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JANUARY 19, 2005                                                 Earfood: You'll Be Safe Here - Rivermaya Ramdam: Busy Gunam: My right eye is red. Damn.

they admit it, nyahaha!

come one come all, folks. let us all contemplate on what this so-called agency is doing for myke.

so now you strongly believe that we are equated to myke, as in myke (~sigamik). sorry but i or the other versions of tabulas (1, 2, 3 ,3.1) are not him. lets just say, were like an agency who saw the situation and bought it for him, pro bono. he never requested,commanded, or asked this as a favor, this is our independent action to conspire someone we ought to destroy the credibility. and yes we did.

oh, so you are an agency. interesting. so you are not myke. then that makes him thrice point 1 (because you are up to 3.1) a coward because he can't defend himself. kailangan pang may agency.

there's this anonymous poster though sa jan 16 entry. i traced the ip and it led to the site of ateneo de zamboanga university. i so wonder who studies there. hahaha.

and why do you want to destroy my credibility? is it because i'm too good for you? hahaha, sorry but you'll never bring me down.

weve long raised our glasses to a toast. not because of what you claim as 'winners' or 'lossers' of this lowly game of yours - a 'trying to be something'. let this entry be our testatement and a seal to our success.

me, trying to be something? excuse me but without trying i am already something. and why treat something that exposes your flaw of reasoning "a seal to your success"? hahaha, losers.

to us, the "tabulas" commentors, asha and other credible comments...the numbers game tells us whos sleeping better. now, where are your friends and defenders? it must have been too bad for you to have a blog ladden with so much profanity and blunt intellectual insults and u cant do anything to censor it.

credible comments, eh? wherein they cannot even reveal who they are? except asha of course.

where are my friends and defenders? why, do i need them just to defeat your dumbnesses? of course, not. i can handle this on my own. they know that that's why they're letting me be. unlike you, you are SIX and counting but you haven't still proven anything. nice try by asha, though.

numbers game? i really don't want to boast around. *rolleyes*

let alone your responses to our comments are not worth reading anymore, theyre too redundant and boring to stimulate our brains (it has lost its intellectual coating).

why, are you afraid to read them? are you, little babies? hahaha. can't oppose them in detail? can't you? can't you? how pitiful.

its how we see the whole scenario, we can imagine a boiling and a humiliated homosexual who has to resort to defensive strategy, the losing end. while we have nothing to defend but always to offend.

only those who don't have the brains to prove anything use ONLY the offensive strategy. i am not being offensive the way you are because i don't need to. you can try to invade my castle but you will never get in nor destroy it.

i have all the means to keep you away: ban you from commenting, erase your tags, or even make up stories against you. but i choose not to, because you are destroying your own images by flaunting your cowardice. and it makes me a lot happier.

enough said. the bolded text says so much and PROVES so much in your part.

OBVIOUSLY, you are evading the issue. you really are evading the issue. it's because you are afraid. AFRAID. you fear you do not possess the slightest intelligence to battle my wits.

you only hit at the thing i said that i think you are all ONE, only because it's only the part i went wrong. right? right. hahaha.

quit being delusional, tabulases. even without supporters, i can really see who is winning.

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JANUARY 19, 2005                                                 Earfood: You'll Be Safe Here - Rivermaya Ramdam: Busy Gunam: My right eye is red. Damn.

w.a.r.

1) ASHA

you started out respectful, but while reading your post, it made my blood curdle because they started going out of hand. consider these:

i believe that you yourself commited that same mistake too when you stepped on what he believed in.

up to now i can't see how you got this idea. you haven't even seen our chat, where i was very careful of my words to only prove my point, not defeat other's beliefs. i did not resort to ad hominem the way the guy did, so how did i step on his beliefs?

you didn't put up here as to how you got to this conclusion, just like the way you did on the latter excerpts, but then, i believe that the selectivity in the chosen excerpts just proves that you have reason to fear about what you have talked about. if you do firmly believe that what you fought for was right, i believe that you should put up the ENTIRE conversation that transpired. it is quite unfair to your readers that you put up only a few chosen excerpts, which, in my point of view, was done only to make your side look good. i believe that both sides of the court should have equal exposure on this, not a chopped rehash on your favor.

