Demons Chapter 7
By Kimmi

For disclaimers see chapter 1

Part 28
 

Sara turned her head to gaze at her slumbering bedmate. It was three in morning and she should be sleeping but a couple of days ago she’d finally convinced the older woman that she really didn’t need a whole pain pill anymore. It seemed that without the full dose her natural sleeping habits were reasserting themselves in record speed. That in and of itself didn’t bother her. She had long ago gotten accustomed to surviving on four or five hours of sleep a day. What she wasn’t used to was lying in bed with nothing to occupy her mind, which was why she found herself watching the moonlight turn Catherine’s hair into a shining halo and her skin to alabaster. She looked like an angel. Which was actually pretty fitting considering that was what the blonde had become to her. A guardian angel.

Sara knew she was allowing herself to become too attached to the blonde, but she just couldn’t seem to help herself. No one in her life had ever really taken care of her like this. Her parents had always been loathed to get her medical attention when she needed it and they had never taken her back for follow ups. She couldn’t even imagine her mother sitting in a waiting room for two hours to get stitches removed. Laura had always done that herself, sometimes taking them out too early so that the wound reopened, but usually leaving them in too long so that they pulled painfully as they were ripped out of her tender skin. Catherine though had never once complained the entire time they were at the hospital; she had simply held her hand and placed soft kisses in her hair every time the doctor caused her to wince. Then the older woman had allowed Sara to do the same when her own stitches were taken out.

It was strange for her to open up so much to someone, to trust someone. In her experience trust had always led to disappointment and pain. But Sara couldn’t bring herself to doubt Catherine, not after all they had gone through and everything the older woman had done for her. Even her therapist had agreed that having the blonde’s support was probably the reason Sara was doing as well as she was. Of course having prior knowledge of her past had probably helped the doctor come to that conclusion.

She didn’t know if it was by accident or design but somehow she’d found herself sitting on her former PEAP counselor’s couch. Sara had known that Dr. Burton was a full fledged psychologist but she had assumed the portly salt and pepper haired woman limited her participation in the Police Employee’s Assistance Program to the drug and alcohol counseling services. It had made it a lot easier on her though, she didn’t have to explain her background to someone new.

A groan interrupted her thoughts and Sara focused on the woman beside her. Even in the dim light coming through the curtains the brunette could see the fear marring the blonde’s face as she struggled within the nightmare. She scooted over as close as she could and ran her hand up and down Catherine’s arm in an effort to ease the older woman out of the dream.

The blonde relaxed almost immediately and Sara sighed in relief. She knew Catherine was losing sleep every night because of the brunette’s own nightmares and she wanted to make sure the woman was well rested for her return to the lab tomrrow. She didn’t know how she was going to handle trying to sleep on her own, but she couldn’t say anything. It would only upset the older woman and that was the last thing she wanted to do. Cath needed to be able to focus on work, not on whether or not Sara was sleeping on her own.

As the blonde settled back into peaceful slumber Sara moved back toward her side of the bed. She didn’t think Catherine would mind her touching her like that when she was asleep, but she didn’t want to take the chance that the woman would wake up and be offended. Anything that might drive a wedge into their newly established friendship was something she wanted to stay as far away from as possible.

Closing her eyes, the brunette tried to relax. She didn’t know what she was going to do with herself for the next few hours if she couldn’t get back to sleep. Laying there in the dark with nothing but her thoughts to occupy her was extremely unappealing but she didn’t want to leave in case the blonde’s sleep was disturbed again.

The older woman whimpered once more, as if the brunette’s thoughts had called back Catherine’s demons from whatever abyss they had briefly retreated to. Sara reached for the blonde again but before she could touch the silky skin, she found herself being used as a human pillow. This was a first. The few times she’d woken up before Cath, the brunette usually found the blonde’s hand resting lightly on her stomach or over her heart, as if the woman was being careful and protective of her even asleep. But this was the first time the woman had practically climbed on top of her. Luckily she had healed enough so that as the lithe body snuggled into her own the groan that escaped her lips was only partially due to physical discomfort.

Sara’s libido suddenly roared back to life as Catherine’s furnace like petite body wiggled and slid against hers in an effort to find a more comfortable position. Pulling out a mental two by four, she beat it into submission. This was definitely not the time or place for feelings she had believed long gone to resurface. It was pointless to go down that road again. All it would get her was another unrequited love for an unattainable person, and that was the last thing she needed. Because this time that was what it would be, love. Not some little crush, not merely a physical attraction but full blown, heart stealing, mind consuming, life eclipsing love.

The first time around it had been more an appreciation of the older woman’s outer beauty and forceful personality, more lust than crush. But now that she knew the real Catherine Willows, the caring, supportive, compassionate, hug giving, top of the head kissing, protecting her from herself woman, it was so hard to keep patching the chips in her walls that the blonde kept knocking out. But she had to. If she let those heavy stones around her fall, her heart was going to be obliterated and she didn’t know if she would be able to recover from that.

Sara forced herself to calm down. She could do this. Cath was more important than her momentarily confused feelings. She could hold the older woman in her arms and allow the blonde to get a good night’s rest, after all kind-hearted woman had done so much more than that for her. All she had to do was keep reminding herself that she wasn’t in love Catherine Willows, she was her friend and physiological responses to pleasurable stimuli meant nothing at all. Nope, it didn’t mean a thing. She continued to repeat that simple statement like a mantra until sleep eventually reclaimed her.

Xxx

Catherine woke slowly, easily. There was no pre-teen yelling, no phone ringing, no alarm clock blaring, just a blissful silence and a warm soft pillow under her head. There was such a sense of peace and tranquility within her that she hadn’t felt in such a long time, she was reluctant to open her eyes because she just knew the second she did something was going to demand her attention.

She couldn’t remember the last time she had felt so rested and she just wanted that feeling to last a little longer before she had to wrangle her daughter out of bed and convince her that, yes she had to go to school today. A few more minutes before her mother stumbled out of her room and started gripping about how much time Cath spent at work, how she never saw Lindsey, how she was ruining both their lives. A second or two before Lily started the latest tactic in her campaign to drive Catherine insane. It seemed like every time she turned around her mom was there watching her, scrutinizing her every move. It was driving her up the wall. She just wanted a few more moments to enjoy the arms wrapped so protectively around her before she had to deal with any of it. Was that to much to ask?

