Is Life Even Worth Living?
One-shot fic from Hiei’s point of view. Angst, Yaoi parings, depression, death and suicide.
His blood colored hair keeps dancing in my mind, as if it’s a reminder if his other half’s sadistic nature. It actually scared me.
Forest green eyes, serious yet playful, are memoirs of his skill with plants. Ideal control over the plants. Using them to kill and destroy, even while their beauty mystifies his opponents.
Calm demeanor, never faltering. Even if he were faced with death, he wouldn’t show fear. Brilliant, talented, charismatic.
Perfect. In every way.
And it all could have been mine. If only I were nicer. If only I had said how I felt. Instead of cold, heartless, and cruel.
I knew he cared for me. A lot. Probably a lot more than I would have liked. But it was nice to know.
Too bad I never let him know just how much he meant to me. I was, am, and forever shall be a fool. In love.
I hurt him that day, I really did. I swear I didn’t mean to. I was afraid that he would change his mind, laugh, and throw me away like everyone else has.
When he said those three little words, my world shattered. All my walls, all my
defenses fell to his mercy. And I just could not allow that to happen.
That’s why I crushed him. That’s why I told him that he was simply a good ally to have around. That’s why I left him with tears in his emerald eyes.
I was scared of giving affection and being pushed away. I was scared he would break me and would leave me.
He is a beautiful being. He could assume either of his forms and still have anyone he wants in the three worlds. Anyone who wouldn’t want him would be a complete idiot.
Now I know what you’re thinking, ‘But you pushed him away?’ Yes I did push him away and I did break him. But that doesn’t mean I didn’t want him. Far from it. He is perfect in every way. If I hadn’t been frightened I would have claimed him in a heartbeat.
But I knew he would find someone else, someone better than a Forbidden Child. And he did find someone else. Anyone would have him, hands down.
But he didn’t move on right away. He stayed with the group, fighting when we had to. His heart wasn’t in it though. He took risks.
Risks that could cost a person their life. And those risks did cost him his human life.
The weapons pierced his skin, crimson life-liquid pouring from every wound. I was too busy to notice the blade streaking towards my head. He did.
A spray of blood hit me in the face, showering me. I caught him and set him on the ground gently.
I summoned my Dragon of Darkness Flame in a fit of intense rage. All of the opponents were utterly destroyed.
I was back by the dying fox’s side in a flash. Blood poured out of a corner of his mouth, every breath brought pain and suffering. He coughed languidly and scarlet spray shot from his throat. His hands clutched at his chest where the cold steel was clawing away at his lungs.
I attempted to heal him, using low level spells. He pushed my hands away, saying that I shouldn’t try to show I cared when I really didn’t. I tried to say to him that I really did care. He smiled lightly and whispered ‘liar’. And with that his lithe form stopped moving.
I screamed at the fates as Kurama’s soul sped off through the night. Botan didn’t even bother to go after him.
He moved on, when he regained his own body. He found someone. I knew he would. And I was jealous. And hurt.
I went to the Makai, just to find out the truth.
He is Yomi’s. His friend, his heir, his lover. He should have been mine. But, it’s my own fault.
I have nothing left. My hope for love is destroyed, by myself.
I ask myself, Without him, what do I have? As the blade leaves the sheathe, I answer nothing.
Do I have a have a reason to live? As the blade caresses my skin, I answer no.
Is life even worth living? And as the blade pierces my skin I scream no.
Author’s notes:
Uh, don’t kill me. Here have tissues. Review, please. This was hard to write.
Disclaimer: I don’t own the characters.