oops, careful, asha. the reason why i did not put up the whole chat because i wasn't able to save our chat. i fear nothing about what we've talked about because if ever i was, i will not bother to discuss the issue in my blog to save my ass. and also, you are obviously A FRIEND of the guy because you have a lot of ASSUMPTIONS against me; you can choose to otherwise assume something in favor of me, but why not? i'm sure if you're intelligent (if you are), you will be able to squirt some sense and nice points from my argument, right?

about the givenness of our religion, whether you're catholic, muslim, buddhist, protestant or whatever, i believe that whether you question it or not, change it or not, we're still worshipping the same God. the only difference is the name. period.

damn. i hate people who include "period" in their statements. it's as if they're showing "i'm right. period. you can't change my mind. kahit i-thesis mo pa iyan." it's a sign of closedmindedness. i can respect you with your belief but what's with the "period"?

as you say, that heart is all high school cliches. what makes a cliche anyway? it is the very fact that they are proven by time, that they are used perenially due to their simplest presentation of truth makes them cliches. they are facts.

look how full of flaws your sentence was. proven by time? i know a lot of scientists and atheists who are happy. in fact, happier than those who use "heart". FACTS. do you know what that means, asha? do you? do you? cliches can never be facts because they are abstract ideas. this is a fact: dogs have four legs under normal conditions. this is an opinion: hindi ka sasaya kung puro ka reason. careful, asha.

"yeah yeah. high school cliches." its as if you proved him right in what he said.

wrong interpretation. "yeah yeah" is the same as "whatever, you're not making any sense."

and about the respect issue, i believe that the only reason why your issue got big is because both of you didn't display the respect that was necessitated by the occasion. you have to admit that you too are answerable to that mistake.

a while ago, you said you want the whole conversation posted. so how are you able to talk things against me (and against anybody for that matter) if you haven't even read our whole conversation? i will not admit anything because i did not do ad hominem, unlike him, which makes him guilty of disrespect.

and your philosophy about friendship is weird. its as if your friendship was not based on the mutual trust that you have with each other, instead, it is founded on the paranoia and fear that you might be backstabbed.

it may be weird, but it has a point. i used to be a psych major, asha.

when you believe, you don't have to question. the faith itself fuels you to believe in him. unless you have a shaky faith, then you question. you advesary is the type who has the strongest of faith, so i don't think he sees the point of qestioning his beliefs.

how does one get a shaky faith? when the thing he is faithful in becomes suspicious and questionable. think a married couple. they have faith in each other, but once rumors start dwelling around saying that the husband is seen with another woman, wouldn't that cause the wife to question her faith in her husband? now think religion. the bible says the world was created in 7 days. i used to believe in that. and then i was exposed to science, which taught me the formation of celestial bodies. and i thought they were logical. would you blame me if i start questioning my faith in my religion? if i won't, damn, that is closedmindedness.

and you said: "inigyan ka ng isip ng Diyos. gamitin mo. "in that, you acknowledged the fact that God does exist. and that was the fact you so fighted strongly against.

you'll be ashamed of yourself if you read my january 16 entry again. i said there bluntly I AM NOT AN ATHEIST. it's just that i believe in the existence of God by reason, not by illogical faith.

about the "ang babaw mo.", i believe he's right. marami ka ngang napaliligaya, pero hindi naman tumatagal ang ligaya para makaapekto ng lubusan sa buhay ng tao.

this is no longer a matter of being superficial ('mababaw') or not. it's a matter of being logical and open-minded. and what's with your last statement? it looks like you plagiarized it from a high school newspaper article.

and by the way, i saw your adversary's site, he didn't seem to comment on anything about this. i believe that whoever does the most talking and blabbing in the fight is the one who is in the wrong. guess who is. again, an opinion, i hope you respect it since you so believe in respect for others' opinions.

if i killed a person and chose to not talk about it, would that make me the good guy? if i stole cash from a friend and opted to not speak of it, would that make me the right one? and as i've said, the bolded text in your statement is a flaw of reasoning. it doesn't apply to all cases. you'll learn that in com 2: technical writing.

now given all my arguments, do you expect me to respect your so-called opinions?

b.a.t.t.l.e.

