“No, I am not going mum…” Tonya said calm. “Yes… you… are!!” Tonya’s mother said, trying to keep herself calm by squeezing into a pillow. “Ok, don’t you hear me or something? I am not going mother!” Tonya and her mother were having a row about Tonya not going to school. She hated the course she was following now. And she had decided to just not go. “If you don’t go, I will kill you…” Tonya’s mother said, losing her calmness. Tonya was getting a bit scared now. Her mother was sure going to kill her if she didn’t go. “I will drop you off at school personally.” Tonya’s mother was squeezing the pillow so hard her fingernails became white and her face red. Tonya gave up, she was losing this fight. She gave her mother one last angry look and then got dressed. Tonya’s mother left the room.
When Tonya was sitting in the bus, she saw her school in the distance. At that moment she decided to just get off the bus and take the bus home again. She didn’t really went home. She went to a bridge nearby her house. She slowly ate her lunch and listened to her CD player.
After three hours she had enough of it and walked home as slowly as she could. She already knew what was going to happen. Her mother tried to phone her a couple of times on her mobile, but the battery was almost dead. So she couldn’t pick up anyway. After another hour of walking she put the key in the lock and turned it. Her mother was waiting behind the door. “Where the hell were you?! The school called that you weren’t there for Gods sake!” She was standing there with her hands on her side. Tonya didn’t listen and went straight upstairs. “Come back young lady! Now!” Still Tonya acted like she didn’t hear and locked herself up in her room. “God damn it, Tonya! Open that door right now!” Her mother screamed from the other side of the door. “No, go away.” She heard her mother taking deep breaths. “Ok, you’ve done it lady. I’m gonna call your father.” With that, Tonya heard her mother stumble down the stairs. Tonya put on her music again and tried to focus on nothing. Just a clear head for a second. But she couldn’t, all the troubles were getting too much and she broke out in tears. She really hated the course she was doing and her mother didn’t support her in choosing another one. Her mother forced her to go to this one, and Tonya had the feeling that she was all alone in this. Nobody wanted to help her. Because of all this she didn’t go out with friends anymore so she sort of didn’t had any anymore. She started to lock herself up more and more in the summer holidays.
She snapped out of her thought when she heard someone knocking on the door. “Tonya? Can you please open the door? We need to talk.” It was her father. “Ok, but only if you promise you’re not going to yell at me like mum did.” Her father promised and Tonya opened the door. Her father was looking slightly worried. Well, no wonder. Tonya was looking horrible. “I’m sorry for your mother sweety. Can we sit down for a bit?” Her father asked. Tonya nodded and sat down on her bed. Her father sat next to her and looked her in the eye. “Ok, so. What’s matter all of the sudden?” He tried to find any expression on Tonya’s face. And he found one, a sad one. Tonya broke out in tears again. Through her tears she could see her father was having a hard time. “Why don’t you want to go to school?” He tried again. Tonya swallowed hard and wiped away her tears. “I just hate the course, the school everything. I’ve had enough of school. I just don’t wanna go anymore.” Tonya’s dad placed a hand on her shoulder. “But you have to. You have to.”
The following days the atmosphere in the house became worse. Her dad told Tonya that she could take the week off. But it wasn’t getting any better. Her mother was ignoring her, she wasn’t allowed to go out, not even to just buy a magazine or something. Her dad plugged out her computer, internet, everything. She had nothing anymore. She was all alone and she was allowed to go out again if she could tell why she wanted to quit the course. But there was no particular reason, she just didn’t wanna go anymore. She tried, she really tried to explain but her mother whisked it off by saying that it was no reason and that she was crazy to just quit it. The thoughts of running away from home, sleep over at a friends house (which wasn’t an option cos she didn’t have any friends), and killing herself were daily. Especially suicide sounded good to her; it was the one way to escape of it all. She could’ve just cut her wrists but quite frankly, she was too scared. So she didn’t and waited for what came.
She packed her stuff, ready to go somewhere. Didn’t matter where, just as long as it was out of the house. She could leave safe; her mother and father were both away to go to work. Although they did threaten to kill her if they had noticed that she went away for a few hours. Tonya didn’t care anymore. She would leave the house and never come back again.
