The next day dawned bright. It looked like the perfect type of day to continue the road trip. Spirits were high among the group, and everyone seemed to have forgotten the upsets of the past two days. Treize was relieved.
But the peace was not to last.
At breakfast, Duo ordered his typical morning dosage of sugar-laden foods. As the waitress set down the plate in front of Duo, which consisted of waffles, overflowing with strawberry sauce, whipped cream, and powdered sugar, Wufei simply could not contain himself.
"Maxwell, for a warrior, your diet is shameful! Don't you feel the least bit remorseful for eating such garbage? I'm surprised you can fight at all."
Duo stood, up, a protest prepared, but was stopped by Lady Une.
"I will not have you two squabbling like children before we even get on the road," she said, her voice dangerously quiet.
Duo sat down, grumbling in protest. Wufei looked smug.
The look on Wufei's face was too much for Duo to handle. "All right, that does it..." growled Duo. He picked up his spoon, scooping up a particularly large strawberry, dripping with syrup and whipped topping. He admired the gastronomical delight for a moment, savoring the aroma of strawberry.
Then he placed his thumb on the edge of the spoon, and firmly flung the treat at Wufei.
The strawberry impacted with Wufei's face, leaving a cheerful red splotch, before trailing down Wufei's pristine white jacket, leaving a trail of strawberry-colored syrup behind it.
No one spoke. Everyone shifted their gaze between Duo and Wufei. Duo laughed with glee. "Oh, Woofie, you should see your face! That look is priceless!"
Wufei stood up and lunged at Duo, an inarticulate yell of rage escaping his throat.
Treize was fast, but Zechs was faster. He reached over and grabbed Wufei by the collar. "No fighting in the restaurant," he snarled. "The rest of us want to finish our breakfast before getting kicked out."
"Don't worry about me," said Wufei derisively. "I should have expected more of Maxwell, but somehow, I'm not surprised that I didn't have to." He sat down and picked up his napkin, blotting at the stain on his jacket.
Duo said nothing in response to the insult, but instead worked intently at his breakfast.
In retrospect, Treize should have known better than to believe that ended the debate. He should have been concerned when Duo didn't even push the matter. For in reality, Duo didn't get mad. He just made plans to get even.
Even with the false sense of calm, there were no chances taken. Wufei was volunteered for front-seat duty, with Lady Une taking his place in the passenger seats. But Duo seemed to have completely forgotten about the morning's incidents, even the withering comments made by Wufei all during breakfast. He took up his usual position in the back of the van, laughing and joking with the others.
Slowly, as the threat of rebuttal eased, so did tensions in the van. They made good time through the morning, and even enjoyed an uneventful lunch. Treize was glad for this, for they were making up for the lost time of past disruptions.
Later that afternoon, Treize stopped to put gas in the van, and to give everyone the opportunity to get out of the van and stretch their legs.
"We are only about 20 miles from the night's destination," he told everyone before he let them out of the van, "so don't take too much time here. We're staying in a fairly large city tonight, and I wanted to get there in time for you to explore the city before everything closes for the night."
The other passengers nodded, and they disembarked for the service station.
Wufei headed for the restrooms. Duo followed at a safe distance, and waited until no one was watching. He pulled a small bottle out of his pocket, and began applying the contents to the hinges of the door, being careful to not make any sounds, lest Wufei hear him before he finished.
"Duo, what are you doing to the door?"
Duo whirled around to find Quatre watching him. "Shhh!" he whispered furiously. "It hasn't had time to set yet! Be quiet for just a minute more!"
Quatre's eyes narrowed. "Duo, what are you doing? Wufei is in there! What's in that bottle?"
Duo recapped the bottle and hid it in his pocket. "Nothing of consequence," he said nonchalantly. "And I know Wufei is in there."
Quatre's voice rose. "Duo, this doesn't have anything to do with breakfast this morning, does it?" He took a step toward Duo. "Just what's in that bottle?"
"Oh, nothing much...just an experimental product that Howard is designing. It's supposed to be able to hold together damaged gundanium until it can be repaired."
"You used a gundanium-strength epoxy on the bathroom door?!!" Quatre's voice was shrill with incredulity.
"Be quiet! Do you want him to hear?"
But Wufei had already heard. "Maxwell, what are you doing out there? You are so dishonorable! When I get out there, I'm going to challenge you to that duel that you are so sorely deserving!" There were sounds of water running, then a loud thump as Wufei tried to exit the restroom.
The door wouldn't budge.
Wufei jiggled the handle.
That wouldn't budge, either. Duo had been very thorough.