Wait a second, arms? That wasn’t right. The blonde’s eyes flew open and she propelled backward when she realized that not only was her head resting on Sara’s chest but her hand was grasping the woman’s breast. She would have ended up in a heap on floor if not for the impossibly long toned legs entwined with her own. Catherine’s heart was beating faster than a humming bird’s wings as she looked up into sleepy and confused brown eyes. “Oh god Sara I’m sorry! Are you all right? I didn’t hurt you did I?”

Sara stared at the blonde in confusion. No one could ever accuse her of being a morning person and since she had only been awake for a matter of seconds she was a little disoriented. “Huh?”

Catherine was torn between embarrassment because she’d been draped rather intimately over the younger woman and concern that she might have harmed Sara in her unconscious search for a cuddle buddy. “Why didn’t you wake me up and tell me to get off you?”

“Um, because I was asleep?” Although Sara hadn’t had her first cup of coffee yet, it seemed like a pretty good explanation. “Its fine, I’m fine. No harm no foul.”

Unconscious or not, Catherine was completely mortified that she had been groping the injured woman. She needed to get away from Sara before she caused herself any more humiliation. “I should go make sure Lindsey’s up. I don’t want her to be late for school.”

Sara’s heart clinched painfully in her chest as the blonde rushed out of the room and the brunette was suddenly wide awake. How could she have been so stupid? No matter how she had rationalized it, holding the older woman without her permission or knowledge was the wrong thing to do. Obviously she had been right to be hesitant to touch Catherine the night before, the blonde wasn’t as comfortable with her as she’d pretended to be.

The blonde seemed fine when she was the one initiating contact, but then she was the one in control. Not that she blamed her one bit. Sara would have a hard time trusting anyone who had nearly assaulted her, whether they had been tortured and drugged or not. Catherine had been more than amazing throughout this whole ordeal, but she had gone and ruined it up. And of course the annoyingly fatalistic voice in her head that sounded a lot like her mother decided to throw its two cents in to add to her misery.

‘You see! That’s what you get. You should know better by now not to let anyone close. No one has ever given a damn about you and they never will. She couldn’t get away from you fast enough you waste of air.’

There was only one thing she could think of to fix the situation. It wouldn’t be easy but it had to be done before the older woman decided that she completely hated her.

Xxx

Catherine absently flipped the last pancake onto a plate and placed it on the table in easy reach of her daughter. The entire time she had been cooking she had expected Sara to make an appearance but so far she had seen neither hide nor hair of the brunette. That meant the younger woman wasn’t as ok with what had happened as she had said. She could just absolutely kick herself.

The last thing Sara needed was any sort of sexual contact, even if it had been completely innocent and unintentional. Hell, hadn’t she ripped Grissom a new one just for telling the woman about his feelings when everything the brunette had gone through was still so fresh and raw? How was she supposed to look her in the face after she had practically mauled her? What the hell had changed last night that she couldn’t keep her damn hands to herself? Cath had been so careful up till now to stay on her side of the bed and only keep one hand on Sara to reassure herself that the battered woman was actually there.

The blonde had always loved to snuggle while sleeping. It was one of the only things she actually missed about being married to Eddie. With the relationships she’d had after her divorce, it hadn’t really been an option. She didn’t bring her boyfriends to her house and she couldn’t really sleep over at their place because she needed to be home for Lindsey as much as she could. It had been a rather lonely existence most of the time but she had gladly endured it to keep her daughter from being exposed to the losers and creeps that she seemed to attract.

Sara made her feel safe though and she had relaxed her guard enough to end up in this morning’s embarrassing position. But as awkward as that had been, the way she had woken up didn’t weigh as heavily on her mind as the fact that she had enjoyed it. For those few moments before she realized what was going on Catherine had felt so secure and comfortable, it had felt so right, that she had relished the contact. But it was so very wrong. She had selfishly used the brunette and it made her sick to her stomach to think she was capable of that. It also seemed that the department shrink was off in his assessment that she was more concerned about Sara than she was herself.

“Catherine, I understand that Sara went through a horrible ordeal, but I’d like to hear more about what happened to you. How you felt, how you’re dealing with everything, how you’re sleeping.”

“I already told you I’m fine. I don’t know what else you want me to say. That I was scared? Well I wasn’t, I was terrified. I was terrified that my daughter was going to grow up without me there, an orphan. I was terrified I was going to be raped and murdered. But when Sara started screaming…there’s no way I can describe that sound adequately to make you understand what it was like. I’ve never heard anything like it and I pray to god that I never hear it again. But what was worse was I never knew when she stopped if it was because he was letting her rest, she passed out, or because she was dead.

Then after everything she’s been through, she tries to sacrifice herself, not once but twice to save my life. She’s survived so much, not just this, and it took her almost dying for me to really see her. So yes, maybe I am a little preoccupied with Sara but under the circumstances I think you can see why.” The urge to snap at the rotund man finally beat the last shred of Catherine’s patience into the ground. She knew she was being defensive and unreasonable but she didn’t want to be there and she was worried about how the brunette’s session was going down the hall. It had taken a little doing to get both their appointments at the same time, but she hadn’t wanted Sara to have to sit by herself even for an hour.

“I think I see what the problem is. You’re suffering from a form of survivor’s guilt.” Dr. Delanco held up his hand to forestall the protest he could see his patient was about to make. “Just hear me out. Sara endured torture after torture at the hands of that man, and yet you came through it virtually unscathed. So even though she didn’t die, she was so severely injured physically, mentally and emotionally that it is almost as devastating. But you are not responsible for her pain just because you didn’t suffer. Now I’m not saying that you shouldn’t help her or look after her, from the sound of things she probably needs that more than anything right now. But I do want you to start thinking about yourself. There’s no need for you to feel guilty if you put yourself first. Now tell me how you’ve been sleeping.”

After their session, Catherine had been surprised when he told her he didn’t see any reason she couldn’t go back to work. Of course he told her if she had any problems to make another appointment with him, but she knew she wouldn’t. There was no way he could really understand and talking to him wouldn’t make a damn bit of difference.

There was only one person she needed to talk and if she didn’t gather her courage and do it now there was a chance that she could ruin their new relationship. Leaving her daughter wolfing down pancakes, Catherine made her way back toward her bedroom, trepidation keeping her steps timid. The door loomed in front of her. It was flimsy, hollow pressed-wood barrier that a small child could probably knock down, but at the moment it seemed to be an impenetrable barricade that she needed to breach.

As her hand hovered millimeters from the handle, she realized that its strength wasn’t in the material from which it was made but in the possibilities of what lay behind it. What if Sara hated her? What if she was in there, feeling betrayed by the trust she had given? There were so many ‘what if’s’ running through her mind that the blonde couldn’t even identify them all.

