| The World I Know “Has our conscience shown? Has the sweet breeze blown? Has all the kindness gone? Hope still lingers on. I drink myself of newfound pity. Sitting alone in New York City. And I don’t know why.” Denial. So what is so wrong with denying something? I’ll tell you what is wrong with it, it’s first of all mentally unhealthy….hah can you believe that I actually know something like that. Also denying something, you act as though it never happened, and well that can’t be good. If I act as though it never happened then maybe I can get on with my life. But images keep running through my mind. Flashes of me, the girl, and that lying son of a bitch. I can’t stop the picture that is playing like a bad romance chick flick, with no stop button and no mute to control the sound of the voices , the voices of them and….my own. Want to throw up but can’t, nothing in my stomach. Want to run away but nowhere to run to. Want to hide, but you just can’t hide from the truth. I feel physically and mentally ill. I keep running that through that I could of stopped something….something that I actually could have controlled and prevented yet; I didn’t. When I came to the scene, my mind was made up and what I saw is what I believed and I wasn’t going to let my gut or someone else tell me I was wrong. I ran. I ran home hoping I would find my answers. Found some of the answer and misery in a bottle, but hey, it helped a little, the pain I was feeling in my heart was becoming drowned in the sweet liquid. “Are we listening To hymns of offering? Have we eyes to see That love is gathering? All the words that I’ve been reading Have now started the act of bleeding Into one.” It did help to be home for a short period of time. I didn’t like it bringing up the past that I had tried so hard fighting, fighting to keep it from people that I knew and had no idea about my troubles….I was even trying to fight to keep it out of my own mind. I can’t change. I can’t change even if I wanted too. This was the only way I knew how to be, and it’s the only way I know to be in a world like this. I world where men beat up on defenseless women. A world where cops don’t help people when they’re standing 2feet in front of them. NO, I won’t think like; that I have refused to. It wasn’t my fault….oh denial is so wonderful sometimes. Denial can hide the present and the past in the vast darkness of the mind. Denial is my friend and always will be. So I walk up on high And I step to the edge To see my world below. And I laugh at myself As the tears roll down. ‘Cause it’s the world I know. It’s the world I know. |