chains3

Chains Around My Heart
Part 2
By Kimmi

Disclaimer: Not mine, wish they were though, then I could afford that boat.

A/N: Please forgive my lack of skill in the techno-babble dept. I suck, I know, please don’t hold it against me. Same goes for my attempts at the Klingon Language.

For Adi: who listens with her heart. Thanks Tator.

Thanks to Regelgirl for the beta’ing. She rocks.

Part 2

Two more weeks passed with Seven dividing her time between her duties, B’Elanna and a few hours to regenerate each night. The ex-borg was beginning to feel the strain she was putting on her system but she ignored the fatigue that was starting to plague her in favor of worrying about the Klingon. She wanted more than anything to get her to open up and talk to her again but she was afraid of pushing B’Elanna too hard, sure that if she did the engineer would refuse to allow Seven to help her.

Seven had thought on many occasions that they were making progress but then B’Elanna would withdraw into herself, speaking only when spoken to. When she did speak her voice was flat and toneless, lacking all of the vibrancy that it had held previously. Many times the former drone was sure that the smaller woman had sat in the same place from the moment she left until just a few moments before she returned. She would have asked her about it but she was determined to wait. She wasn’t afraid that the engineer would actively hurt herself, she was scared that she would allow herself to wither away in her pain until nothing was left.

It was only two days later that Seven’s resolve crumbled. She returned to B’Elanna’s quarters after the end of her duty shift to find her sitting in the middle of the floor, unmoving and staring blankly at the wall. She didn’t even seem to register the blonde drone when she stood directly in her line of site, continuing to stare unseeing at nothing. Seven only barely managed to resist the urge to yank the smaller woman up and shake her until she acknowledged her presence. Instead she moved behind her and pulled her up gently and led her to the couch.

Seven went to the bathroom and retrieved a damp cloth to wash away the evidence of B’Elanna’s tears that had dried on her face. The drone gently washed the tear-streaked face while trying to find some sign of life the dull brown eyes staring through her. When she was finished she put the cloth aside and took the Klingon’s limp hands in her own. “Lieutenant, you have once again engaged in self-destructive behavior and it must cease at once.”

It was several long moments before B’Elanna made any indication that she even knew that Seven was there, much less to make an effort to speak to her. Heaving a bone-weary sigh, the engineer pulled herself out of the black depths that she had found herself swimming in to look at the only bright spot that remained in her life. “It’s not what you think, it never was.”

Seven waited for a moment for B’Elanna to continue but it quickly became apparent that no more information would be forthcoming with prompting. “Elaborate. What is ‘not what I think it is’.”

B’Elanna sighed again, knowing that the ex-borg wasn’t about to just let the subject drop. “When I found out that the Maquis were all dead, everyone thought that I was trying…Well we know what they thought, but they were wrong. I was numb; all I was trying to do was feel something, anything. This isn’t like that though.”

As B’Elanna’s gaze slid away from her and back toward the wall Seven could see the pain shining in her eyes. Seemingly without volition Seven’s voice lowered to barely a whisper. “Then tell me what this is like, please.”

B’Elanna’s head snapped back around at the soft tone that was full of concern and compassion. She searched the face before her for several long moments, looking for something she wasn’t sure she was ready to see, but dreading not finding it there at the same time. Finding what she sought in the soulful blue eyes regarding her, she nodded absently to herself before she answered.

“That time before I could feel nothing. Now I feel too much. There is all this pain and anger and rage balled up inside me and it’s drowning me. I’m angry with myself for not being able to save my daughter. I’m so mad at Tom for leaving me the way he did that I just want to hit something, to smash something with my bare hands until they are broken and bloody. And the pain, the loss I feel is the worst. I just keeping thinking I’ll never get to hold my daughter, never get to see her take her first step or say her first word. I won’t get to watch her grow up, and it’s my fault.”

Seven listened silently as the words poured from the Klingon and she felt a piece of her heart die at what B’Elanna had lost. She knew there wasn’t much she could do to help her with the loss she felt, but she felt that she could help B’Elanna deal with the feelings of self-recrimination. “Do you blame the Captain for sending you on the away mission? And what about me?” She continued without giving her the chance to answer. “Perhaps I missed something in my scans of the area. Or the Doctor. Maybe he didn’t try everything he could to save your child. And then there is ensign that was at the helm; he didn’t return Voyager to your coordinates in time. And the transporter operator, she did not get a lock on your signal and get you beamed to sick bay fast enough.”

As Seven listed off those she thought B’Elanna should blame along with herself, the engineer grew hot with anger. How could the ex-drone feel that others should share the responsibility that she felt for her daughter’s death? She didn’t even stop to think about her answers to the Borg’s questions; she merely spat them out. “That is ridiculous Seven. Captain Janeway had no way of knowing that some long dead race had mined that asteroid field, it was supposed to be a routine mission. And you told me yourself that you went back over your sensor sweeps of that area and still could find nothing even when you knew what to look for. I knew the Doctor did everything he could, because it’s not in his nature to do anything less. The ensigns at the helm and transporters are simply too stupid to dignify with a response.”

B’Elanna turned her back on Seven, trying to put a little bit of distance between them. Rage was beginning to blossom in her like a black rose, and she was trying to contain it before the bitter thorns stung the young blonde. She was still struggling not to lash out when Seven spoke softly to her once more.

“If none of us are to blame then how can you hold yourself responsible? It is not your fault that you were too badly damaged or that Mr. Paris chose to kill himself. To continue with this behavior will not bring them back and will only succeed in damaging you further.”

B’Elanna turned back to face Seven, not quite ready to give up her guilt. “I can’t help feeling like it’s my fault that my daughter is gone, even if it is wrong. But I know for a fact that Tom is partially my responsibility. We were talking about breaking up right before I found out I was pregnant. I had told him that I wasn’t in love with him anymore and that it just wasn’t working. He begged me to give him another chance, and then we found out about the baby. He knew my history with my father. He knew that with the baby on the way that I would stay with him for her sake even if I was miserable, just to give her a better life than I had. I wanted her to have a real family with a father that would never leave her. So you see Tom knew when I lost the baby that he had lost me as well, that he had lost everything.”