Catherine stared at her trembling hand and wondered when she had become such a coward. Never regret, never look back. She had once told Grissom that that was how she lived her life. But was that still true? After everything that had happened, could she still say that? Was she not now regretting a momentary lack of control to the point that her stomach was tied in knots and her heart had a strangle hold on her throat at the thought of what the consequences might be?

The only way she was going to find the answer was to open that door. Taking a deep breath, Catherine closed the miniscule distance to the knob and turned it. The sight that greeted her as the door swung open stole the air from her lungs. “You’re leaving?”

Sara’s head snapped up from her almost full suitcase at the strangled cry and just as quickly looked away. She couldn’t bear to see what Catherine might feel about her now. “Under the circumstances I think it’s for the best. I stepped over the line and I am so sorry Cat. I know I shouldn’t have touched you but you were having a nightmare and I just wanted to make sure you got a good night’s sleep since you go back to work tomorrow. I should have gotten up immediately. Please don’t hate me.”

The quiet desperation in the brunette’s voice drove the blonde forward. Catherine gathered the younger woman in her arms and pulled her close. “Sara, no sweetie, you didn’t do anything wrong. I was embarrassed and worried that you were upset with me for grabbing onto you like that. I could never hate you.”

Sara sank into the embrace, relief flooding her body and forcing the fear out of its way. “So we’re ok? You’re not mad at me?”

Catherine leaned back and brought her hands up to cup the younger woman’s face. “No I’m not mad. As long as you’re good, I’m good. You are ok, aren’t you? I understand if you’re upset with me after I uh… you know.”

Sara’s brow furrowed in confusion as the blonde’s eyes suddenly found something off to the left very interesting and a rosy blush spread over her pale cheeks . “No, I don’t know Cath. I’m not exactly very coherent until I’ve had my first cup of coffee.”

The blonde let her hands fall away from the brunette’s face and moved to stand in front of the window. Catherine didn’t think Sara would want her touch after she had confessed, but she had to tell her. “When I woke up… it was just so comforting… safe… it took me a few seconds to realize that I was grabbing your uh… your chest.”

“I don’t…my chest? I don’t get it. Why would…OH my chest.” Sara eyes went wide as the proverbial light bulb turned on above her head. No wonder the blonde took off like her ass was on fire. Taking in Catherine’s slumped shoulder’s, the brunette knew that now wasn’t the time to be timid or second guess what she was about to do.

Three long strides put Sara directly behind the older woman. Her arms moved almost without volition and wrapped themselves around the petite blonde’s slender waist. “Cat you were asleep, you weren’t in control of your actions. How could I be upset about that? Please don’t let it bother you. It’s really not a big deal.”

Catherine covered the brunette’s arms with her own and leaned back into the tall lithe body. Just saying thank you seemed inadequate but the slight tightening of the long limbs around her waist told her the younger woman understood all that she wanted to say. It was amazing that someone so tenderhearted and caring as Sara was, could come from such a barren and abusive environment. “I left Ecklie a message yesterday. I told him I wanted to take some of my vacation time. If you’re hungry I made pancakes.”

Sara held on as the blonde tried to move away from her. “You shouldn’t be using that time for me. You need to save it and spend it with your daughter Catherine.”

Cath had figured that Sara would object, that was why she had waited till practically the last minute to tell her. It was part of the brunette’s nature to put other people’s happiness and wellbeing before her own. “I have plenty of vacation days saved up, not as many as you, but enough. I need to do this Sara, for you, me and Lindsey. You start physical therapy in a few days, Linds is still anxious about me leaving the house and I don’t think I’m ready to go to work for ten or twelve hours a day when my mind will be here. I don’t just want to stay home, I need to.”

“If it’s for you and Lindsey then you should take the time off. I just don’t want you to waste your days on me.” Sara already felt guilty enough for taking up so much of the blonde’s time, she didn’t want to be responsible for Catherine missing out on a real vacation with her daughter too.

Catherine twisted in the brunette’s now loose embrace, bringing them almost nose to nose. “Even if I used every last second of it doing nothing but sitting and watching you breathe it wouldn’t be a waste. You are important to me and one of these days I’m going to get it through that thick skull of yours.”

The warm hand that came up to gently cup her cheek softened the brusqueness of the blonde’s fierce tone. “I’m sorry I’m just not used to having someone who really cares about me.”

“Well you better get used to it because I’m not going anywhere.” Catherine pulled the taller woman into her arms and held on as tightly as she dared trying to convey something with her touch that she couldn’t even make sense of in her own mind.

“Thank you.” Sara rested her head against the blonde’s. This was what she had been missing her entire life, someone that actually gave a damn about her. It didn’t matter that only minutes ago she had been packing. It had been a stupid misunderstanding on both their parts, but it had been resolved and a tremendous weight had been lifted from her shoulders.

Catherine held the embrace for a few moments after the brunette’s whispered words of gratitude trying to get the sudden surge of anger under control. She pulled back so that she could look directly into Sara’s soulful mahogany eyes. “Don’t you ever thank me or anyone else for caring about you. Don’t thank someone for giving you what you deserve.”

There was so much anger in the blonde’s crystalline blue eyes that Sara wanted to look away in shame, but there was also something in the fathomless depths that she had never seen before and it ensnared her. It was like she was drowning in a warm sapphire sea, floating on gentle waves that cradled her in their watery embrace. For the first time in her life she felt completely and absolutely safe. Whatever that unknown element was it was pulling her closer and Sara felt a shiver of fear mixed with excitement travel the length of her spine. But before she could even begin to examine it or figure out what was going on a slamming door broke the moment and snapped her back to reality.

Catherine took a step back, uncertain what had just happened. Something had passed between them, or been on the verge of it, but for the life of her she didn’t know what. She had a feeling it was important but whatever it was would have to wait though, as her mother was up and Lindsey was still in the kitchen most likely stuffing her face. “If you’re hungry we’d better hurry before the black hole that masquerades as my daughter sucks all the pancakes into that bottomless pit she calls a stomach.”

As the older woman started for the door, Sara gave herself a hard mental shake. She was obviously still a little off balance by the morning’s little drama because she was seeing things. Yeah that had to be it, her imagination was working overtime. There couldn’t have been some mystery emotion in the blonde’s eyes. It was just the same warmth and compassion she’d seen every day since their rescue. Anything else was just her own confusion surfacing.

Moving to follow Catherine to the kitchen, Sara nodded her head. She was just confused. That had to be it. Her mind was just playing tricks on her. This time tomorrow, everything would be back to normal.

