| Evil Flexagons set to take over world |
| The country is in mourning today as a new craze sweeps through the land like a blazing fire. Flexagons have taken over and there is nothing that can be done to stop this influx of evil. A few years ago maths was just an evil art practised by a few but now it is making its way into main stream culture just like physics, chemistry and biology before it. Many innocent pupils who used to spend their school days enthusiastically learning Latin, Ancient Greek and other classical languages are now resorting to numbers and the schools are actually encouraging it. It is however partly the Labour Government that are behind this dreadful and unstoppable revolution with them actually setting targets for minimum levels in these evil subjects. Univeristies are also getting in on the new craze running so called "dosser courses" in subjects like Natural Sciences, a course at Cambridge which combines biology, physics and chemistry and controversially contains lectures in maths. We couldn't be bothered to contact Cambridge University so we will pretend that they refused to comment. These new courses are taking over universities and set look to replace more traditional courses such as media studies and broadcasting. This is just however a cause of the wider problem that is swarming through the country like a herd of dead hamsters, recreational mathematics. This problem is being spread by youth cult icons like Richard P. Feynman, an American Jew who during his life actually professionally worked in the field of physics. Making a living in such a field was rare then tragically it is getting more common as our society abandons its traditional logical spiritual view of the world and embraces science. |
| now recovering and taking her A-Levels, in Latin, Ancient Greek and English. However had her parents taken action earlier her problem would never have got as bad as it did. "We never realised how quickly maths takes over a young person's life," said Miss X's mother. "We thought kids were different these days, we thought everyone did maths. How wrong we were!" Her harrowing story highlights how easy it is, even for middle class students to become addicted to this evil. What advice can we offer to any parents who think their children are at risk of becoming 'mathematicians'? Miss X's parents suggests "Take action straight away. An interest in soft, P1 maths will just get worse and before you know it, your child will be addicted to P3 maths and will prehaps even get into recreational maths." However, until the Government gets its act together and bans maths it looks like there will be little hope to end this tidalwave of addiction. |
| Mr Feynman is an especially bad influence on today's children. He was unable to join the army because he was assessed to be mentally deficient, or expressed in less politically correct terms insane. He also to confessed to enjoy removing top secret documents from filing cabinets at Los Almos where he worked, sometimes panicking colleagues.* Mr Feynman was also at Princeton when the most dreadful craze to sweep the world so far, flexagons, started. So what are these flexagons that everyone is raving about? These horrifying shapes are hexagons, but worse they are made of paper in such a way as to mean they can be folded to reveal another face that is tucked away inside. The most dangerous, the hexahexaflexagon has more hidden faces than visible faces and it has to be "flexed" many times to reveal them all. This may sound fair enough but these hexahexaflexagons are extremely dangerous. When they were first introduced their danger was highlighted in a letter to Scientific America in which one univeristy actually lost a person into the paper drug. Events like this are rare, however, this is not the only danger provided by the flexagons. One girl who only wished to be known as Miss X found herself so addicted to flexagons after the first try that she couldn't stop flexing. Her addiction to flexagons took over her life as she moved from soft flexagons that only have a few hidden faces to the hexahexaflexagon and beyond. Flexing took over her life; for two years she did not participate in any classical subjects concentrating on maths and science. Soon she became so addicted she stopped eating and drinking. Luckily for her, her parents noticed and took action quickly getting her to counselling. She is |
| * Surely Your Joking Mr Feynman: Adventures of a Curious Character - Richard P. Feynman (This isn't a quote but the information is taken from this enjoyable easy reading book) |