Wufei began pounding on the door. "Maxwell, what have you done? I demand that you undo it this instant!"
Duo laughed. "Sorry, ol' pal, but I can't do that."
"And why not?"
"Because Howard hasn't designed a solvent for that glue yet."
"AAARRRRGGGHHHH!!!!" Wufei pounded on the door harder.
By now, the drama unfolding by the restrooms had begun to attract the attention of the other passengers. Dorothy and Relena wandered over to where Quatre and Duo stood. "What's going on here? Is Wufei stuck in the restroom?" asked Relena.
"You could say that," said Duo, trying to hold back his laughter.
Quatre sighed. "I'll go get the service station attendant, and see what we can do about getting that door open," he said resignedly.
Duo moved to stop Quatre. "No! We're leaving him here! C'mon, admit it...we'd all be happier without him! All he ever does is pick fights!"
Relena pursed her lips and folded her arms across her chest. "Annoying or not, we can't leave him here," she said firmly. "Besides, do you really think that Treize won't notice that he's gone?"
Duo shrugged noncommittally. Relena sighed and shook her head. "I'll go find Lady Une," she said.
Dorothy tapped at the restroom door. "Don't worry, Mister Wufei, we'll get you out of there in no time!
Wufei continued to pound on the door. "I will find a way out of here myself! I do not need any assistance from any women!" He searched the bathroom, looking for any other way out.
He spied a small window near the ceiling.
"I hate to admit it, Wufei, but I think that window is too small for you to squeeze through," said Quatre tentatively.
"Quiet! I will make this work!"
No sound came from the restroom.
Relena returned, with Lady Une in tow. "What's going on now?" she asked curiously.
Duo snickered. "Wufei tried to crawl out of the ventilation window and got his ass stuck in the process."
There was a renewed burst of activity behind the door. "Maxwell! I did not get my ass stuck! I got my shoulders stuck!"
"Same difference," said Duo.
Wufei yelled, and pounded on the door.
Une surveyed the situation. "Just how did you manage to get locked in there?" she asked.
Dorothy, Quatre and Relena pointed at Duo. Duo looked innocent.
"That idiot Maxwell glued the hinges shut!" shouted Wufei.
Une glared at Duo sternly. "I'll deal with you later. Right now, I am going to go tell Mr. Treize of this...delay. Though I know he will not be pleased."
Wufei pounded on the door. "I cannot believe that I am reduced to asking for help from a woman!" he snarled.
Une stopped, and slowly turned to face the door. "Perhaps I was a bit too hasty in my decisions. I now believe that it would be a good idea to leave Mr. Chang here, after all...."
Duo smirked. "Now that's what I'm talking about!"
Noin had also wandered over to join the small crowd. "What's going on over here?"
"Duo glued the hinges shut on the bathroom door," offered Quatre.
Noin shook her head, and covered her mouth with one hand, trying to stifle her laughter. "Are you serious?"
Duo smirked and offered her the bottle of epoxy. She took it, and studied it. "This is one of Howard's creations, isn't it?" she asked.
Duo nodded. "I guess he hasn't gotten a chance to test it on a real gundam yet, so he gave me a sample and asked me to test it for him."
Noin suppressed a smile. "Duo, somehow I doubt that this was what he had in mind by testing out his product," she commented.
Duo shrugged. "Yeah, I was getting around to that...guess I brought it along by accident." He smirked. "Though I'll have to tell Howard that the glue works great on bathroom doors!"
Fifteen minutes later, the door was still glued shut, and Wufei was still trapped inside the restroom. By this time, Heero had joined the crowd outside the door.
"Why don't you try using your katana to jimmy the lock open?" he suggested.
He was greeted by impatient rustling on the other side of the door. "Because, Mr. Perfect Soldier, for one thing, I would not degrade my sword by using it in such a fashion, and for another thing, that idiot Maxwell poured glue in the locking mechanism, too!"
Heero made a disgusted noise. "Suit yourself," he grunted, and wandered off.
Quatre made a sound in the back of his throat. "Wufei, you really should try to be more polite to people," he chided. "Heero was only trying to help."
"While you're playing Mr. Diplomacy out there, I'm still stuck in this bathroom. Being nice is not going to get me out of here!"
Quatre sighed in frustration. "Maybe not, but did it ever occur to you that if you were nicer to people, maybe someone would have come up with a good solution by now?"
Wufei pounded on the door in frustration. "The reason why no one has come up with a good plan is because they're all idiots! And those who aren't idiots are women, and that is worse than being an idiot! So why should I waste my breath and energy, trying to be nice to women and idiots, when I know it will not be worth the effort?"
