To Protect
and To Serve
By Cherokeegirl
Summary:
When Starsky & Hutch attend the funeral of an officer killed in the line of
duty. They think of all the close calls
and missed opportunities they have had.
Hutch:
I stand here in the rain at another
officer's funeral listening to the police chaplain delivering the eulogy. He is saying that this brave officer,
Anthony Baker, died a hero, killed in the line of duty because he made the
commitment to protect and to serve his fellow citizens. As I stand here and look at my fellow
officers gathered around, I think about those words to protect and to serve. It's a promise we make when we graduate the
academy to always put civilians ahead of ourselves. To always be willing to lay down our lives if necessary. Each time we hit the streets, each call we
get, we know in the backs of our minds that this could be it, this could be the
one. That you can't take anything for
granted. The most routine of calls can
turn violent. The experienced cops know
you have to follow your gut instinct.
They know that you have to be able to trust your partner to back you
up. The rookie cops learn these things,
if they have time.
Tony Baker was a veteran traffic
cop. He had been on the force for fifteen years. His partner, Joe Tanner, was a rookie fresh out of the Academy,
full of hopes and ideas, full of big plans about how he was going to change the
world. They were on routine patrol when
it happened. They stopped a car full of
kids for a possible DUI. A kid was armed and high and another officer was
killed because he promised to protect and to serve.
I look at you Starsk and I think
about all the times when I almost lost you, all the close calls and still I've
never told you how I feel. The phone
call from you in the middle of the night when Vic Bellemy poisoned you scared
me badly, but not enough. The race
against time to find the antidote. That
was the day that time lost all meaning, one minute seemed to be an hour long
and an hour went by in a heartbeat. You
were trying to be strong, even though you were so much pain. Then finally you collapsed folding in on
yourself . "Oh God it hurts,
Hutch," you whispered in agony as
I pulled you into my arms and held you pleading with God not to take you, to
let me find the antidote in time. But
still I didn't tell you that I love you.
Even though it was a race against
time I knew you had to stop for a while.
I took you home and made you eat.
You had recovered enough to try to joke, to try to be strong for my
benefit. I almost told you then but you
looked at me and said, “Hutch, I gotta' say something and I want you to let me
finish, okay?” Then you started asking
me to make your funeral arrangements. I
felt like someone had stabbed me in the heart and I couldn't speak. “Oh God,
Starsk, of course I will...,” but I
couldn't go on. This time you
came and put your arms around me and held me.
Still I couldn't tell you.
We found the antidote in time, you
got well and still I kept my feelings locked inside. You went back on the force, we went on as before and I kept my
silence. I was afraid to tell you. I was afraid that you couldn't accept it;
that you didn't feel the same way and I would lose you.
We went on and the years
passed. You met women and fell in love
and each time I would wish that the look of love in your eyes was for me, that
it had been me that had caused that smile.
When you met Terry I knew that it was real. She was the one that would take you from me. But still I was happy for you, glad that you
had finally found someone you could share your life with. When Terry was taken I held you as you
cried, wishing I could do something to take away the pain, wishing it had been
me instead of her to die. And still I didn’t tell you.
Then came the day that I almost lost
you to Günther. I remember it as though
it were only yesterday. The day that
haunts my dreams, the day that I will have nightmares about the rest of my
life.
Guns were firing at us. I was
calling to you. You didn’t answer me and my heart stops. I found you so still
covered in blood. I kneel beside you and touch you. I hold your hand and I pray that you make it. I swear that this time, I will tell you. If
only I am given another chance. The
paramedics load you into the ambulance and I ride with you as we rush you to
the hospital. I hold your hand all the
way and I pray, "Please, God, give me another chance and I will tell
him."
You had such a long road back. The weeks in the hospital and the months of
therapy. Through it all I stayed by you
and tried to help you in any way that I could.
I kept telling myself that you had to concentrate on getting well you
didn't need to have to deal with anything else. So I held back and kept my feelings inside, again.
You've been back on duty a week
now. And, here we stand at the funeral
of another officer shot in the line of duty.
I realize now is the time. These
words can not go left unspoken. The
funeral is over and the crowd is leaving.
I turn to you and say,
“Starsk, let's go back to my place
and grab a beer. We need to talk.
