When Demons Come a Calling – Chapter 5
By Kimmi

For disclaimers and warning see part 1


Part 21

“Linds slow down, she’s not going anywhere.”  Catherine shook her head as her daughter bolted from the car.  The girl had been beside herself from the moment she had picked her up from school with the news Sara had been moved to a regular room and she could now visit.  Her daughter had insisted that they go get flowers and a get well card now that the brunette was allowed to have them.  So almost two hours and sixty-seven dollars after she had left the hospital the blonde was walking back through the front doors.  If she hadn’t already promised Lindsey this visit she would have dropped her daughter off at her aunt’s house.  

The moment Cath had told the brunette the younger Willows would be accompanying her Sara had gotten eerily quite and her gaze had blanked.  Several long moments later, her voice wavering, she asked if that was such a good idea, if it wouldn’t frighten Linds seeing her looking like a train wreck.  The blonde had been quick to reassure her that she had told the girl what to expect and that she really wanted to come.  The injured woman had nodded her accent but she had still looked apprehensive, maybe even a little scared.  

Xxx

Sara hated hospitals, always had.  They were filled with nothing but pain and lies.  She had spent too much time in them as a child, suffering silently as the doctors failed to take notice that she fell out of trees, off her bike and down stairs more than most kids.  Every time her job brought her within the cold sterile walls she would invariably flash back to a dislocated shoulder or hip, a sprained wrist, a broken arm or rib she had suffered in silence.  Sometimes the memories would be so vivid that a phantom pain would seize her and linger for hours.  

She looked at the clock and sighed when she saw that only two minutes had passed since the last time she had checked the time.  The longer Catherine was gone, the more anxious she became.  When the blonde was with her, the walls didn’t press in quite so close and it was a little easier to breath.  It was amazing to her how much the older woman’s presence made her confinement bearable and put her at ease, as long as she didn’t think about staying in the Willows’ home.  

From the moment the blonde had pulled her out of her little panic attack something buried in the dark recesses of her subconscious had been trying to claw its way into the light.  Every time she fell asleep nightmares plagued her, but upon waking the images evaporated like smoke.  Normally she didn’t have a problem recalling the hellish dreamscapes that invaded her slumber but for some reason these stubbornly remained hidden to her waking mind.  The only thing she was sure of was they involved Michael Thomas and invoked a soul deep terror in her.  

Xxx

Catherine poked her head around the door wanting to make sure Sara was up before she allowed her anxious daughter into the room.  When she saw the brunette absently picking fuzzballs off the thin blanket coving her and staring despondently out the window, her brows knitted together in concern.  It was clear something was weighing heavily on her mind and the blonde could only hope that the younger woman was really okay with Lindsey being there.  

Well there wasn’t much she could do about it now.  They were there and if she tried to keep her daughter out now she was going to have a mutiny on her hands.  Lindsey had only just started acting like an actual human being again instead of an acid spitting alien, and Cath just wasn’t ready to go back to that.  If things got to be to overwhelming for the lanky brunette then she could cut the visit short without breaking her word to her little girl.  

As the door swung open Sara jerked her attention away from her thoughts and back to the present.  The moment she saw Catherine striding in, she couldn’t keep the smile of relief off her face until the top of a small blonde head half hidden behind a huge bouquet of flowers appeared behind the older woman.  Before the grin could slip the brunette plastered it on, she didn’t want the girl to think she wasn’t welcome.  

She liked Lindsey, she really did, but she still harbored an aching guilt about failing to nail her father’s murderer.  Heaped on top of that was the fact that she had come within a hairs breath of losing her mother because of Sara.  Then of course there was the nightmare she’d had.  The thought of abusing the girl, even in a dream, made her sick to her stomach.  It all combined to make her apprehensive about seeing the young blonde.  If Catherine hadn’t told her how excited her daughter was to finally be able to visit she would have asked her not to bring the girl.

Lindsey carefully sat the vase down where her mother directed before turning to the woman on the bed.  She tried hard not to look at the black and purple marks covering Sara’s exposed skin but she couldn’t seem to get her eyes to move.  Her mother had said the brunette had been beaten up and she expected a bruise here or there, not her arms, chest and neck looking like someone had painted her with shoe polish.  She had never seen anything like it, not even the time she and her cousin Jeremy had raced their bikes down the big hill by his house and she had wrecked at the bottom.  

A discrete nudge from behind her forced Lindsey’s eyes upward and directly into Sara’s chocolate gaze.  Seeing that the woman looked as frightened and nervous as she felt, actually helped to calm her enough to find her voice.  “Mom let me pick out the flowers and the card.”

Sara accepted the envelope from the girl’s small outstretched hand with a genuine smile this time.  “They’re beautiful Lindsey, thank you.”  

It took a few moments of manipulation to actually get the card out but Sara managed it without too much embarrassment.  It had a cute little teddy bear on the front lying in a hospital bed with the words ‘It’s unbearable without you here’ written in a childish scrawl under the drawing.  On the inside was the expected conclusion ‘get well soon’.  It was what was written in the tiny blonde’s careful script though that tugged at the woman’s heart and brought a tear to her eye.  ‘Sara, I’m sorry you got hurt but thank you for saving my mom’s life.  Love, Lindsey’.

The girl’s blue eyes went wide in horror as tears began falling down Sara’s cheeks.  She hadn’t meant to make the woman cry, she only wanted her to know grateful she was that the brunette had protected her mother.  Lindsey hesitated for moment, unsure if the action would be welcomed, before climbing up on the bed and carefully putting her arms around the injured woman’s neck.  

Catherine watched the interaction between her daughter and her friend with hopeful trepidation.  From the second they had entered the room the woman’s dark eyes had stayed riveted on Lindsey.  She had stood transfixed as the fear clearly written on the brunette’s face changed as she read the card Linds had picked out and signed.  Then as tears began slipping down alabaster cheeks the blonde tensed, ready to leap in and offer comfort, but the younger Willows beat her to it.  Cath doubted if a blowtorch could take the smile off her face as Sara embraced the girl.  It looked as if she had made the right decision after all.

Sara hugged the little body to her own for a minute, amazed how she could be so unraveled by the child’s simple words and trust.  She couldn’t believe how quickly Lindsey had jumped in to offer her comfort, she really barely knew the girl.  It was strange that being held by mother and daughter felt the same, safe.  It seemed that the two Willows women had more in common than just their looks.  

She really is just like her mother isn’t she? A perfect little blonde clone.

Sara wasn’t sure where that had come from but it felt eerily familiar, almost like the ghost of a memory although she couldn’t recall ever having said it before.  

“Ok Linds hop down before you hurt her.”  Catherine thought she saw a flash of pain cross Sara’s face as her brows knitted together.  She knew the brunette would never say anything to Lindsey, it wasn’t in her nature.  She would lay there and suffer just so she didn’t upset the girl.  

Lindsey pulled away from the woman and glared at her mother ready to argue but quickly caught herself.  If she got into a fight with her mom now, then she most likely wouldn’t be allowed to come back.  She climbed down but didn’t move away from the bed, wanting to stay close to the brunette in case she started crying again.

“Sara I picked up some pajamas for you yesterday, I figured they’d be more comforta …”

Sara knew someone was speaking to her but she couldn’t make out the words, the darkness was pressing in too closely.  The light in the room shrank away from the inky gloom until all that remained was a single point of illumination, a solitary bulb hanging from the old grungy ceiling tiles.  An inferno raced through her body as one shadow separated itself from the false night and formed itself into a pair of soulless brown eyes, shining with a madness that stopped her heart.

‘I’ve been thinking a lot about little Lindsey.  She’s going to be an orphan soon.’

The words slammed into her through the pain.  The knife flashed again sending a new rush of fire coursing along her already raw nerve endings.  She tried to speak but the words were drowned out by the scream ripping its way out of her throat.  

‘She really is just like her mother isn’t she? A perfect little blonde clone.  The perfect trophy.  You’ll have a piece of Catherine with you forever.  She’s young so it’ll be easy to train her, our new daughter.  We’ll be such a happy little family.’

‘Stay away from her.’  The demand was so soft she barely heard her own words.  His laughter rang through her head, filled her mind until she could feel it, consuming her from the inside out.

Catherine looked up from the burgundy colored silk pajamas when the brunette failed to give any response to the suggestion of helping her change.  Beads of sweat stood out on the brunette’s pallid forehead and her hands were balled into fists so tightly that the skin across her knuckles was stark white.  There was such a look of terror in Sara’s eyes that the blonde whipped around to follow her gaze.  Seeing nothing but the closed door the blonde pulled her daughter out of the way and stepped to the other woman’s side.  

“Sara what’s wrong?”  Grabbing Sara’s hand, Catherine felt icy fingers of fear race down her spine at the chill in the trembling appendage.

Catherine reached for the nurse’s call button, not sure what was wrong.  Sara wasn’t responding and the shudders running through the lanky body getting worse by the second.  She was afraid that the thin woman was going to shake herself apart.  Her hand paused over the small white box as a strangled whisper reached her ears.  “Stay away from her.”

“Linds go wait outside.”  Catherine ordered without looking at the girl.  She forgot the call button and grasped Sara’s face in her hands.  She knew that the brunette was having a flashback and she didn’t want her daughter to hear or see something that might frighten her.   

“But Mom…”

“No buts Lindsey.  Go wait outside the door until I tell you its okay to come back in.”  As her daughter exited in a huff Catherine pulled the dark sweat soaked head to her, trying to pull the younger woman out of the past and ground her in the present.  “Sara, its okay sweetheart come back now, it’s over.”

“Sara, Sara, Sara, still so naïve.  Soon you’ll be begging to have that adorable little girl with you as a constant reminder of your first.  Trust me on this, it’s so much easier to relive the experience with a trophy.”

“No.  Leave her alone.”

“Sara.”

“Sara.”

The brunette blinked in confusion.  Michael’s mouth was moving but it was no longer his voice.  “He can’t hurt you anymore Sara, he’s dead, come back to me please.”