#2 TABULAS2

asha....very good my dear. this fag --->lagsh is just and i mean JUST contained in the word: ARROGANT. get it. A-R-R-O-G-A-N-T. we cant do anything unless he realized that. he talks so much...all of his "SOLID" and "TECHNICAL" principles clash with each other. in short, he negates with himself...his really consumed with his arrogance to show the world his something strong and complicated, but inside his a dumb-o. (...an empty metal pot)

is it not apparent that you're supporting one another because you are from one side? am i arrogant? okay. people who are intellectually defeated usually call the victor arrogant. you said all of my points clash with each other. can you present your evidence in detail the way i always do?

of course not. because you're pathetic. you can't use logic to save your stinky ass.

your statement is dripping with ad hominem, but then, quoting you, they are "metal pots" that do not prove anything. you're arguing with me just to release your emotions against me, but you're burying your reasoning deeper and deeper.

oh, i forgot, you said you use your heart. sorry. (in case your puny mind don't get it, that is sarcasm.)

unless he realizes that...surprisingly, the tabulas incident was never enough to make him realize his arrogance (..stupid people never learn from their mistakes)

i have no idea what that tabulas incident is so how can i learn something from it? and you are right, stupid people don't learn from their mistakes. very right. stupid people who clash with me pathetically never learn from their mistakes. you people are the FOURTH to lose against me. losers.

isnt your entry about opinions and how it should one respect them? asha gave out a fair comment, and thats how you react?

correct. my entry is about respecting opinions AND THE FACTORS THAT MAKE THEM RESPECTABLE, by being well-justified and well-defended. asha didn't give out a fair comment because without reading our entire conversation, she was able to assume (again: ASSUME) things against me. now ask me if that is how i should react.

#3 TABULAS3

hahahah... pathetic ass hole..tinanggal pa ung tgboard... yan... naprito na tuloy sa sariling mantika! alanganing babae alanganing aso.

i can only laugh at your kabobohan. you feel you're being defeated that's why you're starting to hallucinate.

you said a while ago i erased your comments, wherein they are apparently present. unless your dumbness is starting to ruin your sight.

and the tagboard, sus! ever encountered a tag-board.com technical error? obviously not, because you don't even know what that is.


e.x.p.l.o.d.e.

myke, you are a pathetic coward. you don't even show up and even use (or pretend to be) others to defend your side. people in the net have told ma "sabi nila immature talaga ang batang iyan" and i can see. i can really see.

let's so how hypocritical you can be to your so-called Church na sinasabi mong sinusundan mo ang sinasabi. hypocrite! you'll burn in hell niyan. either burn in hell for being bad or for being DUMB kasi baka kapag papasok ka na ng langit matapilok ka't mahulog sa impiyerno, nyahahaha.

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JANUARY 17, 2005                                                 Earfood: Lunes - Spongecola Ramdam: Irritated Gunam: Ako ay tumataba. Must... lose... weight!

plastic balloon

uuyyy... uyyy... uuyyy...

si mister, bibili ng condom! may tinitingnan ako sa isang eskaparate sa mercury drug kung nasaan ang mga abs bitter herbs at may isang mister na nasa may tabi ko na aaligid-ligid. uyyy... tapos pasimple pa kung tumingin.

uuuyyy... tapos napalingon lang ako ng kaunti sa ibang direksyon, kaagad dinukot ng kanyang mabilis na kamay ang isang pakete ng frenzy condom mula doon sa eskaparate. uyyy, nahihiyang mapaalam sa akin na siya'y makikipag-patintero sa kama mamaya.

uyyy... okey lang iyan, mister. mahusay iyan. mas maganda ng sigurado, hindi ba?

holdap

natuwa ako sa ikinuwento sa akin ng isa sa mga housemate ko. may kaibigan daw yung kapatid niya. itago natin sa pangalang amy.

