KINABUKASAN SOCIETY

Towards Unity and Service

Miscellaneous Jokes

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Comprehending Engineers - Take One
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Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said,"Where did
you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my
own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike.  She threw the
bike to the ground, took off all her clothes, and said, "Take what youwant!"
The second engineer nodded approvingly, 'Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."
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Comprehending Engineers - Take Two
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To the optimist, the glass is half full.  To the pessimist, the glass is half
empty.  To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
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Comprehending Engineers-Take Three
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A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers.  The engineer fumed, "What's with these
guys?  We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen suchineptitude!"
The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greenskeeper.  Let's have a word with
him."  [dramatic pause] "Hi George.  Say, what's with that group ahead of us?
  They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The greenskeeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters.
They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we
always let them play for free anytime."
The group was silent for a moment.
The pastor said, "That's so sad.  I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea.  And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist
buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"
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Comprehending Engineers-Take Four
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There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things
mechanical.  After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily
retired.  Several years later the company contacted him regarding a seemingly
impossible problem they were having with one of their multimillion dollar
machines.  They had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine to
work but to no avail.  In desperation, they called on the retired engineer
who had solved so many of their problems in the past.
The engineer reluctantly took the challenge.  He spent a day studying the
huge machine.  At the end of the day, he marked a small "x" in chalk on a
particular component of the machine and stated, "This is where your problem is."
The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again.  The company
received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his service.  They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges.
The engineer responded briefly: One chalk mark $1 Knowing where to put it $49,999 It was paid in full and the
engineer retired again in peace.
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Comprehending Engineers-Take Five
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What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?
Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build targets.
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Comprehending Engineers-Take Six
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The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The grad with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The grad with a Liberal Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
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Comprehending Engineers-Take Seven
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Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible
designers of the human body.  One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at all the joints."
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer.  The nervous system has
many thousands of electrical connections."
The last said, "Actually, it was a civil engineer.  Who else would run a
toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"
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Comprehending Engineers-Take Eight
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"Normal people ...  believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers
believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet."
Scott Adams, The Dilbert Principle
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Comprehending Engineers-Take Nine
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An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better
to spend time with the wife or a mistress.
The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation
for an enduring relationship.
The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there.
The engineer said, "I like both." "Both?"
Engineer: "Yeah.  If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume
you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and get some work done."
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Comprehending Engineers - Take Ten
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An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and
said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."
He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a
beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week"
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to
the pocket.  The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me backinto a
princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you want."
Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his
pocket.  Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter?  I've told you I'm a
beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything you
want.  Why won't you kiss me?"
The engineer said, "Look I'm an engineer.  I don't have time for a
girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool."
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Contibuted by: Douglas Mayor

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Q. What would happen if you have a wooden car, with a wooden wheels, a
wooden chair, and a wooden engine?
A. It wooden start! hehehe!!!

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At 21 women proudly say, "I'm part of TGIS" - Thank God I'm single!
At 31 women strongly say "I am part of TIIS"
* Tang ina, I'm single!

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Bro. Willy: Brod Pete nasusulat po ba na puwedeng magka-celfone ang mga
mahihirap?
Brod Pete: Ah, oo naman! Actually bawal nga iyan sa mga mayayaman, eh!
Bro. Willy: Bawal po?!
Brod Pete: Oo! Sige basa.
Bro. Willy: "The subscriber cannot be rich!"

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lady applicant :doc I am a nurse and I would like to apply for a job
doc:               do you have any experience?
lady  applicant: i have little with patients but a lot with doc
doc:               your hired

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Ratio of good relationship:
rich girlfriend=happyboyfriend: sexyGF=contented BF;
smart GF=under BF;
pretty GF=problematic BF;
ugly GF=patient BF;
pokpok GF= maniyak BF

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In a grade 4 class:
girl: ma'm, can a 30 year old woman bear a child?
teacher: yes
girl: a 20 year old lady?
Teacher: yes
girl:10 year old girl?
Teacher:no!
boy nudged girl : see I told you not to worry
  
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last night i went outside to see the stars and made a wish that i may have
a special friend. then suddently the stars showed me who it was. It
outlined your face and i said: Ba't may sungay ka.