The dulcet pleading tones tugged at her, drew her in.  She knew that voice.  This voice, unlike his, offered comfort and safety instead of pain and fear.  Her torture chamber faded as the familiar presence flared brightly in her mind, chasing away the oppressive darkness.  A pair of crystal blue eyes stared deep into her and Sara felt stripped bare under their knowing gaze.  The sob that rose up from her soul felt like a tidal wave, threatening to drown her in pain.  And then a pair of strong arms wrapped around her, keeping her afloat.  

As Sara buried her head in Catherine’s shoulder, the blonde tightened her hold on the sobbing woman as much as she could while still being mindful of her injuries.  She should have expected something like this to happen sooner or later, the brunette had a lifetime horrific memories to haunt her.   

Sinking into the safety and comfort of Catherine’s embrace, Sara felt a renewed guilt crashing down on her.  How could she have forgotten something like that?  What else was lurking in the back of her mind, clouded by pain and drugs?  She needed to let the blonde know what he had been planning, she needed to confess, but not in front of the woman’s daughter.  This was definitely something the girl didn’t need to hear.  Lifting her head slightly the brunette tried to look around the room but she couldn’t see much through the golden curtain of hair in front of her eyes.  “Lindsey?”

“I sent her out into the hall.”  The blonde was once again amazed by her younger co-worker.  Sara was still trembling from the waking nightmare she had just experienced and her first thought was for Catherine’s daughter.  

Sara’s ribs and shoulder were protesting her current position rather loudly, but she chose to ignore them along with the descant the bruises were adding everywhere her body touched the other woman’s slight frame.  The pain was worth the solace she found in the blonde’s arms.  “He wanted to take her Cath.  He said she would be the ultimate trophy.  He had some twisted fantasy about the three of us being a family and raising Lindsey to be like him.  I’m so sorry I brought him into your lives and putting her in harms way.  I’m sorry I didn’t remember it sooner.”

Catherine brought her hand up and sank it into the dark waves of brown hair, pressing the chestnut head tighter against her.  She mind was screaming in terror at what could have been, what almost was, but her baby was safe and sound right outside the door.  It was Sara that needed her now.  “I told you before that you are not responsible for anything that monster did, but I’ll say it as many times as it takes to get it through that thick skull of yours.  You. Didn’t. Do. Anything. Wrong.  Michael Wayne Thomas was an evil man, a monster.  You didn’t ask to be stalked and raped.  You didn’t ask him to become obsessed.  You didn’t ask him to escape from prison, kidnap us, torture you and threaten my daughter.  He is the only one that can be held accountable for his actions.  Got it?”

Nodding her head from the nest she had created in the hollow of Catherine’s shoulder, Sara let herself sink into the warmth of the body against hers.  Most people would have blamed her and abandoned her but the blonde didn’t seem to be going anywhere any time soon.  Why couldn’t they have been this way from the beginning?  Things could have been so different between them, they could’ve had a chance to be so much more.  The brunette clamped down on that thought immediately.  There was no sense in entertaining what if’s, she couldn’t change the past.  She would just have to enjoy what they had now, but she was going to have to be careful not to let her feelings get out of control.  The last thing she needed was to let her past crush on the older woman reemerge.  It hadn’t been as easy for her to get over her feelings for Catherine as she had tried to make the alluring woman believe.  

“Huh?”  Sara realized that while she had been lost in thought, Catherine had been calling her name.  

“I asked you if you thought the repressed memory was the reason you wigged out when I brought up you coming to stay with us.”  When Sara had failed to respond to her question the first time, Catherine was afraid she had been engulfed in another memory until she realized that the brunette was still relaxed against her.  She began running a hand through the younger woman’s dark locks, nails scratching lightly against her scalp.  If she could keep her calm then maybe they could discus the issue without Sara getting upset again.  

Sara had thought a lot about that and had come to the conclusion that the nightmare she’d had was the culprit.  Now it looked like she needed to reevaluate that deduction a little.  “I think, maybe, partially it was because even though I couldn’t consciously recall it, it was still buried in the back of my mind somewhere.  I just don’t understand how I could forget something that important.  She was in danger and it just slipped my mind?”

“You were in pain and possibly drugged at the time Sara, it’s a wonder you have any memories of those three days at all.”  Catherine had no idea what had been going on when Thomas had brought up her daughter, but she doubted they were having a tea party.  Sara’s body was a roadmap of the torture she’d suffered and the tox screen told a story all its own.  The brunette was lucky not to be a drooling vegetable.  “What’s the other part?”

Sara screwed her eyes shut as the dream slithered its way through her mind and left her feeling cold.  As she shivered in fear the brunette felt Catherine’s arms around her tighten slightly, lending her warmth and strength.  “I’ve dreamed about the night my dad died a thousand times and every time it was the same, just the way it happened, until the other night.  This time I was my mother, you were my father and Lindsey was me.  I ripped her little body out of bed, drug her down the hall, threw her in the corner and made her watch me kill you.”  

“And what, you think that just proves what Thomas said about you being like your parents?  Or maybe that he succeeded in twisting you into a parody of himself?  That’s bullshit.  It was just a dream, it doesn’t mean anything.  Your unconscious mind took everything you’ve been through and jumbled it all together.  I know for a fact that you would rather die than hurt Lindsey or me.  It was just a dream.”  Catherine understood how a nightmare like could upset the brunette.  What she didn’t get was how someone with Sara’s intelligence could believe that it was some kind of indicator of what she was capable of.  

Sara could hear the frustration along with sincerity in the blonde’s voice.  At every turn Catherine had defended her to herself and here she was doing it again after the brunette had told her she’d dreamed of killing her in front of her daughter.  “How can you do that?  How can you just dismiss it as just a dream?”

Catherine pushed the younger woman away from her before taking Sara’s face in her hands.  She wanted the brunette to see her face.  “How can I dismiss it?  I’ve known you for five years.  I’ve watched you fight tooth and nail to protect those that can’t protect themselves.  I’ve seen the look on your face when you can’t get the bad guy, it crushes you, even if the evidence just isn’t there.  I listened to you scream in pain and terror until your voice gave out and you couldn’t scream anymore.  I watched you take a bullet for me.  I watched you ignore how much you were hurting and go after him again to give me a few precious seconds to get away.  You were willing to die so I could escape, so my daughter wouldn’t grow up an orphan.  So yeah, it was just a dream.  I trust you more than I’ve ever trusted anyone in my life, I trust you with my life.”  Catherine wasn’t sure when the tears had started but she refused to let go of Sara to brush them away.  She had the feeling that if she couldn’t get through to the brunette this time she might not get another chance.

“You could hear me?”  Sara wanted to brush away the wetness streaming down the older woman’s cheeks but she couldn’t seem to get her limbs to move.  She had never thought that Catherine was that close.  She never believed that the blonde practically had a front row seat to her torture.  

Catherine stared deep into ebony eyes that were filling with pain, not for the brunette, but for the emotional torment the blonde had suffered.  She had to tell her the rest, make her fully understand.  “The room he kept me in was about fifty feet from yours.  The sound bounced off the walls, down the corridor, through the air ducts and I heard it all.  It ripped me apart knowing he was hurting you and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it.  But I didn’t know how close I was until I escaped.  I tried to get the door open, to get you out, but he caught me.  I…

“You should have left me there.”  Sara interrupted the blonde, her voice cracking.  “I’m not worth…

“Don’t you dare finish that sentence.”  It was Catherine’s turn to cut the other woman off.  She couldn’t help the venom in her voice.  Anger was boiling just below the surface like a thick noxious tar.  It wasn’t the brunette that drew her ire, but the people that had made her feel that way. “You’re worth that and more.  Do you have any idea what it was like for me to have to listen as he tortured you and not be able to stop it?  I was scared that if I left you there he would take off with you and we’d lose you forever.  I want you to stay with me so I can see and hear and feel that you’re all right.  Every time I close my eyes your screams wake me up and I want you there so I can touch you and see for myself that you’re okay.  I know it’s selfish but I can’t help it.”  The anger had drained away the more she talked and left the blonde feeling exposed and shaky.  She hadn’t meant to say so much, to revel so much.  

Whatever force had held her motionless abruptly released its hold and Sara pulled the smaller woman to her.  Her injuries made the hug awkward but she hung on as tightly as she could.  How could she deny the blonde when Catherine had tried to save her, had stayed instead of saving herself?  She believed in her, trusted her, when Sidle couldn’t even do that for herself.  “I’m sorry I didn’t know.  If you want me to stay with you I will.”  

“I don’t want you to do anything you don’t want to or you’re not ready for.  That’s not why I told you.”  The rush of joy Catherine felt as Sara agreed to come home with her quickly faded.  She didn’t want to guilt trip the younger woman into complying.

“I had to let Greg brush my hair so I think you were right about me needing help.  But it would just be until I can take care of myself.”  Letting her younger co-worker assist her had been hard, but she hadn’t asked him to.  This was a big step for her.  Sara had been taking care of herself for as long as she could remember.  For her to admit that she needed someone’s help, for whatever reason or motivating factor, was a huge deal.  

Catherine smiled at the concession and the image of the hyperactive ex-lab rat playing hair-dresser.  Sara was only agreeing because of what the blonde had told her, but the stubborn woman was still doing it under her own terms.  “Well now that that’s settled do you want these pajamas or do you like wearing the hospital’s air conditioned gowns?”  

Sara felt a blush creeping up her face at the thought of having the beautiful blonde help her dress.  Her first instinct was to refuse but she really detested the backless garment the hospital supplied and there was no way she was going to be able to do it on her own.  Pulling away from Catherine, the brunette kept her head down hoping that the older woman wouldn’t notice the flush in her cheeks.  “Yeah, okay.”

“I promise not to look if it makes you feel any better.”  Cath tried to keep the smile off her face but she couldn’t keep it out of her voice.  A bashful Sara Sidle was utterly adorable.  

“Can we just get this over with please?”  Sara could hear the laughter in the blonde’s voice and it only increased her embarrassment.  

