MOONLIGHT
The sun descending in the west,
The evening star does shine;
The birds are silent in their nest,
And I must seek for mine.
The Moon, like a flower
In heaven’s high bower,
With silent delight
Sits and smiles on the night.
William Blake
PROLOGUE
Apollo finally receded, giving his power over to the feminine Moon who took it willingly. Filling the sky with her cool white light, growing into fullness when she exudes the most energy to waiting lovers below.
In a clearing by an ice blue stream, soft green grass velvet to the touch, two potential lovers were sat around a blazing orange fire, watching the moon rise in her sky. Between gazing at the beauty above them, each would steal a glance at the other, taking in a more arousing sight. The raven dark tresses of the older one glinting in the fresh moonlight, her piercing blue eyes which were at once gentle yet powerful all in the one gaze. And in the face of the girl, reflected in her emerald eyes was a love and desire that even the Moon, in her fortress of the sky, could detect and help nurture.
It was to be this night.
She would help the bard to release her fear and express her desires for the raven Warrior Princess. In return the Moon’s power would give the usually fearless warrior the courage to look deep within herself and find the emotions that had been buried since the first time she met the bard from Potadaea. Find them and express them.
PART ONE
Ever since Xena had come so close to loosing her best friend she could no longer sleep at night for the emotions that ran through her body. When she nursed Gabrielle back to health in the Amazon nation, not resting once for fear the bard wouldn’t make it through another day.
The soul searching she had done turned up unexpected results, but thinking long and hard about them Xena realised what she had always felt for her friend went beyond mere friendship, it even went beyond love. There was desire and need. Want and lust. But most of all, when it seemed Gabrielle wouldn’t recover from the poison, and her champion had to face the fact that she would be alone, Xena realised that what she felt for the talented young bard was life itself. She respected, loved, and wanted Gabrielle as if she were the essence of life, her life. She’d become the reason for the Warrior Princess to live. To fight her demons, lay rest her past and look forward to the dawn.
It was this that she clung to during Gabrielle’s fever, swearing to the Gods if her bard died she would take revenge against them before joining her on Elysian Fields. It was this that drove her to despair when her heeling powers could not bring Gabrielle out of the torture her lithe; little body was raging inside her. She sent Ephiny for every known medicine the warrior could think of, mixing herbs together in the hope one of them would end the bard’s torment.
None of them did.
Xena was losing hope, and just when she had found her love within her dark heart. It wasn’t fair, she cried in anguish by Gabrielle’s side. The bard had done nothing to incur the wrath of the Gods, why was she being punished for Xena’s mistakes?
Then as if the Gods had heard her cry, Gabrielle became audible again. For more than a week she’d not uttered a sound, not even a moan to express the pain she was so obviously feeling. It had been as if her vocal chords, the tool of her very nature, were severed. Only after Xena’s tears had fallen over Gabrielle’s too pale face and her heart had been expressed to the skies above, did the bard utter again.
It was an anguished moan at first. Finally able to express her torture, the bard cried words that were not words, but explained exactly the pain she felt. To Xena’s ears, they sounded as sweet and powerful as one of the bard’s stories. Tears once more broke their hold from the warrior’s heart, only this time they were tears of joy. She smoothed the strawberry blonde locks off of Gabrielle’s face, gently stroking her cheek at the same time. Finally Xena could rest a little knowing that the worst was over with. Gabrielle was stronger than she ever thought she could be, she knew that, but for a while there it was touch and go. With still watchful eyes and acute hearing Xena slipped in to the sleep she had alluded since Gabrielle had taken ill; and as she lay down next to the bard she put a strong tanned arm around her waist and pulled her gently close. ‘I’m never going to let you go again’ Xena whispered.
Days went by without a coherent word coming from the young Gabrielle, just more pained moans. Her fever had gone down and the pink colour had returned to her cheeks slightly but still her mind was fighting off the last of the poison’s onslaught. The warrior watched over her, not as concerned as she had been a few days before, but still worried Gabrielle’s mind wouldn’t make it back even if her body did. She sat and caressed the bard’s face, wiping trace amounts of sweat from her forehead, lingering over the soft red lips wanting so much to express what her heart felt with a kiss. Not daring to in case Gabrielle took that moment to awake and be abhorred by the warrior’s touch. Though Xena doubted she would be, having this niggling feeling in the back of her mind that what she felt for the bard, was mirrored by her in equal intensity.