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i had a dream about you! nasa heaven daw tayo, then you were with a cute
angel.
My angel was ugly. Tampo ako, i asked St. Peter ":Why cute angel mo?"
He replied: "Balance of nature"

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Question : what's is the fastest thing on earth?
Doc      : bullet
Atty          : sound
Scientist     : light, it travels 6 billion miles in 1 light year
Ans      : Prayer. It reaches God even before you say it.

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Erap working in his office. A guy knocks at the door of his office:
Sir, busy po kayo?"
Erap: ano? isang taon na kong presidente, bisi pa rin tawag mo sa  akin!

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kuba and friend: Tinutukso nia akong kuba, mag-aaral nalang ako ng karate.
(1 month later) friend :      Di ba magaling ka nang magkarate? Tinutukso
ka pa ba nila na kuba?  kuba :        Di na, Ninja Turtle na!

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sometime you need only a glance to know your looking at someone  special
and
that was what i felt the 1st time I laid eyes on you.....bihira yata ang
unggoy na nagsasalita

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as i look at the beautiful blue sky, the dark blue sea , the green
majestic mountains, i am constanly reminded of how wonderful God's
creation are.....
by the way, who created you? hehe

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Pagkatapos mag-sex ng dalawang mag-syota, nakita ng boyfriend niya ang
picture ng isang lalaki sa mesa.
BF: Sino siya? Asawa mo?
GF: Luko-loko! Ako yan bago ako operahan!  ngek! peke! peke!
 

Coffee ng mga estudyante:
CRC - Figaro
DLSU - starbuck
ADMU - coffee beanery
UP - coffee experience
UST - 3 in 1 geat taste coffee
AMA - kopiko candy at 1 basong mainit na tubig

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Bye Mom! Be home from camp on Sunday. Relax, I'll be okay.
Bye Mom! Be home at midnight. Relax, I'll be alright.
Bye Mom! I will always be your little girl.Come what may.
Mom: Hoy Junior!!! Tumigil ka nga d'yang damuho ka!!!

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Husband & Wife Theory

   A man wants to have a WIFE because she can make his life:
   W : WONDERFUL

   I : INTERESTING

   F : FASCINATING

   E : EXTRAORDINARY


   But a woman will have to be careful in finding a HUSBAND because he might be:


   H  : HOPELESS

   U : UNACCOUNTABLE

   S : SENSELESS

   B : BORING

   A : AUTHORITATIVE

   N : NUISANCE

   D : DISCRIMINATIVE


   Why does a man want to have a WIFE? Because she can provide:

   W : Washing

   I : Ironing

   F : Food

   E : Entertainment


   FREE of CHARGE!!!!!!!!!


   Why does a woman wanna have a HUSBAND? Because he is expected to :

   H : House her

   U : Understand her

   S : Share everything with her

   B : Buy anything for her

   A : and

   N : Never

   D : Demand anything from her!!!!!!!!!!

Contributed by: Romeo Cruz

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How to Truly Impress A Client.

I was in the airport VIP lounge en route to Seattle a couple of
weeks ago.  While in there, I noticed Bill Gates sitting
comfortably in the corner, enjoying a drink.

I was meeting a very important client who was also flying to
Seattle, but she was running a little bit late.

Well, being a straightforward kind of guy, I approached the
Microsoft chairman, introduced myself, and said, "Mr. Gates,
I wonder if you would do me a favor."

"Yes?"

"I'm sitting right over there," pointing to my seat at the bar,
"and I'm waiting on a very important client.  Would you be so
kind when she arrives as to come walk by and just say, 'Hi,
Ray,'?"

"Sure."

I shook his hand and thanked him and went back to my seat.

About ten minutes later, my client showed up.  We ordered a
drink and started to talk business.

A couple of minutes later, I felt a tap on my shoulder.  It was
Bill Gates.

"Hi, Ray," he said.

I replied, "Fuck off, Gates, I'm in a meeting."

from jokeaday

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