I have never wanted to sensationalize the nature of the following, but it was once a big deal to me, and just flowed out in all sorts of ways again-and-again. Writing helped and if it yields any insight at all, I hope my presentation of this material only serves to make clear whatever can possibly be gleamed from it - all my faults by the very virtue of how I rave-on included.

Why ...
(I cannot forewarn enough that this includes much confused whining)