habang naglalakad sa daan si amy, may humarang sa kanya na masamang loob. isang holdaper. "akin na ang cellphone mo," utos ng holdaper.

sa kadahilanang mas mahal ni amy ang kanyang buhay, isinuko niya ang kanyang cellphone. "heto po o," sabi niya sa holdaper habang iniabot ang kanyang lumang 3210.

ito'y cellphone man, kinuha ito ng holdaper at tiningnan ng masama. "ano 'to!?" sabi ng holdaper. pagkatapos ito'y kanyang ibinato sa lupa sabay sigaw na, "aanhin ko iyan?! ha?!"

at ang cellphone ay natapon sa lupa at umalis ang holdaper.


katuksuhan

pinag-usapan sa mel & jay kung sino ang mas matibay against tukso (sexual attraction and submission): babae ba o lalaki?

sabi ni mel, babae raw ang mas matibay. agree ako, pero hindi dahil likas silang matibay. sa tingin ko, dahil mas minamata sila ng lipunan kaya dapat nilang iwasan ang tukso.

ang mga lalaki, kapag nakabuntis o nakipagtalik o kung tatawagin mong callboy, hindi ganoon kabigat ang dating kumpara sa babaeng nakipagtalik, nabuntis, o tinawag na puta.

so anong kinalaman ng mga ito sakin? wala lang. naghahayag lamang ng opinyon.


alay lakad

kahapon ng maagang umaga, ninais naming bumili ng pan de sal ng ermatz ko. dahil malamig nama't gustong magkaroon ng ehersisyo, nilakad na lamang namin.

pinakita sa akin ni ermatz yung bahay na nasunog malapit sa amin. tustado ang bahay! sana nandun ako nang mangyari ang sunog. hindi pa ako nakakakita ng aktuwal na nasusunog na tirahan eh.

kahit na medyo nasunog ang bahay namin noon, kaunting parte lang iyon eh. hindi nakakatakot o nakakaelibs.

sinabihan ko si ermatz na ang oa niya. kasi base sa text niya sakin, nang nasusunog iyong bahay ay takot na takot siya kasi baka daw kumalat sa buong subdivision at pati bahay namin masunog. nang nakita ko yung bahay, hindi lang malayo sa amin: nasa kabilang daan pa, kaya good luck na lang dun sa sunog kung makakaapak siya sa pamamahay namin.

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JANUARY 16, 2005                                                 Earfood: Hari Ng Sablay - Sugarfree Ramdam: Irritated Gunam: Religion sucks; it divides people and boxes their minds.

sever ties

atheism is not a sin.

religiosity is not a sin.

agnosticism is not a sin.

disrespect to others' opinions is also not a sin; instead, it's an act of narrow-mindedness that deserves neglect and pity.

airing one's opinions is not a sin.

not airing them is not a sin.

having absurd opinions is not a sin.

having the incapacity to defend one's opinions, no matter how stupid, is not a sin, too; rather, it's a deed of weakness of principle and a proof of being lazy to think.

being intellectual is not a sin.

being ignorant is not a sin.

possessing mediocre thinking is not a sin.

trying to sound smart when you can't even justify and defend your point, see others' points, and can only resort to wishes of good luck and ad hominem is not a sin also; it's instead a desperate attempt to prove one's intellectual and logical competency.

so to you who called me mababaw and for saying "buti na lang pala at hindi ako naging katulad mo na mababaw," excuse me, but i'm happier being me than being you.

you can't even prove a point. all you say is:

"good luck na lang talaga sayo at sana maging masaya ka sa ganyang pilosopiya."
"tsk tsk... ang babaw talaga."

and review our chat:

me: why do you believe in your religion? why not in others? dahil ba pinanganak ka sa relihiyong iyan?
you: oo.
me: paano kung pinanganak kang muslim?
you: edi susundan ko ang turo ng islam.

by saying so, pinatunayan mo lang na kung ano ang kinagisnan mo ay siyang papaniwalaan mo. don't be lazy to think and question. brimfire won't rain on you if you question.

and now i'm mababaw? and what's with the "hindi lang puro reason ang buhay; kailangan mo rin ng puso." yeah yeah. high school cliches.