When she was dragging her bag down the stairs, the doorbell rang. Tonya jumped up an inch. Her heart skipped a beat. She quickly hid the bag in the closet in the hallway before opening the door. Her hand reached for the door handle, she felt her heart pumping in her throat.
“Hi.” A lads voice said. Tonya had to look twice before she recognised the lad who was standing in front of the door. “Oh my God! You look terrible!” The guy pushed the door open and let himself in. “What happened? Are you ok? Can I help you with anything?” Tonya smiled weakly. “Well, first. Nice to see you too. I’m having some trouble at home and was about to leave the house and never come back again. I am not ok and you could help me by taking me away from this place. James…” James was a friend she had known for ages but they lost contact when they both went their own ways. “Oh, well. Pack your stuff then and I’m gonna take you away.” He said. Tonya opened the closet and took her bag out. “I already packed.” “Good, so we can leave immediately.” He took the bag out of Tonya’s hands and walked out to his car.
He threw the bag into the trunk of his car. “Aren’t you supposed to leave a note or something?” He asked, “No, they can go to hell for all I care.” James nodded and told Tonya to get in the car. He quickly scribbled something on a piece of paper and put it in the mailbox. “Ready to go?” He asked while he turned the key in the ignition. Tonya nodded and smiled weakly. James smiled back and caressed her cheek for a second. Then he kicked in the pedal to speed away.
“Why were you at my door in the first place?” Tonya asked after half an hour of driving. James kept on driving, but looked out of the corner of his eye in the direction of Tonya. He let out a deep sigh. “Okay, well. We haven’t seen each other in, like ages. So that was sort of the main reason. I didn’t know if you were at home or not, so I guess I’m kinda lucky that you were. And I wanted to talk about something with you, but that can wait.” He tightened his grip on the wheel. Again he sighed. “And where are we going? ‘Cos your apartment is in the opposite direction.” Tonya said, pointing behind her. “We’re not going to my apartment. ‘Cos I’m kicked out of there for no reason. So I’m living with two of my mates for a while. They wont mind you having there, I’m sure.” The corners of his mouth curled into a friendly smile and his big blue eyes sparkled. “If you’re sure then I guess its ok.”
Tonya could hear loud music when they were standing in front of the door. James opened it and they walked in. “Chaz, Matt?” He screamed to drown out the music. The music was getting less loud as one of James’ mates came walking in the living room. He was tall, had light brown hair and was wearing baggy jeans and a black shirt. “Chaz, this is Tonya. The girl I was telling you about earlier. Tonya, Charlie.” Charlie got one hand out of his pocket and reached out to shake Tonya’s. He smiled. “Oh, so you are the girl James is talking about all day!” Tonya laughed as James was blushing a bit. Then another lad walked in. He was had dark hair with blonde tips, wearing very baggy trousers which were hanging on his hips. He was looking at Tonya very carefully as he came nearer. He reached out his hand as he was walking. “Hey, I’m Matt. Guess you’re Tonya? You’re exactly as James described you.” He smiled at Tonya. “Ok, you guys talk for a bit, I’m gonna take your bag out of the car, Tonya.” Tonya nodded and was pushed to the couch by Matt and Charlie. “So what’s going on between you two?” Charlie asked curious. “Nothing, I haven’t seen James in ages, I ran away from home and ended up here.” She said as she was looking around. “Oh, ‘cos James gave me the impression you were going out.” “Yeah, me too.” Matt added. Tonya turned her head straight to Matt and Charlie as she heard ‘going out’. “James… and I? Going out? You must be kidding. James is like a brother to me!” “He certainly doesn’t see you as his sister to me. He talks about you like he’s having a huge crush on…” Matt quickly stopped talking as he saw James. “That’s bullshit, Matt. Come on, Tonya. I’m going to show you your room.” He grasped Tonya’s hand to get her away from his mates as fast as possible. He gave Matt and Charlie an angry look and then pulled Tonya up the stairs to her room.
