| Tips: Preparing For A Terrorist Attack: Part 2 |
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| If your building collapses, give yourself a blowjob while waiting to be rescued. |
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| Try to absorb the radiation with your groin region. After 5 min 12 sec, however, you may become sterile. |
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| After exposure to radiation it is important to consider that you may have mutant dimensions: watch your head. |
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| If you've become a radiation mutant with a deformed hand, remember to close the window. No one wants to see that. |
| If your lungs and stomach start talking, stand with your arms out until they stop. |
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| If you hear the Backstreet Boys, Micheal Bolton or Yanni on the radio, cower in the corner or run like hell. |
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| If you are trapped under falling debris, conserve energy by not farting. |
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| If you lose a contact lens during a chemical attack, do not stop to look for it. |
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| Do not drive a station wagon if a power pole is protruding from the hood. |
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| A one-inch thick piece of plywood should be sufficient protection against radiation. |
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| Always remember to carry food with you during a terrorist attck. At least you'll be able to enjoy a nice coke a apple before you die. |