Catherine knew that teasing the introverted brunette would only cause her to withdraw so she stayed silent as she retrieved the sleepwear from where she had dropped it in her haste to get to Sara.  Even though she tried her best not to peek, several times during the process she had no choice but to look and each time the blonde had to suppress a gasp at the damage she glimpsed.  Not one inch of the younger woman’s torso had been left untouched and she silently wept again for the horror’s Sara had faced all alone at Michael Thomas’ hands.  

Neither woman spoke until Catherine bent down to help the brunette get into the pajama pants and she noticed something she never would have guessed about Sara.  “You have a tattoo.”

Sara could feel the blonde tracing the sunburst on the top of her foot and the light caress sent shivers coursing through her.  It had been a long time since anyone had touched that particular reminder of her past.  “I got it when I sixteen.  One of my foster brothers at the time wanted to be a tattoo artist and I agreed to be one of his guinea pigs.  It was my attempt at rebellion.”

“So why the sun?  Does it have some special meaning?”  Catherine asked as she returned to her task of getting the younger woman dressed.  

Sara smiled as she remembered the sweet yet troubled seventeen year old boy she had shared a house with for six months.  The two of them had bonded as much as kids that had been in the system for a while could.  It was hard to get close to someone when you never knew when one of you was going to be forced to move.  “I figured it was simple enough that Rodney couldn’t mess it up.  I may have been rebelling but I didn’t want to get stuck with a screwed up tat the rest of my life.”

Catherine tucked Sara back into bed wondering what else the brunette might have done in an effort to establish herself as an individual in a system where children were shuffled around so much that they often became faceless to the people that were supposed to care for them.  “Do me a favor.  If Lindsey sees it, tell her you got it when you were twenty-five.”  

Lindsey’s acting out had become common knowledge around the lab.  From hitchhiking to getting into fights, the girl had taken her father’s death hard and in response her behavior had reflected her anger.  “I’ll tell her I was thirty, maybe that way she won’t think it’s at all cool.”  

Catherine smiled as she leaned over to kiss the brunette’s forehead for her thoughtfulness.  “Yeah right, anything that remotely looks like I’ll disapprove is going to be attractive to her.  She’s almost thirteen after all.”  

Sara found herself grinning happily as the blonde went to usher her daughter back into the room.  Her emotions had run the gamut throughout the last few hours but at the moment she felt good.  She didn’t know what the next few days would bring but with Catherine’s constant support she felt that she could face it head on.  



Part 22



Sara let out a heavy sigh as the door closed behind Nick.  He had offered to stay until Catherine got there but the sweet natured Texan was dead on his feet and she didn’t want him falling asleep at the wheel.  So she’d insisted that he go home and rest.  Now she was beginning to regret it.  It would be at least another twenty minutes before the blonde would get there after dropping Lindsey off at school.  

Since being moved into a private room the brunette found that she grew anxious when left by herself for very long.  Unlike the ICU where there was a constant cacophony of sounds from machines and people, this floor was nearly silent most of the time.  It reminded her to much of the overnight says in the hospital she’d had as a child, alone and scared.  

Her parents had never cared enough to stay with her even though they were the one’s that had put her there.  Thinking about it now she was surprised that they hadn’t been worried she might say something to one of the doctors or nurses but then again they had drilled ‘family business isn’t discussed outside the family’ into her hard enough to leave scars.  Those nights alone had been a blessing and a curse.  On one hand she knew that for one or two days she didn’t have to worry about making her mom and dad angry enough to hurt her, but on the other it was terrifying for a small child to be alone in a strange place with strange people.  

The guys and Brass had been really great, staggering their breaks so that as one was leaving another was coming for several hours in the evening, and Sophia had even dropped by a few times. They also stopped by before and after their shifts to fill the time between Catherine’s visits.  She was pretty certain the lithe blonde had something to do with their timing but she couldn’t bring herself to be angry with the older woman.  She should have known that Willows would pick up on her reluctance to be alone and take steps to make sure she had someone with her as much as possible.  

Grissom on the other hand had so far kept to his promise to give her time and space and had stayed away.  Sara knew she was going to have to talk to him sooner or later but she was leaning toward later, much later. Deep down she didn’t want to hurt him but there was a tiny part of her that wanted him to know some of the pain he had caused her all these years.  She was still angry with him for suddenly deciding she was worth the risk of a relationship and the fact that he had admitted that to the man that had murdered her doppelganger had cut her like a knife.  She wasn’t sure if that wound would ever completely heal.  

Sara was jarred out of her thoughts as the door to her room swung open.  For just a second her spirits lifted and a smile lit her face until she realized that it wasn’t her blonde co-worked coming in but the dayshift nurse.  The grin slipped a bit but didn’t completely disappear.  She wasn’t the person the brunette wanted to see but at least she was company.

“Good morning Sara.  How are you feeling today?”  Alison Dean greeted the woman on the bed with a large smile before moving to begin taking her morning vitals.  The long limbed brunette had quickly become her favorite patient.  Although the woman had been through something extremely traumatic she never complained about anything except wanting to go home, never demanded special treatment, never asked for anything really.  In the four days she had been looking after Sara, she had brought the woman an extra blanket and two pitchers of ice chips.  Her friends and family usually took care of whatever the brunette needed leaving Dean very little to do other than clean wounds, change bandages and take vitals.  

“Better, thanks.”  Sara winced as the perky woman inflated the blood pressure cuff.   She had to grit her teeth to keep from hissing until the tiny nurse was through.  

Alison bit her lip in empathy.  Having your pressure taken could be uncomfortable under normal conditions since the cuff had to be so tight to get an accurate reading but with the amount of bruising on the woman’s body it had to be incredibly painful for Sara.  She had been surprised the first morning she had done it that the shy woman hadn’t said a word, she had just closed her eyes and waited for it to be over.  “And where is that lovely partner of yours this morning?”

“She should be on her way.  She had to take Lindsey to school.”  The first time Nurse Dean had asked about her partner Sara had stared at her in confusion for a minute until prompted her with a description and she realized the short woman was talking about Catherine.  She didn’t know where Alison had gotten the impression that CSI’s had fixed partnerships like cops but she hadn’t felt like explaining the difference and had simply let it go.  

It also seemed as though the lively brunette had misinformed the entire nursing staff since that was how they all referred to her blonde colleague.  She had to admit that if she could only work cases with one person it would probably be Cath.   The older woman challenged and complimented her in ways no one else did.  Once upon a time she would have said Grissom, but now she didn’t even know if was going to be able to work with him at all.  

“Oh she is such a cutie, gonna be a real heartbreaker when she’s older too.  She really seems to be a wonderful girl, so polite and considerate.  The way she was fluffing your pillow yesterday and fussing over you was just the most adorable thing I’ve ever seen.”  The first time Alison had seen the little girl, she had been sitting beside Sara while the brunette helped her with her homework while Catherine looked on with a huge grin on her face.  They made such a beautiful family that the nurse couldn’t help but be a little jealous.  She hoped that someday she found someone as devoted to her as the blonde was to her patient and that they had a wonderful child to share their lives with.  

“She’s a lot like her mom.”  Sara smiled at the memory.  She had been sifting around on the bed, trying to get comfortable when Lindsey had told her to ‘stop fidgeting and lean up’.  The girl had sounded so much like Catherine that she had complied without thought.  The little blonde had adjusted her pillows and then scolded the brunette for not asking for help.  She had been in ‘mothering’ mode ever since her first visit.

When Linds had come back into the room after Sara’s flashback and mini-breakdown, the girl had rushed to her side frightened that she had done something wrong.  The brunette had stumbled and stuttered her way through a vague explanation of what had happened that in the end hadn’t made much sense but had gotten across to the child that it wasn’t her fault.  She had accepted it with a skeptical look but hadn’t pressed the issue.  Instead she had climbed back up on the bed and proceeded to regale Sara with talk of her school and her friends. It had been the longest and easiest conversation the introverted woman had ever had with a kid during her adult life.  

“Oh I bet.  I’m sure there were quite a few broken hearts the day you snagged her.”  Alison laughed as she turned to dispose of the gauze that had covered the brunette’s shoulder wound.  She was sure a few hearts had shattered over the brunette as well, but kept that to herself so as not to embarrass Sara, although she was tempted just to see the woman blush again.  The last time she had paid the woman a compliment her patient had turned as red as a vine ripened tomato.   

The nurse’s odd comment caused Sara to frown in confusion.  Why would she think that Catherine being her partner would break anyone’s heart?  Alison didn’t even know how great a CSI the blonde was.  It really didn’t make any sense to her.  She was still trying to put the pieces of the puzzle together when her doctor made his daily appearance.

“Good morning Ms. Sidle, Nurse Dean.  Let’s have a look, shall we?”  Dr. Kingsley checked the notes on the chart before he began probing the sight of the incision he’d made to repair the damage the bullet had made to Sara’s shoulder.  “Well everything looks good, no sign of infection and you’re healing well.  I think you’re ready to go home this afternoon, provided you have someone that can stay with you.  I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to be alone until you have full use of at least on arm.  I’ll want to see you next week to remove the stitches and set up some occupational therapy sessions.”

“Sara’s partner should be here shortly and I doubt Catherine will leave her alone for a second once she gets her home.”  Alison provided as she began to put a fresh bandage on the brunette’s shoulder.

“Ah yes, your partner, I’ve been meaning to speak to you about her.  You really should update your file.  Since you have no next of kin we allowed her a little leeway with information and visitation but without the proper documentation she can not make any decisions regarding your medical treatment.  You should have copies of your domestic partnership agreement or a power of attorney in your file, I personally recommend having both.  Now as soon as Ms. Willows arrives we’ll start working on your discharge papers.”   Kingsley felt that by the look on his patient’s face meant that she was feeling properly chastised.  He just hoped that she heeded his advice, with a job like theirs, there was always a danger that she or her partner could end up back in the hospital.  