Seven watched helplessly as B’Elanna turned away from her once more as new tears began to fall unchecked from her swollen eyes. She had no idea of how to help the distraught woman, so she did the only thing that had seemed to help before. Wrapping her arms around B’Elanna she pulled her tightly against her and held her as she released another tiny bit of sharp pain with her sobs.

***************************

The captain continued to ask Seven about B’Elanna, and she continued to give vague answers. Now Janeway had called her down to her ready room in the middle of her shift and Seven was certain that it had something to do with the engineer. Seven stepped through the door and stopped in front of the captain’s desk. “Why did you want to see me this time?”

Janeway’s head snapped up at the way the blonde woman practically sneered at her. The ex-drone rarely showed any visible emotion and Kathryn knew that when it did peek through, there was the equivalent of a raging storm under the normally cool exterior. She had a good idea where it was coming from. Seven had become extremely protective of B’Elanna. She had even gone as far as to threaten a young ensign when she overheard him questioning why the Chief Engineer was still on medical leave. Seven had lifted the man off his feet by the front of his uniform and told him in no uncertain terms that if he didn’t keep his opinions to himself she would remove his tongue

Janeway had questioned the ensign and he maintained fervently that he had merely been concerned about the chief and was trying to find out if anyone had heard anything new. She had questioned Seven as well and the Borg had been convinced that the young man had been trying to disparage B’Elanna’s character. She had forced her to apologize to the ensign but the man was even more afraid than before due to the murderous look in the blonde’s razor-sharp blue eyes. He had run to the farthest recesses of the ship as soon as he was dismissed.

The captain had threatened to throw Seven in the brig if she did anything like that again. Seven had promised not to touch another crewmember, but within two days Janeway had another two reports of threats from the ex-drone. Seven had kept her promise however and had not laid a hand on either crewman. After that, wherever Seven went the rooms and corridors would suddenly fall silent and then empty, as if she was walking around with a live grenade in her hands. Janeway had chosen to ignore her attitude for the moment but when she directed that attitude toward her, it was going too far.

“Sit down Seven, and I don’t care if you prefer to stand. Do it.” Janeway waited for her to do as she was told before she continued. “What do I have to do? Throw you in the brig? Confine you to the cargo bay when you’re not in Astrometrics? Your conduct over the last week has been reprehensible and I have let it go on for far too long. You have got this entire ship walking on eggshells when you’re around and I want it to end this instant.”

Kathryn took a deep breath in order to bring herself back under control, she had gotten a little louder than she had meant to. “Now I realize that you are concerned about B’Elanna, and believe me I am grateful for that, seeing as how she won’t let anyone but you in. However I will not let you use that as an excuse to threaten your fellow crewmen or to be disrespectful to me. If you don’t make an immediate adjustment to your attitude I will take disciplinary measures. Now have I made myself perfectly clear?”

Seven started to spit out a response about the captain showing a little respect for the privacy of others, but she quickly bit it back and nodded instead. “I am sorry Captain.”

Janeway knew that she wouldn’t get anything else out of the stubborn ex-drone so she decided to let it go, for now. “The reason I called you down this morning was to ask you what you know about B’Elanna wanting new quarters and resigning as the Chief Engineer.”

Seven was shocked. B’Elanna had said nothing to her about resigning, moving was inconsequential next to that. It was true that when they talked it was mostly Seven herself that did the talking, but the ex-drone was shocked that B’Elanna hadn’t even mentioned it. It hurt her that she hadn’t confided in her; she thought they had become closer than that. She pushed the sudden stab of hurt aside and strengthened her resolve to break through the engineer’s walls. “I was unaware of Lt. Torres’ wish to relocate, but I shall address it with her.”

Janeway nodded in response. She hoped Seven would let her know something but she wasn’t going to hold her breath. Where B’Elanna was concerned the ex-borg was extremely tight-lipped lately. As the tall blonde rose to leave the captain stopped her before she got to the door. “Seven, one more thing. Please tell B’Elanna that we all care about her and are concerned about her, and that we miss her.”

Seven nodded and left for Astrometerics even though she wanted to go directly to B’Elanna’s quarters and question her. She knew she would need a little time to find the appropriate manner in which to broach the subject.

By the time the lunch hour rolled around Seven was convinced that the ship had passed through some sort of spatial anomaly that slowed time. It seemed as if time had slowed to a crawl as she waited to go see B’Elanna and that it would take the rest of her life for a few hours to pass. When they finally did, Seven felt even worse than when she was waiting. Now she wasn’t just anxious, she was nervous. Even though she and the engineer had formed a strange sort of bond, she knew that she had to tread carefully with her or risk being shut out completely.

Seven stood in front of B’Elanna’s door for a full minute mentally reviewing what she was going to say before she opened the door. She now ignored the fact that every time she opened that door she was essentially breaking and entering since the Klingon had never given her the code or even told her she could come in. B’Elanna had never said anything so Seven had taken her silence as permission to continue.

The ex-drone stepped through the door and immediately stopped. B’Elanna wasn’t in bed but she wasn’t sitting and staring out the window either. She was standing in the middle of an explosion of clothing and assorted household items. The clothes were a cacophony of colors that was almost painful to look at and most were in various Old Earth styles, but it was the large box in the middle of the pile that caught Seven’s eye.

The Television set that B’Elanna had used an enormous amount of replacator rations on as a gift for her husband now lay shattered and broken on a bed of his clothes. The engineer had taken everything that had belonged to Tom Paris and thrown it together. The other pile of items was more of mystery, not as large but quickly growing. It held things the drone thought belonged to the diminutive Klingon herself and not her husband.

