STARSKY'S
THOUGHTS #10.....ANXIOUS MOMENTS.....
Now I knew that I had to tell Hutch.
I had been hoping it would go away on it's own.
It happened for the first time last night right before I
went to bed, then again this morning............there was blood in the toilet
bowl from where I had just taken a leak.
I didn't even want to think of what was causing it; but I
knew that I couldn't ignore it either.
And I was getting just a little bit scared.
"Hutch, hey Hutch."
"I'm in the kitchen Starsk."
When I didn't answer him I heard the water in the sink turn
off and Hutch calling out to me.
"Starsk, what's up?"
"You need something?"
(Yea, I thought to myself, a way to turn back the clock to
the time before Gunther.)
"I'm in the john.......Hutch, I think I got a
problem............."
I heard my partner's steps quicken as he made his way from
the kitchen to the bathroom.
"Starsk?"
I saw the questions on his face.
I hadn't moved away from the toilet bowl.
He looked from me to the unflushed contents of the bowl and
his face paled at the sight of the blood that had mixed in with the water.
When Hutch turned around his face was almost as pale as
mine, new fears of the unknown radiating from his every feature.
"When did this start?"
"Are you hurting now, any pain?"
He had gently pushed me into a sitting position on the side
of the bathtub, his fingers kneading my shoulder.
"Starsk?"
"Why didn't you tell me last night?"
"Hutch it didn't hurt and I hoped it would stop, just
go away."
"I didn't want to worry you."
"Happened just once before like I said, last night and
now this morning."
My partner crouched down in front of me and ran his hand
through my curls and down around the back of my neck and held it there.....
.......this hand that could wield deadly force with his
magnum was gently rubbing my neck.
His tone of voice was quiet and soothing to me, but none the
less I could tell he was scared.
I nodded in the direction of the toilet bowl trying to avoid
looking at the water which was laced with ribbons of red.
I had about used up my quota of courage for today and was
beginning to get scared.
"Hutch, I'm kinda scared."
"Easy partner, it's gonna be okay."
"Let's get you dressed and then we'll go to see Dr.
Kellerman."
"He'll know what to do."
"But for now, I don't want you moving around too much
until we know what is causing this."
He led me into my bedroom and made me sit on the edge of my
bed while he quickly went through my dresser for jeans, shirt and socks.
"Hutch, I don't want to have to go back to the
hospital."
Hutch stopped what he was doing and looked over at me.
"Buddy, that is the last thing that I want too."
"Let's not think like that, unless we have too."
"Let's see what the doctor has to say first."
He wouldn't even let me dress myself.
He slid my jeans on each leg, put my arms in my shirt and
buttoned it up.
As he helped me to stand up, he pulled my jeans up all the
way.
I stopped him at the zipper.
"Hutch, I'm okay."
"It doesn't hurt anywhere, honest."
He let me finish getting dressed by myself.
He held my socks and shoes in his hands and I sat back down
on the edge of the bed so he could put them on for me.
It took him a couple of tries to get the laces tied because
his hands were shaking some.
Stopping only long enough for Hutch to put on his gun and
holster and to grab his jacket and mine, we headed for the Doctor's office.
When we arrived at the office, Hutch found me a seat, made
sure that I was settled, patted my arm and headed for the receptionist at the
front desk and explained why we were here.
He came back and stood by my seat, I think he was too
worried and nervous to sit down himself.
Only a few minutes had elapsed..................
"Ken, bring David back here, Dr. Kellerman will be
right with him."
Maryanne, Dr. Kellerman's nurse was the nurse I had at the
hospital most of my stay, she opened the door to an examining room for us.
"David," she said.
"Everything will be just fine, you'll see, Dr.
Kellerman wouldn't let anything happen to his favorite patient."
"Don't you worry about a thing."
She squeezed my hand and winked at me.
She had been so good to me while I was in the hospital; her
words always had a calming effect on me; but Hutch just smiled at her and
didn't appear to be anymore assured than the moment we had come in.
After helping me to get up on the examining table, Hutch
absently ran his hands through his hair.
I reached out to him.
"Hey,Partner....are 'you' okay?........Hutch?"
