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Your horoscopes by May Kay Tupp |
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Capricorn |
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This week, like many of your other weeks will contain 7 days. You are likely to have to work during these days but you may get time for fun as well and there is a chance that you will both work and have fun at the same time. To find out more about the structure of your week call my rip-off line now. |
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Gemini |
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May Kay Tupp is The Snows latest astrologer. She spent four years studying the stars and planets at university before realising astrophysics was not the subject for her because "it was hard to convince those sensible people to believe my nonsence". Knowing the position of the stars and planets accurately she then turned to astorolgy because "those idiots who read their horoscopes believe anything." |
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In a week of troubled times there will be very little rest for the wicked. However if you are an ordinary person who hasn't turned to evil this won't count for you. To find out how to avoid evil call my rip-off line now. |
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Taurus |
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Sagittarius |
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Wow! What a day yesterday was for you. It contained 24 hours. You are lukcy for the rest of this week looks set to be similar. To find out how many minutes each of your day may consist of call my rip-off line now. |
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Cancer |
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Aries |
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You are an incredibly lucky person for something good will happen this week. Unfortunatly you have to take the good with the bad so this week there may also be some troubled times. To find out more about positive and negative things that may happen call my rip-off line now. |
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Something will happen today that will change your life. It may be in a big way or it may, more likely be in a small way that you will soon forget about such as discovering a new brand of biscuit. Either way there will be a change in your life today. To find out more call be rip-off line now. |
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Today you may be forced into an unwanted financial transaction as somebody tries to rip you off. They claim to know about the future but don't believe them. Nobody knows the future. To find out what will happen call my rip-off line now. |
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Libra |
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Work seems to be getting you down but don't worry you are in for a break soon. You can only get so busy before you go mad so remember don't do everything for everybody. To find out when your next break will be call my rip-off line now. |
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Virgo |
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Scorpio |
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Scorpios tend to be sane, rational people who don't believe in their horoscope so I can't be bothered to write anything for you idiots. If you want to learn why you don't believe in horoscopes call my rip-off line now. |
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You are by nature a very guillible person who belives in fortune telling nonsence and the idea that your life if influenced by the movements of the stars and planets. These ideas are of course stupid and horoscopes are nonsence. For more information on what your star sign says about you call my rip-off line now. |
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Pisces |
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Aquarious |
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Today you are probably asking why. I am sure that if you think about the question hard enough an answer will come to you but be warned it may not be the answer that you want. To get a clue to the question call my rip-off line now. |
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Something that you see today will really make you think. Don't worry about it though, that cliff is not as high as it seems, don't make a mountain out of a mole hill. Remember however the quickest way down isn't always the best. To find an alternative way to the bottom call my rip -off line now. |
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Leo |
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May Kay Tupp's rip-off line is the most popular and accurate horoscope line in The Snow offices. Run by some work experience students who are told to talk garbage down the phone you can guarantee top quality advice. Call now on
011111 01111 01111 019
Calls are changed at the very reasonable of £50 per minute for the first minute and £360 for every minute after that. |
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Today is a good day to do something new. The problems that may arise today will soon be sorted out using a bit of imagination and anything that happens may be the start of an adventure. Maybe you will even discover a new shop. Call my rip-off line now to find out what suprises you should expect. |
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Disclaimer:
May Kay Tupp takes no responsibily for any nonsence in this horoscope. She would like to make it known that she knows nothing about astrology and any inaccuracies are due to the fact that you are a stupid idiot who doesn't live their life like they should. No complants will be excepted by the paper on her behalf. If you want to complain you can call the complaints line at 14793275923050493859348603693489586368369430 with calls charged at £20000 a second. |
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