“Do you like it?” James asked when he saw Tonya looking around the room. “Yes, its nice.” She said and smiled. “I’m going to take a shower and change clothes.” She said and opened up her bag. James wasn’t moving a muscle. “So, if you’d leave please?” James suddenly woke up from his, what looked like, a daydream and turned around to leave the room. “Oh yeah, the bathroom is the second door on the left.” He poked his head around the door. “Ok, thanks.” James left again, to come back after half an hour when Tonya was dressing in her room.
“Oh shit! Sorry!” James yelled as he opened the door to find Tonya only wearing a bra and jeans. He was about to close the door again. “Hey James, its ok. Its not like you never saw me half naked before.” She winked at him. “What’s up?” She said as she pulled James in the room. He couldn’t help himself but took a few steps forward to Tonya. He stroked her arm, then got a string of hair out of her face. “N… noth… nothing. Just checking if you were ok.” Tonya pulled a confused face and James stepped backwards. “James, I only took a shower. I’m sure I wont drown or anything.” James smiled and looked down in embarrassment. He shuffled his feet. “I know, just missed you…” He looked up again. Tonya walked up to him and hugged him. “Missed you too, handsome.” James stroked her back, then tightened his grip around Tonya. “I’ll never let you go again, I promise.” He whispered in her ear. “What?” Tonya gently pushed James a bit away from her. James stroked her cheek. “Nothing beautiful. Lets go downstairs and grab something to eat. Like, Jaffa Cakes!” James said cheerful. “You still like those things? Cant believe it…” Tonya laughed and followed James down the stairs.
“Are you sure you want Jaffa Cakes? I can make you something else if you like.” Charlie sniggered as he saw James attacking his box of Jaffa Cakes. James looked up. “Don’t let him make anything for you, Tonya. First; he cant cook, second; you’ll have to be careful of all the flying food around the kitchen.” “Its ok, I can cook for myself.” She opened some cupboards to find a pan. Then looked into the fridge for actual food.
After a few minutes Matt came walking in the kitchen. “Oh, smells good! What you making?” He asked while looking in the pan. “Oooh! Pancakes! Can you make me some?” He asked excited. Tonya nodded. “Sure. James, Charlie? You too?” “Argh, no thank you. Think I ate too much Jaffa Cakes…” James said as he rubbed his stomach. “Me neither. I love pancakes, but watching James eating those Jaffa Cakes made me feel sick.” Charlie said. “Ok, so its only you and me then.” Tonya said, smiling at Matt.
When Tonya and Matt finished their pancakes, Tonya walked into the living room, looking for James. “Hey Charlie? You know where James is?” Charlie looked up from the TV. “JB? Think he’s in his room.” Tonya mumbled a ‘thank you’ and went upstairs to find James in his room, playing guitar.
“Didn’t know you played guitar…” Tonya said as she was closing the door behind her. “God, you scared me there.” He said and put away the guitar. “Sorry, can you play me something?” James smiled and picked up the guitar again. “Sure, what do you wanna hear?” Tonya sat beside him. “Don’t care. Do you write your own things?” She asked, looking at the notebook which was laid on the floor beside him. “Yeah… Think you’ll like this song.” James said, and started playing. His fingers moved over the chords on the guitar. He took a deep breath and started to sing. “When I saw you girl, all alone. It made me stare…”
“That was beautiful. Did you write that about someone in particular?” James put away the guitar again. “No… well yes.” He looked her in the eye. “Oh, may I know who?” James picked up his notebook and closed it. He stood up and put it into his closet. Then he turned around to find Tonya right behind him, having a questioning look on her face. “If you have to know, I wrote it about you. For you. But I thought I would never see again. Charlie told me to go over to yours. At first I didn’t want to, was too scared really. Thought you didn’t want to see me.” He explained. Tonya took his hand and lead him over to the bed. She sat him down and made herself comfortable next to him. “Why wouldn’t I want to see you?” She asked. “Do you remember that your boyfriend was beaten up a year ago? The day after was the last time we ever spoke to each other. I thought you knew.” James shuffled around on the bed, looking uncomfortable. “Knew what, James?” She knew what he meant, but still asked. “That you knew it was me who beat him up.” He turned his head around to avoid eye-contact with her. “I thought that was the reason why you never called me back. Never came round my house anymore.” He let out a deep sigh. “I didn’t know James. I didn’t call you back, ‘cos I was in the hospital with Gary all the time. Actually, I was only there to be there for him. When he was fully recovered I dumped him. He was a jerk anyway. After he recovered I was so busy with school I forgot to call you, or didn’t have the time to call.” Tonya pulled James nearer to her. “I’m sorry.” She said and hugged him tight. Tears rolled over her cheeks. How could she let her best friend wait for phone calls, hurt him for it? It didn’t matter really. She was there with him, for him now.
