Disclaimer: I don’t own Malice Mizer in any form or fashion. Well, I do have a cd but I don’t think that really counts at all.
One-shot
“Please, Gackt, don’t do anything stupid,” Mana begged over the phone, mascara-tinted tears streaming down his face, “I don’t want to lose you too. Please, just calm down a little bit and don’t hurt yourself.” He rubbed at his blue eyes with his free hand, smearing the long black tracks further along his pale skin.
“My best friend is dead, Mana, and you want me to calm down?!” Gackt yelled, his eyes flashing with hurt and anger. He immediately regretted his words when Mana whimpered softly.
“I just don’t want to lose another friend,” Mana whispered, fighting back another flood of salt-laden tears. His fingers curled around the hem of his thickly layered dress, the stable and soft material a meager form of consolation for the distressed man.
“Thank you, for still considering me a friend even after I left,” Gackt said quietly, wishing that the conversation wasn’t taking place over the phone; he wanted to try to comfort Mana and be comforted in return. The vocalist threaded his fingers through his bleached blond hair, pushing the locks off of his forehead.
“Of course you’re still a friend, Gackt, and you always will be,” Mana said in a slightly louder voice, his tone delicate and ringing of pure honesty.
“I think that I’m going to get some sleep. It’ll probably be good for my body, even if my mind and heart are in shambles,” Gackt sighed, walking slowly down his unlit hallway to his bedroom. He threw himself fully clothed on to his soft bed, carefully making sure that the phone didn’t slip from his hands.
“I doubt I’ll sleep at all for while,” Mana said, the threat of tears creeping back into his voice.
“Kami wouldn’t want you to torture yourself over him,” Gackt soothed, knowing quite well that he should follow his own advice. He also knew that he wouldn’t.
“I…I know,” Mana muttered, his voice muffled by the handkerchief he held clutched in the hand right by his mouth, “It’s just that I cared so much about him. I loved him like he was my own brother.”
“We all loved Kami,” Gackt said, rolling over onto his back so he could stare at his darkened ceiling. Silent tears slid out of his eyes, quickly disappearing into his tousled hair.
“Good night, Gackt,” Mana said softly, “Is it all right if I call you in the morning?”
“Yeah, that’d be great,” Gackt stated, immediately clicking the phone off. He threw the device onto the floor as he turned to bury his face in one of his pillows. He forced his teary blue eyes shut as tightly as they would go, willing unconsciousness to come swiftly.
Just as the vocalist was slipping into a welcome sleep, a feather light touch on his shoulder stirred him. Gackt didn’t bother to move; he just lay there and hoped that if it were an intruder, they’d take care of him quickly. A moment later, a more insistent and yet gentle touch forced him to bolt upright. His eyes darted around in the darkness, trying to pick out anything that didn’t seem right.
“Who’s there?” Gackt asked coldly, leaning over the bedside to grasp for the phone, “I don’t have the patience to deal with anyone right now.”
“That’s awfully rude of you, Gackt,” A sweetly familiar voice rang out from the foot of the bed, “I thought you’d be happy to see me again. It’s been, what, three weeks since the last time we got together?” Frantically, Gackt reached out and flipped on a small lamp. The rays of light shot through the room and fell on its newest occupant.
“Kami?” Gackt said incredulously, leaning forward to touch Kami’s hand. The drummer smiled softly, his dark brown eyes glittering.
“You sound so shocked. I know it’s late, but I’ve dropped by at later times before,” Kami said cheerfully, standing up quickly before he offered his hand to Gackt, “Let’s go for a walk. I think you need a little fresh air.” He pulled Gackt to his feet and led him out of the apartment, snatching one of the vocalist’s jackets out of the hall closet before going outside.
“But Mana said,” Gackt began to say anxiously, instantly stopping when one of Kami’s slender fingers settled on his lips.
“It doesn’t matter now. Let’s just talk and enjoy how beautiful the night is,” Kami said tenderly, reaching over to brush a piece of blonde hair off of Gackt’s face, “Don’t you think that would be much better for both of us?”