Part 29

Sara’s head immediately turned to the door as it slowly edged open. She was pretty sure she knew who it was but she waited until the small silhouette was fully visible before she sat up. “Linds? What’s wrong?”

Lindsey hung her head as she edged into the room. She felt like such a baby but after lying in her bed for an eternity afraid to go back to sleep, she just couldn’t help herself. “I had a nightmare. Can I sleep in here with you?”

“Of course you can.” Sara patted the mattress beside her and cursed Ecklie as the girl climbed up onto the bed. He was the reason she had been lying there, unable to sleep, and the reason Catherine’s daughter was having bad dreams. The assistant lab director, being the supreme ass that he was, had refused Catherine’s request to take more time off. His excuse was that they were too short handed to spare her. The only concession he had made was letting her work half shifts for a week before returning to full duty.

Sara lay back down and the little blonde quickly snuggled up next to her. Her cast made it a little difficult to wrap her arms around the girl but she did the best she could. She might not be at her best when it came to kids but even she knew when one needed a hug. “Do you want to talk about it?”

Lindsey thought about saying no for a second. She was almost thirteen and it was embarrassing enough to have to ask to sleep with someone because of a bad dream. But Sara had never made her feel stupid, or even like a kid. The brunette had always talked to her like she an actual person, not a baby, and in her book that made the woman one of the coolest adults she knew. “I dreamed Mom got kidnapped again only this time she died.”

Sara tightened her awkward hold as the girl let out a quiet sniffle. “I’m scared too, Linds. Even though I know that the guys won’t let her out of their sight for a second, I’m so scared I feel like I’m going to be sick. I keep telling myself that everyone in the lab and the PD are going to be watching her like a hawk and they’ll make sure she’s safe but I still can’t sleep.” The second the blonde had walked out the door, Sara had felt the walls starting to close in on her. She had known that when the older woman went back to work she’d be a little nervous. What she hadn’t expected was this near-suffocating fear that something was going to happen to Catherine.

Sara wasn’t sure if it was the best idea to tell Lindsey all that but the girl was incredibly smart and would probably catch her if she tried to lie. She was a terrible liar. “Do you want to give her a call?”

“Yeah.”

“Ok, grab the phone.” Sara suppressed a smile as the little blonde leapt up. Lindsey might try to act like she was all grown up but she was still just a little girl who needed her mom more than she wanted to admit.

The second Linds handed her the phone, Sara dialed Catherine’s number from memory. Once it began ringing she twisted it slightly and leaned toward the blonde girl.

‘Willows.’

Sara smiled as Lindsey squeezed her arm at the sound of her mother’s voice. “Hey Cath, how’s work?”

‘Believe me, you don’t want to know.’

“That bad huh?” To Sara, the older woman sounded exhausted. She hoped Catherine wasn’t pushing herself to hard her first night back.

‘Oh yeah. How’s everything there? Are you okay?’

“We’re ok. We just wanted to hear your voice.” Sara had been fighting the urge to call the blonde since she’d left the house. The only thing that had kept her from dialing the number was because she hadn’t wanted to upset Catherine any more than the older woman already was. And she hadn’t wanted to appear as needy as she felt.

‘We? Lindsey should’ve been in bed two hours ago.”

“She was. But we had trouble sleeping and wanted to call you before we went back to bed.” It was hard for her to admit it about herself but Sara didn’t want to leave the girl out in the cold all by herself.

‘Is she all right?’

“Here, I’ll let her answer that.” Sara let go of the phone and sat back to give the girl some privacy with her mom.

“Hi Mom.”

‘Hey baby, you ok?’

“I’m fine. I had a bad dream and I just wanted to talk to you. You’re not mad are you?” Her mother had pretty strict rules about bedtime and getting plenty of sleep but Lindsey didn’t care if she was about to get grounded or not. All that mattered was that she could hear her mom’s voice and knew that she was safe.

‘Of course not. I want you to call me anytime you want or need to. Do you think you can go back to sleep now?’

“I guess. Are you coming home soon?”

‘I’m going to try. I love you baby.’

“Love you to Mom. Night.”

Xxx

Catherine snapped her cell phone shut and hung her head. What she wouldn’t give to be at home right now. She hadn’t gotten two feet from her door that afternoon before she began plotting the best way to get rid of Ecklie’s body. Now she was revising her plan to make sure the jackass suffered a little before he died. There was no doubt that he didn’t have a compassionate bone in his body but now she was wondering if he even had a heart, hell she wasn’t even sure he was human.

Conrad Ecklie’s timely demise would have to wait for another day though because if she ever wanted to get home to Sara and Lindsey, she needed to get back to work. The plan had been to come in and knock out some of the paperwork that had stacked up while she had been gone, with grave and swing both shorthanded no one had been able to get to it. Of course nothing ever went as planned. It seemed like every criminal in Vegas had gotten a wild hair up their asses and both shifts had quickly been tapped out. So Catherine had been forced to go into the field.

She’d nearly had a panic attack just getting from the front door to her Denali and had had to keep telling herself that Michael Thomas was dead and she was perfectly safe in the lab’s parking lot. Catherine had been proud of herself for not letting the fear control her. Until she got to the scene. Then she wished that she had turned right back around and hid in her office until it was time for her to go home.

Domestic abuse cases had always been particularly hard on Sara and in the past Catherine had chastised her for getting too emotionally involved. But now that she knew the reasons behind the younger CSI’s vehemence the blonde found herself feeling outraged on the other woman’s behalf. But it wasn’t the woman lying bloody and limp as a rag doll on the floor, beaten to death by her husband that drew her ire. And it wasn’t the man being hauled away in handcuffs, ranting and raving about how she had asked for it. It was the pale little brunette sitting ghostly quiet in the back of a squad car as she waited to be taken to her uncertain future. The big dark soulful eyes that were much too old to be in such a tiny face had looked up at her and Catherine had immediately thought about Sara. Was this what she had looked like as a child? Covered in bruises and already world-weary at the tender age of seven?

Catherine had hurried to get away from the scrutiny of those haunted mahogany eyes that reminded her so much of Sara’s. But as much as the blonde tried to block the child out of her mind while she collected evidence, she couldn’t help but wonder if this girl would come through her ordeal half as strong as her lanky friend. Would she take all that had happened to her, all she had seen and endured, and become someone that fought tooth and nail to make the world a little safer? Or would she let it make her apathetic, or worse, twist her into the very thing that she feared and hated? There was no doubt that Sara Sidle had taken all the pain she had suffered and used it to fuel her drive for finding justice for victims and she could only hope that this little girl had the same strength in her tiny frame.