That night, Tonya was sat on the couch. She was watching a film together with Matt. Charlie already went to bed, and James asked Tonya to leave him alone for a bit after his confession.
“Hey, do you want some popcorn or something to drink?” Matt asked, he was already standing up. “Popcorn sounds good, and a coke please.” She smiled at him and made herself a little more comfortable on the couch. After a few minutes Matt came back with the popcorn and two glasses of coke. “Thanks.” Tonya said and got directly back into the film again. “No problem,” Matt said as he swung his arm over the back rest of the couch. Totally in the film, Tonya crawled closer to Matt and leaned her head on his shoulder. He stroked her hair. She laid her arm over his stomach to feel it going up and down of the breaths he took. “Are you still not together with James?” Matt suddenly said. He was thinking all the time Tonya was lying next to him. “No, as I said earlier; he’s like a brother to me.” Tonya got a little closer to Matt and moved her head from his shoulder to his chest. “Oh, is ok if I kiss you then?” Matt said, slightly worried about her reaction. Tonya got up and without any warning or sign she kissed him. Matt moved his hands to her back and kissed her back passionately. Their lips removed from each other. “What the fuck do you think your doing?!” Both Matt and Tonya’s head turned round to see James looking quite angry. “Oops…” Was all Matt said. “Oops? Tonya, you go upstairs. I don’t think you want to get involved here.” James said and pulled Tonya off the couch and pushed her in the direction of the stairs. “Not involved? I think I’m already involved James. I kissed him, I wanted to kiss him. What the hell is wrong with you?!” Tonya said angrily. “Yeah, you just go and kiss everybody eh? You’re just a freaking slut looking for as much attention as you can get!” James yelled and ran upstairs. They could hear him slamming the door. “What the…?” Tonya said as she flopped down on the couch again. “Never mind him. He’s just playing the jealous boyfriend.” Matt explained. “But he’s not my boyfriend for Christ’s sake!” She could feel the tears burning in her eyes. “Hey, its ok. Come here.” Matt pulled her close to him. “I think he’s got a huge crush on you and doesn’t want to see you kissing or getting close to someone else.” “I think he said ‘I’ll never let you go again, I promise’ earlier today. It kind of freaked me out, but I tried to forget it and thought I misunderstood him. Do you seriously think he’ll do something to me, or even worse, you if we keep on doing this?” Tonya asked worried. “I don’t know, I’ve never seen him this angry before. He isn’t that kind of person that just go and kill someone, if that’s what you mean.” Matt reassured. “Yeah, I know. But he did beat up my ex. Nearly killed him actually.” Matt’s jaw dropped. “He… he what? James? Are we talking about James Bourne here?” Tonya nodded. “Wow, never expected that…” Matt concluded. “Well, don’t know what you’re gonna do, but I’m off to bed.” Tonya said and kissed Matt on the cheek. “Hope I’ll get some sleep after this.” She frowned her forehead as she said it. “I’m sure I’ll be sleeping very good tonight.” Matt said, winking at Tonya. She smiled and climbed up the stairs to her room.
“Matt, are you still awake?” Tonya knocked on Matt’s bedroom door before walking in. “Yes, I’m still awake.”