“Yes,” Gackt whispered, staring in awe at Kami, “That would be better.” The drummer grinned brightly and gestured for Gackt to follow him into a park. In a peaceful silence, they walked side by side along the winding cement pathway until they were in the very heart of the meticulously landscaped area.
“The night sky is so perfect right now. It’s such a lovely color and not a cloud in sight,” Kami sighed happily, his eyes fixed on the glittering stars as he let himself fall onto the soft green grass, “Gackt, come over here and sit with me. You really need to relax a bit.”
“I suppose I do,” Gackt said, smiling weakly as he slowly lowered himself to the ground, “I’ve just been a little stressed lately.”
“You really should have called me. I’m busy with Malice Mizer still, but I wouldn’t mind taking time out to help my best friend,” Kami stated worriedly, his chocolate eyes falling from the stars to settle on Gackt’s shadowed face, “I know you know that if anything happened to you, I wouldn’t have a clue what to do with myself. You mean so much to me, Gackt.”
The vocalist stared at his friend, tears filling his soft blue eyes. A squeak of emotional pain slipped out of Gackt’s throat as his head dropped to rest on his knees. Warm tears soaked into his pant legs, his shoulders shaking as he cried.
“Gackt, don’t be upset,” Kami soothed, moving to wrap his arms around the vocalist, “I was just telling you what you mean to me. That was supposed to cheer you up.” Kami’s fingers ran up and down Gackt’s spine, as he turned further into the embrace.
“I know,” Gackt managed to choke out, rubbing at his eyes, “It just…it just got to me because it made me think.” Kami gently kissed Gackt’s forehead as he sat back onto his spot on the grass, ruffling the vocalist’s tousled bright blonde hair. Gackt halfheartedly swatted at Kami’s hand, not bothering to look up while he wiped at his eyes.
“Let’s just talk,” Kami suggested, smiling with a mock coyness, “We haven’t just had a good, simple conversation for a while now.” Gackt nodded, playfully tugging on a long orange strand of Kami’s shimmering hair in retaliation to having his hair fluffed.
They spoke softly, as if the gentle night wind would carry their words across the world. Their conversation touched on just about every topic, lasting until the first rays of morning light began to peek out from it’s hiding place.
“It’s so late,” Gackt yawned, stretching his limbs out, “I can’t believe we stayed out this long.”
“Actually, it’s really very early,” Kami corrected, not looking remotely tired. Gackt glared in annoyance, forcing himself back to his feet. Kami quickly followed suit and offered a helping hand to Gackt.
“I’m so glad we got to talk,” Gackt said cheerfully, leaning his head against Kami’s shoulder, “It really made me feel better.”
“That’s good. Did we lock your apartment?” Kami asked quickly, dashing across the street with his friend in tow. Gackt paused to think, rummaging around in his jacket pockets.
“I don’t think so. I didn’t bring my keys. Somebody hurried me out of my bed last night before I could think,” Gackt teased, tugging on Kami’s arm in an attempt to get the drummer to slow his pace, “We aren’t in a marathon, Kami. We can walk at a humane pace every now and again.”
“I just want to get you back to your apartment as soon as possible,” Kami explained enigmatically, looking pleadingly at Gackt.
“Oh, okay. I’d rather enjoy the early morning with you, though,” Gackt protested, running a finger softly across Kami’s lightly pink cheek. The drummer sighed and increased his pace, tightly winding his fingers around Gackt’s upper arm. Hissing slightly at the pressure on his arm, the vocalist was almost jogging to keep up with Kami.
In seemingly frantic manner, Kami wove in between early morning commuters who were just emerging from their homes. It was all Gackt could do not to trip over someone. In a matter of minutes, they were safely in Gackt’s apartment and Kami finally looked relaxed.
“I’m going to look for an outfit for the day,” Gackt said, gently massaging his arm, “Would you mind helping me?” Kami nodded and followed the vocalist back to his bedroom.