Such thoughts enveloped her when Gabrielle began to show further signs of her recovery. The bard began to form words that Xena could make out. Barely audible though they were, the warrior could have sworn Gabrielle had whispered her name, as if pleading for her warrior. ‘Can it be?’ Xena wished, then it was there again. The voice, etched around the edges with the remaining pain, but still strong somehow. The words ‘Xena, I love you’. It was much clearer now. In their hut, with no other sound to distract Xena’s perfectly honed hearing skills, not even from the other Amazons who were waiting anxiously for good news about their Queen. Gabrielle spoke again, still she was unconscious but her voice grew stronger with every syllable uttered. ‘I love you princess’.
Xena’s eyes were wide in amazement. Sat close to the bard’s side she had to choke back the tears that threatened to rain from her steely blue eyes. Fighting against every urge to take the weakened bard in her arms and press their lips together, Xena clenched and unclenched her fists, waiting for Gabrielle to speak once more.
The next time words did come from the bard’s mouth they were accompanied with a flutter of her eyelids and a restless movement from her arms. She was regaining life back and seemed to be testing how far she could get on this her first try.
Xena was by her side immediately at this first sign of movement. Again she brushed Gabrielle’s sweat filled hair off of her face. Offering words of encouragement to coax Gabrielle back. It took several more tries but eventually the bard opened her eyes fully, a blurred image controlled her vision and she had no idea where she was.
‘Xena?’ she asked, her voice sounding scratched from lack of moisture.
‘I’m here Gabrielle. Shh. Don’t try to talk.’
Xena smiled to herself at the absurdity of the suggestion to her friend who never did stop talking. Ignoring her Gabrielle opened her mouth again, her eyes slowly focusing now on the beauty, which she remembered so well as her Warrior Princess.
‘Xena, where are we?’ the words hurt her as they came out and she wondered how long she’d been asleep.
Before answering her, Xena poured some water into a cup and gently eased Gabrielle’s head up in order for her to drink. Despite not knowing why, Gabrielle had a thirst the size of the desert to quench and spluttered when her throat couldn’t take the shock of the cool liquid falling towards it. Xena took the cup away and laid Gabrielle back down on the bed. Wiping away the water that had dribbled down the bard’s chin, with a touch that both women could feel as more tender than ones which had gone before.
‘Don’t you remember?’ Xena asked gently, reluctantly taking her hand away.
Gabrielle’s eyes signalled she didn’t.
‘You were poisoned by Caretha. I couldn’t get to you in time. I’m sorry’.
The warrior turned away so not to show the heartache in her eyes. Gabrielle gingerly moved her arm, which screamed out in fierce cramps before the bard could place it lovingly to Xena’s face.
‘Arrggh!!!!!’ she yelled, bringing Xena’s head swiftly around, concern overtaking her eyes for the time being.
‘Gabrielle what is it?’ Xena began feeling her bones, in case she’d missed a fracture.
But Gabrielle acquiesced the warrior quickly. ‘It’s just cramp. How long have I been out?’
Xena relaxed a little and moved back from the edge of the bed.
‘Eleven nights’ Xena said, daring to look Gabrielle in the eyes, hoping her heart wouldn’t stray into them. ‘I’ve been so worried about you’ catching how strong her emotions sounded Xena quickly added ‘We all have’.
Gabrielle’s attention was too quickly diverted to Xena’s last sentence she didn’t have time to process why the warrior sounded so distraught with her first words.
‘We, who’s we?’ Gradually the bard could feel strength coming back to her mind and body. Glad of Gabrielle’s question Xena stole herself to a more familiar repose.
‘Ephiny and the others. I brought you to the Amazon village when your fever got worse. You needed the strength of your people’.