Matt was sitting on his bed with his headphones on. “Thought you went to bed?” Matt said, looking up to Tonya who was standing on the side of the bed. “Yeah, just couldn’t sleep.” Matt put off his headphones and got under the duvet. He tapped next to him. Tonya accepted the offer and crawled next to him. Matt shoved more to her, putting his arm around her waist. “You still thinking about James?” He whispered in her neck. “Hmhm…it would help if you’d just shut up and hold me.” Tonya sniggered and got hold of his hand which was searching for a way to go more down. “Sorry.” Matt said, putting his hand back on her waist, more tight now. He kissed her neck, then, within seconds, he fell asleep and softly snored in her ear. “I’m sorry James,” Tonya whispered to herself.
In the middle of the night, Tonya woke up. She heard someone wandering across the landing. To be more specific; the few metres in front of the bedroom door. Tonya slipped out of the bed, trying not to wake Matt. She looked over her shoulder to check if Matt was still asleep. Then she put her ear against the door. The wandering stopped. She opened the door as quiet as possible. The light was on, but there was no one in sight. She walked out of the bedroom, closing the door behind her. “What were you doing in Matt’s bedroom?” Tonya jumped up a few inches. James was right behind her. “If you need to know, I was sleeping there. Until you woke me up!” She hissed. “And what were you doing… excuse me, what are you doing here?” Tonya looked him in the eye. “I was looking for you. You weren’t in your own bedroom, so I thought…” James thought for a second, then grabbed Tonya’s wrist and pulled her into his bedroom. “What do you think you’re doing?!” James pushed her on the bed. He got a mean grin across his face. “You belong to me, Tonya. Not to Matt. Not to anyone.” It was then, when Tonya first noticed the dozens of photo’s of her hanging across his bedroom. Tonya tried to get up, but James quickly jumped on her so she couldn’t get away. He tied her hands up onto the bed’s rails. Then he did a piece of cloth in front of her mouth. “You’re not going to go anywhere, my dear.” Again that mean grin. He stood up from Tonya, walked to the bedroom door and locked it. Tonya tried to untie herself, but it was useless. “You can run, you cant hide. I’ll make you feel good inside…” James started to unbutton his shirt. He kicked of his shoes and jumped on the bed again. He ripped off the t-shirt she was wearing. “You’re gonna like this so much, you’ll never leave me.” James whispered. Tonya started to panic and tried to scream through the cloth in front of her mouth. “No one can hear you, darlin’.” Then, suddenly, the door handle went downwards. Someone was trying to open the door. Tonya tried to scream louder. “Shut up, bitch.” James hissed and smacked her in the face. “James? James, are you in there? Where is Tonya? I cant find her anywhere.” James smacked Tonya again, who was still screaming. “James? Fuck! Tonya! I’m coming!” Matt yelled from the other side of the door. He tried the door handle again, but it wouldn’t open ‘cos the door was locked. He began banging onto the door, and after a few tries the door swung open. “Oh my fucking God!” Matt yelled, as he saw Tonya tied up on the bed and James upon her. “James, get off her! I’m telling you, if you don’t get off her I will throw you off her.” James looked away from Tonya, right into Matt’s eyes. He slowly got off Tonya, then sat in a corner to start crying. “What the hell is going on here?” Charlie came walking in the bedroom, rubbing his eyes. “Oh my Lord! Do I want to get involved in this?” His jaw dropped when he saw Tonya on the bed, Matt trying to untie her and James sitting in the corner crying. “Charlie, I need help here!” Matt yelled and looked furious at him. “Ok, ok. I’m coming already.” Charlie climbed up the bed, wearing only his boxers. Together they untied Tonya from the bed. “Finally! What took you so long, damn it!” Tonya said, shaking.
“Tonya? Can you please open the door? We need to talk and there’s someone at the door for you.” Tonya woke up from the dream she was having. Her father was banging on her bedroom door. She got off her bed and opened the door. “Who’s at the door?” She asked with a sleepy voice. Her father sighed and frowned his forehead. “It’s James. We can talk later. Now go.” He smiled in a worried way and then let Tonya go through to run downstairs and fall in James’ arms. “God, I missed you so much!”