“Gackt, you’re so perfect,” Kami muttered softly, letting his hand settle on Gackt’s shoulder. The vocalist turned, his eyes stained with confusion, and stared at his friend.
“Kami, what did you say?” Gackt asked, stepping closer towards the drummer.
“I said that you were perfect,” Kami responded, gently slipping his other hand behind Gackt’s neck.
“I’m not perfect,” Gackt stated firmly, letting his gaze fall to the floor. Kami closed the distance between them, nearly crushing Gackt in his embrace
“You know how perfect you are. You’re so perfect that you caught me all for yourself,” Kami said quietly, resting his forehead against the vocalist’s, “There’s no one else I want to be mine. I love you with all my heart, all my soul, all that is me.” Gackt blinked and closed his eyes, tenderly pressing his lips against Kami’s.
“I love you too,” Gackt whispered, winding Kami’s hair around his fingers. In a moment, a telephone ringing cut into the moment.
“Get that,” Kami ordered, letting go of Gackt and stepping backwards.
“I’d rather stay and cling to you,” Gackt responded, reaching his arms out for Kami, “Whoever is calling can call back later, when I’d feel more inclined to talk to them.” The drummer looked sadly at the vocalist’s outstretched arms before he pushed them back down.
“I can’t stay with you, though, not in the way you’d like. I thought that you understood that,” Kami sighed, pushing Gackt toward where the phone lay abandoned on the floor, “Just answer it. You belong more with him than with me.” Kami’s insistent brown eyes forced Gackt to turn and bend down to get the phone.
“Hello,” Gackt answered quickly, wanting to end the conversation as quickly as possible.
“Hello,” Mana responded softly, his voice laced with grief, “I wasn’t sure if I was calling too early.”
“No, no. I’ve been up all night,” Gackt said, turning back around to look at Kami. The vocalist’s face fell when he realized that the drummer wasn’t there.
“I thought you were going to get some sleep,” Mana said reproachfully, “I wish you had. It would have been better for you than staying up through the night.” Gackt’s blue eyes darted all over his bedroom, searching in to the shadows.
“I know that you’ll probably want to be alone, but I’d like for you to meet me for breakfast,” Mana stated hopefully, the light tone masking the underlying sadness.
“Mana, I don’t know,” Gackt whimpered, on the verge of tears as he realized that Kami was truly gone. Just as he was about to tell the delicate guitarist ‘no’, Kami’s parting words echoed in his mind.
“Mana, that would be nice, now that I’ve thought about it,” Gackt said, forcing the sadness out of his voice.
“Thank you, you don’t know what this means to me. I’ll be over to meet you in about fifteen minutes,” Mana said, the smile he wore on his painted lips shining through in his voice, “I’ll see you then.” Gackt clicked off the phone and gently set it down on his bed, beginning his search for an outfit.
‘I’m not sure what happened last night,’ Gackt thought to himself, pulling a pair of black pants out of the closet, ‘I just know that I didn’t imagine it. I’d like to think that Kami came to say goodbye, to tell me how he felt while he was alive.’ He snatched a simple white shirt and changed into the clothes, tugging on clean socks before he padded to the bathroom to fix his windblown hair.
The vocalist hurried out into the living room to put on his shoes, wincing when he notice how his time had so quickly passed. Gackt grabbed his jacket off of the couch where he had thrown it and pulled his keys off of their hook. He locked the door and hurried down to the street to wait for Mana to arrive.
‘I don’t think Kami wanted me to mourn for him, not in the traditional sense,’ Gackt thought, letting his eyes dart through the crowd, ‘It’s a blessing I got that one kiss from him. I’ll miss him, I’ll love him, but I won’t torture myself over him.’ The vocalist smiled when he spotted a very familiar guitarist making his way through the crowd. Gackt smiled at Mana, pausing to let his gaze drift towards the sky before he hurried over to meet him.
Finish