Kilthalia
It was the first day of class and Drake hobbled into the room, cane in hand. There, on the bleacher-like desks, were the noisy, talkative students of all ages and species. Drake knew better than to waste his breath, as he glared at them. Then he silently took a piece of chalk and as he wrote, the chalk on slate made a horrific screeching noise. The room was silent in seconds and the students waited for him to stop writing. It was written in big bold letters: When and Where 270. He tossed the chalk to the holder along the base of the board and turned around to face his students. Looking menacing at them, he took a breath. “THIS is how quiet I want it when I come in every morning. Got it!?” Drake paused to walk to the front of row of his class to pass around the attendance sheet, then went to sit on the edge of his desk. “I’m not an easy teacher, but I’m also not going to flunk you if you do your work. You may be asking yourselves right now, ‘Who IS this geezer!? I bet this’ll be easy cause he’s old and senile.’ WELL I AIN’T! Quick history lesson! I committed the crime on July fourth 8 pm 1993 when St. Canard was deprived of it’s fireworks and blew up bank vaults with the gunpowder. Who am I?” He said quickly, then waited for a hand…any hand.
A girl in the front row raised hers as high as she could. She was the only one. Drake pointed to her. She said, “Negaduck.”
“You bet it was.”
“Whoa whoa whoa!” a teen from the back spoke up. “You’re Negaduck!?”
“Was! I WAS Negaduck! On the count that I’m retired and my son has taken up the position. But I did do that crime! In fact I’d STILL be out there doing such heinous crimes if it weren’t for some lucky punk rookie cop that shot my knee! And three surgeries later, it STILL hurts like a bitch!” he paused. A hand went up; another girl. He knew what was coming. “I’m not here to talk about my family or my personal life. I am here and YOU are here to talk about when and where to commit a crime! TIMING IS
EVERYTHING!!” He snapped his fingers and from down the hall came a mid 20’s guy with a box like briefcase. He set it down and ran off, back to his class.
“Yo, how can we have a whole year class on timing!?” one kid snapped.
“You’d be surprised! It took me FIVE years of MY life to learn it on the streets. That’s a long time for a beginner. YOU will learn what I learned in ONE year!”
Negaduck opened the briefcase and took out a stack of unstapled papers. “Now, I’m not listing what we’ll be doing cause some things might change. We might get a snow day, we might be behind or ahead,” he said as he walked to the kid on the farthest right in the front row to give him the papers to pass around the class. Negs went back to his spot and sat, leaning on his cane. “But what I DO have listed there are test dates and times, my email address, my office location, office phone number, my hours, and what I expect of you!” As the papers were being passed out, he noticed a few people with highlighters noting some things. Other kids merely used them to keep their desks neat as they put their feet up. “There is no textbook for this class. I wouldn’t want to strain your backs before you start your life of crime! That would SUCK! So, I expect you to take notes. I don’t like to write on the damned board, so don’t expect me to. I tend not to give handouts. I don’t supply you with materials you might need for this class, so never ask! I’ve had punk kids do that before! You DON’T want to know what happened to them!” Negs could tell there was a gasp from his class. He was amused by it. “I won’t even read you the syllabus. You got eyes! YOU can do it! And if you can’t read, tough shit. That’s your problem. Learn! As for exams, I give four scheduled tests that count 20% and various pop quizzes worth 50 points each. You never know when I’ll give ‘em! ” He eyed the clock behind the students. He had another half hour to kill in his 50-minute class. Good. “Now, we start with today’s lesson.” He got up to be more comfortable in his chair behind his desk. As his back was turned, he hear a few people ruffling through papers, clearly getting ready to take notes. He sat down in the leather swivel chair HE himself bought for this class. “What do you think would be a good place to rob?”
“Huh?” he heard someone say.
Negaduck said in too calmly a voice, “You heard me. What do you think would be a good place to rob?” He waited for a hand. Not a one. “I’m open to suggestions here,” Now he could see their little brains working. About five hands went up. “Enlighten me.”
One spoke up, “A convenience store?”
“Ok,”
Another, “Gas station?”
“Mmhmm,”
“Lil’ ol’ lady’s house?”
“A couple on da street?”
“Ok, so that’s a start.” Negs said. “Now, tell me what’s wrong with them?”
A few had blank looks, others were trying to think of an answer and others yet were trying to figure out what he meant. “Anyone have a clue?”
That girl in the front raised her hand. Negs figured she’s too cute to be a future villain…but then again… “Yes?”
“Well, yeah, those ideas seem good, but think about WHEN to do them…”
“Go on,” he leaned forward, probably scaring her.
“Well, see, the convenience store has cameras and if he’s been robbed too much he might have a gun er something… The gas station too. People think it’s easy money, but they got like, junk yard dogs n stuff. The lil' old lady might have brass knuckles. And the couple on the street might know kung fu.”
“And all those are possible!” he said as he leaned back, relieved that SOMEONE had a brain. “But, what can you do to get around those?”