Not knowing exactly how to react, Seven fell back into habits that she found comfort in. Back ramrod straight, legs planted slightly apart and hands clasped behind her back, the drone’s voice was as cold as space when she spoke. “Lieutenant, explain your actions.”

B’Elanna didn’t even glance up as she ground the answer out to her visitor. “I’m getting rid of his things, I don’t want them near me.”

Seven sighed imperceptibly; the engineer was back to refusing to say Tom Paris’ name. She had uttered his name a total of three times since his death at his own hands. She had refused to go to his memorial service and had refused to even discus him most of the time   “That does not explain why you are discarding your own belongings.”

B’Elanna finally turned her attention to the tall blonde and Seven had to force herself not to flinch under the burning gaze that was turned on her. “These are things that P’taq coward gave to me. Right now I’m just trying to decide if I should throw them out an airlock or use a phaser to burn it all.”

The Klingon was showing more signs of life, of her old self, but the suddenness and ferocity of the change sent a sharp lance of fear through the Borg. When she had left that morning, B’Elanna had been as despondent as ever, but now she was practically glowing with rage. It looked to Seven as if she was having a hard time controlling the urge to use her bare hands to destroy everything in the room. Apprehension and confusion kept her from questioning the reasons behind the sudden change in the dark woman, but she was determined to quell her trepidation and get the answer she had come there for. “The Captain has informed me that you have requested alternative living arrangements.”

Whatever the ex-drone had been expecting next, the white-hot fury that rolled off the diminutive woman was not it. While B’Elanna’s skin had grown pale and sallow over the last few weeks, now it glowed with an inner fire while her face twisted rage. Seven thought for a second that she was going to have to defend herself as the shorter woman stalked toward her, but as she raised her hands to ward off blows she found her wrists gripped in a vise-like grasp.

“She had no right to do that!   Who the hell does she think she is? All I want is to get away from here. It’s not like I asked to be put off the ship at the next M-Class planet. I just want someplace that he’s never been, that we’ve never been together, someplace I can just be without having to think about the past. I just want someplace to start over.”

Seven could only stand there as B’Elanna released her hands and struck out at her. The blows were weak as the anger was slowly replaced by the ever-present despair. Not knowing what else to do the ex-drone enveloped the now sobbing woman in a tight embrace. She knew B’Elanna wasn’t striking her, the blows were directed at the pain she felt. They stood that way for several minutes, until the shudders wracking the small body quieted.

Seven led the Klingon to the couch and pushed the unresisting body down. She quickly went into the bathroom and retrieved a washcloth, wetting it before she returned to the living room. Sitting down next to B’Elanna she felt her chest tighten as the tenderness she felt for this woman gripped her heart. She pushed the emotion away as she forced herself to focus on washing the tears off the toffee-colored face in what had become something of a ritual for the two.

“The Captain was merely worried about you Lieutenant, she was not denying your request. She told me that you wished to resign as Chief Engineer and she was concerned. Captain Janeway knows that I have had contact with you and since you refuse to speak to her she simply wanted to know how you were.” At her quiet words, dark liquid-brown eyes locked with crystal-blue and Seven had to force herself not to look away from the hurt she saw there.

“How much have you told her?” Part of her wanted to believe that the ex-drone would keep her confidences but the part that had envied and even feared Seven was screaming at her that this was what she got for trusting a Borg.

“I informed the Captain that you were distressed but I felt you would recover. I refused to divulge any specific information about your condition, though the Captain was at first insistent on knowing details.” Seven was a little hurt that B’Elanna would question her loyalty but she understood her fear, the Klingon hybrid had never liked anyone seeing what she thought of as weakness.

B’Elanna breathed a quiet sigh of relief and then immediately chastened herself for doubting Seven. “Thank you Seven,” she paused to grasp a pale hand, “for everything. And I’m sorry about earlier.”

Seven couldn’t take her eyes off their clasped hands. The warmth that infused her at the simple gesture threatened to steal her voice and she had to struggle for a moment before she could speak. “You are welcome Lt. Torres. There is no need to apologize, I am undamaged.”

B’Elanna smiled weakly, truly grateful to the blonde but unable to really express it. “Don’t you think it’s time you started calling me B’Elanna? All my friends do.” The small smile that lit the normally stoic face at her request was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen. The expression completely changed her appearance and B’Elanna wondered why she had never noticed how attractive the ex-drone was, at the same time ignoring the nagging little voice that said she had noticed but had chosen to ignore it in favor of being jealous and hostile.

Seven felt as if she was going to lose consciousness. *B’Elanna called me a friend.* She was having trouble organizing her thoughts as they all seemed to return to that one little sentence ‘All my friends do.’ She could feel the other woman’s dark gaze on her and gave herself a sharp mental shake. “If you wish Lieu, B’Elanna, you may use my quarters.” Though her mind had only seconds before been focused on the offer to call the engineer by her first name, habit still caused her to stumble.

“You want me to move into the cargo bay?” The ridged brow creased slightly in confusion. B’Elanna was happy that Seven would ask her to stay with her, but Cargo Bay 2 was not exactly private and she wasn’t up to handling all the people that would drop by for tools and those that wouldn’t even bother to make up an excuse.

“I was not referring to the cargo bay. I was assigned crew quarters when the Doctor wished me to begin sleeping as an alternative to regenerating. However as I was unable to achieve unconsciousness, I only use it when I wish to be alone.” Seven didn’t know what made her more nervous, that B’Elanna would turn down her offer, or accept it.

“Oh, I wouldn’t want to intrude on your private space Seven.” B’Elanna inwardly winced at the brief flash of hurt that passed through the blue eyes regarding her. “What I mean is that I don’t want to impose on you. I just want to be sure that you’re sure about this, that I won’t be any bother, because I would really like to stay at your place Seven. I just don’t want to be in the way.”