Sara had still been on her mind when she returned to the lab and Catherine had had to force herself not to pick up the phone. It was late and she had hoped the brunette was sound asleep. So she’d continued to log the evidence absentmindedly, her thoughts bouncing back and forth between her younger co-worker and the girl. It was actually a relief when she got the page from Doc Robbins to attend the post and she had something else to concentrate on.

Now all she had left to do was finish up the report and she could go home. By the time she got to actually leave though, her half a shift would turn out to be more like three quarters. But at lease after talking to Sara and Lindsey her mind was much more at ease and she could actually focus on the paperwork in front of her.

Xxx

Catherine crept down the short hallway and slowly opened her daughter’s door. After the night she’d just had, all she wanted to do was kiss her little girl and crawl into bed. It took a moment for her eyes to adjust to the gloom within and another for her to realize that Linds wasn’t under the rumpled blankets on her twin bed. As she turned to begin a search of the house her stomach tried to jump into her throat as she came face to face with her mother. “Damn it Mom you nearly gave me a heart attack. Why are you lurking around outside Lindsey’s room and where is she?”

“She’s in your room, in your bed, with that woman.” Lily had woken up only a few minutes before Catherine got home and decided to check on her granddaughter, only to find her gone. It hadn’t taken her long to figure out where she was.

“Sara mother, her name is Sara. Why do you suddenly have a problem with her? At first I thought it was me, since you are constantly watching me like you expect me to flip out or something, but now… What is going on with you?” Catherine’s voice was an angry whisper, harsh sounding even to her own ears. She didn’t want to wake the rest of the house but her displeasure at her mother’s strange attitude made it impossible to speak in a normal tone.

“My problem is the way you and Sara are carrying on. I didn’t want to believe it at first when Lindsey mentioned it, but I’ve seen it with my own eyes. Did you even stop to think about how this would affect your career, your life, your daughter’s life? Did you stop to think about the message it might send her?” Lily had held her tongue as long as she could, but things had obviously gone too far now, she couldn’t wait any longer. Lindsey should have come to her, not a woman that she’d only had regular contact with for a couple of weeks.

“What the hell are you talking about mother?”

“Please don’t try to deny it. I’ve seen it with my own eyes. Now don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against people that choose that sort of life, but sweetheart it’s not for you. Getting involved with Sara will destroy everything you’ve worked so hard for. You know the police department isn’t the most accepting of homosexuals. What am I supposed to tell Lindsey when some bigot cop decides to leave you alone at crime scene and a murderer hacks you to pieces? What am I going to tell her when you get beaten up or shot in the back by friendly fire?” Unshed tears burned the back of Lily’s eyes just thinking of her granddaughter, in a little black dress, sobbing over her mother’s casket. It broke her heart just as much as the thought that she could loose her oldest child.

Catherine’s jaw dropped and she shook her head in utter amazement. “Did you hit your head? Because you sound like you’ve got a serious head trauma! Yes, Sara and I are a lot closer now. And yes, I’ve come to love her. But. As. A. Friend. That’s all. Nothing is going on between us. And even it if was, it wouldn’t be any of your business Mom. I’m an adult, she’s an adult and things have changed. People are much more accepting and tolerant nowadays. And the message I’m sending Lindsey? I’ve always told her that love is more important than what other people think about you and that race, religion, age and gender shouldn’t matter.”

Lily could see that the woman was in denial and reached up and put her hands on Catherine’s shoulder’s hoping to calm her daughter enough to get the blonde to listen to her. “I’ve seen the way the two of you look at each other. I’ve seen the way you touch each other. Whether you’ve admitted it to yourself or not, you and Sara have feelings for each other that goes beyond friendship. Even your daughter can see it, she’s the one that told me that the two of you 'like like' each other. And what about Lindsey? Do you know how devastated she’s going to be when the two of you break up? Because I don’t know about Sara, but you don’t have the best track record when comes to dating. All I’m asking is that before you take your relationship any further with her, that you carefully consider all the consequences of your actions.”

“I think you’re delusional, but if it will get you off my back, fine. I’ll think about what you said. As for Lindsey and how she’d feel about a hypothetical breakup to a hypothetical relationship… She’d be fine because I’d never try to keep her and Sara from spending time together, they adore one another and I can’t imagine a better role model for Linds. Now you’re going to do something for me.” Catherine advanced on her mother and didn’t stop until wall forced her to. “You are going to back the hell off and you’re going to treat Sara with the respect she deserves. Because in case you forgot, she’s the only reason I’m standing here talking to you right now.”

Catherine waited for the older woman to nod her acceptance before she stepped away. “Good, now I’ve had a long day and I’m going to bed. Goodnight Mother.”

As Lily watched her daughter walk away she felt a heavy weight settle on her chest. She should have waited and not been quite so confrontational. Catherine had never responded well to being cornered. She’d have to wait until her daughter calmed down and had a chance to think things through. Once they could discuss the situation rationally she was sure her oldest child would see that she was right. And if after everything was said and done and Catherine decided to pursue a relationship with Sara… Well then Lily would be forced to accept it, but that didn’t mean that she had like it. It was her job after all to protect her children, and by extension, her grandchildren.

Xxx

The blonde stomped toward the master bedroom, furious with her mother. How could she suggest such a thing? There was no way her feelings for Sara had taken a romantic turn. She’d know if they had. Wouldn’t she?

Catherine paused at her door, this was ridiculous. Of course she’d know, they were her feelings after all. The sudden bout of uncertainty was due entirely to her mother’s insanity. It was rubbing off on her and she needed to get it under control now. If it hadn’t been for the cuddling/groping incident the other morning she wouldn’t even be questioning herself.

She could feel heat creeping up her cheeks at memory of waking up in the lanky brunette’s arms. It didn’t mean a damn thing that she had enjoyed it, she loved to snuggle, it could have been anyone and she would have felt the same way. Right? Catherine shook her head to rid herself of the questioning thoughts. There was no point in thinking about this right now. She needed to go in there, check on Sara and her daughter and get some much needed sleep.

Catherine opened the door quietly and eased in. She thought she had made it without disturbing the room’s occupants until she turned around.

“Cath, is everything all right?”

Crap. The argument in the hall must have been louder than she’d thought. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to wake you.”

“S’ok, I wasn’t really sleeping anyway.” Sara could see in the dim light coming from the half opened bathroom door that the blonde didn’t want to talk about whatever she and her mother had been arguing about. She’d ask Catherine about it later, when they weren’t both tired and Lindsey wasn’t snoozing next to her.