Sara was in such shock that she didn’t even notice the doctor and nurse leaving the room.  Never in her wildest dreams had she thought that was the kind of partnership the hospital staff thought she had with Catherine.  It never even crossed her mind for a second that they all thought the blonde was her girlfriend.  No, that wasn’t exactly right.  Domestic partnership agreement suggested something deeper than just girlfriend.  Holy crap they thought Cath was her wife!  The brunette had no idea how they could have gotten that idea on their own, the only physical affection the blonde had ever showed toward her was a few kisses on the forehead and a hug or two.  Someone had to have deliberately given them that impression.  And there was only one person she could think of that could have or would have done it.  

“Sara, yoo-hoo earth to Sara.”

Speak of the devil.  “Hello dear, get Lindsey off to school okay?”  Sara’s voice was sugary sweet as she greeted the blonde. She was going to have some fun with this.

Catherine frowned more from the unexpected endearment than from the strange tone.  She had called Sara sweetheart and sweetie a number of times in the last week but the brunette had never once responded in kind.  Something was off.  “Okay, what’s going on?”

“Why would something be going on honey?  I’m just asking about our daughter?”  Sara swore she could actually see a light bulb going on over the blonde’s head as realization hit her squarely between the eyes and she had to fight to keep the smile straining to get free under control.

“Oh, that.”  Catherine felt a blush rising hot and fast up her cheat and across her face.  She had thought she had gotten away with that little deception, had hoped that Sara would never find out about it.  

“Oh yes, that.  You know I don’t remember getting hit in the head but I must have if I forgot we were married.  And whatever I got hit with must have been really heavy too since I don’t even remember us dating.  So tell me Catherine, how in the world did everyone in this hospital get the idea that we are together?”  Sara could see the fear and embarrassment on the blonde’s face but she wasn’t going to let her off the hook that easily.

“It was an accident but they were telling me how you were and letting me see you so I couldn’t tell them that.”  Cath hoped that this wouldn’t make the brunette reconsider staying with her.  She should have told her about the mix up sooner, but she had back scared as to how Sara would react.  

“How do you accidentally tell someone you’re my wife?”  Sara couldn’t wait to hear this story.  

Even days later the memory of those fearful hours, not knowing if the brunette was going to live or die, was burned into Catherine’s mind so deep she doubted it would ever really fade.  “I was terrified.  I didn’t know if you were going to be okay and the doctor called you my friend.  I yelled at her that you weren’t, that you were more than that, and she took that to mean we were a couple.  You had put yourself between me and a homicidal maniac, you got shot, you were willing to die for me.  Friend just didn’t seem to be… enough.  Once I realized how she had taken what I said, the doctor that treated you in the ER was giving me an update on your condition and I couldn’t correct the mistake.  I needed to know if you were going to be okay, and that it got me the information.  So I’m sorry if I’ve pissed you off but I’m not sorry for taking advantage of a misunderstanding.”

Sara suddenly felt awful for teasing the blonde.  If their situation had been reversed, the brunette knew she would have done the same thing.  “I’m not mad.  I just wish you had given me a heads-up so I didn’t look like a complete idiot.  The first time the nurse asked me where my partner was all I could do was stare at her until she started dropping hints.  Of course once I figured out she was talking about you, I was thinking partners like cops, not girlfriends.”

“So you’re not upset that everyone here thinks you’re a lesbian and married to me?  Just that you didn’t know about it?”  Catherine felt a need to clarify what the brunette had told her.  Sara guarded her privacy like pit bull with a meaty bone.  

“Catherine you are one of the most intelligent and beautiful women I’ve ever met.  I doubt there’s one person on the planet that would mind if people mistook you for their wife.”  As the blonde’s eyes widened at her compliment, Sara noticed that they had matching blushes rising up their cheeks.  In an effort to deflect attention from her big mouth, the brunette rushed on.  “I just don’t like people thinking I’m a complete moron.  I’m sitting there doing an impression of a fish out of water while my doctor is scolding me about not having domestic partnership papers or power of attorney in my file.  Of course he had a point.  Without any family, if something happens to me there’s no one that can pull the plug.”  

Not wanting to embarrass the brunette further, Catherine chose not to comment on the first part of her little speech.  “What about a living will?  If you had one in your files they’d have to follow whatever instructions you put in it.”

“I actually had one once, but I tore it up and threw it away.  Having it on paper just seemed to make all the possibilities real and I didn’t want to think about it.  I’d rather have a living breathing person that I can trust to make the decisions for me if I can’t.  I don’t want to end up drooling all over myself, being kept alive by machines while some stranger has to change my diaper.  If there’s no hope that I’ll recover, I want someone to put me out of my misery.”  Sara hadn’t really considered giving someone the power to make life and death decisions for her until the doctor brought it up.  But now that he had an idea was taking shape in her mind and she hoped that the other woman would agree to what she wanted to ask.

“That’s a big responsibility.  You would definitely have to have someone you could trust implicitly.”  Catherine ran through the choices available and settled on Nick as the person Sara would most liking choose.  The younger woman and Warrick weren’t that close, Greg was Greg, and once upon a time it might have been Grissom but that time was probably past.  The brunette and the Texan had always had good relationship, even flirted a bit when she had first come to work with them.  And Stokes was a solid guy, dependable, trustworthy; she could do a whole lot worse than having him look after her interests if she was ever in that situation.  

“I know.  That’s why I want you to do it.”  Sara hardly dared to look at the blonde.  It was a lot to ask of anyone, and especially of someone you could barely be civil to not two weeks ago, but things had changed.  In the blink of a madman’s eye, their entire relationship had been flipped upside down.  It had continued to evolve over the past week and now the brunette knew that the blonde was someone she could depend on in tough times, lean on during bad times and entrust her life to.  Catherine had proved to her time and again that she believed in and trusted her, she wanted to her to know that she felt the same.  

Catherine felt her jaw drop.  She hadn’t even considered herself in that role.  The blonde had just assumed that Sara would want someone that she hadn’t had an indifferent and sometimes an antagonistic relationship with for most of their association.  True they had bonded in a way that she had never thought possible, but then she had never stood beside someone and looked death in the eye either.  Still, could she carry through if it ever came down to it?  Could she actually end the younger woman’s life?  Could she let her go even if that was what Sara wanted?  “I’m not saying no, but I’m not saying yes either.  There are a lot of things we need to talk about and I need to think about it.”

Sara was just as glad that Catherine hadn’t turned her down flat as she was that the blonde hadn’t accepted.  It was a huge decision that shouldn’t be taken lightly.  “Well we can talk about it more this afternoon after we get to your place.”

“My what? They’re letting you out of here?  Today?”  At Sara’s nod, Catherine leaned over and lightly tapped the end of brunette’s nose.  “You little brat, that should’ve been the first thing you told me instead of messing with me about the whole marriage thing!”

“Sorry dear.”   Sara tried to look contrite but failed miserably as she smiled wide enough to show the gap between her teeth.  

Catherine just barely managed to keep an answering grin off her face as she narrowed her eyes at the brunette.  It was good to have Sara smiling and joking, even if it was at her expense.  Of course that didn’t mean she was just going to sit there and take it.  “Shut up.”

Seeing the smile trying to fight its way onto the blonde’s lips and the twinkle shinning in her crystalline blue eyes Sara couldn’t seem to help herself.  “Yes dear.”  



Part 23


“You don’t have to do this, you know.  I can run up and pack your things while you wait in the car.”  Catherine looked from the stairs to the woman beside her.  When they left the hospital Sara had insisted on going to her place to pick up some clothes and nothing she or Brass said had dissuaded her.  She had been a little surprised when the brunette had insisted on calling the cop but the moment he had come through the door the soft smiles on the both their faces began to clue her in too how close the two were.  

The first thought that had popped into her head as she watched the interaction between the two, was that the real reason Sara no longer wanted Gil was because she had found someone to replace him.  The tender way Jim held her hand and brushed his lips over her cheek seemed to reinforce that idea until the lanky CSI had smirked up at him and ‘Dad’ and ‘kiddo’ got thrown back and forth.  Cath had only been able to stare at them.  

She hadn’t had the opportunity to observe them together away from the job since long before she had Sara had been abducted.  And after the brunette had been admitted to the hospital, Jim’s visits had been mostly at night when Catherine had been at home with her daughter.  The blonde wondered if this was a new development in their relationship or if they had been so close before.  And if they had, why hadn’t she known about it?  It was something she was definitely going to have to ask the younger woman about once they were alone.  

“Or you can both wait down here and I can go.”  Jim was glad he had insisted that Sara call him when she was released from the hospital.  She had told him about agreeing to stay with Catherine, but he’d had a feeling she’d want to come here after a few comments about not being able to wait to wear her own things.  He just didn’t think she was ready to be pushing herself so soon.  

Sara kept here eyes on the stairs.  She knew her friend and her surrogate father were concerned about her health, but they didn’t understand.  She had to do this, had to see.  “Thanks guys, but I’ll be okay.  I’ve had six days to lie around and they gave me a Lortab right before we left.  Besides it’s just a couple flights of stairs.”  

Looking at the stubborn set to her friend’s features, Catherine knew they had lost round two but she had to give one last ditch effort to talk the brunette out of it.  “Yes you had six days where you barely got out of bed.  You don’t have all your strength back yet and you shouldn’t be climbing all those stairs and straining something.”

Brass could see the argument brewing in Sara’s chocolate orbs and decided that it might be a good idea to defuse the situation before the storm broke.  “You just don’t want us poking around in your drawers.  You know I was married, I have seen women’s underwear before.”

The rising anger Sara had felt in her gut as they tried to deter her melted away as she grinned over at the man that had taken her into his heart and carved out a place for himself in hers.  She didn’t even know why she was mad, they were just trying to protect her.  “Yes but you haven’t seen mine and I prefer to keep it that way, thank you very much.  Come on lets go, journey of a thousand steps and all that.”  

As Sara took a deep breath and started up Catherine moved as close to her as she could, putting her hand on the small of the brunette’s back.  She wished that she could carry the stubborn woman to her destination but would have to settle for making sure that the lanky CSI didn’t fall backwards.  The blonde looked over at the burly detective as he mirrored her move and gave him a tight smile.  If they couldn’t talk Sara out of it, they could at least support her.