B’Elanna managed to stop babbling when a small smile crept onto the ex-borg’s face. She didn’t want to hurt Seven’s feelings; she was the only one on the ship that could really understand what she was going through. The tall blonde had become her lifeline and she wanted to accept her offer, but she also needed to be sure that it wouldn’t cause Seven any hardship. The cargo bay was anything but private and she didn’t want to intrude on the only place she had to get away from everyone.

“You would not be in the way B’Elanna, I would be honored to have you as a guest. Now that the matter of your living accommodations has been settled there is still the question of why you wish to resign from your position as Chief of Engineering. That is unacceptable. You are the only person on this ship aside from myself that is capable of keeping this vessel working at peak efficiency.” Seven was confused as to why the Klingon would wish to step down. While she often disagreed with her methods she knew that B’Elanna was a brilliant engineer and cared a great deal about the ship.

B’Elanna shook her head. Part of her agreed with the drone, but her self-confidence had been ground to dust and she was frightened. She knew her fear was irrational but that didn’t stop her from feeling it. “I can’t Seven, I can’t do it anymore. I can’t concentrate on anything for more than a few minutes, I can barely even think half the time. I’m a danger to the ship right now, and I won’t put people’s lives in jeopardy because I can’t remember the difference between a plasma conduit and sensor relay.”

Seven released the Klingon’s warm hand and stood quickly. She was angry. She thought she could actually feel it burning through her veins, along with a new emotion. Hate. She hated Tom Paris for what he had done to the formally confident, fiery, vibrant, passionate woman. “This is unacceptable. You can not resign. Take a leave of absence until you are functioning within acceptable parameters, but do not resign. Your presence is required for m… this collective’s continued existence.” Seven barely caught her slip and prayed that engineer had missed it completely.

B’Elanna watched shell-shocked as Seven began pacing about her living room, clearly upset. She had never seen that much emotion on the ex-drone’s face. For reasons that she wasn’t ready to examine yet, the knowledge that she was the reason for the blonde’s outburst was too much for her to bear. Launching herself off the couch the engineer threw herself in Seven’s path effectively stopping her in her tracks.

B’Elanna started to reach out for Seven’s hands but dropped them to her sides when the drone quickly back(-)pedaled away from her touch. She felt a brief surge of hurt at the evasion, but pushed it into a small dark corner in the back of her mind as soon as it was identified. She chewed her bottom lip, thinking about her options. On one hand she really was frightened of someone getting hurt if she made a mistake, but on the other hand she didn’t know if she was ready to give up her position.

Being Voyager’s Chief Engineer had defined her existence over the last few years. There were times when she had felt that her engines were the only things that made her get up in the morning. Most days she had silently thanked Janeway for giving her the chance to prove what a good engineer she was and for continuing to trust her even when she probably hadn’t deserved it sometimes. As much as her Klingon pride was screaming that her honor would be irreparably damaged if she quit, her human side was just as loud in it’s horror at having more than a hundred lives resting in her trembling hands.

The option Seven had offered, to take a leave of absence would satisfy both halves, if she could find the strength to accept. In the end it was the look of pure unadulterated fear on the ex-borg’s face that pushed her to take the leave. For some odd reason, Seven’s opinion of her mattered more than anything else at that moment.

“Alright Seven, I’ll take an open leave of absence. If, when I feel like I can go back to work, I will. If Janeway will still have me that is. Hell, after the way I’ve acted I’m not so sure she will,” B’Elanna told the ex-drone with a tiny smile as she looked at her through her lashes in an effort to put Seven a little more at ease.

Seven released a breath she hadn’t been aware she was holding and returned the gesture with a small shy smile of her own. “I am certain that the Captain knows that your presence in Engineering is essential to the continued well being of this crew. She will return you to your post when you are ready to take it.” Highly aware of how close her last statement was to the near slip she had made earlier, Seven waited to see if B’Elanna would comment on it or not. She hoped that she had missed it entirely, or would at the very least ignore it.

B’Elanna threw her hands up in defeat and returned her attention to the piles of clothing and possessions that belonged to, or had to do with her dead husband. She knew what she wanted to do with the stuff but she didn’t know what she should do with it. Blasting it with a phaser held a lot of appeal as did blowing it out an airlock, but she was certain that both options would be frowned upon by the Captain. She addressed her companion without looking up at her. “Seven what the hell should I do with this stuff?”

The ex-drone regarded the diminutive Klingon for a moment before glancing at the articles on the floor. “If you are indeed certain that you wish to discard these items I would suggest simply putting them in the recycle bin.”

B’Elanna frowned for a moment as she considered the new option. “I guess you’re right Seven. It doesn’t have the poetic justice that burning them would have but it would still be a symbolic gesture. I guess I can live with that.” She looked up to see one pale eyebrow raised and smirked. “Since it was your idea, you get to help. Grab that pile there while I get this one and we can get rid of this garbage in half the time. Then you can help me pack.”

************************

Seven had to admit that B’Elanna moving into her quarters had been the best thing for the engineer. In the two weeks since she had been there, B’Elanna had almost reverted completely back to her old self. She still wept nearly everyday, but it wasn’t the same as before. The tears that fell now seemed to cleanse her soul, instead of weighing it down. She was even letting some of the other crewmembers come over to see her although she still wouldn’t leave on her own.

As a result of B’Elanna’s turn-around, Seven herself was feeling better than she could ever remember. She even thought she now understood the colloquialism ‘walking on air’. She had felt like she was floating for the past few days and today she felt even better. She had received a message from the engineer saying she had a surprise for her when she got home. It was the word ‘home’ that had her feeling as if she had just solved the mystery of the omega molecule, rather than whatever surprise awaited her. She had to admit that her stark, barely decorated quarters had indeed started to feel like a home to her with B’Elanna living there, but this was the first time the other woman had referred to it as such.

As she stepped through the doors of her quarters however, the euphoric feeling came crashing down around her and her chest felt as if it had been crushed. Sitting in the middle of the floor, surrounded by padds, B’Elanna sat crying, her entire body shaking with sobs. Without thinking the ex-drone rushed to the smaller woman’s side and sat down next to her, gathering the distraught woman into a tight embrace. She could hear B’Elanna mumbling something against her shoulder as she clung to her but it took her a moment to make out that she was apologizing for something.

