Notes: Italicized lyrics. Ya know. And I’m changing the timeline drastically. I know and I apologize to Malice Mizer for it. >_< It’s fan fiction, so I’m good. Oh, yes, time shifts will probably occur after lyrical breaks. I’m sure you’ll be able to tell.
Warnings: Yaoi, suicide, angst
One-Shot
Mana stared at the blank walls
of his dim apartment. His thin shoulders began to shake when he heard Yu~ki
leave and the front door click shut; he meant well enough, but he couldn’t
replace ‘Him’. Tears poured down his painted face, smearing the doll-like
make-up. Softly, sobs escaped his throat; they soon escalated to wails that
would probably bring the neighbors.
“How could he do this to Malice
Mizer?” Mana questioned after he had quieted, though the tears still streamed
down his delicate face, “How could he do this to me? After all I’ve done, all
I’ve given him.” He lightly picked up the thin knife he had retrieved, smiling
at its glinting silver blade. The guitarist turned his wrist over, hissing when
the metal cut through the tender flesh. Blood poured from his wound in
rivulets, oozing onto his black and white dress.
A pale hand, not yet covered in
blood, reached for a notepad and pen he had set close by. He hurriedly scrawled
a note, wincing at the teardrops and blood spots spattered across the fresh
paper. Mana pushed the paper away, not wanting its message to be tainted any
further. It had to remain safe; it just had to remain clean.
Notice me
Take my hand
Why are we strangers when
Our love is strong
Why carry on without me?
“Gackt, stop that; it tickles!” Mana protested, pushing
the vocalist away, “You’ll mess my dress up. Again.” The auburn-haired man
frowned at his sudden lack of contact with Mana.
“Now that was uncalled for, Mana.
You didn’t need to shove me away,” Gackt said in a mock-upset tone, turning his
head away from the lovely guitarist. Mana walked over, wrapping his arms around
Gackt’s neck. His gloved fingers toyed with the fine hair on the base of the
vocalist’s neck; knowing quite well Gackt couldn’t resist that.
“Mana, that isn’t fair,” Gackt
whimpered, noticing that his love had already claimed an ear and was lightly
nibbling on it.
“All is fair in love and war,
Gackt,” Mana whispered softly, his breath warm against the tender skin where he
had been occupying himself.
“Which is this?” Gackt questioned,
desperately trying to control the pitch of his voice. Mana giggled at his
attempt, teasing the vocalist with more light nips to his ear.
“Which ever you want it to be,” Mana
cooed, moving onto Gackt’s neck, “Of course, I consider it to be love. But it
can be war, if you prefer.”
“Love is fine by me, Mana,” Gackt
sighed, readjusting the guitarist’s head so he could claim his lips.
Everytime I try
to fly
I fall without my wings
I feel so small
I guess I need you baby
And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face, it's haunting me
I guess I need you baby
Sprawled on the floor, Mana still cried. His blood had soaked through
his dress and was caressing his pale flesh. The white lace was a deep crimson.
Mana wiped at his tears, smearing red across his porcelain face. He whimpered
as he glanced over to be sure his last words were still safe.
I make believe
That you are here
It's the only way
I see clear
What have I done
You seem to move on easy
“Mana, let’s go. We have to get to practice,” Kozi hissed, wrapping his hand around the frail man’s upper arm to pull him along, “People are starting to look at us.”
“Did you see Gackt, on the magazines?” Mana inquired softly, his eyes
still fixated on the stand he had been dragged away from, “His face is
everywhere. I guess it’s good he left us.”
“Yes, I saw him,” Kozi said flatly, ushering Mana into the building
where the others waited, “He may have left the band, but he mainly left you.
Mana, he shouldn’t have done that.” Mana smiled wistfully at his friend, his
eyes glassy like the dolls he looked so much like. He walked off, his
high-heeled platforms clicking against the floor.
“Kozi, you saw how much happier he seems,” Mana said suddenly, stopping
to look back at the other guitarist, “Change must have been so much easier on
him. So much more easy than it’s been for me.” Kozi ran forward to Mana,
grabbing the doll’s shoulders to make him look into his eyes.
“What are you getting at, Mana?” Kozi asked worriedly, his eyes
widening at the sad glimmer around his normally impassive leader.
“Nothing, Kozi; I shouldn’t have said anything,” Mana snapped, pulling
himself free from Kozi’s grip, “We have to get to practice.”
And everytime I try to fly
I fall without my wings
I feel so small
I guess I need you baby
And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face, you're haunting me
I guess I need you baby
“I’m cold,” Mana whimpered, dragging his weakening body towards the low
couch where a neatly folded blanked lay. He pulled the cloth around his
blood-soaked form, barely noting the crimson liquid smeared across the hardwood
floor. He smiled at the stains, the amount of blood that had already spilled
and was going to free him from the pain.