The going was slow and as they neared her landing Sara slowed down even more.  The sweat beading on her forehead, the frightened-rabbit beating of her heart, the cold clammy hands, the claws wrapped around her lungs had little to do with the climb though, the pain pill had worked its numbing magic well.  It was the proximity to her own front door that had her in near full panic mode.  She had thought she was ready for this but as Brass stepped around her to unlock the door, only warmth of Catherine’s hand on her back kept Sara upright as the crushing weight of guilt fell onto her shoulders.    

As Catherine was about to follow Jim into the apartment she felt the body under her hand begin to tremble.  She looked over at the brunette and was immediately concerned by the pale sweat-soaked skin and wide eyes.  “Sara, what’s wrong sweetie?”

The brunette squeezed her eyes closed, trying to block out the ghost that was currently stalking her, but she could still see it in all it’s grotesque glory.  “That’s where he killed him.  He just slit his throat and the blood was spraying all over the walls.  God that wet gurgling sound as he tried to breathe, I can still hear it.  He died right there and I couldn’t do anything to stop it.”

Catherine pulled the taller woman to her and wrapped her arms around Sara.  Almost immediately the blonde felt hot tears that were not her own sliding down her neck.  She hadn’t known that one of the officers had been killed inside the brunette’s apartment, only that both of the uniforms assigned to guard her had been murdered.  If she had known she would have fought harder to keep the younger woman away for as long as possible.  “Come on, let’s go.  I’ll come back later and get your clothes.”

Sara pulled back from the embrace but didn’t break it.  She wanted to look the blonde in the eyes, to make her understand, but not lose contact.  “No.  I have to do this.  If I don’t go in there now, I’ll never be able to step foot in my own home again.”

Now that she knew this little trip really had little too nothing to do with clothing Catherine was a little upset that Sara hadn’t told her the truth, but the pleading look in the taller woman’s molten brown eyes wouldn’t allow her to be really mad though.  And the stubborn set of the younger CSI’s jaw told the blonde that trying to talk her out of it was pretty much pointless.  She would just have to support her and be there if the brunette needed her.  “Ok, but we do it together.”

Sara leaned in until her forehead rested against the blonde’s and she whispered her gratitude.  “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, but you should have told me from the start.”  Catherine tightened her grip on the younger woman’s hips when she felt her start to twitch away.  While Sara had started opening up to her a lot more, it was still hard for the brunette to remember that she didn’t have to face everything alone anymore.  

Jim smiled at the tender way the blonde handled the brunette as she scolded and comforted her.  Sara had tried to explain the changes in her relationship with Catherine during his late night visits but he hadn’t had a chance to actually see it with his own eyes until today.  

When he had walked in the door the blonde was sitting on the bed, one hand resting lightly on the younger woman’s stomach while the other tucked some stray hair behind Sara’s ear.  It was such a tender moment that he hated to make his presence known.  Unfortunately it was taken out of his hands when an orderly dropped a stack of metal trays in the hall and drew their attention towards him.  Jim had put on a smile and quickly made his way to the bed to give the young brunette his customary greeting.   

They talked for a few minutes until Sara began to get antsy and started complaining about hospital bureaucracy and taking forever just to print out a couple of stupid pieces of paper.  Catherine had smiled indulgently and planted a kiss on the top of the younger woman’s head before going to find out what the hold up was.  When Brass had shot a questioning look at her, Sidle had shrugged like it wasn’t a big deal.  Apparently over the last week this had become some sort of routine for the two of them and neither one of them thought anything of it.  He just hoped for his girl’s sake that nothing happened to drive a wedge between them.  Sara more than needed, she deserved, the kind of friendship and care Willows was giving her and if that was taken away it could set her back further than he would like to think about.  

“You ready?”  Catherine asked softly as she reached up to brush away the brunette’s tears.  

“No, but I need to do it anyway.”  Sara smiled sadly at the blonde before turning back toward her door.  She tried to move forward but her feet suddenly seemed to be glued to the floor.  She knew she had to do this.  A cop, a fellow law enforcement officer who had been assigned to protect her, had lost his life in her hallway and she felt that if she didn’t acknowledge and face it she was somehow trivializing his death.  It wasn’t until she felt a thin strong arm encircle her waste and warmth from the blonde’s lithe body leeching into her own that the brunette regained command of her legs though. One step, then two, three, a pause at the threshold and she was inside.

 “The blood’s gone.”  For the first time since she had stepped onto the landing outside her apartment Sara saw through the specters of Michael Thomas and Officer William Hankins.

“Ecklie actually had an almost-human moment and released the place to crime scene clean up a little early.”  Brass had nearly had a heart attack when he had heard the assistant director had done it.  Of course nothing was ever really as it seemed where the former day shift supervisor was concerned, Jim just hadn’t figured out his angle yet.  

“I’ll uh, have to send him a thank you card or something.”  Sara frowned at the unusual move.  It was no secret to her that after she had told Ecklie exactly what she thought of him that he would like nothing more than to get rid of her.  He had to have an ulterior motive, but right now she just didn’t feel like thinking about it.  

Catherine was thinking along the same lines as the others and like them decided that it could wait until later.  She had other things to deal with at the moment, like getting Sara away from the door and memories it contained.  A gentle pressure on the brunette’s back had them moving further into the apartment and as they stepped out of the short foyer, the blonde got her first look at the younger woman’s living space.  

The older CSI was so surprised by the décor that she barely heard the lanky woman ask Jim to help her get a suitcase, or noticed as the two of them disappeared into the other room.  Whenever she had spared a thought about where Sara lived, Catherine had always imagined bare stark white walls, utilitarian furniture and a mini lab in the middle of the living room complete with microscopes, Bunsen burners and beakers.  In other words she expected to walk into a cold sterile shell.  She would have never guessed the brunette to be surrounded by rich and soothing purple walls, beautiful black and white landscapes, intricately carved wood screens and an overstuffed couch and chair.  It was cozy and warm and Willows now knew that it reflected perfectly the woman that lived there.  

There was one thing in the room that she wasn’t surprised to see though.  A large bookcase dominated one corner and was practically bursting it was stuffed so full.  Catherine made her way over and began pursuing the titles and found that at least one of her preconceptions had been right on the money.  All sorts of textbooks filled the shelves, from physics to ballistics and entomology to anatomy.  Their glossy spines spoke of Sara’s dedication to and passion for her profession, but one volume drew the blonde’s eye only because it seemed to be out of place.  The thin faded and cracked yellow book called out to Cath’s curiosity and she couldn’t help but investigate.  

The blonde couldn’t stop the giggle that escaped when she pulled the thin tome out and turned it over.  This was something she couldn’t see Sara reading, much less owning and keeping nestled among her collection of textbooks.  

“What’s so funny?”  Brass had left Sara alone in her bedroom at her insistence so she could pack her unmentionables in private and began his own inspection of the brunette’s home.  He had come almost full circle when he heard an uncharacteristic tittering from the blonde.   

Catherine turned toward the detective holding the book up for him to see.  His reaction was much the same as hers, although in a much more manly tone.  

Sara could hear laughter from the other room and since it had been awhile since she had been home she couldn’t remember if she had left out anything potentially embarrassing.  She dropped the t-shirt she had been trying unsuccessfully to fold and walked quickly into the living room.  Jim’s back was to her and Catherine was looking down, presumably at whatever was currently amusing the two of them, so she was able to get right up next to them without either noticing her.  

The brunette let out a tiny sigh of relief when she saw what her friends had found so funny.  It wasn’t nearly as bad as she thought it was.  Sara reached between the blonde and the cop and gently took the book out of Catherine’s hands.  "Hey don't laugh.  This book got me a full scholarship to Harvard."

"Curious George got you into college?"  Catherine shot a smirk tinged with doubt at the brunette.   

If it had been anyone else Sara would have snatched the treasured book from their hands and tossed them out on their ears.  Luckily for the blonde and her surrogate father she trusted them more than she had anyone in her life.  And since they already had the largest and darkest chunks of her past the brunette found she was okay sharing this small slice of herself.  "The first day of kindergarten I was scared out of my mind.  I had never been allowed around kids my own age and here I was trapped in a room full of them with absolutely no idea how to relate to them.  My brother is eight years older than me and the only game he ever played with me was hide and go seek.  I figured out later that only reason he agreed to that was so that he could get rid of me until I got tired of hiding which usually took an hour or two.

Anyway, at nap time the teacher pulled out this book and started reading to us.  No one had ever read to me before and I was fascinated.  It was like watching tv in my head.  I was never allowed to touch the television set and on the rare occasion my parents let me stay in the room while they watched a show, it was usually something that was over my head.  This was something that if I could learn to do I would have some tiny bit of control, and it lit a fire in me.”

As the brunette stroked the front of the book reverently the blonde quietly raged at the childhood, or rather the lack of, which Sara had had.  Catherine had loved reading to Lindsey, painting magical fairytale kingdoms for her, igniting her imagination and starting her solidly on the path of her future school career.  How someone as intelligent and gifted as the younger CSI was, could have come out of such a stagnant and hostile environment with no encouragement or care whatsoever, was a miracle.   

Jim knew that he had failed his own daughter, sinking into the job and the bottom of a bottle.  But during the early years, whenever he was home at bedtime, he was at Ellie’s side reading to her.  It was one of the few things they had bonded over.  He couldn’t imagine any parent not wanting to have that.  

“Once all the other kids had fallen asleep, I just laid there staring at that book.  Mrs. Ortega noticed I was awake and asked me what was wrong.  I don’t know where I got the courage, speaking up in my house usually got me nothing but pain, but I told her I wanted to learn to read.  She very kindly told me that was taught in first grade, kindergarten was where we learned our letters and numbers.  