sorry myke, i hate to do this, but you got to my nerves. rerespetuhin sana kita sa paniniwala mo pero ang pangit mong mag-isip at magsalita. puros verbal attacks na wala naman pinapatunayan. iniisip mo na ikaw lang ang masaya at iniisip mong ikaw lang ang nasa tamang daan. ang mga ganyang tao ang kinakaawaan ko at umiirita sakin.

hindi ako atheist pero mataas ang tingin ko sa karamihan ng mga atheist dahil alam nilang i-justify ang paniniwala nila.

tapos magpapasori ka sa huli, tapos insincere naman pala. review mo:

you: ei, sorry if i said something that might have offended you.
me: ok, but honestly, choose your words next time.
you: oooh, masakit lang talaga ang katotohanan.

how insincere and, sorry for the term, unintelligent. so all the while hindi ka pa rin pala marunong rumespeto ng opinyo't makita ang puntos ng iba. that is the greatest corruption of the mind and the most twisted system of thinking. atsaka ganyan ba turo ng church mo?

tapos kapag may sinasabi ako tulad nito:

me: kung mag-aaral ka ng socsci 2, malalaman mo ang social contract theory kung saan nag-agree ang mga tao na gumawa ng batas at gobyerno para walang gulo.
you: ah hinde. hindi pa rin ganun yun, kahit mag-socsci 2 pa ako.

me: in reality, mas may advantage talaga ang pagiging guwapo. psychological studies show.
you: hindi totoo iyan. kahit i-thesis mo pa.

damn. kairita ka, tol. it just shows how closed your mind is. good luck kung sa UP ka papasok. kahit i-thesis ko pa? ang paggawa ng tesis ay nag-i-involve ng RASON at JUSTIFICATION, pero ikaw puros salita lang. tapos sasabihan mo na naman ako niyan ng, "hindi ka sasaya kung puro rason ka lang. kailangan mo rin ng puso. mag-abscbn ka na lang, hindi ka bagay na maging kaPUSO." atsaka "alam kong tama dahil sinabi ng Church."

me: bakit naniniwala ka sa Church?
you: dahil Diyos na ang pinag-uusapan.

ano ba iyan. pakinggan mo ang sarili mo. tapos sabi mo pa sakin, "thanks for making my faith stronger." hehe, thanks a lot for intensifying my belief that religion corrupts people's minds.

NOTE TO MY READERS: hindi ako relihiyoso at hindi rin ako ateista, pero hindi ako hostile sa mga ateista o religious na tao o kahit satanista pa iyan. ang gusto ko lang marunong kang rumespeto ng paniniwala ng iba. kung sa tingin mo mali ang paniniwala nila at tama ang sayo, i-defend mo ito ng maayos at i-prove mo ang point mo logically at may basehan, hindi puro "ang babaw mo."

as for me, i choose to use REASON over FAITH because faith FOR ME is lazy. it's believing without reason. without thinking. of course there are a number of things kung saan gumagamit ako ng faith. simple things. i have faith na hindi ako bina-backstab ng mga kaibigan ko, ganun. pero hindi rin faith yun e. reason yun. the REASON why they won't backstab me is because i am their friend o because puwede ko silang gantihan kapag ginawa nila iyon.

i used to have only FAITH in believing in God. but no, faith is an excuse to NOT think. i want to be sure that God exists. i want it to be reasonable so i searched for reason to believe.

so sa pagre-research ko at pag-aaral, i found the reason to believe, which in summary goes like this: the reason why i believe is because the Nature, its laws, and the primordial element of matter should have a creator. mahaba-habang concept paper kung e-elaborate ko pa pero yun ang gist. hindi ako basta-bastang "i have faith that God exists. i don't need to question and find reason because all we need is faith."

binigyan ka ng isip ng Diyos. gamitin mo.

and for the last time, i am not try to persude you, my readers. i want you to see my point. thanks, allan, for teaching me that we don't need to make people believe; we only need to make them see our point.