He shook his head, "Starsk, you don't know what is
'feels' like, I am still so scared for you."
After a long and shuddering sigh.......
"Sorry, I'm supposed to be the one that is strong here
and I'm falling apart."
My hands reached for his but before I knew it Blondie was
hugging me as hard as he dared.
(God, my partner had not been hurt physically from any
bullets but he had lived through seeing me gunned down in front of him.....had
been there when the Doctor's told him I was injured to badly to survive the
night..........he wouldn't or couldn't even talk about the cardiac arrest that
had almost claimed my life.)
Those months that I had spent in the hospital had left him
with scars that neither time nor any degree of recovery on my partner could
heal.
"Hey, Blondie, you think that I don't know you're still
scared?"
"I know you are, we both are, but right now I can only
deal with all this one day at a time, ain't got enough energy for more than
that right now."
"Hutch, we're both still here."
"God Starsk, I look at you, all that's happened to you
and you're still putting my feelings before your own."
"It's the unselfish way you have of giving of
yourself....it....it just blows me away at times."
"Like right now, you are sitting here a lot calmer than
me waiting for Dr. Kellerman to tell you, God knows what and you still manage
to worry more about me.........how I'm dealing with all this."
"How do you do that?"
"I love you partner, and I want to see you free of all
this, free of what Gunther's bullets did to you..................."
"I know that Hutch, believe me I know that."
(Whoa there, David Starsky, this is getting close to one of
those soapy scenes, any minute we're gonna see the suds .........)
"Hey, whatever's wrong can't be all that bad, nothing
hurts more than usual, that's got to be a good sign; I'll be okay Hutch."
"Hutch?"
My partner shook his head from side to side and when he
looked at me I could see his eyes were brimming over with unshed tears.
"Starsk, you're one in a million."
"How do you always know just what is the right thing to
say to me?"
"Practice, Blondie, practice, years of it."
We were interrupted by the doctor walking into the room.
"Morning Ken, morning David, Maryanne reminded me that
this is not a scheduled appointment, said you had a problem."
"She says you experienced some bleeding last night and
again this morning, but that there wasn't any pain associated with it."
"Yea, it didn't hurt, but the bleeding did worry me
some."
"We thought it best that you check him out considering
the circumstances and all." added Hutch.
"Yes that was a wise move, we don't want to leave
anything to chance."
"David take off your jacket and shirt and unsnap your
jeans."
I want you to lay down on the table so I can examine
you."
(Lay down on the table, oh shit.......that usually means
that I am going to get poked and prodded and that always hurt like hell.)
Hutch helped me off with my jacket and shirt as I unsnapped
my jeans.
I was able to lay down on the table with minimal help from
my partner.
"David I am going to be as easy on you as I can, but I
have to put some pressure on the incisions and the wound sites and it's
probably going to hurt you."
"You have to lay still for me, that's important, I'll
be as quick as I can."
"Can you do that for me?"
I looked down at my chest and stomach.
"Do whatever you have to do Doc, some stuff still aches
really bad though."
"I know David, believe me I know."
(No truer words had ever been spoken, no one knew better
than this man.)
(He had been the one to cut me open searching for the killer
bullets that had ripped into my body and the one that had removed them and sown
me back up and put be back together as best he could.)
"Okay now David, try to relax......and if you want
to... hang unto your partner there."
Hutch moved as close as was possible to me and I reached my
hand up to his and held on.
His other hand began to slowly rub my shoulder.
''I'm right here Starsk, just hang on to me and if helps
close your eyes."
My body jumped involuntarily as my Doctor's skilled fingers
made their way down the path of destruction on my chest and abdomen.
I felt him gently but firmly pressing down on each wound
site.
So far it wasn't all that bad just very uncomfortable.
But then he put pressure on one of the lower wound sites and
a blinding pain shot through me like a knife.
My free hand reached out at the offending one to push it
away.
"Oh God, Oh God, hurts, that hurts.....please
stop."
Dr. Kellerman kept the pressure on and his fingers probed
some more in the same area until I didn't think that I could stand it another
second; then the pressure and pain began to subside to a more tolerable level.
"Sorry, David but I had to be sure."
"I know that had to hurt you but it had to be
done."
"I had to know what's going on."