After a couple of weeks of watching me spend every recess and nap time trying to figure it out on my own, for some reason she decided to help me.  I soaked up everything she told me and at the end of the year she gave this book.  I had never gotten a birthday or even a Christmas present before so it became my prized possession.  I even managed to get the social worker to go back into the house and get it for me.”  Growing up in a world of hand me downs and castoffs the first thing she had ever been given brand new and just for her had made the book all the more precious to Sara.  Her mother had refused to buy her new clothes, saying that such a filthy child didn’t deserve them and would only ruin them so there was no sense wasting the money.  Everything she had worn had either come from second hand stores, good will or things her brother had long ago outgrown.  Even the toys she had played with had been her brother’s at one time.  

The more she learned about Sara’s parents the more Catherine absolutely hated them and the more amazed she was by the brunette.  Children should always be shown they were loved and cherished everyday, but especially on their birthdays.  They should have parties surrounded by friends and families with cake and ice cream and gifts.  Even that one year Lindsey had insisted she didn’t want a party just so she could spend time alone with her mom, the girl had gotten a ton of presents not only from her father and Cath but from the all guys as well.  Everyone that is except the brunette.

The blonde groaned to herself as she remembered what an ass she had been.  ‘What’s the rule? How long do I have to be here before I start kicking in for gifts?’  Sara had only been with them a few months and the question on top of the frustration and uncertainty she’s felt at Lindsey’s determination not to have a party and Catherine had gone from zero to bitch in less than two seconds.  ‘When the spirit moves you, Sara. So, in your case, I guess, never.’  

If she hadn’t been so wrapped up in herself she would have taken more notice of the flash of hurt in the younger woman’s eyes, but she had been too self-absorbed to care.  It was entirely possible the lanky brunette had asked not because she was trying to be a smart ass, but because she really had no idea.  It was one more thing, one more cutting remark, Catherine had to make up for.

“I’d better go finish packing.”  Sara started to place the book back in its place on the shelf but then changed her mind.  She wouldn’t be returning to the apartment for some time and she didn’t like the thought of leaving it behind.  The simple children’s book had become something like a security blanket for her over the years, a reminder of what she had accomplished because one person had seen something in her worth their time when her own parents hadn’t.  

Catherine watched the neglected and battered woman turn toward her bedroom, book clutched awkwardly against her chest.  As Sara paused to gaze at her front door the blonde felt her heart lurch painfully against her chest.  The brunette had taken the death of every one of Thomas’ victims hard but watching Hankins die in front of her eyes had been particularly traumatic.

“She didn’t react like this to the parking lot.”  Brass had been the one to tell the brunette about the other officer after her move to a private room.  He hadn’t wanted to add to her pain but she had a right to know and he’d wanted her to have as much time to prepare as possible.  Catherine had been pretty pissed off at him but when he’d asked her if she’d rather Ecklie tell Sara when she gave her statement the blonde had agreed that it was better that it come from one of them.  

“She didn’t watch him kill Jensen, she didn’t even know about him until a few days ago.  I’m going to see if she’s about ready to go.”  Catherine was still a little upset that the detective had told the brunette.  He was right of course, it had to be done.  She just wished she had been there when he’d done it.  Sara had still been upset the next day and she had spent most of the morning just holding the younger woman’s hand and trying to comfort her.  

When she stepped into the brunette’s bedroom, Catherine was once again shocked at the difference between what she had imagined Sara to be and the reality.  With dark sienna walls, a burnished gold comforter draped across the large cherry wood bed and ivory candles of various shapes and sizes scattered around the room, it was sensual and sophisticated while still being cozy and comfortable.  It seemed Ms. Sidle had a hidden talent.  “Damn girl, you’ve been holding out on me.”  

As Sara’s head snapped up with a confused frown on her face and Catherine waved her arm to indicate the room.  “It’s beautiful, the whole place is.  I need to hire you to do my house.  I still have the same boring beige walls as when I moved in.”

“Uh thanks.  You think you could give me hand closing this thing?  I gave up folding as a lost cause and just threw everything in, but now I can’t get it latched.”  Sara pointed at the overstuffed suitcase as she brushed off Catherine’s comments about her apartment.  Having people in her private space, poking around in her things, trying to dissect her, made her nervous.  At least Brass had kept any thoughts about her décor to himself.  

Cath decided to allow the deflection since Sara, who was usually a miser with personal information had just shared a very significant turning point in her life.  The blonde moved in front of the brunette and began rearranging the clothes, smiling softly when a slightly tattered yellow book corner was reveled.  “I could have done this for you from the beginning you know.  I’m going to see it all when I do laundry anyway.  That’s what a good wife does isn’t it?”  

The glare she tried to shoot the older woman was completely ruined by the smile creeping onto Sara’s face.  “Yeah well you know me, stubborn to a fault.  And for the record I can do my own laundry, dear.”  

“Oh we’re back to that are we?”  Catherine smiled back as she closed and latched the suitcase.  “Well my house, my appliances, means I cook, clean and do the wash.  At least until your cast comes off and then I’m going to put you to work.”  

“Hey you started it this time.”  Sara smirked at the blonde.  She loved being able to tease and laugh with Catherine, it was something she had wanted ever since she had joined the team.  Now that she had it she wondered where they would be now if they’d had this sort of relationship from the beginning.  

Willows had to concede the younger woman’s point.  “Yeah yeah whatever.  Come on, we should get going so you can get settled in before Lindsey gets home from school.  You know she’s going to be in your face the second she runs through the door.”  

As Sara followed Catherine into the living room she thought about how much she was looking forward to spending time with the younger Willows outside of the hospital.  While they had started getting to know each other during her visits, the sterile environment tended to put a damper on the atmosphere.  She knew once she was in Lindsey’s natural habitat that the real girl in all her angsty teenage glory would be revealed.  

When Sara turned toward the door she felt her entire body lock with fear.  Intellectually she knew Michael Thomas was dead and there was no way he could be on the other side, but at that moment her heart and mind were at war.  As Jim’s hand turned the knob the breath in her lungs froze, and the chill spread outward until even her toes were turned to ice.  The only warmth left in her body was concentrated in the ends of her fingers.  

The brunette tore her eyes away from Brass’ back and looked down.  She was surprised to see Catherine’s long elegant hand grasping hers.  It was a little awkward because of the cast and the contact was minimal but at that second it was like she had been wrapped up securely in the blonde’s arms.  Sara’s gaze traveled up the older woman’s arm until she was snared by crystal blue eyes.  The warmth she found there began to spread until her body thawed and she could move again, breath again, live again.  

Catherine could see the waves of fear receding from the younger woman’s liquid brown eyes as her body relaxed from its ramrod straight stance.  She gripped Sara’s fingers a little tighter and drew her forward.  The blonde knew that the brunette was strong, that she had an inner core of pure steel, but right now it was brittle.  All she needed was a little support until it had hardened again.  She hoped that after this trip that could begin to happen and she would do all she could to help.  

Sara kept her eyes locked with Catherine’s until they reached the door.  She paused for a second at the threshold and sent a silent apology to the officer that had died in that very spot, before letting the older woman pull her outside.  She had done almost the same thing in the parking lot when they arrived, but since she had no idea of where Jensen had been when he died, it had been more generalized.  

As Brass locked up behind her, the brunette felt a profound sense of relief.  She knew the guilt she carried would never truly go away but she felt a little lighter having faced this particular ghost.  She couldn’t have done it without the woman still clutching her hand though and not for the first time she marveled at how much she was coming to depend on the fiery blonde.  What was even more astounding was that it didn’t make her feel weak to lean on someone else.  

The trip down the stairs was quicker than the trip up had been and before Catherine knew it, Brass was putting the brunette’s suitcase into the back of her Denali.  “Are you coming to the house Jim?”

“No he’s not.”  Sara answered for the detective before he could even open his mouth.  “He’s going home to get some sleep before his shift.”  

Jim smiled at the protective tone in the brunette’s voice.  Over the past week she had been on him to get more rest, even going so far as to try to make him take naps in the chair in her hospital room.  “I guess I’m going home.”  He pulled Sara to him wrapping her gently in his arms and placing a kiss on her temple.  “You need anything kiddo you call me, no matter what time it is.”

“I will.  Thanks, Dad.”  Sara leaned into him and returned the hug as best she could.  It seemed that every time she used the honorary title it became a little less so.  The more she said it, the more it solidified in her heart and mind that this man was a real father to her.  

Brass stepped back with a smile and handed his girl over to the blonde.  He waited until Catherine had buckled Sara securely into the seat before he waved one last time and turned for his own car.  He knew the brunette was in good hands.  

Xxx

Grissom fumed as he watched the vehicles pull away.  He had gone against his very nature for her, done something he found to be utterly repugnant, and this was the thanks he got.  Of course Sara had no way of knowing that he’d gone to Ecklie to get her apartment released to crime scene cleanup before she had given her statement and the case had been closed.  Remembering the smug look on the little bald weasel’s face when he asked him for the favor was enough to make his skin crawl all over again.  

No one had even bothered to tell him that Sara had been released from the hospital.  He’d found out when he’d given up on trying to sleep and had called to get an update on her.  Without a seconds thought he had driven over to her apartment desperate to see with his own eyes that she was well enough to go home, desperate just to see her at all, but still keep his promise to give her time and space.  

So he’d parked across the street and waited to get even a glimpse of her.  Imagine his surprise when Sara, Catherine and Brass had emerged from the building, suitcase in tow.  Of course that paled in comparison to the astonishment he felt when the aging detective pulled the brunette into his body and kissed her.  

It seemed the real reason Catherine had warned him off and that Sara didn’t want to see him was because she had already replaced him.  Why hadn’t she just told him that?  Why leave him hanging on, hoping that they could be together?  Why did she want to hurt him like this?  Was it because he had waited so long?  Was she punishing him for his fear and indecisiveness?

A migraine the size of the northern hemisphere was forming behind his eyes at all the unanswered questions.  Grissom knew if he didn’t get home and take his medication soon, he wouldn’t be able to function at all.  Sara would have to wait until the chainsaw inside his head ran out of gas.



Part 24


“Sara wake up, we’re here.”  The sleeping woman mumbled something in reply but didn’t come around completely.  As adorable as Sara looked snoozing in the front seat of her truck, mouth slightly open and almost but not quite snoring, Catherine knew she couldn’t let her stay there.  She also couldn’t carry the younger woman, so she was going to have to get her up one way or another.