PS: kung totoo ngang mababaw ako, salamat na lang pala sa kababawan ng pag-iisip ko at marami akong napaligaya sa mga articles kong mabababaw. parang si ethel booba. she's probably thankful she's a bit dumb because that's what makes her lovable.

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JANUARY 9, 2005                                                 Earfood: Daliri - Kjwan Ramdam: In good mood Gunam: Mas bagay ko yata ang nakasalamin sa new hairstyle ko.

radyo

noong huwebes, nag-radio production na naman kami sa bc101. radio advertisement ang aming ginawa, kung saan bawat estudyante ay kailangang mag-direk ng dalawang radio commercial: isang filipino, isang inggles. tig-30 segundo lamang.

doon ko napagtanto na parang showbiz ang buhay.

kinuha akong talent sa SIYAM (9) na script. kaya nga medyo nangarag ako't nagkalito-lito kasi takbo sa talent booth, takbo sa spinner booth, balik sa upuan, kunin ang script ni ganito, balik sa talent booth, punta sa audio console, tapos direct ng sariling ad... etc.

ang masaya pa dito, ang rehearsal lang namin ay minsan lang. isang briefing lang ng director (habang hindi pa dumarating ang propesor), tapos isang rehearsal, tapos iyon na.

medyo naging in-demand ako dahil napuri ako sa last radio prod namin kung saan kami naman ay nag-radio newscasting. nagustuhan ni prof ang aking boses sa radyo. marahil dahil doon, ninais akong gawing talent ng iilang mga kaklase.

parang showbiz. kapag pumatok ka, o kaya nama'y na-award-an ng award ng isang award-giving body, marami ang magkakainteres na kunin ka.

okey naman yung english ad ko (arrow cologne for men - it never misses). medyo sablay lang yung isang line kasi hindi realistic. yung filipino ad ko (mango cola - ang inuming pambansa), overtime.

para magkaroon ng saysay ang pagbasa niyo nito, tuturuan ko kayo kung paano mag-direct.

tingnan ang orasan. kapag umapak sa 12 ang seconds hand, isigaw ito: "one full minute at 12!" pagdating sa 3, "45 seconds to air!" pagdating sa 6, "30 seconds to air!" pagdating sa 7, "25 seconds to air!" pagdating sa 8, "20 seconds to air!"

pagdating sa 9, "15 seconds to air! TAPE ROLLING!" (ang tao sa console nun ay sisimulan na ang pagrecord sa production). pagdating sa 10, "10!" tapos countdown na nun, "...9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1!")

utusan mo na nun through hand signals ang spinner o ang mga talent. kung dapat nang magsalita ang talent, ituro mo sa iyong pointing finger. ang spinner naman, siya ang may responsibilidad sa mga background music at iba pang sound effects on tape or cd. idi-direct mo rin through hand signals kung kailangan niyang hinaan or lakasan ang pinapatugtog na background music.

ang saya sa broadcasting, no? next meeting, magdi-dj naman kami. ang saya talaga sa masscomm. =)

berdugo

paminsan-minsan, may mga dagang malalaki sa aming garden o kaya naman sa likod ng bahay. anlalaki! sinlaki ng pusa. kulay itim.

ang erpatz ko, noong nandito pa siya, gagawa siya ng patibong—isang kulungan na may nakabuksan na pasukan; maglalagay ka ng pagkain sa loob at kapag pumasok ang dagang pasaway upang kunin ito, sasara ang kulungan. high-tech!

ang next step kapag nahuli ang giant rat ay ang pagkitil sa buhay nito. tandaan, rats are pests, kaya hindi sila binebeybi. kaya nga may racumin e. ayaw naming pakawalan ang daga sa malayong lugar kasi, una, sayang ang oras, at pangalawa, makakapameste pa ito sa ibang mga kabahayan.

kaya kamatayan ang handog namin sa mga nata-trap.

noong una kaming naka-trap ng giant rat, pinag-isipan talaga namin kung paano namin papatayin ito. naisip naming pabayaan siya sa kulungan hanggang magutom at mamatay, pero baka umalingasaw ang baho ng bangkay nito.