One close look at the brunette’s face in the diffused illumination in the room told the blonde that Sara was being truthful. The brunette had been laying there in bed with her arms wrapped like a human security blanket around Lindsey, keeping a silent vigil over the girl and once again putting someone else’s needs ahead of her own. Catherine sat down on the edge of the bed and reached over to brush a few errant strands of gold out of her daughter’s innocent face. “How’d she do after we got off the phone?”

“She went right back to sleep.” Sara shifted her gaze from the little cherub beside her to Catherine, unsure if she had made the right decision regarding the girl. “I told her she could stay in here. I hope that’s okay. I mean I know how hard it can be to go back to sleep after a nightmare and she needed the rest.”

The blonde could see Sara’s insecure nature raising its ugly head and hurried to drive in back into the deep dark hole it belonged in. “It’s fine. Actually it’s more than fine. Thank you for taking care of her.” Catherine pulled her hand away from her daughter and brought it to rest on the brunette’s cheek. “And thank you for calling me. You don’t know how much I needed to hear both your voices right then. I just wish I could have been here.”

“I’m sorry Ecklie’s such a class A jackass.”

“Nothing you can do about it, unless you want to help me get rid of his body.” Catherine grinned down at the brunette, trying to lighten the mood a bit.

“Just tell me when and where.” Sara smiled back at the blonde.

“I’ll let you know. I’m going to grab a quick shower then I’m coming to bed.” Catherine leaned over and brushed a butterfly soft kiss on the brunette’s forehead before making her way to the adjacent bathroom.

As the hot cleansing spray beat down on her back, the blonde considered her actions. Over the past couple of weeks, showing physical affection to the younger woman had become routine and she’d barely given it a thought other than to wonder once or twice at how natural it felt. Until her mother went and opened her big mouth. Now she was second guessing herself. The contact they shared had been always been comforting, for both she and Sara, but she had enjoyed it. The question now was had she taken more pleasure from the touches than was strictly proper for someone that was just a friend?

As she climbed out of the shower, she silently cursed Lily and her damn theories. She quickly dried herself and slipped on her favorite pajamas, determined to put everything out of her mind. She was about to climb into bed with Sara and Lindsey, there was no way she could be thinking about this now. Not if she wanted to get any sleep.

Catherine’s hand paused on the light switch as she started out of the bathroom. It had been on when she came in and realized the brunette must have left it on for Linds. For a while after Eddie’s death, the girl had been unable to sleep in the dark. It made sense that she’d ask Sara to leave it on now. They hadn’t talked about the nightmare that had woken her daughter up, but considering the past few weeks, her first night back to work, it was easy to guess it that it had been about her.

The blonde pulled the door almost closed and quietly made her way to her side of the bed. She eased under the blankets and scooted as close to her daughter as she could. With Lindsey in the middle she could cuddle to her hearts content without fear of stepping over the line again. Catherine looked over the slumbering child at the woman holding her so protectively. Half-lidded brown eyes gazed back at her and she reached across the girl and laid her arm on Sara’s. “Its okay sweetie, you can sleep now.”

Catherine could barely make out a mumbled ‘yes dear’ as Sara’s eyes fluttered a few times and then closed. A crooked little grin remained on the woman’s lips as her breathing evened out and Morpheus finally pulled her into his domain. It didn't really surprise the blonde that the younger woman had stayed awake until she came to bed, even though it was obvious the brunette was exhausted. But why the hell did she have to go and do that now? Why couldn’t she have already been asleep? Why did she have to look at her with those captivating chocolate eyes so full of gentle care? Because once again her mother’s words were bouncing around her head again like one the super balls Lindsey had loved when she was younger.

The blonde knew that there wasn’t a snowball’s chance in hell that she was going to get to sleep now, not with Sara looking for all the world like a mother lion curled protectively around her cub. And why did the picture they made together have to look so damn natural? Catherine knew that the only way she was going to get any rest tonight was to resolve the issue and there was only one way she knew how to do that. Follow the evidence.

Grissom was always telling them to leave their feelings at home and concentrate on the evidence, because evidence didn’t lie. But what if the only evidence you had, was your emotions? What if it was your feelings that you were trying to investigate? Where did you start? Trust? That was a no-brainer. She trusted Sara on a level that she had never thought it possible to trust someone. She didn’t just trust the young woman with her life, she trusted her with Lindsey’s. Next. Attraction?

That one was a little harder to pin down. Catherine had noticed the lanky brunette’s beauty from the beginning, but that didn’t mean she was attracted to her. Of course over the last five years she had spent so much time and energy keeping the woman at arms length that she had never really let herself think about it. What about now? There was no doubt that she was drawn to the gentle soul she was still getting know, but what about physically?

Since she was being honest, Catherine admitted to herself that she really did enjoy holding the younger woman. Being allowed the sort of contact Sara shied away from with everyone but the very few people she trusted most, was a heady experience. But being held in the brunette’s  thin but strong arms felt even better. She had enjoyed waking up, snuggled against the warm lithe body. There had been a definite physical reaction to the contact. And then there was bath time.

When Sara had first gotten out of the hospital, the only thing that had concerned Cath was the deep ugly bruises and the jagged lacerations marring the leggy woman’s skin. Now those had almost completely faded and the brunette had healed enough that she didn’t really need the blonde’s assistance to bathe, but neither of them had suggested that the younger woman complete the task on her own. And the last time they had gone through the daily ritual, Catherine had definitely noticed the other woman’s supple body. Had noticed it so much that she’d had to step out of the room for a few moments to get her labored breathing and erratic heart rate under control.

At the time she had told herself that it was just a memory of those three hellish days resurfacing at the sight of the elliptical red scar on Sara’s shoulder. But now that she was being honest… She had to admit that it was the soft curves sheathed in milky white skin that had had her so flustered. It was obvious now that she needed to put a great big check mark next to the attraction column. But trust and desire does not love make.

Ok, so what else? Well, she thought about the younger woman constantly when they were apart, even if was just for an hour. She’d almost go so far as to say she craved being near the willowy brunette. At first it had been an almost irrational need to see for herself that Sara was all right, that she really was alive and well. Somewhere along the way that had changed. She couldn’t pinpoint the exact moment, but Cath knew she just liked being around her.

Whenever Sara smiled, a real honest-to-god-gap-toothed-Sidle-smile, she couldn’t help but smile in return. And just the sight of the brunette interacting with Lindsey, whether it was watching tv, doing homework or just talking about school, Catherine always got a feeling a warmth that started in her stomach and spread through her entire body. She couldn’t even imagine not having the younger woman in her and her daughter’s life anymore.

