hands and feet, I will forever treasure these. We were surrounded by family in the hospital room; many people called and stopped by to tell us that they were praying for Kalysta. We bathed, dressed, and swaddled her. I attempted to breast feed, but it was unsuccessful; she could not latch on due to her cleft. A nasogastric tube was placed and we fed her very small amounts. She was on blow by oxygen, and was dusky around her nose and mouth. She started to experience esophageal reflux and was having an even harder time breathing. We held her late into the night, as she slept so peacefully in our arms. The next day was very difficult for us all; Kalysta continued to have a lot of reflux and she was not handeling her feedings. The contents of her stomach indicated that she was not digesting her food. We met with the neonatalogist, who informed us that the only way to determine what was wrong with her digestive tract would be to do a barium scan. She went on to say that Kalysta would most likely not endure the test and advised against it. Later that morning, Kalysta had her first apnea spell, it was terrifying. We watched her start to turn blue and I begged for someone to do something. Mike administered CPR and the doctor bagged her; she started to improve in color. After the incident we held her and cried, we knew that we could not do that again and we decided to let her go at the next event of apnea. We called the priest so that Kalysta could receive the annointing of the sick. We prayed around her and she was again blessed. After the sacrament she experienced another apnea episode. We held her in our arms as the priest prayed over her, it was one of the most powerful moments of my life. Kalysta turned very blue and was not breathing, we thought that we had lost her. She eventually took a large gasp for air and her color returned. We were so happy that she had fought to stay with us. Later that evening, Kalysta started to appear very dusky again and she had her third apnea spell at 11pm. She again took a large gasp for air in her fight for life. We held her in our arms pleading to God for her life. At 11:30 she had a fourth apnea spell; I held her in my arms and she grasped my fingers with both of her hands. We held hands as she began to slip away. She became an angel at 12:22 am on July 22, 2005. We held her, rocked her, and sang to her. We bathed her again, applied baby lotion to her small body, and dressed her in her heaven outfit, she looked so at peace. The ambulance came to pick her up to bring her to the funeral home, the pain that I felt when they carried her away is undescribable. We had her vigil service on July 24th at the funeral home. We took our baby out of her casket and held her one last time. We told her that we loved her and that she would always be with us, knowing that we would never be the same again. It began to rain when we started the rosary and it downpoared until the service was done. The rain was followed by a a beautiful rainbow and sunny skies. Her funeral service was the following day, I kept my eyes on her tiny casket the whole time; I knew that it would be a long time before I would see my precious baby again. It was a beautiful service and will always be a special memory for me. Kalysta was buried next to her grandmother, Judy, who passed away in 2000 from cancer. I know that together they play in heaven's garden. There are no words to express the feelings after having lost a baby. My arms ached for a long time after she died, aching to hold her and touch her again. Wondering what could have been, what would she be doing now if she was still living? Could her and Kayla have been the best of sisters? What size of clothing would she be in now? The list is endless, and yet I will never have the answers. I have faith and hope that I will see my baby again and this gives me strength to continue each day. We are thankful that we received two days with our daughter and are comforted knowing that she is an angel in heaven looking over all of us. We miss her greatly and our lives will never be the same, she will forever be imprinted on our hearts. |