naisip din namin siyang lunurin (ilulubog ang kulungan sa tubig), pero ewan ko ba. parang nakakadiri. imadyinin mo, gagalaw-galaw ang daga habang nalulunod. tapos kapag patay na, kukunin mo, basang-basa ang daga. bloated ang tiyan.

kaya ang napili naming paraan ng pagkitil ng buhay ng daga ay ang sunugin ito. pinaliguan namin ng gas, pagkatapos ay tinapunan ng nakasinding posporo. bwooosh! for about fifteen seconds, nanonood kami ng isang fire rat. ang cool nga e, parang spawn of hell. tapos biglang namatay. tustado! nagsisisigaw ang daga, pero wala eh, malas niya. peste siya.

what if nakulong ako sa cabinet with a giant rat?


uy!

napadaan ako sa isang hindi kilalang sinehan dito sa angeles. dalawang bold flick ang nakita kong showing: "katas" atsaka "puri". 'stig no?

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JANUARY 5, 2005                                                 Earfood: You'll Be Safe Here - Rivermaya Ramdam: Disturbed, Confused Gunam: Kayraming trabaho ngunit tila ang sarap maging busy.

kwento i

unang tambay ko sa cmc veranda (tambayan ng org ko) noong lunes. nakakapanibago. nakakatuwa. a basta.

dati sa lagoon lang ako nagpapalipas oras. o kaya naman sa shopping center, kung saan ako nag-i-internet. kapag nayoyosi ako (noong oktubre at nobyembre lang ako yosikero, pero pa-quit na ako), sa lagoon. kapag nacha-chat ako, sa shopping. o kaya sa alva computer shop sa philcoa.

mga bata, huwag kayong magyosi. hindi siya masama, pero huwag kayo.

oo nga pala, ida-drop ko na ang pe 2 ko. hindi na kaya ng kapangyarihan ko. para sa mga walang muwang, ang pe ko sa semestreng ito ay bridge—isang card game kung saan apat ang manlalaro at may pabidding-bidding pa.

hindi ako marunong at napag-iwanan na ako sa mga nalalaman ng aking mga kaklase dahil naka-miss na ako ng three consecutive classes. idagdag pa ang fact na terror prof ng chk ang prof ko.

dapat kasi talaga nagpadelay na ako sa pagbabayad nung enrolment. sana nagprerog na lang ako sa street dance o kaya sa walking para pare-pareho tayong masaya sa ating buhay.

kuwento ii

pasaway akong nilalang.

dito sa computer rentals, mahilig akong sumilip sa ibang mga taong gumagamit ng webcam. tinitingnan ko kung sino ang mgaka-chat nila.

corny namang pakialaman yung mga walang webcam. panay friendster, friendster, friendster!!!

kaya ngayon, ang lalaking nakapuwesto sa harapan ko, nakikipagchat sa isang lalaking mukhang bombay na topless. sa kaliwa ko, may isang may edad na babae na nakikipagchat sa isang kanong may edad din, pero guwapo.

kung lilingon ako, may isang nakaunipormang estudyante—malamang hayskul—ang nasa isang chatroom sa ym. ang nahagilap ng aking mga mata noong lumingon ako, "sino ang willing makipag-EXPERIMENT with me?" ang aking nasilayan.

itong sa kaliwa ko, matinong babae. nakikipagchat malamang with her faraway friends. sabagay, bata pa kasi eh. mukhang 2nd year hayskul.

ang isang-milyong pisong tanong ngayon ay: ano ang gusto kong patunayan o ipunto?

kagaya ng dati, wala. wala akong gustong patunayan. nag-oobserba lang.


epilog

wala akong makuwento o masulat na matino. next time na lang. baka mag-anglicize ako ulit ng kanta.

alam ko na! picture-an na lang. hindi na ako longhair tulad ng dati.

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JANUARY 1, 2005                                                 Earfood: Hanging By A Moment - Lifehouse Ramdam: Sad Gunam: Some people just can't contain their lust. A pity.

aking new year's eve

12 mn - half-asleep ako sa kama. kalahati ko natutulog, ang kalahati ko gising dahil sa putukan sa labas.