Right now speech was beyond me, I closed my eyes and tried
to blink back the tears that had formed in my eyes.
My heart felt like it was gonna jump out of my chest.
Comforting hands replaced the ones that had caused the
recent pain; Hutch's hands.
He was standing over me with a stricken look on his face.
At times I think he feels my pain as acutely as I do.
He was standing over me, my own hand still gripping his and
my other hand clenched around the upholstery of the examining table.
"Easy Babe, you did good."
"Doc's all done now."
"You okay?"
Hutch's soothing tone of voice and his gentle and caring
hands were helping to ease the aches and pains that the examination had caused.
I could feel a hand slowly working it's way through my
curls.
It felt good and I allowed myself a few precious seconds to
soak it all in before I opened my eyes and answered him.
"It's getting better Hutch."
That was all I managed to get out.
I closed my eyes again and listened to Hutch talk to Dr.
Kellerman.
"What do you think is wrong, Doc?"
Hutch had kept one hand on my shoulder steadily rubbing it.
I kept my eyes closed, my body was drained of all energy but
I felt safe knowing Hutch was close by.
"There is definitely some swelling around that one
wound site, most likely there's a small tear in some of the repair work."
"Not all that unusual at all taking into account the
extent of David's injuries."
"Usually these things heal themselves and the swelling
goes down and then the bleeding stops."
"I don't see any need at the moment to hospitalize
him."
I realized my doctor was talking to Hutch.
I found my voice at the words, 'hospitalize him'.
"No hospital, Doc, I'll do whatever you say."
"Hutch'll make sure I behave, right Hutch?"
I looked up at my partner, God how I dreaded the thought of
being hospitalized again even if it only would be for a short time.
"David, slow down son, I only said that the hospital
was an option."
"There is no reason that you can't go home."
I breathed a sigh of relief.
"Ken, take him home."
"David, no stairs except the ones into your house, no
stooping down, no bending down, no stretching."
"I want you to either spend your time in bed or on the
couch, anything aside from that you let Ken help you."
"Now if the bleeding doesn't start to diminish a little
each day or it gets any worse or you start experiencing pain when you
urinate don't come here, go straight to
Memorial and have them contact me."
"Understood?"
At this last statement from my doctor my eyes shot open.
"But you said..........."
"David, I think everything will be just fine but I have
to make you aware of the possiblites, however remote."
"I'm not trying to scare you."
"Do what I say and you'll be just fine."
"We've come this far, I'm not about to let anything
happen to you."
"Ken, go on now, take him home and 'please' make sure
he follows my instructions to the letter and I'll see you in one week for a
follow up visit David."
"He will Doctor, I'll make sure of it, and thank you,
thank you so much."
........
........
With Hutch's help I got down off of the examining table and
put my shirt and jacket back on.
"You okay there partner?"
"Yea just a little shaky and real damn sore."
I rubbed the area where the doctor had found the swelling.
"Starsk?"
"Give me a minute Hutch."
It hurt to straighten up all the way and I knew that Hutch
knew by the way I was standing hunched over.
A strong arm wound around my waist and supported most of my
weight as I slowly straightened up, his other arm was under my elbow for
additional support.
It was slow going but we finally made it to the car, I
didn't feel all that good right now and my legs felt unsteady but I knew that
Hutch wouldn't let me fall.
By the time we got back home all I wanted was to lay down on
the couch with a blanket and a soft pillow.
I was bone tired and my body still throbbed from the
doctor's examination.
I was about to ask Hutch for one of my 'magic pills' but he
beat me to it.
"Here you go buddy, take one of these and rest, you'll
feel a whole lot better."
I gratefully took the glass of rootbeer and popped the
little blue pill in my mouth and washed the pill down with a little rootbeer.
Hutch wouldn't have to worry about me for the next four to
five hours once this pill started working.
"Thanks Hutch, and I'm sorry I'm so much trouble."
"You're not any trouble Starsk, I could never feel that
way, just glad 'Me and Thee' are here."
.........
.........
I drifted off into a peaceful sleep with Hutch playing his
guitar and softly singing a familiar song............
"He Ain't Heavy...... He's My Brother...... so on we
go..................."
The End