Seven pulled back so that she could look the engineer in the face. “B’Elanna, what has happened? You were fine, happy, when you sent me that message earlier today. What happened to change that in the course of two hours twenty-one minutes and forty-three seconds?”

“I lost it!” B’Elanna wailed. “I had it right here and now it’s gone. It just disappeared. It had everything on it.”

The Klingon dropped her head back onto the blonde’s shoulder while Seven frowned, even more confused now than she was before. “Lost what, B’Elanna? You are not making sense. Please begin at the beginning. What are you looking for?”

B’Elanna took a shuddering breath and tried to calm herself enough to answer Seven. “The padd I was working on. I finally figured out how to get around the size constraints and had it all worked out. I put it down to go send you the message and when I came back I couldn’t find it.” With the last word new sobs tore their way out of her now raw throat.

Seven sighed softly as she realized that it wasn’t going to be that easy to get information out of the distressed woman. She waited several minutes, gently rocking the small compact body, as she waited for B’Elanna to calm down enough again to elaborate. When she felt the shaking subside, she tried again. “What was on the padd B’Elanna? What were you working on?”

B’Elanna refused to meet the Borg’s gaze. She had been working on the idea all day and she had finally found a way to make it work only to lose the padd. She had wanted to surprise Seven and instead she ended up doing nothing but embarrassing herself. “It came to me this morning. There should be a way to get one of the alcoves in here, so you didn’t have to regenerate in the cargo bay where anyone can walk in while you’re vulnerable. I knew that they were too big to just move, but I thought there had to be some way to simplify one to get it to work in here so you didn’t have to split your time between here and the cargo bay. I’m sorry Seven. I had it all right here, I had it all worked out and now it’s gone. I’ve been looking for it since I sent you the message. I’m sorry, there’s no surprise. I ruined it.”

Seven didn’t think, she just acted. Pulling the agitated woman back into her arms and gently rocked her. “You have ruined nothing B’Elanna. I am… happy that you would want to do this for me and spend your time on it. If we can not find the padd you were working on then we can start over, and perhaps work on it together.”

B’Elanna heard the question in the last part of the ex-drone’s statement and she smiled. Spending time working on a project with the blonde sounded better than just about anything else in the universe. She had missed collaborating with Seven; her strictly analytical mind perfectly balanced B’Elanna’s own instinct and gut feelings, they complimented each other perfectly. It made her a little sad to think that it was only now that she could admit that to herself, but she quickly shook it off with a vow that she would never go back to their old combative ways. She knew that they would probably still argue but it would never be the sometimes barely contained hostility that it was before.

B’Elanna pulled back and grinned brightly at the younger woman. “I’d love that Seven,” she said as she made a grab for one of the many padds laying around them only to have the blonde grab her hand to stop her.

Seven smiled at the confused and hesitant look the engineer’s face as she halted her movement. “We will only begin after we have consumed our nutr… after we have had dinner.”

B’Elanna smacked herself on the forehead. She had completely forgotten dinner, she had been so consumed trying to find the lost padd it had totally slipped her mind. “Kahless Seven, I forgot. I even had special dinner planned to celebrate. I’m sorry, I can’t seem to do anything right today.” Her good mood disappeared again as she silently berated herself for screwing things up so royally.

Seven felt warmth suffuse her entire body and her breath caught in her throat. First, B’Elanna had called the quarters their home, then she wanted to adapt an alcove and now she wanted to make her dinner. Since the accident Seven had taken over all responsibility for feeding the hybrid, in fact she still had to sometimes cajole the woman to eat. It seemed to the ex-drone that B’Elanna was finally beginning to come out of her depression and wanted to start living again. “Perhaps we could prepare dinner together?”

The almost shy sounding suggestion made B’Elanna smile. Since moving into Seven’s quarters she had started to feel the sharp(,) jagged edges of the pain and depression she had suffered since losing her child begin to smooth over. She had smiled more in the last few days then she had in the last couple of months and she actually felt good, not great or one hundred percent, but good and getting better every day. She should have asked for different quarters sooner, although she had an idea that if it had been any quarters other than Seven’s she wouldn’t be doing this well. She owed a lot to the blonde ex-drone, and she was beginning to realize exactly how much.

Standing up and pulling the unprotesting Borg up with her, B’Elanna walked quickly to the replicator. “Sure Seven, I think it will be fun to make dinner together. I was planning on preparing chicken fettuccini alfredo from scratch, since it’s about the only thing I know how to make that I think you might like that’s not too spicy but still tastes good. It would probably take too long to do it from scratch now, but I could replicate it this time and if you like I can make it for you some other time.” She knew that Seven still drank those horrible nutritional supplements mostly because she still couldn’t handle very spicy foods, and Neelix’s cooking really needed a lot of spice just to make it resemble something edible.

Somehow, Seven managed to keep all but the barest hint of a smile off her face at her friend’s nervous verbal ramblings. “That would be acceptable B’Elanna. It would be most efficient if you replicated the meal while I set the table.”

B’Elanna grinned as she rose to follow the ex-drone. She managed to make it all the way to the replicator before her nerves began to jump and twitch and make her feel nauseous. This was the first meal they would be really sharing together. Seven had force-fed her many times and later had sat and simply watched her eat, drinking her supplements; but never before had they sat down to share a true meal.

B’Elanna gave herself a good hard mental shake. She didn’t know why she was acting like a giddy schoolgirl on her first date; it was just dinner with a friend. She had shared hundreds of meals with friends over the years this wasn’t any different it was just…Seven. B’Elanna growled at herself * Get a grip Torres, it’s not like this is a date. Oh god why does this feel like a date? Why do I want this to be a date?*

The engineer was snatched out of her thoughts by a strong hand on her shoulder and warm breath on the side of her neck as her name slid past her ear. “What?” The word came out more like a squeak than actual speech, so B’Elanna cleared her throat and tried again. “What did you say Seven?”