Quatre bridled at the comment. "And so, I suppose, you think that pounding on that door is the best solution to your problem?"
"Until someone who isn't stupid comes up with a better plan, yes!"
Quatre turned away from the door to face Duo. "I give up. Much more of this and I'll be glad to leave him behind. I'm going to get Treize."
Duo stopped him. "Naw, let's wait a little while. I want to see how much abuse this glue can take."
Quatre gave Duo a look. "Personally, I'm more curious to see how much verbal abuse from Wufei everyone is willing to take."
The door handle jiggled, and there was a loud thump as Wufei slammed his shoulder against the door. The effort was fruitless. The door was securely glued shut.
Five minutes later, Trowa wandered over.
Trowa suggested using explosives to blast the door open.
Wufei thought this was a good idea, until he realized that he would not be able to get far enough away from the explosion to avoid getting hurt, and harangued Trowa through the door about how stupid his idea was, and how stupid he was for suggesting it in the first place.
Trowa left after that.
Eventually, word got back to Treize about Wufei's predicament. Treize was also rather curious about why this quick stop was taking so long.
By this point in time, Wufei was getting fairly anxious to get out of that bathroom. Duo found this point to be quite amusing.
"Why do you want to get out so badly, Wuffie? Just what are you doing in there, anyway?"
Wufei pounded on the door angrily. "Injustice! Maxwell, I am doing nothing in here except TRYING TO FIGURE A WAY OUT OF HERE!"
Duo chuckled. "You know, I only regret one thing about locking you in that bathroom, Wufei."
"And what, pray tell, is that, Maxwell? Because you know I'm going to pound the ever-living hell out of you when I do get out?"
"Naw, it's not that. And I doubt that you'd be able to beat me in a fair fight."
Wufei snorted derisively. "Then what is it?"
Duo smirked. "Because this way I can't see the colors your face is turning from yelling so much! I'll bet you're purple by now."
"AAAARRRRRGGGGHHHH!" There was a barrage of pounding and kicking.
Treize rounded the corner at that time. His eyes narrowed as he sized up the situation. "Duo," he said calmly, "what have you done this time?"
Despite knowing and readily admitting his guilt, Duo tried to act defensive all the same. "What makes you think I did anything?"
"Call it a lucky guess," Treize replied wryly. He turned to Lady Une. "Lady, perhaps you can fill me in on the situation."
"Certainly, Your Excellency," Une said, saluting smartly. Treize winced. Une continued, oblivious to the gesture. "It appears that Mr. Maxwell has used a gundanium- strength epoxy on the door's hinges and locks, thereby effectively sealing Mr. Chang inside the restroom."
Treize's eyebrows rose, and he glanced at Duo. Duo merely shrugged noncommittally.
"And what, may I ask, were your motives for doing such a thing?"
Duo had an answer prepared. "Howard asked me to test out the glue," he said. "I'm only helping out a friend."
"By locking another friend inside the bathroom at the gas station."
"Hey, Wufei's no one's friend. He had it coming."
Treize shook his head. "Regardless, we have to figure a way to get him out of there."
At that point in time, Wufei decided to join in the conversation. "Wow, what a brilliant idea that is, Treize! Why, I wonder why I hadn't thought of it myself a long time ago? All we have to do is get me out of here. WHAT DO YOU THINK I'VE BEEN TRYING TO DO FOR THE PAST FORTY-FIVE MINUTES?"
Treize looked surprised, then mildly annoyed. "Mr. Chang, I would not mock those in the best position to help free you from that restroom, if I were you."
"I know that! We've covered that ground before! Women and idiots! The latter is only marginally better than the former!"
Treize suddenly got an evil gleam in his eye. "Is that so, Mr. Wufei? You must learn to love and respect other people, much more than you do currently. In doing so, you will become a much wiser and more respected person yourself." He turned, glancing at the others, who had assembled for his speech.
"In fact, you must especially learn to cooperate with and respect women. They truly are our better halves, and in learning to respect them, you will gain a great deal of respect as well." He turned to face Lady Une. "Lady, I trust you will make certain that my wishes are carried out properly?"
Une saluted again, a smirk on her face. "Sir!" she said. She turned to the other women. "Ladies, I believe we have some work to do."
Wufei pounded on the door harder. "I don't believe this!" he shouted. "This is an outrage!"
Even Relena could not hide her smirk of satisfaction.
"I've been waiting a long time for this," muttered Noin.
Treize smiled slightly, then hid his expression quickly. "Gentlemen, I believe we should leave these ladies to their work," he said, and turned toward the van.