Once again the gears if their featherbrains were trying to turn. A smart looking kid from the back row raised his hand and said, “You COULD go after hours-“ he was interrupted.
“But?” Negaduck asked.
“It depends if it’s 24 hours or not?”
“Keep going…”
“Er…get ‘em when their backs are turned? Make sure you’re not seen by the camera?”
“Ok, that’s close. What about the other scenarios?”
“Go when that old lady’s sleeping and tie up her dog and sneak past the canary, and don’t step on the cat’s tail? Er…That couple on the street; make sure the neighborhood’s abandoned and sneak up behind them with a weapon?”
“Yeah, that sounds good too.” He thought a moment.
“If I gave you the answers I would be god. But I’m not and I don’t actually have the answers for there are none yet there are many. Every scenario has different elements playing into them. One thing you ALL neglected to mention was alarm systems!! What if she was a paranoid old lady or that store was robbed one too many times! The power of observation will get you far! Look for signs on the street like a neighborhood watch, or a sticker on a window indicating an alarm. Or even an electric fence! Watching the weather for cover opportunities! The press can easily blame weather for a car off the road that you put there when you robbed and killed the owner! Your job is to think of every what if in the world when it comes to theft! Now, for homework-”
Groans were heard.
“FOR HOMEWORK, I want you to call up a store name in five different cities and ask for their hours. I also want you to get the specs on the buildings and see where there are cameras, and where the security alarms are. Here I have a list of places, one for each of you. Come get ‘em.” He laid out the index cards on his desk for the kids with their grubby little hands to fetch.
“Any questions?”
That girl from the front row walked up to him and asked, “How do you keep so young?”
He looked at her questioningly, then answered, “Evil doesn’t die, sweetheart. Evil doesn’t die.”
As his students filed out, he watched the clock. He had let them out early. “Heh. Oh well. I’m not as young as I used to be.” He mumbled to himself.
On his way out, from his office he met up with that inquisitive girl from class. “Eh, Umm…hi…”
“Yes?”
“You actually never told us what we can call you.”
“You can call me Negaduck, if you want.”
“Ok, cause you know the, uh, class sign-up booklet says another name.”
“I know.” He said as they walked down the three story steps to the main lobby to exit the building. “So, what did you want to see me about?”
“Eh…mmm…nothing much really. Just thought you’d…like the company?”
“Oh really?” He exhaled quickly as a scoff. “O-kay. What is it you like about me that you’d WANT to be around me?”
“Excuse me?!” she stopped in her tracks. Negaduck stopped also and turned to look at her.
“That IS the only reason yer walking with me, isn’t it? I’m old. There’s NOTHING attractive about me!” He continued walking. She caught up and kept pace. “W, well I just f, find you intriguing. That’s all.”
“Intriguing?”
“yes,”
“Why?!”
“Well, umm, you’re…”
“I’m what?” he said as he impatiently waited for a car to pass.
“Well, you ARE the original Negaduck!”
“Well I know that!”
“And I…umm…”
“You find me attractive, don’t you?”
she blushed a bright red and bowed her head. Negaduck senior chuckled. “Thank you. It’s not every day I turn the head of a young lady. Well…not anymore, at least,”
“I’m sorry….” She started to turn to leave him, but he held a shoulder. She turned to look at him.
“If I could, I’d be charming. But my old bones would give in if I tried to do anything extravagant.” He said a laugh in his voice.
“you’re not what I expected,”
“I never am. Never until one actually meets me do they ever think about how I am to them. Oh the stories I could tell…”
“I’d love to heard them,”
“I’d say, ‘over dinner’, but I have a young wife that expects me home at a decent hour,” he thought an awkward moment. “Lunch? We could talk then,”
“That’s wonderful! My name is Ellie!”
“Ellie? Oh,”
“What’s wrong?”
“I have an old friend who’s name is Elle… Whom I should call up sometime…”
“Oh, a lady friend?”
“Megavolt’s wife,”
Ellie gasped. Negaduck senior continued, “I’ll tell you at lunch…today?”
“Yeah, sure! Ha, till then I guess!”
“Until then,”
as she scampered off, Drake Hudigan thought about how he must never have really changed; turning a young woman’s head with his looks and charming, his humor. However, this young beagle teen reminded him of both Elle…and Michelle. And that was the real heart clincher. He went off to hide incase he started crying. He never got over his dear wife’s death, nor will he ever. As he thought about how it seems that Michelle never left his side, that he also had a memento from Elle…that scar from their first encounter… he ran a finger down the spot where it still remains and remembered the days when he could race cops, not snails.
It pained him to think like that. he was old and his physical form was giving way to old age, but his mind was still sharp, like a brand new knife, however now filled with memories… filled. Absolutely filled. He remembers the pain of his life first, his crimes, his kills, his loves, his family; in that order. If he knew what he did now when he was young, would he be the same? Probably not. He’d be smarter than to go into crime.