Seven frowned slightly. B’Elanna had been standing in front of the replicator for more than two minutes and had yet to order their dinner. When she had inquired about what was wrong the Klingon hadn’t seemed to hear her. “I asked if the replacator was malfunctioning.”

B’Elanna started to turn to reply to the blonde, but suddenly found it impossible. “I uh, no, nothing’s wrong with it. I just, umm... well what I mean is I… I’ll just get the food now.” She was embarrassed beyond words and she could feel the heat radiating off her face at the way she had stumbled over herself trying to give an answer without actually giving an answer.

Seven’s implant-covered brow rose in consternation but she decided not to press the issue. She took her seat at the table and waited patiently for her companion to serve the food. The meal was passed mostly in silence, with B’Elanna being too scared of saying something else to embarrass herself and Seven unsure of how to start a conversation without perhaps unknowingly causing more tension. It wasn’t until they were ensconced on the Starfleet standard issue couch that B’Elanna once again became more like her old self.

“I had thought of that initially and discarded it Seven.” B’Elanna had decided to allow the ex-drone to go through her own ideas before outlining the plan she had come up with. “It would be too awkward to lay the alcove flat, or rather it would be awkward for you to get in and out. So although it would work, I deemed that idea inefficient and unacceptable. Next?”

Seven nearly gave herself whiplash when her head snapped up at the unexpected teasing in B’Elanna’s perfectly mimicked Borg tone. “Then perhaps you would care to share your perfect idea with me DenIb Qatlh pujwI.”   The blonde growled in perfect Klingon. (weak Denebian slime devil)

B’Elanna stared at the ex-drone open-mouthed for a long moment, having not expected such a quick comeback to her teasing. The astonishment passed quickly and the absurdity of the situation quickly dissolved the engineer into a quivering mass of mirth.

Seven grinned. She had made the engineer laugh and she didn’t think she had ever seen a more beautiful sight. Not even the brief glimpse she had of the Omega Molecule could compare to the perfection now before her. She felt her heart swell at the sight, but quickly pushed the feeling down. She knew B’Elanna wasn’t ready, and might never be ready, to realize the she was desperately in love with her. Seven wasn’t sure if and when she herself would be ready for the Klingon to know that. She would have to be content with just being her friend.

B’Elanna smiled softly to herself as her laughter faded as she realized that it was the first time she had felt really alive since the accident and she knew she had only Seven to thank for that. Pushing herself up into a sitting position, she looked over at her guardian angel and felt her hearts skip a few beats. Seven truly looked like the angel she had named her, sitting on the floor with her hair down and the light shining through it making it look like a halo. She had seen Seven’s hair down many times since the woman had first forced her way into her quarters and saved her life, but this time seemed different somehow. Seven was completely relaxed, smiling and joking and for the first time, B’Elanna saw her as she truly was. Before her sat a young woman, just as human and vulnerable as she was and beautiful inside and out.

B’Elanna felt like kicking herself for wasting so much time on her petty jealousies and not getting to know Seven sooner. But she was determined to make up for lost time, and getting the blonde to smile more often was extremely high on her list.

“All right, all right. This is what I was thinking. We have six alcoves. One would stay intact, in Cargo Bay 2 as a control unit. We cannibalize parts from the other five to run a conduit from that one to a modified version of the portable regeneration unit we designed for Icheb here in our quarters. The unit itself would be small and mounted into the bed. If we decrease the output gradually then we should be able to wean you from it. Your body should begin to adapt on its own to the smaller amounts of energy being fed to it by beginning to sleep naturally. And, of course, if it doesn’t work we can try something else.” B’Elanna carefully watched Seven’s face for any sign of what she was thinking. She knew that her plan was a little unorthodox, but she thought it work. She just didn’t know if the ex-drone would agree with her.

“There are two problems with your plan as it is now. First, where would you sleep if I regenerated on the bed? And second, I have attempted to sleep before and have not succeeded. How will decreasing the amount of energy I receive during my regeneration cycle help me to achieve it?”

B’Elanna could feel her face beginning to flush even before Seven finished speaking. She had hoped that the blonde wouldn’t question her, but it was painfully obvious that she was going to have to answer. Honestly. “To answer the second question first, I really just have a gut feeling. I think maybe the reason you haven’t been able to sleep is because you body hasn’t felt the need to. It has relied on regeneration for so long that it needs to be retrained to sleep.”

The Klingon knew she was stalling just a bit with answering Seven’s second question first, but she had an irrational fear of revealing exactly how much she had come to depend on the ex-drone presence coupled with a healthy dose of fear of rejection. Taking a deep breath she decided the just drive on. “As for your first question, I thought we could share the bed. To tell you the truth, I have trouble sleeping when you’re not there. But if you don’t want to I can sleep on the couch.” B’Elanna stared down at her hands in embarrassment; she didn’t like admitting to weakness.

Seven mentally kicked herself as she realized that her imprecise statement had caused her friend pain. “Of course I do not mind sharing the bed with you B’Elanna. I am sorry that I was not clearer. I was inquiring if the unit would be too large to make accommodating both of us on the bed uncomfortable for you.” She chose not to address the issue of why the Klingon wanted or needed her to be able to sleep, neither of them were ready for that conversation.

At Seven’s words, B’Elanna heaved a sigh of relief. She could admit to herself now that she had been afraid that the blonde was getting tired of having to constantly comfort and coddle her. She herself was tired of needing to be consoled, although she could admit that she sometimes found herself enjoying the physical proximity of the other woman. “Well, what I had in mind would be rather small and unobtrusive. It would come up from under the bed and only a small plug about the size of a coffee cup would extrude above the surface.”

