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What is it about being pregnant that turns the brains of your loved ones to absolute mush? This didn’t happen to my friends and family right away, it took eight months. Recently, they seemed to have lost certain mental faculties, such as logic and common sense. I know this because of all the utterly ridiculous questions thrown at me on a regular basis. I give up on the standard diplomatic answers. I’m too pregnant and cranky to even try. I’ve also really better things to do with my time, like composing an article on the subject.

I often get asked how I’m doing. It’s a seemingly innocent question. I’ve come to the conclusion that is not what people really want to know. No one is interested in the fact that I’m moody, fat, immobile, constipated and counting the weeks until I deliver. I can tell this by their facial expressions when I reply to this question. What these people REALLY are trying to ask is how is the pregnancy going and what the latest baby news is. Another reason I know is because when I answer their original question of how I am doing, they immediately engage me in purely baby related conversation, as if the information I provided about me a few seconds prior never left my lips.

It would make more sense to me just for them to ask what’s really on their mind. It wouldn’t offend me either, since I love talking about the baby too. I suspect my loved ones ask the previous question out of courtesy. I think that if they asked about baby first, then it would be a bit more polite and a lot more meaningful. I don’t enjoy speaking when no one is really listening. It’s also a waste of breath. I find that people are more apt to listen and discuss my feelings and discomforts more readily and openly AFTER they’ve gotten their baby news fix.

I had a baby shower last weekend. A close friend of mine asked me if I could see about having the baby on a weekend. She went on to explain that it would be more convenient for her to be at the birth if I delivered on a day she was not working. I had to do a double take. Weren’t we in the same Sex-Ed class? Then I thought that maybe aliens abducted her on the way to the shower and her brain switched with a little green man’s. A few others spoke out in agreement with her. They wondered if this was a scenario at all possible. Take note that all these women are childless.

I gave this question some serious thought for all of ten seconds. Then I replied something to the affect of shoving a date book up my birth canal and having the baby pencil them in. I went on to remind them that I had nothing to do with when baby will be born; it’s all up to him.

It appears that everyone is asking similarly ludicrous questions. Some of these loved ones have even had children many times over. My brother in law’s sister had her second daughter this past December. She asked me at my shower if I thought I was going to have the baby early, late or right on time. Hello?? Is there a way to tell? Am I missing something? I can only wonder how she answered this question or even if she was ever asked this question. I honestly told her I had no clue and, again, it was up to the baby.

Even my own mother has asked me to tell her when I thought I’d have the baby. Of all people, I never expected it from her. She lives near Lake Ontario and I live near the Chesapeake Bay. That’s quite a mileage difference. She wants to take a week off from work and be with me for the birth. The only problems being distance and her personnel department requiring three weeks notice of her departure.

Apparently she tried to explain to the staff in personnel that she could not give them an exact date of baby’s arrival. That did not fly with personnel who would have a hard time replacing a valued employee like my mom for an entire week. For a couple weeks now, we have gone back and forth on what day was best for her to start her leave. I logically told her that it would be best for her to come a few days before my due date and stay a few days after.

That didn’t satisfy her. Mom wanted me to sit down with my 3 sisters and try and determine when I will have my baby. She wanted to know when my doctor thought it would happen (isn’t that why doctors use due dates?). She asked my nieces if the baby had dropped. Well, they don’t even know how the baby got in there in the first place let alone what ‘dropped’ means. They just told her I was huge. I asked my mom countless times if my sisters and I were adopted because she didn’t sound like she knew how pregnancy worked and she certainly didn’t sound like someone who was pregnant one four separate occasions!
Then there are the people who ask if I’m sure I’m having a boy. What if it’s a girl; what will I do? I can’t help but wonder what these people are thinking? Nothing in pregnancy is carved in stone. Ultrasounds aren’t one hundred percent in identifying sex. Who doesn’t know that? Am I the only one on this earth who reads or watches television?

If baby turns out to be a girl, I’m not going to send her back. I’m not going to demand a recount. I’m going to be a little surprised, but not disappointed. I’m still going to be mommy. Why bother asking such a silly question?

I had no idea that being pregnant would leave me open to such silly questions. I’m not sure how or why it has affected such intelligent and experienced people the way it has. Perhaps some scientific study should be devoted to this phenomenon. One day, I’ll look back at this and laugh (maybe today, depending on my mood). Until then, these questions will plague and annoy me. I’m supposed to be the one whose brain is off kilter, not my loved ones. Right now, I need them to retain logic and common sense. You can’t always get what you want.

Oh well, only four more weeks to go. Then they’ll have all the answers to their stupid questions. I’ll be off the hook and laughing at them for years to come.