This is how Lindsay and I imagined it would probably go.
Scene: After party at a bar… Chellie and Lindsay have just grabbed their drinks (a Smirnoff Ice for Lindsay, vodka and cranberry for Chellie) and are milling around, hoping for a glimpse of Nick and dancing to whatever music the dj is playing (“Freaky Girl” by Shaggy, maybe?)
Chellie: God, Nick looked hot tonight…
Lindsay: doesn’t he always?
Chellie: well, yes, obviously but… *spies glimpse of Nick walking in* *gasps* CHAINS!!!!
Lindsay: *whips head around* Oh my dear god *looks him up and down*
Chellie: *still staring* chains… on his jeans… he’s got on… chains…
Lindsay: yeah, I’d let him tie my wrists up in those.
Chellie: chains…
Lindsay: Yes, we covered that.
Chellie: But he’s got on CHAINS! On his jeans! *takes sip of drink to cool self down*
Lindsay: *has moved on to study the wifebeater he’s got on* I wasn’t even aware he was wearing pants…
Chellie: No pants? *spits out drink* What?!?
Lindsay: I don’t prefer to picture him with pants very often – I’d rather him just be naked.
Chellie: Naked Nick… oh god…
Lindsay: Naked Nick… with CHAINS! *laughs crazily*
Chellie: *swoons* *drops ice cube down shirt* too… hot…
Nick: *has taken notice of girl laughing her head off and the other one dropping ice cubes down her shirt*
Lindsay: No, seriously… picture it… naked… those chains around his wrists…
Chellie: *whimpers* STOP! I don’t want to be a puddly fucking mess if I happen to actually get close to him!
Lindsay: *more maniacal laughter* You would be anyway, what the fuck are you talking about?
Chellie: *sighs* True story.
Lindsay: That’s what I thought.
Nick: *starts heading towards the crazy girls*
Chellie: *catches glimpse of Nick coming our way* *Evil idea* Yeah,well what about you, huh? It’s not like you don’t want to violate him, too.
Lindsay: I never said I didn’t! I would violate him in ways he couldn’t even dream of.
Nick: *now standing directly behind Lindsay* *hears what Lindsay says* *arches eyebrow, curious*
Chellie: *facing Lindsay* *sees that Nick is listening* Oh, yeah? And just what do you think you could come up with that Nick hasn’t already done?
Lindsay: I’d put on my cop uniform and spank him with my baton! *giggles*
Nick: *smirks*
Chellie: I bet he’d like that… *takes sip of drink and tries not to laugh*… and then what?
Lindsay: I’d handcuff him and make him my bitch!
Nick: *eyes wide*
Chellie: *desperately trying not to laugh* I bet that idea would intrigue him…
Lindsay: And then I’d make him say that he’s my bitch, “I’m Lindsay’s bitch!”
Nick: *mouths “I’m Lindsay’s bitch?”*
Chellie: *chugs remainder of drink to keep from spontaneously combusting from laughter* Sounds good, huh?
Lindsay: Of course it does… him in leather pants… saying he’s my bitch? It doesn’t get better than that!
Chellie: Unless you got him in a suit, right?
Lindsay: *knees buckle* Oooohhhhhh… why’d you have to go there??
Chellie: well, you know, there’s nothing I love more than listening to you ramble about your suit fetish…
Nick: *tilts head to side* *mouths “suit fetish?”*
Lindsay: No, no.. hear me out… seriously… just picture it… him… coming out in an Armani suit… *pantomimes being grabbed and pushed against a wall* and just…up against a wall!!!
Chellie: Yes, I know you want him to fuck you up against a wall…
Lindsay: I want him to fuck me anywhere he wants to fuck me…
Chellie: Is that like anywhere meaning “location”… or anywhere meaning “anywhere he wants to put it”?
Nick: *looks REALLY curious and very intrigued*
Lindsay: *imitates real estate commercial* location, location, location!
Chellie: Uh, that still goes both ways, honey.
Lindsay: Let’s put it this way, if I had the opportunity, he could do anything he wanted to do to me.
Chellie: Anytime, anywhere, right?
Lindsay: Hell yeah! Break out the video camera!
Chellie: I wish I had one right now…
Nick: *trying not to laugh, ends up snickersnorting* *covers mouth with hand*
Lindsay: *squirms* pardon me while I go change my pants now…
Chellie: Like you have on underwear anyway…
Nick: *not-so-subtly checks out Lindsay’s ass*
Lindsay: I said change my PANTS, didn’t I?
Chellie: *cracks up again* yes, you did. My bad.
Lindsay: I’d never have on underwear if I was around him. Easy access! *takes sip of drink*
Nick: *nods appreciatively*
Chellie: Easy. That’s a good word for you… you’re such a whore.
Lindsay: Oh, I’d be his whore.
Nick: *does air ass-smacking motion behind her*
Chellie: *bites lip* I’m sure you would be.
Lindsay: Okay, you’ve heard he’s got a big cock… now, if those rumors are true… I’d be his whore, no problem!
Chellie: *looking over Lindsay’s shoulder to see Nick look down at his pants*
Nick: *makes sizable measurement gesture with his hands*
Chellie: *jaw drops*
Lindsay: *raises hands* I volunteer to find out if the rumors are true!
Nick: *pretends to begin to unzip his pants*
Chellie: *trying to watch Nick’s crotch, but not let Lindsay know* Always ready to do some research, huh, Linds?
Lindsay: For him, I’d let him bend me over, smack my ass, and call me “Judy.”
Nick: *ass-smacking motion again, mouthing “Judy! Judy!”*
Chellie: *shakes head* I just… I don’t even know what to do with that.
Lindsay: Oh, I know what to do with that! *does own ass-smacking, butt shaking motion, just barely avoiding backing into him*
Nick: *hands out, waiting for her to run into him*
Chellie: Wow… that’s… uh… sexy.
Lindsay: No, what’s sexy is when he did that burp on Jay Leno… that was the hottest thing I have ever seen… he so has to burp for me.
Nick: *holds up finger, grabs soda from nearby table and takes a drink*
Chellie: *sees what’s about to happen* *smacks forehead*
Nick: *takes a few gulps of air and leans in to belch in Lindsay’s ear*
Chellie: *nearly collapses laughing*
Lindsay: *eyes wide* Oh god… *drops head*
Chellie: *laughing her ass off*
Lindsay: *looks back up at Chellie* He’s right behind me, isn’t he?
Chellie: *still laughing, nods*
Lindsay: For how long?
Nick: *leans in close to her ear* I’m Lindsay’s bitch.
Chellie: *laughing so hard she snorts*
Lindsay: *hears Nick giggling behind her* *mouths words, ‘I hate you…’ while glaring at a hysterical/snorting Chellie*