But Duo resisted. "No way am I missing out on this! I'm staying."
Treize sighed. "All right. If you must. But I trust that you won't exacerbate the situation, or make things difficult for the ladies?"
Duo put on his best innocent expression. "Of course not!" His smile broadened. "I just want to see Wuffers squirm." He stood back to watch the show.
Une stood a few feet away from the restrooms, conversing quietly with Heero. Noin, Relena, and Dorothy stood regarding the bathroom door. The door itself was still and silent. The person behind that door was anything but.
"TREIZE!!! Come back here! You can't just leave like that! When I get out of here..." Loud pounding of fists against the door picked up where the words left off.
The three were unfazed by the display. Une stepped away from Heero to regroup with them. She glanced at the other three women, then turned to face the door, speaking loudly enough that Wufei was able to hear.
"I believe we should eliminate this problem as soon as possible, so as not to delay ourselves any longer, and I think I know how to get that door un-stuck."
The other three nodded. Wufei yelled.
Une smirked. "However, I, for one, don't feel like helping anyone who can't ask for our help politely." The other three nodded. Wufei yelled.
"If you think for one instant that I'm going to ask for your help, you are sorely mistaken!" Wufei shouted.
"Oh, we have no intentions of letting you simply ask for our help."
Wufei sighed with disgust. "Then what do you expect?"
Une grinned maliciously. "You are going to beg for our help, Mr. Chang."
Wufei yelled something about women who didn't know their place in society, and pounded on the door furiously.
"That's fine," said Noin. "We don't have a problem leaving you here."
Duo chortled with glee, but said nothing.
There was a burst of frantic activity behind the door, followed by a barrage of kicking and punching at the door. Wufei howled inarticulately.
"Just keep going, Mr. Chang," encouraged Une. "You've almost gotten all the vowels this time."
"WOMAN!" bawled Wufei. "This is no time for silly jokes! I need to get out of this bathroom, now!"
"Then you need to learn to ask for our help like a civilized person. If you're going to act like a wild animal, then maybe we should leave you locked up. After all, wild animals that wander into developed areas get put in zoos. Isn't that right, ladies?"
Dorothy, Relena and Noin all nodded emphatically. Dorothy clasped her hands together. "I think Mister Wufei would make a splendid addition to the gorilla house," she said sweetly. Wufei yelled.
"Gorilla? Gorilla??? You dare to compare me with such a lesser beast? Do you not know of the dragon, perhaps the most noble of beasts, and my family's..." His voice trailed off as he began to list the salient features of dragons. The four women ignored him.
Relena chuckled. "I don't know, Dorothy. I was under the impression that gorillas were more intelligent than that. I'd say he's more like a bear, myself."
Noin snorted with laughter. "Do you mean he's like a bear in demeanor, or the way he smells?"
The women giggled. Wufei yelled. Une raised her hand for silence.
"Regardless of what kind of animal he resembles, we're getting nowhere like this." She turned and fixed the bathroom door with one of her coldest stares. Even though he couldn't see her, Wufei quieted instantly. "We are prepared to help you get out of your predicament. Mr. Chang. You know what you have to do to secure our assistance."
"No!" yelled Wufei.
Dorothy grinned. "I don't know what your plan is, Lady Une, but I have a plan of my own." She pulled a revolver out of her purse. "I'm sure if we shot the lock and hinges off, the door would open. After all, those are the only places Duo glued, right?" She turned to look at Duo for reassurance. Duo nodded.
Wufei had heard this plan. "WHAT???!?! If you shoot the door, _I'll_ get shot, too! Are you completely insane?"
Dorothy blinked innocently. "Why, Mister Wufei, I do believe you have misinterpreted me. I'm only planning on opening the bathroom door, so that other patrons of this service station will be able to use the restroom. I have no plans on getting you out alive." She shrugged. "I suppose if you do manage to not get shot in the process, that is a bonus."
She turned to face the other three women. "Well? Do you like my idea?"
Relena looked vaguely uncomfortable. Une had turned to converse with Heero again. Noin blinked, weighing their options. Wufei yelled.
"Woman! No! I refuse to be a part of this plan!" There was a scrabbling sound, as he tried to squeeze out of the window again. The effort was useless.
Dorothy laughed gleefully. "I'm afraid you'll have no choice but to be a part of my plan, Mister Wufei! I can be kind, though, and let you know which part of the door I'm going to shoot first. Unless you'd like to turn this into a guessing game...."
"No! Nonono! Don't shoot the door! There's got to be a better idea than to shoot the hinges off!"