12:05 am - half-asleep

12:10 am - awake in bed. nag-text sa iilang mga kaibigan ng corny na quote na naisip ko lang at that moment: "aaaah! naputukan ang kamay ko! wala na akong daliri! pero nakapagtext ako sayo! happy new year! :)"

12:15 am - rose from bed and turned the pc on. tiningnan ko kung sino sa mga kaibigan ko ang online kasi ayokong lumabas ng bahay; praning ako sa mga ligaw na kuwitis. sinikap kong masigurado na by 5 pm kahapon dapat nasa bahay na ako kasi baka may mga batang pasaway ang namamaybstar sa daan. anyway, walang online sa kanila, kaya...

12:20 am - turned the tv on at sinilip ang channel 7. sumasayaw ang sexbomb ng halukay ube atsaka tong song. nakakatawa itong tong song na 'to. ito ang naririnig kong lyrics:

tong tong tong
ut*ng na malutong-tong-tong...

12:25 am - lumabas na ng kuwarto at tumungo sa labas upang saluhan ang aking mga kapamilya. nakikain ng ice-cream, barbeque, at nakiinom ng coke light. ni-check ko rin sa zorro, ang mahal kong aso na nakakulong, at basang-basa ko sa kanyang behavior na takot siya sa kanyang mga naririnig na boom at kablag.

12:40 am - pumasok ulit ng kuwarto at nilagay sa myx. laking galak ko nang si kitchie nadal ang sumalubong sa akin, kinakanta ang isa sa mga paborito kong kanta mula sa kanyang album, fire, na sinundan ng wag na wag mong sasabihin.

12:55 am - si luke mejares ang sumunod kay kitchie. ayoko sa kanya, pero gusto ko yung kinakanta niya: 214. after ng song na iyon, linipat ko sa channel 7 ulit. sumasayaw ang starstruck 1 final four ng ha-ha-ha-ha-he-yeah-yeah-yo-tuba-tuba-tuba-tuba-ha-ha-ha-ha. "die, rainier, die" ang nasa aking isipan.

1:10 am - lumabas muli ng bahay upang mag-second round ng ice-cream. sarap eh.

1:20 am - pumasok ng bahay. naghilamos sa cr. kinanta ng buo ang hanging by a moment ng lifehouse habang naghihilamos.

1:40 am - pumasok ng kuwarto. nag-blog.

living with ermatz

classical conditioning.

kung tuwing bago mo papakainin ang isang aso ay magpapatunog ka muna ng bell, mako-condition ang kanyang isipan na kapag may sound ng kampana, it's time to eat.

iyon ang classical conditioning.

si ermatz, na-condition na ang kanyang isipan na tuwing may superlolong sasabog, it's time to scream as if nabalitaan niyang nasunog ang tindahan namin.


di mapaliwanag ng agham

may mga bagay na hindi maipaliwanag ng agham. mga x-file.

galing ako kanina sa mall upang bumili ng internet card. on my way out, nahagilap ng aking paningin ang pagmumukha ni jay-r—unisilver! pumunta ako doon at tiningnan ang mga hikaw.

naaalala niyo ba yung noong nagpa-pierce ako ng tainga bilang regalo ko sa sarili ko sa birthday ko noong setyembre? wala na yun. nagsara na. pinatanggal kasi nung application ko sa org ko kaya naghilom ang butas, kaya naisipan kong magpabutas muli.

kanina, natutukso na rin akong magpa-pierce sa dila pero medyo umurong ang aking kalooban dahil feeling ko mahahapdian ako ng todo. huwag muna ngayon, kako sa isipan ko. kaya sa kaliwang earlobe na lang muna.

so nag-sign ako ng waiver at nagpabutas. p100 ang presyo ng hikaw na pinalagay ko. libre na yung serbisyo.

pagkalabas ko ng mall at pagkasakay ng dyip, may napagtanto ako... isang misteryo na hindi kayang sagutin ng agham.

bakit may p100 ako sa kamay?!


remember

may nagising na ala-ala kahapon. isang masamang ala-ala.

...ang taas pa naman ng tingin ka sayo...
...tapos ginanyan mo lang ako...

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