|
|
|
|
|
|
|
You
never hear a man say "Oh quick, get me out of here,
There's
another man wearing a black tuxedo!"
Men
don't mind all looking alike.
It
means they haven't made a mistake.
|
All men are
animals, some just make better pets.
|
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can
spend.
A successful
woman is one who can find such a man
|
|
A little bit of rich covers
up a whole lot of stupid
|
For men, sex is like a game of cards if
you don’t
have a partner you better have a good hand.
|
Woman's fault are
many, but men only have two,
everything they
say and everything they do.
|
All guys are
jerks, some are just better actors...
|
Two things a man
cannot hide: that he is drunk and that he is in love
|
|
MENtal anxiety!
MENstrual cramps! MENopause!
Don't you
notice that all our problems begin with MEN!
|
|
I think men who
have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage.
They've
experienced pain and bought jewelry.
|
|
If
they put a man on the moon, they should be able to put them all up there.
|
|
When I eventually met Mr. Right, I had no idea that his first name was Always
|
|
Ah, yes, divorce, from the
Latin word meaning
to rip out a man's genitals
through his wallet
|
|
A
good man might be hard to find,
but
a good hairdresser is next to impossible
|
|
Men
do not "Get lost all the time," they "Investigates alternative destinations."
|
|
The
best way to get a man to do something, is to suggest he is too old for it.
|
|
I
always wanted to be the last guy on earth,
just to see if all those women were lying to me
|
|
I was so poor
growing up,
if I wasn't a boy
I would have had nothing to play with
|
|
Guys assume too
much..
They assume
u like them, they assume u hate them.
And worst of
all...
They assume
that nothing they do will change either opinion
|
|
Guys like smart
girls because... well, opposites attract.
|
|
If the world were
a logical place, men would ride side-saddle.
|
|
There is one thing
I would break up over, and that is if she caught me with
another woman. I won't stand for that
|
|
Men have one advantage in life,
they can pee on a tree
|
|
No man is worth your tears and the one who is won't make you
cry
|
|
The
male is a domestic animal which,
if
treated with firmness and kindness, can be trained to do most things.
|
|
There are easier
things in life than finding a good man.
Nailing Jell-o to
a tree for instance.
|
|
There's no such thing as ugly chicks...
instead, there's such thing as not enough beer
|
|
Men
are superior to women. For one thing,
men
can urinate from a speeding car
|
|
Can
you imagine a world without men? No crime and lots of happy fat women
|
|
When a man of forty falls in love with a girl of twenty,
it
isn't her youth he is seeking but his own
|
|
When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment.
When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 a minute.
|
|
Men
want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women:
a
little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom
|
|
God
gave us all a penis and a brain, but only enough blood to run one at a time
|
|
Women may be able to fake orgasms, but men can fake whole relationships
|
|
Many a man owes his success to his first wife,
and
his second wife to his success
|
|
The
only difference between men and boys is the cost of their toys
|
|
Boys will be boys, and so will a lot of middle-aged men
|
|
When a man says it's a
silly, childish game,
it's probably
something his wife can beat him at
|
|
There are three stages of man:
He
believes in Santa Claus;
He
doesn't believe in Santa Claus;
He
is Santa Claus
|
|
Whenever two men meet there are really six people present.
There is each man as he sees himself,
each
man as the other sees him,
and
each man as he really is.
|
|
Men are like...
|
|
Men are like
clowns... A few are cute and funny, but most are just
creepy
|
|
Men are like
stilettos... Once you get the hang of it you can walk all over
them
|
|
Men are like
tennis balls... it's fun to juggle 2 or 3 at a time
|
|
Men are like
chimpanzees... sometimes you'd swear they were almost human
|
|
Men are like bank
accounts.... Without a lot of money,
they don't
generate much interest.
|
|
Men are like place
mats... They only show up when there's food on the table.
|
|
Men are like
government bonds... They take so long to mature
|
|
Men are like
laxatives... they irritate the crap out of you.
|
Boys are like
finals because...
They're hard to understand
They're easy to cheat on
Some are harder than others
They put pressure on you to perform well
They were created to make our lives hell
You can work for hours and still get no satisfaction
Some take longer to finish than others
Some aren't as big as you expect
When its all over, you will either have
A big smile or a
big frown on your face...
|
|
Men are like scary
movies... exciting until you realize they are completely fake
|
|
Men are like
parking spots... All the good ones are taken,
and the only ones
left are handicapped.
|
Men are like
snowstorms... You never know when they're coming,
how many inches you'll get or how long it will last
|
|
Men are like
chocolate... Sweet, smooth, & usually head right for your hips.
|
|
Men are like the
weather... Nothing can be done to change them.
|
|
Guys are like
buses... if you miss one, another will be along soon
|
|
Guys are like
toilets, they're either engaged, vacant, or full of shit
|
|
Guys are like copiers. You
need them for reproduction but that's about it.
|
|
Guys are like tissues -
strong, soft and disposable
|
|
Guys are like
mascara. They usually run at the first sign of emotion
|
|
Guys are like blenders. You
need one, but you're not quite sure why
|
|
Guys are like lava lamps there fun to look at just not so
bright
|
|
Men are like
pennies; Two-faced and
worthless
|
|
Guys are all like pigs, and of course I get the runt
|
|
Guys are like roses. You've got to watch out for the pricks
|
|
Men are like fish.
Neither would get in trouble if they kept their mouths shut.
|
Quotes
on Men