"I have always felt we did not lose the war the South Vietnamese lost it.  As you can see I have a lot of bitterness that I have buried.  Very deep.  I never let it out  In fact I have strived to get on with life and not dwell on the past.  That does not mean that it's not there, just that I will not let it get in the way of living."

"While I was at Naval hospital I watched the torment that some of our comrades put them selves through.  I decided the world could go to hell and I would make my own [world].  I did.  So much for my hang-ups.  I'll join………"
 

Then along came the VDHA, and the War-Dogs documentary, and the War-Dog Memorial, and with them, the memories.

The VDHA brought with it the idea that I could maybe give up some of my anger and replace it with the camaraderie of those whose experiences are similar. That among a group with similar experiences I was welcome, not in spite of this particular entry on my resume', but because of it.  And at the same time, we could work together to educate others about what we did, the dogs we handled, and the sacrifices they, (and we) made.

The War-Dogs documentary and the War-Dog Memorial brought back the pride.  Pride in the dogs we handled, the units we were members of, and the missions we performed. 

It's not easy to have 30+ years of insulation stripped away.  You find that the anger and the grief are still there.  You find even after all that time, we are left a bit bitter and twisted both by the way our dogs were treated, and how we were treated upon returning to the states.  I spent twenty months in Viet Nam.  I remember thinking on post one evening when I was a short timer, that I'd been in Viet Nam almost 1 month for each year of my life.  No wonder it was such a big part of our lives, it couldn’t be otherwise. 

But there's another set of emotions, too.  There's the pride I mentioned above, that was always there, but which is now more acceptable externally and therefore allowed to grow.  There's the joy at being re-united with friends you haven't communicated with in decades.  And there's an added sense of excitement over things that are to occur in the future.

The choice is up to the individual.  Create your own world and live there, or re-open the past.  I can’t say it won’t be painful, cause it may well be.  But I can say with all honesty that this past year, since finding the VDHA, has been a good year and I'm thankful. It's been a boost to my self-esteem after all those years of feeling that any mention of my Viet Nam service was better left unsaid.  And I can say that the more involved I get, the more I get my wife involved the better it gets.

If you are a dog handler, or were attached to a war dog unit and served in Viet Nam, consider joining the VDHA.  If you served in a different capacity, find an organization that may more closely suit your experiences.  Either way, you will receive more than you give.  You will notice you walk a little taller, possibly with just an added bit of swagger.  You will find an increase in Pride, and general self-acceptance that you may not have even previously noticed was absent.