There's something I need to tell you.”
“Yeah, Hutch, I was just thinking the
same thing,” you answer.
Starsky:
We are all standing here in the
rain. And the weather suits are
moods. We are gathered here today for
another cop's funeral. The police
chaplain's eulogy has become so familiar now that I could say it right along
with him. How many of these funerals
have we attended? I don't know, I've
lost count. Too damn many! The cop we're burying today was Officer
Anthony Baker, he died a hero, killed in the line of duty because he made the
commitment to protect and to serve.
That is an oath we take that might mean laying down our own lives, and
in his case it did. But, to me it seems so senseless, all these good men lying
here in this cemetery. All of them were
heroes, too, buried with full honors.
They all died too young. I can't
come to a cop's funeral without thinking about how my Dad died. He died in the line of duty too. He was gunned down in the streets standing
up for what he believed in. Because he
too took that oath.
I stand here and look at all the other
cops gathered around the casket. We all
made that promise, swore that oath. All
of us know that it could just as easily be one of us lying here with our
friends gathered around to say goodbye.
Each time we take a call we know this could be it. This could be the last one. No, you can't take anything for granted,
that's a lesson we've learned the hard way.
Tony Baker had been on the force for fifteen years. He was shot down by a drug crazed kid on a
routine traffic stop. His partner, Joe
Tanner, a rookie fresh out of the academy, said it all happened so fast. Now
the kid’s awaiting a trial for murder and another good man is gone.
I look at you, Blondie, and I think about all of our close calls,
about all the times you almost died and still I've never told you how I
feel. The time you were missing for
days and I looked every where. I kept
praying "Please God let me find him.
Let him be okay. If I can only
find him I won't waste any more time.
I'll tell him that I love him."
I finally found you pinned under that car. You were in so much pain and going into shock. I got you to the hospital and stayed by your
side until I knew you were going to be okay.
Still I didn't tell you, I was afraid that you wouldn't understand. I was afraid that if you knew I was in love
with you, you couldn't feel the same and it would only drive us apart. I decided it was better to not say anything,
to keep the friendship. “At least he
loves me as a friend,” I reasoned. “That will be enough. It will have to be.”
Time went by and we went on.
You met women who you grew to love and I knew eventually I would lose
you. Each time you fell in love I saw that joy, that special look you get in
your eyes and I would think, “Why can't he feel that way about me?” Then Gillian came along and I knew she was
special. I thought my heart would
break. But still I was glad you had
finally found happiness. When she was
killed I saw all the anger and pain you had inside. As I held you while you cried. I would have given anything to have
died in her place. But still I said nothing.
Then there was the time you had the plague. You were behind those glass walls and I
couldn't hold you. When they finally
let me into see you I had to wear a mask and gloves, all I could do was hold
your hand. What I really wanted to do
was take you in my arms, hold you, love you and take the pain away. I should have told you then but I didn't, I
couldn't.
I still have nightmares about that day I almost died, and I
probably always will. We were walking
through the police garage when I heard the sound of tires squealing. I turned and looked, it was a squad car with cops inside, but
there was something wrong. They had
guns and they were firing at us. You
yell at me to get down. I feel the
bullets hit me and I fall. I hear you
calling to me but I can't answer. I try
to speak but there is so much pain.
Suddenly you're there knelling beside me and all I can think is, 'Thank
God, Hutch is okay.' I know there are
more cops there by then but all I see is you, all I hear is your voice. You're holding my hand and telling me it's
okay, that everything is going to be alright.
And I think, ‘Now I'm going to die and he'll never know.’
The time in the hospital is a blur of pain and people coming and
going. But I remember you Blondie, you
were there the whole time, through weeks in the hospital and months of therapy
and you stood by me through it all.
Still I never told you, I never said those words.
I had only been back on duty a few days when we got word about
Tony. Now here we are again. Another good man down. I realize now this can't go on. We don't know what tomorrow will bring. I have to tell you, now. I've wasted so much time. The funeral is over and everybody is
leaving. You turn and look at me and
say, "Starsk, let's go back to my place and grab a beer. We need to talk. There's something I need to
tell you."
“Yeah,
Hutch, I was thinking the same thing," I answer.