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- So you're a feminist...Isn't that cute!
- No one is listening until you make a mistake.
- It's always darkest before dawn, so if you're going
to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
- Finally 21, and Legally Able to Do Everything I've
Been Doing Since 15
- Love is grand; divorce is a hundred grand.
- I got a gun for my wife; best trade I ever made.
- "STUPIDITY IS NOT A HANDICAP. Park elsewhere!"
- You can't have everything - where would you put it?
- Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead
of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either. Just leave me the hell alone.
- Upon the Advice of My Attorney, My Shirt Bears No Message at
This Time
- Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in
their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile way and you have their
shoes.
- BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore.
- I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
- It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
- The trouble with life is there's no background music.
- You're just jealous because the voices only talk to
me.
- A day without sunshine is like, well, night.
- So you're a feminist...Isn't that cute!
- Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
- I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts ... Do You Want
Fries With That
- There are two theories to arguing with women.
Neither one works.
- WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.
- My Husband and I Married for Better or Worse He
Couldn't Do Better and I Couldn't Do Worse
- Lights travels faster than sound. That's why some
people appear bright until you hear them speak.
- You're just jealous because the voices talk only to
me.
- If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for
you.
- Don't take life too seriously; you won't get out
alive.
- Upon the Advice of My Attorney, My Shirt Bears No
Message at This Time
- I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
- Remember My Name - You'll Be Screaming It Later.
- There's an old proverb that says just about
whatever you want it to.
- Real Men Don't Waste Their Hormones Growing Hair
- Always remember you're unique, just like everyone
else.
- The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a
cigarette.
- I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
- Some people are alive only because it's illegal to
kill them.
- The trouble with life is there's no background
music.
- The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance
of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.
- Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
- Half of the people in the world are below average.
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