Gabrielle looked at Xena with a puzzled look on her face. Never before had Xena talked about her in relation to the place she holds in the Amazon nation. Maybe it was the effects of the poison still but she couldn’t quite put her finger on why Xena was acting so strange.
The Warrior Princess cursed herself again for letting her resolve drop a second time and let Gabrielle see the anguish she felt inside. Prepared to combat the bard of the questioning looks she was being given, Xena stood to her full height as if going into battle. Neither got to say their thoughts however for Ephiny chose that moment to brave the wrath of Xena and inquire how her Queen was doing. She poked her head around the door and on seeing Gabrielle propped up slightly on her elbows flung the door wide in astonishment.
Both bard and warrior flung their eyes to the intrusion, the stronger of the two thanking Zeus for this reprise.
‘Gabrielle...you’re awake.’ Ephiny launched herself into the room and took Gabrielle into her arms with relief and joy. The bard weakly returned the hug, wishing Xena had greeted her in the same manner.
Xena’s eyes flashed with jealousy at how easy Ephiny expressed her welcome to Gabrielle. The bard noticed Xena stiffen but wouldn’t allow herself to wonder why.
‘I’m glad to see you too Ephiny,’ finally the bard was released from her hold and lay gently back down on the bed.
‘And you’re okay?’ Ephiny only just remembering to enquire after her Queen’s health.
She looked between both Gabrielle and Xena for one of them to answer. Xena offered none, she was too busy silently admonishing herself for her behaviour.
‘I’m fine. A little stiff and groggy still, but I think I’ll be okay.’
Sensing something had passed between the two friends Ephiny quickly took leave of them both, to spread the word amongst her Amazon sisters their Queen had recovered.
After she’d gone Gabrielle looked to Xena for an explanation of her earlier discourse but all she saw was the warrior’s turned back as she followed Ephiny, saying something about getting the bard a bowl of broth.
‘What a welcome’ Gabrielle thought to herself as she reluctantly acknowledged the fact that she felt ravenous with hunger.
Within days the poison’s effects could hardly be felt within Gabrielle. Her colour had fully returned and her strength was coming back in leaps and bounds. Xena stayed by her side still, trying to make up for her terse behaviour when Gabrielle had first woken up. But her mood swung from undying devotion to Gabrielle’s needs to annoyance at the young bard for trying to do too much to soon. Her annoyance usually followed moments when the warrior let her emotions show, and the bard caught a glimpse of what lay in the warrior’s heart. It confused Gabrielle to the point of despair, to be treated in such a contradictory manner, and having her Amazon sisters constrict Xena’s usual self even further only tightened her resolve to leave with the Warrior Princess soon. In order to get their lives back to some kind of normality, if that were ever possible.
Ignoring protests from Ephiny and the others, Gabrielle for once decided that it was time to leave. Much to Xena’s chagrin. She’d been out of bed for days now and even managed a few swings with her staff to prove she was ready, but still Xena felt uneasy returning to their journey. She wondered how she could keep her feelings for her young friend hidden when they were alone on their trek, with no Amazons to invade a glance which the warrior held a moment too long so the bard noticed. Or interrupt a touch between the two of them that lingered longer than it should have. Xena was worried how Gabrielle would cope if she told her what was in her heart. In the village it had been difficult enough to hide her emotions. She followed Gabrielle wherever she went, always keeping one eye on her in case something happened to her again. Even amongst her sisters whom Xena knew would never harm Gabrielle, she couldn’t help but be her protector. But outside of the Amazon nation, when it would be just the two of them, who was going to protect Gabrielle from the very person who should be protecting her? For that matter who was going to protect the Warrior Princess from herself?
Ephiny saw the rage Xena wore on her face and correctly assumed it was because a war was raging within her. A war between her heart and mind. But if Ephiny dared to even try and talk with her about it she knew the warrior would rip her limb from limb despite their friendship. So she remained silent, hoping Gabrielle would realise what was torturing her Warrior Princess and offer the cure.
As they left the Amazon village Ephiny elicited a silent prayer to the Gods. Asking Aphrodite to smile down on her friends, the warrior and bard, for as she told the Goddess of Love, she’d never known two people who were more in love with each other than those who’d just left her village.