Dobey:
I was due to get two new detectives today, Starsky and
Hutchinson. I wore my best suite and
new starched white shirt…even had my shoes shined. I wanted to make a good impression on my two new boys. Well, the starched shirt was Edith’s idea.
They looked innocent enough. Little did I know.
One came in bouncing up and down in faded jeans that were
painted on, tattered leather jacket. I
wasn’t sure if he was my new detective or a walking advertisement for the local
Goodwill.
“Excuse me…can I help you?”
I think I caught him off guard. He turned toward me…no, not toward me, but into me…right into my
freshly cleaned, new starched white shirt.
It was a quick lesson in…no, a first lesson in David Starsky vs.
Chocolate.
“That’s it! I’ve
heard about you! You’re Starsky aren’t
you? In my office now!”
Oh, he apologized, grabbed some paper towels, and assaulted
my already destroyed shirt, grounding the stain in permanently.
“And wipe that grin off of your face!”
---
Hutchinson had already arrived, early. He was already in my office. I thought that after blondie arrived…well, I
didn’t think the day could get worse.
Yeah, he looked kind of harmless.
Just don’t let him move around too much. He was clean-cut, dressed nicely, good manners… Yeah, I thought
he’d be okay.
“Hutchinson huh?
Welcome. Want some coffee?”
I smiled. He
offered to get the coffee for me.
“Grab yourself a cup too.”
He did.
Nervous type he was.
God! I hoped he was better with
a gun.
“OUCH!
Hutchinson! In my office now!”
My shoes sloshed for the rest of the day. He tripped over his own shoes and spilled
the hot coffee right on my clean suit!
I hoped the burn on my thigh wouldn’t be as bad as it felt.
So…I counted to ten and went into my office to properly
greet my new team.
---
“What the hell are you two doing? This is a police station, not a playground!!! You’re worse than my kids!”
I grabbed for my Rolaids!
It was going to be a long morning.
Hutchinson picked up the chair that had the unfortunate
luck of getting between the two of them.
(Sorry Cap, I just wanted a dime…candy bar…you know? I knew Hutch had one and he was holding back
on me… Sorry Cap?)
(You’ve gotta forgive him captain…he’s just a little nervous…first
day, you know?)
(I am NOT nervous!)
Starsky mumbled.
(Are too!) Hutch
said through clenched teeth, thinking the captain wouldn’t hear him.
(Am not!)
(Are!)
(Not!)
“Stop it! Both of
you! Sit down! No, not in the same chair! As you can see, there is more than one seat
in this office!”
“Hutchinson!
There!” I pointed to the chair
on the left.
“Starsky, you sit there!”
I pointed to the chair on the right.
I counted to ten…again.
This time I reached for the aspirin.
These two were giving me a headache, not to mention raising my blood
pressure.
I looked at my watch, hoping the morning was almost
over. 8:30am! Damn!
“Is this a joke?
Are you ‘really’ my two new detectives or were you sent in here to
torture me?”
I was exhausted! I
gave myself a minute…just a minute to rub my pounding temples. I didn’t trust taking my eyes off of them
for any length of time. My moment of
peace was interrupted when my ice-cold glass of water crashed into my lap.
(God captain…I…I’m…I…really am sorry…I didn’t mean to …I
just wanted to…)
“Hutchinson! SIT!”
He backed up slowly, stumbling again over those big feet of
his, and landed in the chair from which he came. I stared at him, making sure he was going to stay put. As he fell into his assigned seat I quietly
and calmly said, “STAY.”
My attention was then drawn to the clanging of two heavy
Adidas making themselves comfortable on my desk. Curly seemed entertained by Blondie’s recent display.
“Starsky! Get your
feet off of my desk!”
He did. Taking my
cup full of pencils along with them. I
caught the picture of Rosie and Cal before they had a chance to hit the floor
along with the pencils.
With my now shaking hands, I reached for two more Rolaids
and made sure there were no more beverages in the line of fire. Both men were now sitting…in the designated
chairs…not speaking…just STARING at ME!
“What? Am I your
entertainment?” I searched the now
mannequin faces slowly and carefully.
“Who are you? What
are you? Who sent you? I’m gonna kill them!”
The blond tried to speak first.
(Captain, I’m really sorry for Starsky’s behavior. He’s not usually this bad.)
I saw the dark one begin to dive for Hutchinson…suddenly
mute.
“STARSKY!
SIT!” I started to lose my voice
and without taking my eyes off of either of them, I reached for a cough
lozenger.
He retreated and sat.
I looked at both of them, thinking I should have my gun…just in case.
“Okay…I can’t take anymore. I want the two of you to go home and read over the policy
manual. We’re gonna start over tomorrow
morning at 8am sharp. Hutchinson…NO
CAFFIENE for you! STARSKY…no
candy! Actually, no beverages for
either of you! Tomorrow…I expect to see
two detectives…sitting nicely in front of my desk. You’ll sit up straight and only speak when spoken to! Is that understood?”
They both nodded, mouths hanging open.
“Now, get out of here and close the door behind you!”
I sank into my chair as a blue Adidas pulled the door shut
behind it.
---
I picked up the phone.
“Edith…I’m taking the rest of the day off honey. Boy…do I have a story to tell you.”
END