Noin narrowed her eyes slightly. "I think Lady Une's idea might be marginally better for your well-being," she said carefully, "but it comes with a small price. Dorothy's plan, while perhaps flawed, is completely free. You know what you have to do."
Wufei made several angry, wordless noises behind the door. Duo had stood up, and gestured for the other members of the group to join him by the restroom. The men, including Treize, stood in a semicircle around the women, who were clustered around the bathroom door.
Wufei cleared his throat. "I...uhh...I would, um, like it, uh, if you...umm...if you, er, you women--"
Dorothy raised the gun, and pulled back the hammer with an audible click. "You'll have to do better than that, Mister Wufei...."
Wufei heard the click. "No! Stop! I--er, um...I guess what I'm trying to say is, er, that you...women...I would greatly..."
Dorothy took careful aim. "I'm going to shoot the top hinge off first, Mister Wufei!" she sang.
"Nooo! Stop, p-p-pl-please!"
Dorothy lowered the gun. "That's more like it! Go on...."
Wufei was silent for a moment. A muffled sound came from behind the door. Noin glanced at the others. "Is he crying? Is that crying I hear?"
Wufei renewed his efforts at pounding on the door. "No! I am not crying!" He drew a deep breath, and muttered quietly. "Would you please help me get out of this bathroom...?"
Une stepped closer to the door. "Louder, Mr. Chang. I heard most of that, but I think the others missed it. You'll have to try again."
Wufei muttered something under his breath, and cleared his throat. "I said, would you please help me get out of this bathroom?" he repeated, more loudly.
Une smirked in satisfaction. "What's the magic word, Mr. Chang?"
"I already said it!"
Noin and Relena giggled. Dorothy brandished her gun again. Une folded her arms across her chest. "Perhaps. But I think you need to say the magic word at least twice, if not more often."
Duo tried to stifle his laughter. Fortunately, Wufei didn't hear him.
Une tapped against the door impatiently. "Hurry up, Mr. Chang. I don't know how much longer I'll be able to hold back Dorothy and her itchy trigger finger."
Wufei made a frustrated sound. "Fine! Fine! Please, would you please help me to please get out of this bathroom, please? Please?"
Une nodded in satisfaction. "That's five pleases. I think that will do nicely. All right, we'll help you with my plan. Dorothy, you can put the gun down."
Wufei sighed with ill-concealed relief. Dorothy looked vaguely disappointed. Une motioned for Heero, who walked over and produced a bottle that looked suspiciously similar to the one Duo carried.
Duo spotted the bottle. "Hey, wait a minute! That's not fair!"
The other three women's eyes widened as they saw it. "Is that what I think it is?" asked Noin quietly.
Heero nodded as Une applied the substance to the hinges and the lock. She stepped back, and handed the bottle back to Heero. He pocketed it, and they all waited for a minute. Then Une called out to Wufei. "All right, Mr. Chang. Try opening the door."
Wufei sounded incredulous. "But you haven't done anything!"
The other three women held back laughter. Une merely smiled. "Have a little more faith than that, and give it a try."
Wufei tested the doorknob. The door swung open effortlessly. He stood on the threshold of the door for a moment, completely confused. "What did you just do to this door?" he finally asked.
Une gestured to Heero, who held up the bottle. "What's that?" asked Wufei suspiciously.
"It's the solvent for the epoxy. Howard did design one, and gave it to me after he gave the glue to Duo."
"What???" exclaimed Duo. "Why'd he give it to you?"
"Because he figured something like this would happen, that's why."
Duo shook his head. "No one has any faith in me, do they?"
"Howard just knows you too well, Duo."
Wufei was staring at Heero with unabashed disgust. "Do you mean to tell me that you had a solvent for that glue THE WHOLE TIME and you didn't tell me???"
Heero shrugged slightly. "You didn't ask," he said simply.
"I ASKED MANY TIMES IF ANYONE--"
"I mean, you made it clear that you didn't want help from anyone, and you didn't ask nicely. But Une asked me very nicely if I had any ideas on how to get the door open. You should take a lesson from her, Wufei. A little civility never hurt anyone." He turned and walked toward the van.
Treize was only too happy to follow his lead. "Good. Now that we're all set, let's get going. We can still reach our night's destination before it gets too late." The others turned and headed for the van.
"Wait!" cried Wufei. They stopped, and turned to face him.
Wufei glanced at the restroom. "I still didn't get a chance to--"
"Oh, no you don't..." muttered Zechs. He grabbed the youth by the ponytail, and dragged him toward the van. "You can wait until we reach the city. Otherwise, you can use a bush! Duo can't lock you in that way."