Looking now at Sara’s face, so relaxed and vulnerable in sleep, Catherine could feel little butterflies doing aerial acrobatics in her stomach. No, she wasn’t in love with the brunette. But heaven help her she was falling in that direction at Mach 5 speed.

What the hell was she supposed to do now?

Part 30

Sara sighed as Catherine mumbled an excuse and rushed out of the room. They had barely spoken in almost a week and there was no doubt that the blonde was avoiding her. But no matter how many times she asked the older woman what was wrong, she always got the same answer. ‘Nothing’s wrong Sara, why do ask? Oh I just remembered I need to go do laundry’ or dishes or something else that was as far away from the brunette as possible. Catherine wasn’t even sleeping in the bed with her anymore.

The first time Sara had woken up to find the spot next to her empty, long after the older woman should have been home and in bed, was four days ago. She’d quickly found Catherine asleep on the sofa in the living room. The blonde’s explanation that she hadn’t wanted to inadvertently hurt Sara after her first physical therapy session had seemed like a valid reason at the time. But the next night when it happened again and the night after that and the night after that, the excuses, that she’d just fallen asleep there or she’d only meant to close her eyes for second or she hadn’t wanted to wake Sara up, just hadn’t rang true.

Sara had wanted to press the issue, find out what was really going on, but she had been too afraid of making it worse. So she had decided that if she left it alone whatever was wrong would work itself out, but things weren’t getting any better. If they didn’t figure out a way to talk about what was bothering Catherine, Sara was scared that their friendship, the closeness she’d come to depend on, was about to end.

Stiffening her resolve, Sara decided that one way or another, she was going to get Catherine to talk to her right now.

Xxx

Catherine leaned heavily against the washing machine and tried to catch her breath. There wasn’t even a dirty sock left in the entire house and the only way she was going to do a load was if she started re-washing the clean clothes. She had really just needed an excuse to get away from Sara.

Since her mothers little intervention, since she’d come to realize the depth of her feelings for Sara, she’d found it hard to even be in the same room with the younger woman. She was constantly battling the urge to touch her. And every time she looked in the lanky brunette’s eyes, her resolve not to tell Sara how she felt crumbled a little bit more.

Sara was still emotionally fragile and there was no way to tell how she’d react to the blonde’s revelation. There might be a small chance that the brunette would be open to a relationship with her, but there was also a huge possibility that she wasn’t ready to be involved with anyone, much less the female co-worker she’d had a sometimes combative relationship with until very recently. Catherine could very well lose Sara completely and she’d rather have the younger woman’s friendship than nothing at all.

Besides, hadn’t she practically ripped Grissom’s fat head off his stumpy neck when he’d done the same thing? Of course he’d done it the day after they were rescued while Sara was lying in a near catatonic state in ICU. If there had ever been a more wrong time and place, she didn’t know what it was. But how was she supposed to judge when, or even if, the brunette was ready? She couldn’t, which was why she needed to stay away from Sara even though it was slowly killing her.

Every lie she told tasted like ashes in her mouth. Every hurt look on the brunette’s face sent another rusty knife through her heart. Every night spent on the couch instead of next to Sara made her body ache for the younger woman’s warmth. Every moment she didn’t speak to the lanky CSI, share her day and hear about Sara’s, tore another chunk out of her soul. She really didn’t know how much longer she could keep this up.

Xxx

Sara found the blonde in the laundry room, her head resting against the empty washing machine. She silently regarded the older woman for a moment before shutting the door, effectively cutting off Catherine’s escape route. “Will you please tell me what I did wrong?”

Catherine jumped at the sudden intrusion into her thoughts. She took a deep breath to try to calm her racing heart before turning to face the other woman. “Don’t be silly Sara, you haven’t done anything wrong. You know I just remembered that I need to wash bed linens. I should get those started so that they’re done before I have to leave for work.”

As the blonde took a step toward her, Sara steeled her nerves and held her ground. “You just washed them two days ago. Please Cat, I can’t take this anymore. Lindsey is the only person in this house still speaking to me and I don’t know why. You’re sleeping on the couch; you won’t talk to me, hell you won’t even stay in the same room as me for more then thirty seconds. Your mother glares at me all the time and the only way riding with her to my PT sessions could get anymore uncomfortable would be if Ecklie decided to tag along.

If I really didn’t do anything to upset you then the only conclusion I can come to is you’re tired of having me around and you just don’t want to hurt my feelings by saying so. I understand you know. I actually expected it, because sooner or later everyone wants to get away from me, but I’d rather you tell me that than to just avoid me. I don’t want to lose your friendship and if that means going back to my apartment and fending for myself then that’s what I’ll do.”

Catherine hung her head as each of the brunette’s words drove a red hot spike into her chest. She’d spent so much time and energy trying to keep Sara from seeing how she felt about her, that she’d failed to see how much she was hurting her. “Have you ever wondered why you are the only person on this planet that I allow to get away with calling me Cat? I never really thought about it before but even when we were fighting, I never wanted to rip your lips off for using that damn nickname. Anyone else would be just a greasy spot on the floor, but for some reason I’ve always liked the way you say it.”

The blonde looked into Sara’s eyes and wasn’t really all that surprised to see tears falling from their soulful depths. There was no turning back now. She had to tell her the truth. “I didn’t mean to make you feel like I didn’t want you here but I had some things I needed to work out and please believe me when I say that it would have been impossible if I hadn’t put a little distance between us. But the last thing I want is for you to leave.

You really haven’t done a single thing wrong sweetheart. In fact you keep doing everything right and it shouldn’t be this damn hard to tell you that I love the way you look after my kid. You let Lindsey sprawl all over you even though I know it still causes you a little bit of pain, no matter how hard you try to hide it, just to make her feel safe. You comfort her when she has a nightmare. You help her with her homework. You’re actually interested in hearing about how her day went and which one of her friends thinks what boy is cute today.

It shouldn’t be so hard to tell you that I love the way you worry about me even though you’re the one that went through ten kinds of hell and damn near died. Don’t think I don’t know you’ve threatened everyone at the lab and half the PD if they don’t watch out for me when I’m in the field.

It shouldn’t be so hard to tell you that I love the way you get so completely focused on something that you block out the rest of the world. That I love the way you push that bit of stubborn hair behind your ear a hundred times a day, only to have it fall right back down two seconds later. I love the way you chew on your lip when you’re concentrating and the way you sing and hum when you’re in a good mood and forget anyone else is around. I love how you get this little crease between your eyes when you’re confused. I love how deep and expressive your eyes are. I love your smile, god I love your smile when it’s real and big enough to show that adorable gap in your teeth. I love the way your hands are so strong and steady while at the same time they’re soft and gentle. I love how dedicated you are to the victims, how you fight tooth and nail for them, consequences be damned. I love how justice means more to you than politics.”