Seven could see where the engineer was going with this idea and it intrigued her. Even if it did not help to wean her off regenerating then at the very least it would serve to give her a more normal existence. More importantly it would make leaving B’Elanna in the middle of the night to regenerate unnecessary. There was also the added bonus that this project would most likely get the Klingon back to Engineering. “Indeed. I believe your idea is sound. When do you wish to begin?”

B’Elanna smirked, the ex-drone was actually agreeing with a plan she had come up with, with no arguments. ‘All the little devils must be ice skating.’ “How about right now?”

*************************

One week later…

Seven instinctively ducked as the small pillow flew at her head. It had become a common occurrence over the last few days that when the small hybrid felt they were getting too serious, she would hurl one of the soft furnishings at her. The first time it had happened it had caught the drone completely by surprise. They were arguing good-naturedly about the placement of some of the conduits when the object in question struck her in the back of the head. They had begun having small disagreements almost from the instant they started working on the modified alcove, but they were nothing like the near brawls they used to have in Engineering. These were full of humor and joking and there was a dynamic between them that neither was willing to examine closely, but both were happy it was there.

Seven turned back to the smaller woman, brow implant raised in question. “B’Elanna Torres, we have not spoken for the last 18 minutes 25 seconds. Please state the reason for this pillow attack.”

“Well I just finished aligning the last relay and I wanted to know how close you were to being done. I’m hungry and figured I would make us something for dinner before we tested it.” The Klingon grinned rakishly at the blonde as she answered.

It was only by a supreme effort of will that Seven managed to keep the smile tugging at her lips from breaking through. “I would also be finished with my task if you had withheld your assault for another two point three minutes.”

“Great! I’ll get dinner started and we can test this puppy out after we eat.” B’Elanna turned toward the replicator to program their meal and never saw the pillow that hit her squarely in the back of the head.

****
As B’Elanna and Seven sat down to their evening meal, the Beta Shift was just getting into full swing on the bridge of the starship Voyager. The region of space they had been traveling in the last few days was mercifully quiet and Ensign Harry Kim was currently the Acting Captain. Janeway had left him instructions to check out a small planetoid that the ship’s sensors had picked up just before she logged off duty for the night. Long range sensors had indicated high levels of dilithium as well as several other metals and minerals that were always in short supply on Voyager.

Since it had been so boring for the last few days, Harry found he had nothing better to do than watch the small dark sphere grow larger. He had been watching it for the last two hours, only occasionally glancing around at the other people occupying the bridge with him, and he was beginning to get sleepy. He was actually dozing off when the ensign manning the helm brought fully awake.

“Oh my God.”

Harry jerked at the sudden outburst and nearly slid out of his before he regained enough control to respond.
“What is it Ensign, what’s wrong?”

“Sir, I don’t think that’s a planet. I’ve been watching the readings since I came on shift in order to plot a course to intercept and set up an orbit and that thing isn’t behaving like a planet. It’s behaving like a ship.”

Harry fought the urge to roll his eyes. The ensign, whose name he couldn’t remember as this was the first time she had ever been assigned to the bridge crew with him, had to be space happy. “That’s not possible. No one builds ships that big, not even the Borg, and that thing is about a thousand times the size of a Cube. If I’m not mistaken it roughly the size of Mars.”

“I understand that sir, but that thing just changed course. It’s now on a direct intercept with us.” The young woman answered, voice pitching slightly higher than before with rising fear.

Harry jumped out of chair, now thoroughly alarmed as well. “What? How can that be?” He started for his normal post at the science station behind the captain’s chair to check the readings for himself.

“Sir, when we first spotted it on long range, it appeared to be in a synchronized orbit around that white dwarf. However as we closed within a million kilometers it seems to have broken orbit and is heading for us, fast” The quaver in her voice was now unmistakable.

Harry glanced up from the readings he saw confirmed what Ensign Murphy was telling him. He mentally snapped his fingers as he remembered the woman’s name and then quickly pushed it aside. Tapping his com badge the acting Captain closed his eyes not liking what he had to do, but too uncertain of the situation not to. “Bridge to Captain Janeway.”

Kathryn Janeway’s voice was clipped as she answered, as if she had been in the middle of something and was slightly irritated at being interrupted. “Janeway here, what’s the problem?”

“Captain, the planet we were heading for isn’t a planet. It’s a ship and it’s changed course to intercept us.” Harry winced as he distinctly heard something break. This was a first contact situation of a magnitude that he didn’t feel confident to handle by himself. Any culture that could build ships the size of planets was probably beyond his meager diplomatic skills.

“I’ll be there in five minutes. Janeway out.”

Harry breathed a sigh of relief as the channel was severed, confident he had made the correct choice and glad he wouldn’t have to deal with an obviously technologically advanced race by himself.

True to her word, the captain stepped out on the bridge in just under five minutes. “Status Mr. Kim”

Harry stood and relinquished the command chair to his superior officer as he began his report. “We estimate intercept in fifteen minutes. We have been hailing on all channels, no answer. We haven’t been able to identify any weapons, but we don’t know if that’s because they don’t have any or if they’re just something that our computers don’t recognize. We really can’t tell much about the ship. We wouldn’t even know it was a ship if it hadn’t changed course.”

Janeway drummed her fingers on the arm of her chair for moment. The Delta Quadrant had thrown a lot of strange things at them but a planet-sized ship was incredible. “Go to yellow alert and get the command staff down here.” She hated to get them all down there when the ship hadn’t yet shown any aggressiveness towards them, but if they did then Voyager wouldn’t stand a chance against something that size and she wanted options before they got within firing range. If that ship wanted to attack them all of her ship’s weapons would basically be like an ant throwing grains of sand at a mountain hoping to knock it down, completely useless.

Seven put her fork down on the table as the general announcement for the command staff to report to the bridge quickly followed the sharp siren and dimming of internal lights that came with a heightened defense alert. “B’Elanna I believe you should report as well.”

The Klingon lowered her gaze to the table not sure if she was ready for an emergency situation, but she didn’t want to disappoint Seven either. “I don’t know how much good I could do Seven. Besides I’m still on sick leave and right now I’m not even officially part of the command staff.”