“So close,” Mana whispered, his vision clouding over his blue eyes, “So
close to escape…” He fell over, his eyes closing as his head lolled on the
floor. His loosely curled hair fell into a pool of sticky scarlet, the black a
stark contrast. His breathing was shallow and harsh.
I may have made it rain
Please forgive me
My weakness caused you pain
And this song is my sorry
“Gackt, we can’t
use this song,” Mana said sweetly, not wanting to hurt his vocalist’s feelings,
“It doesn’t match our image.”
“You mean your
image; your ideal,” Gackt snapped, slamming his hands down in front of Mana,
“It’s always like this. I write a sure hit song, but you don’t like it so we
don’t use it. Mana, you’re going to have adapt and change.”
“I know; we have an
image that changes with time. We have to change slowly,” Mana explained softly,
trying to get upset over Gackt’s outburst, “Perhaps we could use them after a
couple more albums.” He looked up at his love, his blue eyes innocently wide on
his doll-like face.
“Mana, don’t look
at me like that!” Gackt yelled, pacing around the room in front of the
guitarist, “I write these songs, all of them, for you! I pour my heart into
them, so I can see you smile. I want to sing them to you. I want to sing them
now. Not in a few years! I’ll leave if I have to.”
“Gackt, you’re not
serious,” Mana said cautiously, standing up to hold Gackt to him.
“Mana, I’m dead
serious,” Gackt said coldly, “I know we won’t ever use them. You’re not going
to change the band’s image to suit me. I’ll tell the others tomorrow that I’m
leaving.” He pushed Mana away, glaring at the porcelain doll.
“Don’t do this to
me,” Mana whimpered, blinking back the tears that threatened to fall. He dabbed
at his eyes with his slender lace covered fingers, catching the salty liquid
before it could touch his pale skin. Gackt left a lingering silence, not sure
of what to say. He barely glanced back as he left the room, trying to ignore
the helpless Mana standing in the center.
At night I pray
That soon your face
Will fade away
Mana opened his
bleary eyes, his tears still streaming down his face. He tried to move his
head, smiling slightly when he found he couldn’t.
“Goodbye, Gackt,”
Mana breathed, closing his painted eyelids over his blue orbs for a final time.
And everytime I try to fly
I fall without my wings
I feel so small
I guess I need you baby
And everytime I see you in my dreams
I see your face, you're haunting me
I guess I need you baby
Gackt lingered in
the back of the room, his swollen red eyes covered with large black sunglasses.
He was dressed completely in black, like most everyone else in the room, so he
was hoping that none of his ex-band mates would notice him. He wasn’t sure he
would be able to say anything to them.
A group of people
stepped away from the front of the room, revealing Mana’s seemingly sleeping
form. Gackt’s breath caught in his throat when he saw the white cloth wound
around both of Mana’s wrists; it contrasted sharply with his black gloves and
dress. He waited until most everyone in the room had left, so he could have a
moment with his beloved.
“Mana, I’m sorry,”
Gackt whispered, lightly stroking the doll’s perfectly painted face, “I’m so
sorry. I shouldn’t have left.” A hand on his shoulder interrupted his soft
words. The vocalist turned around slowly, wincing when he saw Yu~ki standing by
him.
“Gackt, I didn’t
know if you would show up,” Yu~ki said curtly, his eyes blank.
“Of course I’d be
here. I love Mana,” Gackt said in a voice barely above a breath, pulling his
sunglasses off so he could look Yu~ki in the eyes.
“You certainly had
an odd way of showing it,” Yu~ki hissed, glancing at Mana’s still form, “I’m
sorry, Gackt, what’s done is done. Nothing will change that. I shouldn’t take
it out on you.”
“No, say every single
word you want to. I deserve it,” Gackt stated flatly, staring at the bassist.
“I didn’t come over
to you to do that. Mana wouldn’t have wanted me to,” Yu~ki said quietly,
pulling an envelope out of his coat pocket, “I think you should read this, though.
Keep it.” Yu~ki pressed the thin packet into Gackt’s hand as he walked off, to
where Kozi waited for him. They left, leaving Gackt alone with Mana’s
body.
After all...
After all...
Slowly, Gackt
pulled the envelope open, not wanting to damage it in the slightest. He pulled
a thin, folded sheet of paper out. He delicately unfolded it, grimacing at the
dried blood that still graced it. His eyes flitted over the words, his orbs
growing wide. Gackt dropped to his knees, the sheet of paper falling from his
hand. His sobs echoed around the empty room.
‘Gackt, I love you.
I hope you knew that. My soul is forever yours. Until the end of time, Mana.’
Author’s Note: Once again, I’d like to say that I drastically changed
the timeline. I hope you, and Malice Mizer, will forgive me. That being said,
this one made me cry as I was writing it…