Catherine took a deep breath. “I love…” She could still back out, she hadn’t said the words yet. She could chalk it all up to hormones or something, but she really didn’t want to. Now that she’d started, she didn’t want to stop. She needed to tell Sara the truth. “I love you. And it shouldn’t be this damn hard to tell you that I’m falling for you and that I never meant to hurt you or make you think I wanted you to leave because I really really want you to stay and not just today but I think maybe for a very long time.”

With every word Sara felt her knees get a little a weaker until they finally gave out at the end of Catherine’s speech. As she slid to the floor she couldn’t stop the laughter that erupted from her mouth. She knew it was the completely wrong response, but she couldn’t help it, she actually felt giddy as a schoolgirl. And that thought made her laugh all that much harder as she couldn’t remember the last time she had felt this way, or if she ever really had. Did that mean she had never really been in love before? Searching her memory the only answer she could find was no. Not one person one person had ever made her feel safe and drunk and very very sober at the same time.

Staring down at the brunette, it felt like someone had ripped out her heart, leaving nothing but a bloody and tattered hole in its place. Catherine had known that there was a huge chance that the younger woman wouldn’t return her feelings, but she had never expected Sara to laugh at her. Hell the brunette had been more understanding with Grissom. She could have handled a gentle let down, or even stunned silence followed by a sputtered ‘I don’t feel that way about you’, but she couldn’t bear to be mocked. Not by Sara, not after having laid her heart on the line for the younger woman to see.

Sara felt the door hitting her in the back but it took her a few seconds for her euphoria to clear enough to figure out that the blonde was desperately trying to get out of the room. Even though it sent a bolt of pain through her shoulder she reached up and pulled the Catherine down into her lap. She wrapped her arms around the older woman and buried her face in the cascade of golden hair. “I’m sorry. I am so sorry Cat.”

Catherine didn’t even try to mask the roughness of her voice or wipe away the tears that had begun to blind her. “Screw you! How could you be that cruel? How could you just laugh at me like that? I thought that you at least cared enough about me to…”

Sara tightened her grip as the blonde began to struggle to get up. “I didn’t mean to, and I wasn’t laughing at you I swear. I was just so surprised and happy and confused and… and happy, it just came out and I couldn’t stop it.”

“Happy?” Catherine halted her escape attempt and turned her head to look at the brunette.

“Yeah, happy. You remember I told you I used to have a little crush on you and that I got over it? Well what I’ve been feeling lately isn’t anything at all like that. It’s so much deeper and stronger than anything I’ve ever felt before. But I didn’t think there was even a remote chance that you’d ever return those feelings so I ignored them, or at least I tried to. Then when you told me you loved me it all just kind of hit me at once. And I guess laughing was the only way I had of expressing that, but I swear I wasn’t laughing at you. What I’m trying to say, and making a total mess of, is that I love you too. And I mmph…

Catherine silenced Sara’s rambling the only way she way she really wanted to. She kissed her. For a second the brunette didn’t respond but when she did it was everything the blonde had dreamed it would be. Or it was until Sara jerked away from her.

“You ah, didn’t let me finish.” Sara softly told Catherine. She didn’t think she had ever enjoyed kissing someone as much as she had the blonde, but she couldn’t let it continue, not with what she needed to tell her. “I started to say that I would love to pursue a relationship with you…”

“It works out great then because that’s what I want too.” Catherine leaned in to capture the younger woman’s mouth again but was stopped by two of Sara’s fingers across her lips.

“But I don’t know if it’s such a good idea.” Sara picked up where she left off, determined to make the blonde listen. “I’m pretty screwed up Cat. I was screwed up before Michael Thomas came back into my life. I’ve never been good at the relationship thing. My past has always hung over my head no matter how much I’ve tried to fight it. I’m moody and withdrawn and argumentative. I obsess over cases, I work too much, I shut people out, I have more defense mechanisms than the Army and the Marines combined and I could give China a run for its money in the wall department. I just think you deserve someone better than me.”

Catherine gently pulled the lanky woman’s hand away from her mouth and placed a soft kiss on Sara’s palm. “After working with you for five years sweetie, most of that is not news to me. But that’s not all you are, or were you not listening a couple of minutes ago when I was extolling your many virtues? And you’re not the only one with a past and issues. I have my own problems and hang-ups, but I think we can work on all of it together. Because I can’t think of one person that even holds a candle to you and if anything, I don’t deserve you. I would love a chance at something more than friendship with you but if you don’t think you’re ready then I won’t push you. I’ll take you in my life anyway you want to be there, just as long as you’re there.”

When Sara could finally swallow the lump in her throat, she reached up and cupped the blonde’s cheek. “What about Lindsey? This would affect her too. What if she doesn’t want us to see each other? I don’t want to do anything that might upset her.”

“See? There you go again being so damn perfect you put every single person I’ve ever been involved with to shame. No one has ever given her more then a passing thought except when I had to cancel or cut short dates for her. And I’m fairly certain that she will be ecstatic. That girl doesn’t just think that you hung the moon; she thinks you carved it out of a mountain and then carried it on your back into orbit. You’re her hero. And before you ask about my mother, don’t. She’ll learn to live with it.” Catherine slid off the warm lanky body and settled next to Sara. “We can go as slow or as fast as you want, hell we can crawl in slow motion if that’s what you need.”

Sara reached over and entwined her fingers with Catherine’s. She was scared to death but this was everything she’d always wanted but had never had, a chance at happiness, a real family that wanted her, love. Maybe it was time to stop living in her parent’s shadow and in the hole Michael Thomas had thrown her in. Besides, who knew if she’d ever get another shot, especially with someone like Catherine Willows? “I don’t think it will be necessary to go quite that slow. But I don’t know when I’ll be ready to… um… well you know. But I can definitely handle holding hands, and kissing, kissing is good. Really good.”

“What’s your stance on cuddling?” Catherine grinned at the fierce blush spreading up from Sara’s neck to engulf her entire head. The brunette’s ears were so red they looked like they were about to burst into flames.

“Oh I think cuddling will have to be mandatory. But do you think we could do that somewhere a little more comfortable. This floor with cold and I think my butt is falling asleep.” Sara grinned shyly at the older woman.

Catherine stood and pulled Sara up and into her arms. “Wherever and whenever you want.”

FIN