The blonde got out of the truck and made her way around to the passenger side.  As she opened the door, Catherine had to react fast as the brunette slumped and nearly tumbled out.  She wrapped her arms around the slumbering woman and tried to hold her upright.  “Sweetie you really need to wake up now, before I drop you.”

The exhausted woman’s only response was to snuggle into Cath’s embrace and bury her face in the blonde’s shoulder.  Being lulled to sleep by the motion of the car after a long day of emotional and physical toil, it seemed the soft approach wasn’t going to cut it.  “Sara get up, you’re late for work!”

Sara jerked her tired body upright and the blonde felt the loss of contact immediately.  The brunette usually left anything physical up to the blonde to initiate, as if she was still afraid of how it might be taken, but when Catherine touched or kissed or hugged her, the younger woman always responded and returned the gesture with equal feeling.  When Sidle acted first, even if it was an unconscious move, it was something to be prized.
 
Sara wasn’t alert enough to speak it seemed as she tried unsuccessfully to force her eyes open, but Catherine did manage to get her on her feet.  They stumbled their way into the house and somehow managed to negotiate the obstacles of furniture and Lindsey’s rollerblades, which the blonde was sure she had told the girl to pick up two days ago.  The semi-conscious woman was leaning heavily on her by the time they made it to the bedroom, which presented her with a new problem.  Should she just let Sara sleep on top of the blankets, or try to prop the woman up long enough to turn them down?  

The matter, it seemed, was decided for her as Catherine tried to get the younger woman to stand on her own and Sara swayed dangerously looking like a drunken sailor on a three day shore leave.  She gently deposited the brunette on the bed and covered her with a spare blanket.  The exhausted woman immediately slipped back into a deep sleep.   

The blonde felt a bone deep weariness steal over her as she watched the years fade away from her friend’s features.  She looked so innocent, so vulnerable that the need Cath had been feeling to protect the wounded brunette all week surged forward hard, making her throat swell with emotion.    

The blonde knew she needed to figure out what to make for dinner.  What the hell did you feed a vegetarian anyway?  Her mom and Lindsey would be home in a couple of hours, she had called before they left the hospital and asked her mother to pick up the girl because she didn’t want to leave Sara by herself, or worse, alone with Lily.  She needed to clean the house, wash the dishes, do laundry, but all she could think about was curling up beside the brunette and taking a nap.  

After only a few seconds thought Catherine decided that everything else could wait.  With a quick kiss to the brunette’s forehead, the blonde settled in beside her and gently laid her arm across Sara’s stomach.  It had been so long since she had shared her bed with someone.  She kept the men she dated away from her home and her daughter and when she went out with her boyfriends, she didn’t stay the night.  As her eyes drifted shut, Cath’s last thoughts were about how much she had missed just snuggling with someone and how comfortable it felt with Sara.

Xxx

Catherine made shushing noises while she ran her fingers through her companion’s dark brown locks.  She had been torn from the murky depths of sleep by a sharp pain in her stomach to find a cast firmly planted in her midriff and Sara whimpering and flailing around in the grips of another nightmare.  Over the last week the blonde had learned how to ease the brunette away from the terrors that stalked her unconscious mind without waking her most of the time.  

As the younger woman’s moans quieted and her body stilled, Willows thought that she had succeeded in chasing away Sara’s demons for a little while.  Then she caught sight of half-lidded chocolate orbs peering up at her.  “Hey.”

Sara had woken up to the delicious sensation on fingernails lightly scratching her scalp.  It had taken her a minute to realize that she wasn’t in the hospital and then another minute to figure out from pictures on the wall that she was in Catherine’s bedroom, in Catherine’s bed, with Catherine.  

Old fantasies flooded her mind for a moment before she could effectively shove them back into the little box she kept them locked in.  She didn’t have a crush on the blonde anymore and those libidinous thoughts could only cause trouble for her and their new-found friendship.  Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea after all.

Enjoy it while you can a little voice in her head told her.  It’s been so long since anyone really cared about you, take what you can get it while you can get it.  The brunette knew that it was right, because once her injuries had healed it would be back to her empty apartment where there were no hugs when she felt the walls closing in on her.  There would be no soothing hands when her nightmares trapped her in the past.  There would be no kisses on her head just because she needed it.  

Sara decided to take the advice.  She’d rebuild her walls, reinforcing them with thick steel to protect herself from the cold once she left this sanctuary.  She had time.  At the moment though, she had a question she was itching to ask the blonde.  “How did I get here?”

“I carried you.”  Catherine managed to get it out with a straight face but couldn’t hold back a bark of laughter at the look of astonished disbelief on the younger woman’s face.  “What?  You don’t think I could pick your scrawny butt up?”

“Oh no I’m sure you can, you are woman hear you roar.”  Sara answered, enjoying the twinkle in the older woman’s blue eyes.  “But seriously, the last thing I remember is saying goodbye to Jim.  How did you get me in the house?  And why didn’t you just dump me on the coach or something?”

Catherine stilled the hand in the brunette’s hair so that she could prop herself up on her elbow and look Sara squarely in the eye.  “You were pretty much sleepwalking.  I managed to get you coherent enough to stand up but from that point on all you did was go in the direction I pushed you.  The reason you’re in my bed is pretty simple.   One, you’re too long for the couch or Lindsey’s bed for matter.  You’re still healing and need to be in a proper bed. Two, my mother has the guest room and I didn’t think you’d want to share with her.”  

Sara felt the heat of the blush rushing up her neck and across her cheeks.  She turned her head in a vain attempt to hide it.  There had been a few times when she had crashed that hard, but this was the first time she’d had a witness.  “I’m sorry.  Next time I’ll make sure to only take a half of one of those pills.”

The blonde reached over and gently gripped the embarrassed woman’s chin.  A slight pressure was all it took to get the brunette to face her once again.  “Sara you don’t have to apologize for being exhausted.  I think the physical activity and the emotional wringer you put yourself through today had more to do with it than the pain meds.  Now are you still tired or do you want to get up and we’ll see what we can find for diner?  My mom and Lindsey should be back,” Catherine’s eyes widened as she leaned up and looked at the clock, “a few hours ago actually, it’s after six.  I’m surprised they let us sleep.”

Sara was a little astonished.  She couldn’t remember exactly what time they had left her apartment but as close as she could figure it, she had been out cold for about five hours.  That was a more sleep than she usually got on one of her good days.  “I’ll get up and help you with dinner.”  

Catherine grinned at younger woman and rolled out of bed.  “And what exactly were you planning on doing with two bum arms?”

“Well I could, um…”  Sara hadn’t really considered the logistics involved.  Truth was there wasn’t much she could do.  “Ok well I can watch you cook.”

“I’m not sure how much vegetarian food we have in the house, but we should be able to find enough to feed you for tonight.  You’ll have to make me a list of what you eat and I’ll go to the store tomorrow.”  When the brunette pushed the blanket aside Catherine started for the door but turned around immediately when she saw Sara was having trouble.   

Sara frowned as she struggled to sit up.  She wasn’t nearly as sore as she had been but it was still a pain in the ass, and running up and down the stairs at her apartment hadn’t helped at all.  When she was finally able to swing her legs over the side of the bed, the brunette looked up and found the blonde watching her with concern.  “It’s okay, I’m just a little stiff.  You know you don’t have to go to any extra trouble for me.  Whatever you have will be fine.”

Catherine kneeled down and lightly placed her hands on the younger woman’s knees.  “It’s no trouble.  Sara I wanted you here so I could take care of you and part of that is feeding you.  No one starves in my house Sidle, so don’t even try to argue with me.”

“Yes dear.”  Sara grinned down at the blonde.  Arguing with Cath was the furthest thing from her mind and the last thing she wanted to do.  At some point down the road they would most likely butt heads, they were both passionate women with strong opinions.  But hopefully their new friendship would keep it from getting personal.  

Catherine stood up and kissed the brunette on the top of her dark head.  “Come on dork, let’s get you fed.”  

The blonde could have sworn she heard the younger woman mumbling something about being a nerd not a dork as she led her through the house, but she chose to ignore her.  A dork was nerd was a geek, they all described Sara, and Catherine wouldn’t change it for anything.  As they entered the kitchen with the brunette still grumbling good-naturedly they were greeted by the sight of her mother and daughter retrieving plates and glasses.  

“Oh good, you’re up.  I was about to come wake you.”  Lily had to suppress a gasp when she caught sight of the woman with her daughter.  When she had gone to check on them earlier, the brunette had been covered with a blanket and she hadn’t been able to see the dark green and sickly yellow bruises covering her skin.  

Before Catherine could say a word Lindsey squealed Sara’s name at an ear bleeding volume and rushed the woman.  The girl skidded to a stop in front of the brunette and carefully wrapped her arms around the lanky woman’s slim hips.  She watched with a grin as the two greeted each other before turning to make introductions.  “Sara this is my mother Lily Flynn, Mom, Sara Sidle.”  

“We picked up a couple of pizzas.  Lindsey said you didn’t eat meat so I got a vegetarian one for you Sara.”  Lily turned back to the food, not wanting to look to closely at the brunette’s mottled skin and other injuries.  She understood now exactly how lucky Catherine had been to only have a slight concussion and a few stitches.  The man that had taken them was obviously an animal if he could do so much damage to a young woman without thought.

“Thank you Ms. Flynn, I appreciate that.”  Sara could tell by the look on Catherine’s face that she wasn’t thrilled about the choice her mother had made for dinner.  The brunette however didn’t mind, it wasn’t hospital food.  She gave Lindsey a little squeeze to thank her for remembering.  

“Please, call me Lily and you are more than welcome.  Why don’t you all sit down and I’ll bring the food out.”  She waved them in the direction of the dining room.

Linds grinned up at her tall friend.  She was so happy that the brunette was there and that the weekend was just starting.  They had two whole days to hang out without school getting in the way.  “Come sit next to me Sara.”