Seven knew that B’Elanna’s reluctance had more to do with the fact that she nervous about facing the entire command staff for the first time since the accident, rather than not being ready. Working together on the new alcove proved that the engineer was still as sharp as ever. Reaching across the table, the blonde grasped the engineer’s strong hand in her own. “B’Elanna, you are truly an amazing woman and the strongest person I know. You have suffered more loss in the last few months than anyone should have to in their entire lifetime. I can only hope to that someday I will have such strength of character, integrity, honor and nobility as you carry effortlessly. It is time for you to rejoin this crew. You are ready for this.”

B’Elanna could feel hot tears burning their way down her cheeks. She knew that Seven now considered her a friend, but she had no idea that she felt that way. “I am ready,” she told the other woman as she squeezed her hand. “As long as you are there beside me, I’m ready for anything. You are my strength, Seven. I don’t think I would have survived all this without you. Thank you.”

Seven’s eyes felt as if they were on fire with her efforts to hold back the tears she could feel trying to free themselves. Not trusting her voice to be steady, she simply nodded as she rose from her seat, tugging B’Elanna’s hand to get her to stand with her. As the Klingon stepped around the table to stand in front of the ex-drone, Seven didn’t resist the urge to wrap her arms around the petite engineer. She allowed herself the small luxury of holding the compact muscular body in her arms.

B’Elanna was the first to break the embrace. She stepped back and smiled brightly up at the blonde. “Well we better go if we want to get to the bridge before all the action’s over.”

Seven grinned widely as B’Elanna took her hand as they made their way out of their quarters and toward the turbolift.

They were still holding hands when the turbolift deposited them on the bridge. It was only as they stepped out that they B’Elanna released her hold on the blonde, still feeling the need to draw strength from her friend. She immediately started forward, but only got a few steps before she realized that Seven was no longer with her. Turning to see what the problem was, she saw something on the beautiful face she had never seen before. Terror. She started to retrace her steps to comfort Seven when the ex-drone surged into motion and came as close to running as the Klingon could ever remember seeing.

Seven was so shocked at what she saw when she stepped off the lift that she felt frozen to the floor. Memories from countless Borg drones flooded her mind and she felt an indescribable fear swell within her. It took her a moment to get the panic that was wrapping icy tendrils around her heart under control. At the edges of her perception she saw B’Elanna stop and turn toward her, concern etched on her face and that seemed to release her. She rushed forward, praying that she wasn’t too late to warn the captain of the danger bearing down on them. “Captain, take evasive action immediately. We must get as far away from the J’kozyn ship as possible. If they are pursuing us then they have already detected the Borg technology on board. If they come within weapons range all of our systems that have been upgraded with Borg technology will be destroyed.”

Janeway looked away from the ship looming on the forward screen to her Astrometrics Officer and gave the order. “Helm reverse course, maximum warp. Put as much distance between us and that ship as possible. Seven, I want as much information as you can give me this. Who is this species and what sort of weapons do they have?”

Seven never took her eyes from the screen as she answered. “Species 296, the J’kozyn. The Borg encountered them 437 years ago. They managed to assimilate sever hundred of them in the first attack, but they all died after several hours. The Borg continued to purse them for several months, capturing, assimilating and ultimately killing nearly three thousand of their people. They thought that the problem was merely an incompatibility between the assimilation process and the unusual body chemistry of the J’kozyn. They believed they could adapt the process to make it successful. Before they could however Species 296 developed a weapon that was able to reprogram Borg nanoprobes to turn on each other and destroy any other nanoprobe or piece of technology that had a Borg signature.”

Seven had to take a deep breath before she could continue, the memory of the pain was still as fresh as if it had happened yesterday to her Borg enhanced mind. She shuddered and might have hesitated longer if it wasn’t for the hand that had landed gently on the small of her back lending her support with its warmth. She wanted to turn and take B’Elanna’s hand in her own, but she didn’t feel comfortable yet showing that much emotion in front of the bridge staff, her display of fear was distressing enough. “The first time they used the weapon they destroyed two Cubes. It took three days for all of them to die while the rest of the collective had to listen to their screams. There was nothing that could be done for them. The Borg avoided them after that incident, but the J’kozyn hunted down any Borg vessel that entered the same sector as one of their planet ships. They still seek revenge at any opportunity. The fact that there are only 5 ships such as that one and do not possess trans-warp capabilities have kept them from wiping out the Borg.”

Seven’s narrative was halted by the strained voice of Ensign Murphy. “Captain the ship has closed to within 20 thousand kilometers and we are picking up a massive power surge from it. Ma’am this reading is off the scale.”

All eyes turned to the view screen in time to see a blinding blue light discharge from the ship pursuing them. Seven turned away from the sight, she knew what would happen next and she only wished she had more time to prepare B’Elanna for what was about to happen. Putting both hands on the strong wide shoulders of the hybrid woman, she pulled her close and brought their heads together. “I am sorry B’Elanna.” She could vaguely hear Captain Janeway issuing orders to the helm for evasive maneuvers, trying to dodge the energy wave targeting them but she knew that it was futile.

“Seven?” B’Elanna looked up into azure eyes shining with unshed tears. Raising her hand she gently cupped one impossibly soft cheek.

The ex-drone could hear a hundred unspoken questions in that one word, but as the wave caught up to them she ran out time to try to answer them. She felt her body begin to spasm as the light washed over her body on its way through the ship. Her limbs suddenly felt as if they weighed a metric ton each and were caught in a plasma fire. She could hear B’Elanna screaming her name, but she couldn’t make her body respond even though the desperate cries were tearing at her heart. As the pain consumed her body and mind, Seven’s last thought was for the raven-haired engineer. She hoped she wouldn’t be too hurt by her death, she only wished she had had the chance to confess her true feelings, and then darkness claimed her.

TBC in part 3