Dinner turned out to be interesting to say the least.  Catherine was silent and broody while her mother seemed to be trying to look at anything but the brunette.  If it hadn’t been for Lindsey’s thousand and one questions, Sara was sure that she would have been able to hear a pin drop.  

Catherine’s head snapped toward Sara as the brunette stuttered and tried to evade her daughter’s last question.  It was certainly a strange reaction to such a simple inquiry.  “Come on Sara, quit stalling.  It can’t be that bad, can it? “

Sara shook her head as her cheeks flamed.  Why the hell did the girl have to ask her that of all things?  

“Ok, let me guess then.  Gertrude?  Eunice?  Oh I know, Bertha.  Give it up Sidle.”    Catherine smirked at the daggers Sara’s eyes shot her way.  In over five years, the subject of the brunette’s middle name had never come up and the blonde was beginning to think that the younger woman might have engineered it that way.  

She could tell there was no way either of the blondes were going to let it go.  “If I tell you, you have to swear not to tell anyone else.”  Sara looked from one Willows to the other waiting for their nods of agreement.  “Fine, my middle name is Moon Flower.  Happy now?”

”What kind of name is that?”  Lindsey looked away from the brunette towards her mom, whose entire body was shaking and her hand was covering her mouth as she tried not to laugh.  The girl didn’t think it was funny haha, just funny weird.  

Sara sent her best death glare at her blonde colleague and barely controlled the urge to kick the woman under the table.  “My parents liked to pretend they were hippies, Linds.  My brother got stuck with Daniel Sunshine Sidle.  In the sixties and seventies it was the thing to do if you ran a B&B outside of San Francisco and you had mostly hippies as quests.”  

Catherine finally got herself under control and leaned over to cover the brunette’s hand with her own.  “I’m sorry Sara it just took me totally by surprise.  I never in a million years would have thought of Moon Flower.  I promise though that no one will ever find out from me.”

She wanted to stay mad at the blonde, she really did, but Sara had gotten use to that response and she really couldn’t blame her.  It was a stupid name.   Maybe she should look into having it changed.  “Yeah well I better not hear one whisper about it around the lab.”

“Or what?”  Catherine narrowed her eyes but couldn’t wipe the smile off her face.

“I don’t know yet, but it’ll be so bad and so sneaky you’ll never see it coming or know what hit you.”

Lily watched the interaction between her daughter and the brunette with interest.  Catherine had always been a tactile person. So it had really come as no surprise to her when Lindsey had mentioned the way her mother tended to kiss and hug Sara.  What was surprising was the girl’s reaction to it.  

“I think Mom and Sara like each other.”  

Lily looked up from the magazine she was reading.  Lindsey had been quiet since she had her mother had returned from their latest visit with the injured woman.  Now that Catherine was in the shower it seemed her granddaughter was ready to talk.  “Of course they like each other.  They’re friends and they’ve been through something very horrible together.”

“No I mean they like like each other.”  Lindsey had been watching the two for the last three days and at first she had been a little confused but after thinking about it she was sure she was right.

“What makes you believe that?”  Lily didn’t want to dismiss the girl out of hand even if she didn’t think her theory was possible.

“Well, Mom is always kissing her head, touching her face, playing with her hair and holding her hand.  Every time Mom walks in the room, even if she was only gone for a few minutes, Sara smiles.  And they stare at each other a lot.  It would be cool if they started dating, then I’d get to see Sara more.”  As she described her reasoning to her grandmother, Lindsey could see in her mind’s eye the soft looks that passed between the two women. She had been a kid when her parents got divorced but she still remembered what it was like when they were around each other and it wasn’t anything like the way her mom and the tall brunette acted.  Plus Sara had saved her mom’s life, had almost died doing it.  You had to care about someone to do that, you had to care a lot.  She loved her dad, but she wasn’t sure if he would have done the same thing in the brunette’s place.
 
Kids sometimes couldn’t distinguish the difference between platonic affection and physical romantic love so Lily had tried to talk her granddaughter out of the idea but she was as stubborn as her mother.  All she could do in the end was to get her to promise not to try to get the two together.  

At the time she hadn’t given much credence to the idea, but she also hadn’t had the chance to see the two women together.  They did seem close but so far she hadn’t seen anything to suggest there was anything other than friendship between them.  She’d keep an eye on them just in case.  

Sara polished off her third slice of pizza and pushed her plate away.  It wasn’t the least bit healthy but had been extremely satisfying.  Now there was just one thing she wanted.  “Hey Cath can I borrow your shower?”

The blonde knew that the only reason the brunette had waited this long was because she had been unconscious.  After the first sponge bath her fourth day in the hospital, Sara had vehemently refused to allow the nurse to give her another saying she’d rather smell like dead goat than go through that humiliation again.  “Well I’d really like to let you, but I can’t.”  Catherine tried to keep a straight face but the look of utter disbelief undid her.  “Sara you can’t get your cast or your stitches wet.  You’ll have to settle for a bath.”

Sara hated baths.  Just the thought of all the germs, bacteria and fungi that loved to grow in a tub was enough by itself to make her never want to sit in one.  Then of course there was the fact that you had to sit in water that was full of the dirt, grime and sweat you were trying to wash off.  “I can put a trash bag over the cast and my stitches come out in a couple of days so it won’t hurt them.”

“You know if you get an infection you’ll probably have to go back into the hospital, right?”  Catherine had heard all about Sara’s aversion to baths.  They’d had a lengthy discussion about it that ended with the blonde calling her mysophobic and the brunette glaring back until they both broke out in identical grins.  

“But I want to wash my hair.”  Sara knew she was whining and that Catherine was right, but to her it felt like she had dipped her head in motor oil and she didn’t know how the blonde could stand to touch it.  

Catherine hated to see the forlorn look on the brunette’s face.  She got up and stepped behind Sara to wrap her arms around the younger woman. “Sweetie I know how independent you are and how frustrating it is for you not to be able to do everything you want, but you need to have a little patience.  If you try to do too much too soon all you’ll end up doing is making your recovery longer.  Take a bath and we’ll wash your hair in the sink.  Okay?”  

Sara leaned back into the blonde’s warm embrace.  “Yeah, okay.”

It was the best solution, even if she didn’t want it to be, Sara just hated being helpless.  But since she couldn’t even lift one arm over her head, and the cast on the other made it next to impossible to do anything with it, she had to accept it for a little while.  

“You want bubbles?”  

Xxx

“Are you okay?  You were kind of quiet at dinner, until you found out about my name anyway.”  Sara leaned forward as the blonde washed her back, glad that she had let the older woman put bubbles in her bath.  They at least afforded her a small amount of modesty.  It had taken a lot more convincing to allow Catherine to help her wash than it had to actually get her in the tub.  

“I’m fine.  It’s just … my mother.”  As Cath continued to gently rub small circles on the younger woman’s skin with the soft soap covered cloth, she tried to ignore the intimacy of the situation and how much she enjoyed being allowed to care for the lanky brunette.  

Sara’s broad back wasn’t nearly as bruised as the front of her body and she began to notice that some of the scars were much too old and faded to be the result of Thomas’ handiwork.  She wanted to ask the younger CSI about them, wanted to know the story behind each and every one, but the brutalized woman had new wounds that were still too fresh to bring up these reminders of her brutal past.  

“I imagine it must hard.  You’ve been on your own for a long time, living your own life, making your own decisions, setting your own rules.  Having her suddenly living with you, randomly changing your routines, invading your space, treating you like you’re still a kid instead of the adult you are?  That has to be frustrating.”  Sara kept her eyes in the wall afraid that she might have overstepped.  She’d had less than an hour to observe the two women together and she didn’t want to make Catherine angry if she was off the mark.  

Catherine’s hand paused briefly in surprise.  Sara had never struck her as someone particularly in tune with interpersonal relationships, she had always seemed to be on the outside looking in.  But here she was hitting the nail directly and rather firmly on the head.  “It is.  Just look at tonight.  She knows I don’t want Linds to eat a lot of junk food, we normally only have pizza once or twice a month, and this is the second time this week.  She lets her stay up too late, watching tv or talking on the phone.  She gives in to things I never would.  Don’t even get me started on what she did to the house when she moved in!  Let’s just say I still haven’t found my large skillet.  

Now don’t get me wrong, I love my mother and having her here to help with Lindsey is a godsend.  My daughter gets to sleep in her own bed every night and I don’t have to impose on my sister.  But she ignores my rules when it suites her and acts like I have no idea what I’m doing when it comes to raising my daughter.  I…”  Catherine stopped as she realized she was gearing up to a full blown rant.  Sara didn’t need to hear about her petty domestic problems when the brunette’s home life had been a living hell.

“I’m sorry.”  Sara didn’t know what else to say.  She knew the blonde was under a lot of pressure in her new supervisor’s position but she hadn’t realized that things were so tense at home.  

“No Sara I’m sorry.  I’m going on and on about my mother when your’s…”

“You have a mom that you love and loves you, you should never apologize for that just because of my situation.  Of course that doesn’t mean that she doesn’t drive you crazy or that you don’t have the right to bitch about it.  I’m guessing you haven’t gotten any of that off your chest and you need to.  So feel free to piss and moan, rant and rave, the least I can do to listen after everything you’ve done for me.  I can’t ever thank you enough for sticking by me and holding my hand figuratively and literally but I can be a sounding board and a sympathetic ear when you need one.”  The brunette twisted as much as she could to face the other woman.  Having Catherine’s support meant more to her than she could ever express, and if the blonde needed to unload a little then Sara was determined to let her do that.  

“Thank you sweetheart.”  The blonde doubted she would take the younger woman up on her offer even though the brunette was right.  Just venting for a couple of minutes had made her feel a hell of a lot better.  But Sara had enough to worry about without trying to shoulder Catherine’s burdens too.  That the battered woman was willing spoke volumes about what a beautiful soul she was.  The blonde returned to her task and vowed that she would try to make Sara’s recovery as easy and stress free as should could.  It was the very least she deserved.  

 

TBC